On Fri 13 Jun 2008 11:36:03a, Nancy Young told us...

> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>> people have today.
>
> I read somewhere recently, maybe it was Dear Abby, these
> people attended a bridal shower and on the way out were
> handed thank you notes. They were instructed to write
> something like Thank you for the lovely (toaster). Address the
> envelope and leave it unsealed so the bride could sign the note.
>
> Where do these people get this stuff??! Crazy.
>
> I'm already iffy about the gift registry thing for weddings, I do
> give cash and they can buy what they want. But for a housewarming
> and for gifts of that magnitude??? I really think that's tacky.
>
> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>
> Yikes.
>
> nancy
>

The next time you go to a baby shower, the "mother" will probably want you
to bring the baby as the gift.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Friday, 06(VI)/13(XIII)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Don't ask me, I have random access memory.
-------------------------------------------

Goomba wrote:
>
> IMO, I think ANY time money is involved or mentioned in context with a
> party (recouping expenses??) it means the dynamic of the function
> changes and it isn't a party anymore but rather a fund raiser.
>
> If you can't afford to host a party, don't have one. If your friends
> had $10,000. for a luau, that's wonderful. But to then put out a
> gimmick like a "tree" to recover the costs of the party it isn't
> wonderful anymore in my book (nor Emily Post's, Miss Manners, etc.).

I think it depends on the party. We're going to one on Sunday that involves
gas money because it's an hour and a half away and it's kind of a cook-in,
so everyone is bringing a dish. It's understood, though, and we're happy to
attend.

Asking for major appliances, however, were NOT on the invite!!! That's just
crazy.

kili

"cshenk" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> "ChattyCathy" wrote
>
> > The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
>> but they've registered at *two* home ware stores

> Common if newlyweds. Especially common in Hawaii. They do a money tree
> in > Hawaii as well and you clip money (or checks) to it with paperclips.
>
I don't think it matters where it is being done, it is bad manners. It is
putting the screws on social acquaintances to get gifts and picking the
gifts yourself.

> Again, sorta depends on the background of the folks. With the larger
> items, it's close family who get them or what you do is dontate a portion
> of the cost towards an item.

These are people she has never socialized with before. They should not be
expecting a gift, let alone telling her what to buy.

"cshenk" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> "Goomba" wrote
They do a money tree
>>> in Hawaii as well and you clip money (or checks) to it with paperclips.
>>
>> Thats about as sad and tacky as "Dollar Dances" at weddings.
>
> Naw, not tacky at all! You'd have to see it to understand. 'Dollar
> dances' are tacky. Dollar trees are a normal thing there in Hawaii and
> everyone understands what's up. Saw one couple get almost 30,000$ (very
> big wedding / housewarming with over 1,000 guests I was told at the end).
> It probably cost them 10,000$ to hold the party (Luau with 6 roast pit
> pigs etc).
>
> We werent 'family' but we were more than 'casual friends'. Don and I did
> 12 hours of hard labor running the bar (for free of course) and gave a
> small gift plus a gift card.

Of course it's tacky. There's no difference in my mind between putting a
tree out and expecting money to be pinned on it and shaking your butt in
someone's face to get money tucked into your thong.

You have just described an entire wedding as a business proposition -- how
much they invested, how much they profited, how much you gave in services.
Weddings really aren't supposed to be like that. I avoid any that are.

Giusi wrote:
> "cshenk" > ha scritto nel messaggio
> ...
>> "Goomba" wrote
> They do a money tree
>>>> in Hawaii as well and you clip money (or checks) to it with paperclips.
>>> Thats about as sad and tacky as "Dollar Dances" at weddings.
>> Naw, not tacky at all! You'd have to see it to understand. 'Dollar
>> dances' are tacky. Dollar trees are a normal thing there in Hawaii and
>> everyone understands what's up. Saw one couple get almost 30,000$ (very
>> big wedding / housewarming with over 1,000 guests I was told at the end).
>> It probably cost them 10,000$ to hold the party (Luau with 6 roast pit
>> pigs etc).
>>
>> We werent 'family' but we were more than 'casual friends'. Don and I did
>> 12 hours of hard labor running the bar (for free of course) and gave a
>> small gift plus a gift card.
>
> Of course it's tacky. There's no difference in my mind between putting a
> tree out and expecting money to be pinned on it and shaking your butt in
> someone's face to get money tucked into your thong.
>
> You have just described an entire wedding as a business proposition -- how
> much they invested, how much they profited, how much you gave in services.
> Weddings really aren't supposed to be like that. I avoid any that are.

Exactly. Thanks for putting it so well, Giusi. You saved me some typing. :-)

Serene

Nancy Young wrote:
> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>> people have today.
>
> I read somewhere recently, maybe it was Dear Abby, these
> people attended a bridal shower and on the way out were
> handed thank you notes. They were instructed to write
> something like Thank you for the lovely (toaster). Address the
> envelope and leave it unsealed so the bride could sign the note.
>
> Where do these people get this stuff??! Crazy.
>
> I'm already iffy about the gift registry thing for weddings, I do
> give cash and they can buy what they want. But for a housewarming
> and for gifts of that magnitude??? I really think that's tacky.
>
> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>
> Yikes.
>
> nancy

I'm with you on that, Nancy. Housewarming gifts, to me, are plants,
canisters, stacks of disposable tupperware, a basket of herbs and spices -
not refrigerators, TV's and home stereo systems.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding shower, though. I've always saved
up a gift for the wedding - but never a $300 Kitchenaid! Lately, when I've
attended a few weddings, I've just stuck a $50 in a card and let the couple
buy what they want. Newlyweds need the cash vs. a crystal vase.

kili

Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
> The next time you go to a baby shower, the "mother" will probably
> want you to bring the baby as the gift.

Heck, *I* would! Better somebody else than me deliver the thing. <giggle>

kili <----- who's never been to a baby shower

In article >,
"Michael \"Dog3\"" > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' >
> : in
> rec.food.cooking
>
> > In article >,
> > "Michael \"Dog3\"" > wrote:
> >
> >> LOL... Well, you could have accepted the invitation and then taken a
> >> combination birthday/housewarming cake Doubt you'd get another
> >> invite from the greedy ones.
> >>
> >> Michael
> >
> >
> > I was thinking more along the lines of showing up empty-handed (well,
> > ok, a birthday card in hand) and hoping to be asked where my gift was,
> > thus affording the opportunity to say something along the lines of,
> > "You mean that gift registry information included in the invitation?
> > That's so tacky I figured it *had* to be a joke. Miss Manners is
> > still sniffing the smelling salts over it."
>
> Ohhhh... that would be delicious I had no idea you could be as mean as
> I am
>
> Michael

I try to be nice and I try to be considerate. And sometimes I am both.
I don't suffer fools easily, though.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

ChattyCathy wrote:
> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
> birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>
> The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
> but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the details
> about them - just in case.

That is not a "gift" it's an entrance fee!

One of the groups this "social butterfly" flits about with is
celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of one of the couples next
week. My friend, Nancy, is hosting it at her place and I did up the
invites on the computer. At the bottom of the page with the information
of the where and when there is a sentence: "The gift of your presence
is all that is expected"


--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

ChattyCathy wrote:
> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:44:55 +0000, Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>> I would think gifting them with a HD television would preclude the need to
>> bring food. :-) What gall! And the practice seems to be on the rise.
>> Just another example of greed and self-entitlement. Alas!
>
> What got me the most is the fact that we've never really socialized with
> them before... To me it is just an excuse to get 'stuff' from anybody
> they know (however vaguely).
>

Gift fishing?

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

MareCat wrote:
> "ChattyCathy" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:54:56 -0700, Dimitri wrote:
>>
>>
>>> I think it's tongue in cheek - do they have a sense of humor?
>> No clue. Never socialized with them before. This came 'out of the blue'.
>> And if it was that 'tongue in cheek' why name the stores and give
>> reference numbers to quote when purchasing their gifts?
>
> Every December, my dad's wife (I refuse to call her my stepmom) emails my
> brothers and me a list of items she would like to receive as Christmas
> gifts, along with links to the specific items--usually found at expensive
> stores. (We don't ever request a list from her, BTW.) I almost always ignore
> the email and get her what I would have gotten her if she hadn't sent out
> the list.
>
> *Extremely* tacky to include a gift registry notice in an invite--even a
> wedding or shower invite. It's customary to learn about where someone is
> registered via word-of-mouth. Gifts are *always* considered optional, and
> any mention of them in an invite is in poor taste, IMO.
>

I agree. That's the way it should be, but retail businesses have made
registering and listing gifts a big deal. Even moms-to-be are
registering in places like Target for baby stuff.

I'm old fashioned and think gift registries are just for china and
silver patterns in case anyone wants to buy some for the bride. The
other stuff is just plain begging and very, IMHO, uncouth.

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

Goomba wrote:

> I like the old southern custom we learned about in North Carolina, where
> neighbors hold a "pounding" when people move into new homes. Everyone
> brings a "pound" of something (tea, coffee, flour, sugar...) to stock
> the pantry.

I thought you were going to say something about a chivaree, where people
pound on pots and pans <g>
--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:43:47 +0200, ChattyCathy
> wrote:

>We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
>birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.

<snip>

Interesting thread and replies. I think whoever said fund raiser was
spot on.

I have a cousin who's 20 years younger than me. She got engaged to
some religious creep and starting sending out invitations (to all the
rich family members) to fund raising events to all the christian
groups they were involved with. You mentioned in another post you
"barely know them." That's about how it was with this cousin as there
was a divorce involved. I've probably only seen her 8-10 times but
she and her soon to be husband still felt it was ok to beg for
whatever silly notion was in their heads. They even went as far as
sending a letter saying they were moving and to send the money to the
new place they were going to. This was just a week after the last
letter was relieved.

I refused to go to the wedding, and I was the only one in the family
who did so. As usual I was the black sheep. The reports told me I did
what was right for me. The meal came in gallon jars placed in serving
dishes. The only included beverages were juice, coffee and water.
Soda and liquor had to be purchased in a bar in another wing of the
building because "it's not healthy."

Fast forward 10 years and she's divorced with 3 kids with an
ex-husband who worked maybe 6 months during the marriage. So his
child support is minimal. She's waited tables for 10 years and has
minimal skills. She has to stay in whatever state he's dragged her to
(there's been many) for residency and help with school so she might
have a chance of becoming something other than a parasite.

I don't do gifts anymore. Louise and I have been together for many
years and if we ever decide to get married, (doubtful) no one will
know and there will be no begging party. We've moved a few times and
we've never asked for or received anything other than a bottle of
wine. Our best friends are in Mexico as I type and were married on
Wednesday. They don't expect any gifts.

I'd send a regret letter to your people and include coupons for frozen
stuff you'll never use. You have coupons down there? <eg>

Lou

"Goomba" wrote

>>>> Common if newlyweds. Especially common in Hawaii. They do a money

> IMO, I think ANY time money is involved or mentioned in context with a
> party (recouping expenses??) it means the dynamic of the function changes
> and it isn't a party anymore but rather a fund raiser.

It's an expected thing there. There are no suprises nor is it considered
'tacky'. Tacky would be to assume a feedbag and not contribute. Keep in
mind these would be newlyweds, and the party is paid for by them, not the
parents.

> If you can't afford to host a party, don't have one. If your friends had
> $10,000. for a luau, that's wonderful. But to then put out a gimmick like
> a "tree" to recover the costs of the party it isn't wonderful anymore in
> my book (nor Emily Post's, Miss Manners, etc.).

Shrug, feel as you desire but when you've lived in many parts of the world
you start to see lots of variations. I was not at first 'amused' when I
found out I was supposed to not only come up with the deposits and all that
for my apartment in Sasebo, that I was to also come up with a small gift for
every tenant in my complex. It felt like I was bribing them to like me.

Much to my suprise, it turned out to be a very nice experience and I made
fast friends with many of them. At least a good part of that was I adapted
to their more's and traditions and did my best. One of them, a very nice
elderly lady, told me later I was the first gaijin ever in her home because
none of the others had ever done that polite introduction and gift. She was
fascinated to find out from me that it was probably because as the new
gaijin tenants moved in, no one came by with a small helpful gift on moving
day (can be as simple as an offer to watch a toddler for an hour or so to
get them from underfoot but normally some small food item since they are too
busy to cook just then). She hadnt realized that the USA folks took that as
a slight snub before they even got settled. Since the 'gifting' is done 3-5
days later, they felt snubbed before they got to that date.

Their ethic is you should not bother a person just moving in until they come
out to visit you (meaning they are settled enough for guests) and it would
be intolerably tacky to bring food unless close family (which is considered
good planning to arrange and quite normal for family to do). It would send
a signal that you didnt think they could handle their responsibilities or
were a poor planner so needed someone else to cook for you. IE: you must
be an idiot who cant think ahead.

In Hawaii, at the filipeno wedding/receptions, it would be considered
incredibly tacky to NOT provide some sort of financial help for the new
couple. In western ethics we do it with a gift. In Victorian times, with a
'we are registered at (insert store for china etc)'. In Manila, you bring
non-perishable food, some money, and some small household item that it wont
matter if they get too much of because it gets used up. Home made spiced
vinegars are popular.

My point is folks should not 'assume'. While this particular 'party' was
not managed correctly, there is a cultural variation on what 'MS Manners'
dictates is the right behavior. Had I seen a little 1ft or so tall 'tree'
covered with paperclips, I'd know what to do.

Did you know there's even an etiquitte for how to deal with the 'no more
room on the tree'? These are small, not 6ft xmas trees. Those less 'flush'
put 1$ bills or 5$ bills on it (one bill per person and a casual guest may
add just 1$ which is perfectly acceptable). Later as the tree fills, folks
actually make room for larger bills by removing the smaller ones and
carefully folding them into orgami-like decorations to place about the feet
of the tree. Tacky is to take down a 20, add a 50, and pocket the 20
<grin>. Not tacky is to peel off a little when the party runs short of ice
and make an ice run. Tacky is to unfold the orgami little ones to make an
ice run.

This 'tree' is *only* used with newlyweds as far as I know.

"Giusi" wrote

> I don't think it matters where it is being done, it is bad manners. It is
> putting the screws on social acquaintances to get gifts and picking the
> gifts yourself.

It was the way it was done in the 1800's. Kinda stopped around 1900 or so.

>> Again, sorta depends on the background of the folks. With the larger
>> items, it's close family who get them or what you do is dontate a
>> portion of the cost towards an item.
>
> These are people she has never socialized with before. They should not be
> expecting a gift, let alone telling her what to buy.

Anyone going to a housewarming is expected to bring a housewarming gift. It
just depends culturally on what that is.

"Nancy Young" > wrote in news:WuOdnSJZtqC9I8
:

> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>> people have today.
>
> I read somewhere recently, maybe it was Dear Abby, these
> people attended a bridal shower and on the way out were
> handed thank you notes. They were instructed to write
> something like Thank you for the lovely (toaster). Address the
> envelope and leave it unsealed so the bride could sign the note.
>
> Where do these people get this stuff??! Crazy.
>
> I'm already iffy about the gift registry thing for weddings, I do
> give cash and they can buy what they want. But for a housewarming
> and for gifts of that magnitude??? I really think that's tacky.
>
> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>
> Yikes.
>
> nancy
>

Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
meal they serve you to try and get it.

--

The house of the burning beet-Alan

Janet Wilder wrote:

> I agree. That's the way it should be, but retail businesses have made
> registering and listing gifts a big deal. Even moms-to-be are
> registering in places like Target for baby stuff.
>
> I'm old fashioned and think gift registries are just for china and
> silver patterns in case anyone wants to buy some for the bride. The
> other stuff is just plain begging and very, IMHO, uncouth.

Be that as it may (stores making it easy to register with them) at no
time does that make it socially acceptable to include gift demand list
information with invitations to a party (except wedding or baby showers
where the intent IS gifts).

So register where ever you desire, but don't go advertising it unless
the guest asks. Cheap, store provided and branded invitations are tacky,
tacky, tacky!

cshenk wrote:

> Anyone going to a housewarming is expected to bring a housewarming gift. It
> just depends culturally on what that is.

Agreed, but I've never seen anyone bring a refrigerator to a
housewarming. Most of the time it's a pretty piece of serving ware, a
vase, a set of pretty glasses, a nice casserole dish, maybe some linens.

I've been to quite a few housewarmings lately as more and more of our
full-time RVing friends have sold their rigs and settled in the area
near us. I usually bring a pretty table cloth because most of us don't
have table linens and the ones we did have were teeny-sized for the RV
tables.


--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

cshenk wrote:
>
> This 'tree' is *only* used with newlyweds as far as I know.

I lived in Hawaii for 10 years, been to many weddings, (had one there of my
own) and never saw or heard of a money tree. I think a bigger celebration
than a wedding in Hawaii is a Keiki (baby) First Birthday Luau. It's a HUGE
investment for the parents, but a still-standing tradition based upon the
idea that if your child lived to be a year, then chances were the baby would
survive until adulthood.

The guests bring presents for the baby while the parents & immediate family
provide the food and beverages. Everyone helps set up and cook the food;
you just pitch in, it's understood. Personally, I think a Keiki First
Birthday is more of a party for the adults. LOL. The last Keiki party I
went to was on Kauai and lasted 3 days. I barely remember the event. I
just know I helped do a LOT of cooking for the 60+ guests, but we all
helped. That's what I miss about Hawaii, everybody pitches in without being
asked. :~)

kili

"hahabogus" wrote

>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>> Yikes.

> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
> meal they serve you to try and get it.

Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding going
on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some reasonable 'to you'
amount towards the item.

It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the registry.

Serene Vannoy wrote:
> Goomba wrote:
>
>> Oh....now this just seems sad to me. I have tons of fun socializing
>> with folks who aren't in my family. Sometimes more! LOL
>
> Well, sure, if I know what I'm paying for, but a party is supposed to
> be paid for by the person throwing the party. If I can't afford to buy
> everyone's dinner, I don't hold a party in a restaurant -- I have it
> at my home, and I serve food I can afford to serve.

Good for you girl. As do I !!

cshenk wrote:

> It's an expected thing there. There are no suprises nor is it considered
> 'tacky'. Tacky would be to assume a feedbag and not contribute. Keep in
> mind these would be newlyweds, and the party is paid for by them, not the
> parents.

I'm old fashioned and am thankfully able to pay for my children's parties.

>
> Shrug, feel as you desire but when you've lived in many parts of the world
> you start to see lots of variations. I was not at first 'amused' when I
> found out I was supposed to not only come up with the deposits and all that
> for my apartment in Sasebo, that I was to also come up with a small gift for
> every tenant in my complex. It felt like I was bribing them to like me.

I know all about variations. Many are based in poorer cultures
contributing to the start (survival level, not HDTV level) of young
couples. In the US, it is considered tacky to solicit for gifts and
money. My own opinion is if you can't afford the party, wedding or
house, you need to readjust your expectations and accommodate your
*guests* in the manner you CAN afford. Nowadays couples aren't usually
as "needy" as they might have been generations ago. If they are they
need to rethink their life choices and options.

The small token gift exchange you were exposed to with new neighbors in
Japan is hardly the same thing (and it is sort of bribing them to like
you, lol) and there is a certain charm to it but it isn't the same as
people looking to others to fund their homes, weddings and the like.

"kilikini" wrote

>> This 'tree' is *only* used with newlyweds as far as I know.
>
> I lived in Hawaii for 10 years, been to many weddings, (had one there of
> my own) and never saw or heard of a money tree. I think a bigger
> celebration

That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
tree. 1986-1989.

> than a wedding in Hawaii is a Keiki (baby) First Birthday Luau. It's a
> HUGE investment for the parents, but a still-standing tradition based upon
> the idea that if your child lived to be a year, then chances were the baby
> would survive until adulthood.

I seem to recall hearing of such but never been to a keiki party.

> The guests bring presents for the baby while the parents & immediate
> family provide the food and beverages. Everyone helps set up and cook the
> food; you just pitch in, it's understood. Personally, I think a Keiki
> First

Yup, just pitch in.

> Birthday is more of a party for the adults. LOL. The last Keiki party I
> went to was on Kauai and lasted 3 days. I barely remember the event. I
> just know I helped do a LOT of cooking for the 60+ guests, but we all
> helped. That's what I miss about Hawaii, everybody pitches in without
> being asked. :~)

Expected behavior, yes ;-)

I never went to Kauai. I heard the culture was a little closer to Hawaiian
natural vice my area of Oahu near the Naval base.

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:44:11 -0400, "cshenk" > wrote:

>"kilikini" wrote
>
>>> This 'tree' is *only* used with newlyweds as far as I know.
>>
>> I lived in Hawaii for 10 years, been to many weddings, (had one there of
>> my own) and never saw or heard of a money tree. I think a bigger
>> celebration
>
>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>tree. 1986-1989.

40 weddings in 3 years? hummmmm.

Lou

MareCat wrote:

> *Extremely* tacky to include a gift registry notice in an
> invite--even a wedding or shower invite. It's customary to learn
> about where someone is registered via word-of-mouth. Gifts are
> *always* considered optional, and any mention of them in an
> invite is in poor taste, IMO.

If the invite doesn't say "no gifts expected", that's a clue
that you should look at Amazon, local department stores, etc. for
wish-lists in the host's name.

The "no gifts expected" can avoid confusion if the host is
holding mutliple parties/events in the same time-frame.

Steve

"hahabogus" > wrote

> "Nancy Young" > wrote

>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>
>>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>>> people have today.

>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??

> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
> meal they serve you to try and get it.

(laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.

nancy

"Goomba" > wrote in message
...
> Janet Wilder wrote:
>
>> I agree. That's the way it should be, but retail businesses have made
>> registering and listing gifts a big deal. Even moms-to-be are registering
>> in places like Target for baby stuff.
>>
>> I'm old fashioned and think gift registries are just for china and silver
>> patterns in case anyone wants to buy some for the bride. The other stuff
>> is just plain begging and very, IMHO, uncouth.
>
> Be that as it may (stores making it easy to register with them) at no time
> does that make it socially acceptable to include gift demand list
> information with invitations to a party (except wedding or baby showers
> where the intent IS gifts).

It's not the gift registries per se that I object to; they can actually be a
big help when trying to figure out what to buy someone. I just don't think
invitations should include registry notices. We registered for both our
wedding and when we had our first child, but neither time did the invitation
mention that we were registered.


> So register where ever you desire, but don't go advertising it unless the
> guest asks. Cheap, store provided and branded invitations are tacky,
> tacky, tacky!

My daughter recently received an invitation to a birthday party for a
classmate of hers, and inside the invitation was a card that said the child
was registered at Toys 'R Us.

I bought him a nice gift at Target and included the gift receipt.

Mary

"cshenk" > wrote in :

> "hahabogus" wrote
>
>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>> Yikes.
>
>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>
> Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding
> going on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some
> reasonable 'to you' amount towards the item.
>
> It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the
> registry.
>
>
>

My daughter told me she was getting married...I bought her a kitchen aid
for her birthday that year. For the shower I bought her some of the
attachments. If she hadn't told me she was getting marrieed I'd bought
her a dinner out or a nice outfit.

--

The house of the burning beet-Alan

cshenk wrote:
> "Giusi" wrote
>
>> I don't think it matters where it is being done, it is bad manners. It is
>> putting the screws on social acquaintances to get gifts and picking the
>> gifts yourself.
>
> It was the way it was done in the 1800's. Kinda stopped around 1900 or so.

What exactly are you talking about happening here? And can you cite
where you got this information? And are we speaking of people who were
barely scraping by or by "society"? Or something in between?

> Anyone going to a housewarming is expected to bring a housewarming gift. It
> just depends culturally on what that is.
>
A small token housewarming gift is NOT exactly the same thing as being
mentioned here in this thread. Tacky gift-extortion (specific gifts,
high dollar items, inviting strangers) is more what we're complaining
about.

"Nancy Young" > wrote in news:k_OdndUHOuBgQ8
:

>
> "hahabogus" > wrote
>
>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>
>>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>
>>>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>>>> people have today.
>
>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>
>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>
> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
> as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.
>
> nancy
>

So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
I need a new induction stove.

--

The house of the burning beet-Alan

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:02:21 GMT, hahabogus > wrote:

>So...I'm thinking of getting married....

Not a good plan.

>wanna pay for it?

No.

>I need a new induction stove.

I need a blow job, but if I get married I'll never get one.

Good luck with the stove.

Lou

hahabogus wrote:

> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
> I need a new induction stove.
>
Anyone recall the episode of "Sex in the City" where Carrie's shoes are
stolen from a "new baby party" and the entire episode revolved around
all the gift giving events (bridal and wedding showers, weddings, baby
births, etc) that some people are expected to open the wallet for,
while others (Carrie, the perpetual single girl) never enjoyed having.

It did cause one to think...

"hahabogus" > wrote

> "Nancy Young" > wrote

>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>
>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote

>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>
>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>
>> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
>> as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.

> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?

Let me guess. One of those wenches you've been flirting
with over the cauliflower display at the supermarket?

nancy

Janet Baraclough wrote:
> The message m>
> from "kilikini" > contains these words:
>
>> Oh, and would
>> someone e-mail me a new stove, while we're at it.
>
> Just don't complain when your email crashes :-)
>
> Janet

LOL. Good one. :~)

kili

"Goomba" wrote

>>> I don't think it matters where it is being done, it is bad manners. It
>>> is putting the screws on social acquaintances to get gifts and picking
>>> the gifts yourself.

We were talking WEDDING showers combined with housewarming.

>> It was the way it was done in the 1800's. Kinda stopped around 1900 or
>> so.
>
> What exactly are you talking about happening here? And can you cite

A wedding, it is traditional even now to register for china and such.

> where you got this information?

History. I find it interesting to know what my grandparents and great
grandparents were up to.

> And are we speaking of people who were barely scraping by or by "society"?
> Or something in between?

Does it matter? The less monied folks did what they could to emulate the
more moneied folks. Go look at some old newspapers and you can see the
wedding announcement often had a list of where they were registered at as
well.

>> Anyone going to a housewarming is expected to bring a housewarming gift.
>> It just depends culturally on what that is.
> A small token housewarming gift is NOT exactly the same thing as being
> mentioned here in this thread. Tacky gift-extortion (specific gifts, high
> dollar items, inviting strangers) is more what we're complaining about.

You are still thinking they expected one person to buy the whole thing. If
they did, they were idiots as that's not how such are normally done. You
put down 10$ or so towards the goal item. OR you bring a gift, OR you do
both with a small gift.

"Lou Decruss" wrote

>>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>>tree. 1986-1989.
>
> 40 weddings in 3 years? hummmmm.

Side-job related

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:01:35 -0400, "cshenk" > wrote:

>"Lou Decruss" wrote
>
>>>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>>>tree. 1986-1989.
>>
>> 40 weddings in 3 years? hummmmm.
>
>Side-job related
>
OK. That makes more sense. Around here 40 weddings would would
bankrupt someone. Hopefully you made some cash.

Lou

On Jun 13, 12:52*pm, Janet Wilder > wrote:
> ChattyCathy wrote:
> > We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
> > birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>
> > The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
> > but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the details
> > about them - just in case.
>
> That is not a "gift" it's an entrance fee!
>
> One of the groups this "social butterfly" flits about with is
> celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of one of the couples next
> week. My friend, Nancy, is hosting it at her place and I did up the
> invites on the computer. At the bottom of the page with the information
> of the where and when there is a sentence: *"The gift of your presence
> is all that is expected"
>
> --
> Janet Wilder
> Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
> Good Friends. Good Life

That is what we put on our wedding invitations, and most people
respected that. There were some that gave us money which was
appreciated, but why give gifts when we already have everything we
need?

"Lou Decruss" wrote

>>>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>>>>tree. 1986-1989.
>>>
>>> 40 weddings in 3 years? hummmmm.
>>
>>Side-job related
>>
> OK. That makes more sense. Around here 40 weddings would would
> bankrupt someone. Hopefully you made some cash.

Did ok! One reason folks liked us was we always left the tip jar for the
couple. These were big affairs, not little ones with just 50-60 guests.
Most were 400 or more. The level where you do start to get catering etc.
I've seen'em show up still in wedding dress, or seen it 2 weeks after the
wedding in the new house and helped dig the first pit in the backyard if
there wasnt one yet.

It wierds me out that Killi hasnt seen this sort of affair. It really is
common.

Michael \"Dog3\" > wrote:

> Listing a wish list on the
> invitatation which included a big screen TV was soooo tacky.

There's something extra-tacky about that, I agree.

Steve