"Nancy Young" > wrote in news:7
:

>
> "hahabogus" > wrote
>
>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>
>>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>>
>>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>
>>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>>
>>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the
PBJ
>>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>>
>>> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
>>> as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.
>
>> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
>
> Let me guess. One of those wenches you've been flirting
> with over the cauliflower display at the supermarket?
>
> nancy

Actually it is one of those women from russia who advertise in
magazines...

No actually I'd like a kitchen aid mixer and I'd consider marrage the
cheaper way to get it.

--

The house of the burning beet-Alan

ChattyCathy wrote:
> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
> birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>
> The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
> but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the details
> about them - just in case.
>
> At first I thought, 'bit of a cheek' but when I thought about it some more
> I realized that might not be such a bad idea; I've been to some weddings
> where they have an arrangement like this. It saves the couple getting 10
> butter dishes and 15 potato peelers (or whatever).
>
> That is, until I saw the 'wish list' that they had also tacked on to the
> invitation. It includes (among other things): a new HD Television, a new
> double door fridge and a home theater system. I thought this might be a
> joke, but they have actually stated the name of a store where one of the
> items on the wish list can be purchased.
>
> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting the
> invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>
> OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
> supply it to the guests; <grin>
>
Egad! Maybe this person and the other dinner party hostess should get
together. They might like each other.

--
Jean B.

hahabogus wrote:
> "Nancy Young" > wrote in news:k_OdndUHOuBgQ8
> :
>
>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>
>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>>>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>>>>> people have today.
>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
>> as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.
>>
>> nancy
>>
>
> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
> I need a new induction stove.
>

Oh, well, I will have a house-warming party. I haven't bought the house
yet though. Just a small detail that my guests can rectify, I'm sure.

--
Jean B.

In article >, "cshenk" >
wrote:

> My point is folks should not 'assume'. While this particular 'party' was
> not managed correctly, there is a cultural variation on what 'MS Manners'
> dictates is the right behavior. Had I seen a little 1ft or so tall 'tree'
> covered with paperclips, I'd know what to do.
>
> Did you know there's even an etiquitte for how to deal with the 'no more
> room on the tree'?

Pluck the bills from the paperclips and return the paperclips to the
tree? Huh!


> These are small, not 6ft xmas trees. Those less 'flush'
> put 1$ bills or 5$ bills on it (one bill per person and a casual guest may
> add just 1$ which is perfectly acceptable). Later as the tree fills, folks
> actually make room for larger bills by removing the smaller ones

Aha! I was right!!

> and carefully folding them into orgami-like decorations to place
> about the feet of the tree. Tacky is to take down a 20, add a 50,
> and pocket the 20 <grin>. Not tacky is to peel off a little when the
> party runs short of ice and make an ice run. Tacky is to unfold the
> orgami little ones to make an ice run.

Some people get really prickly when they run into a local custom they
don't approve of.

--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >, "cshenk" >
wrote:


> My point is folks should not 'assume'. While this particular 'party' was
> not managed correctly, there is a cultural variation on what 'MS Manners'
> dictates is the right behavior. Had I seen a little 1ft or so tall 'tree'
> covered with paperclips, I'd know what to do.

I'm wondering whether this is a "military" culture rather than
"Hawaiian". I'd had experience with money trees, and they were always
military folk.

--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA

Ophelia wrote:
> Serene Vannoy wrote:
>> Goomba wrote:
>>
>>> Oh....now this just seems sad to me. I have tons of fun socializing
>>> with folks who aren't in my family. Sometimes more! LOL
>> Well, sure, if I know what I'm paying for, but a party is supposed to
>> be paid for by the person throwing the party. If I can't afford to buy
>> everyone's dinner, I don't hold a party in a restaurant -- I have it
>> at my home, and I serve food I can afford to serve.
>
> Good for you girl. As do I !!
>
>

Because you're a classy dame, but we knew that. :-)

Serene

On Fri 13 Jun 2008 07:54:03p, Melba's Jammin' told us...

> In article >, "cshenk" >
> wrote:
>
>> My point is folks should not 'assume'. While this particular 'party'
>> was not managed correctly, there is a cultural variation on what 'MS
>> Manners' dictates is the right behavior. Had I seen a little 1ft or so
>> tall 'tree' covered with paperclips, I'd know what to do.
>>
>> Did you know there's even an etiquitte for how to deal with the 'no
>> more room on the tree'?
>
> Pluck the bills from the paperclips and return the paperclips to the
> tree? Huh!
>
>
>> These are small, not 6ft xmas trees. Those less 'flush'
>> put 1$ bills or 5$ bills on it (one bill per person and a casual guest
>> may add just 1$ which is perfectly acceptable). Later as the tree
>> fills, folks actually make room for larger bills by removing the
>> smaller ones
>
> Aha! I was right!!
>
>> and carefully folding them into orgami-like decorations to place
>> about the feet of the tree. Tacky is to take down a 20, add a 50,
>> and pocket the 20 <grin>. Not tacky is to peel off a little when the
>> party runs short of ice and make an ice run. Tacky is to unfold the
>> orgami little ones to make an ice run.
>
> Some people get really prickly when they run into a local custom they
> don't approve of.
>

Frankly, I think a "money tree" is tacky at any event. AFAIC, it's a non-
verbal way of begging. Local "cultures" bedamned.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Friday, 06(VI)/13(XIII)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
URA Redneck if your dog can smoke a
cigarette.
-------------------------------------------

"Dan Abel" > wrote in message
...
> In article >, "cshenk" >
> wrote:
>
>
>> My point is folks should not 'assume'. While this particular 'party' was
>> not managed correctly, there is a cultural variation on what 'MS Manners'
>> dictates is the right behavior. Had I seen a little 1ft or so tall
>> 'tree'
>> covered with paperclips, I'd know what to do.
>
> I'm wondering whether this is a "military" culture rather than
> "Hawaiian". I'd had experience with money trees, and they were always
> military folk.
>
> --
> Dan Abel
> Petaluma, California USA
>


Considering the pittance the government pays them to put their lives on the
line, I think a little understanding should be in order. If PFC John Doe
has a money tree at his wedding before he is deployed, God bless him. If
General Arsewipe puts one up at his daughter's do with reception at the
Smithsonian, may the sand fleas that bother the local grunt in the Middle
East infest his jock strap.
-ginny

"Janet Wilder" > wrote in message
...
> Goomba wrote:
>
>> I like the old southern custom we learned about in North Carolina, where
>> neighbors hold a "pounding" when people move into new homes. Everyone
>> brings a "pound" of something (tea, coffee, flour, sugar...) to stock the
>> pantry.
>
> I thought you were going to say something about a chivaree, where people
> pound on pots and pans <g>
> --
> Janet Wilder
> Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
> Good Friends. Good Life

Now that's what I remember growing up in NC.......you follow the newlyweds
to where they were spending the first night and make all kinds of racket
usually with pots and pans, sometimes shotguns well into the night and often
to sunrise.......I have heard two stories why.....one to keep them from
consumating the marriage and the other to drown out the sounds of the
consumation.
-ginny

"hahabogus" > wrote in message
...
> "Nancy Young" > wrote in news:7
> :
>
>>
>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>
>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>>
>>>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>>>
>>>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>>
>>>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>>>
>>>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the
> PBJ
>>>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>>>
>>>> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
>>>> as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.
>>
>>> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
>>
>> Let me guess. One of those wenches you've been flirting
>> with over the cauliflower display at the supermarket?
>>
>> nancy
>
> Actually it is one of those women from russia who advertise in
> magazines...
>
> No actually I'd like a kitchen aid mixer and I'd consider marrage the
> cheaper way to get it.
>
> --
>
> The house of the burning beet-Alan
>
>
>

Why go to Russia, if you marry one of the filipino girls, you can have a
money tree.....
-ginny (running for cover when the rotten fruit starts flying)

"Jean B." > wrote in message
...
> hahabogus wrote:
>> "Nancy Young" > wrote in news:k_OdndUHOuBgQ8
>> :
>>
>>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>>>>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>>>>>> people have today.
>>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and,
>>> as such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.
>>>
>>> nancy
>>>
>>
>> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
>> I need a new induction stove.
>>
>
> Oh, well, I will have a house-warming party. I haven't bought the house
> yet though. Just a small detail that my guests can rectify, I'm sure.
>
> --
> Jean B.

Beloved SIL (the one requesting receipts in the last party thread)
approached us after we reached settlement on a servere accident I was
involved in........(we got enough to pay for all my medical bills and a
little something extra) and said.....get this.......WE want a house, and
since we intend to ask my dad, the realtor, to screw the sellers over for us
so we can get it as a steal, we expecty HIS side of the family to come up
with the dosh required to put a sizable downpayment on it and to help with
the payments if necessary, after all, HE is the baby and most deserving, and
since we know you will be coming into some money soon (they didn't know we
already got it, just that we won the case) we figure somewhere between
$5-10K from you guys ought to do it........I swear if I wasn't in a a brace
at the time and in physical therapy, I would have killed her.
-ginny

On Fri 13 Jun 2008 09:56:09p, Virginia Tadrzynski told us...

>
> "Jean B." > wrote in message
> ...
>> hahabogus wrote:
>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote in news:k_OdndUHOuBgQ8
>>> :
>>>
>>>> "hahabogus" > wrote
>>>>> "Nancy Young" > wrote
>>>>>> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I think that's absolutely true. I can't get over the nerve that
>>>>>>> people have today.
>>>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the
>>>>> PBJ meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>>> (laugh) Get this ... I was a member of the wedding party and, as
>>>> such, paid for the shindig, too. And the party favors.
>>>>
>>>> nancy
>>>>
>>>
>>> So...I'm thinking of getting married....wanna pay for it?
>>> I need a new induction stove.
>>>
>>
>> Oh, well, I will have a house-warming party. I haven't bought the
>> house yet though. Just a small detail that my guests can rectify, I'm
>> sure.
>>
>> --
>> Jean B.
>
> Beloved SIL (the one requesting receipts in the last party thread)
> approached us after we reached settlement on a servere accident I was
> involved in........(we got enough to pay for all my medical bills and a
> little something extra) and said.....get this.......WE want a house, and
> since we intend to ask my dad, the realtor, to screw the sellers over
> for us so we can get it as a steal, we expecty HIS side of the family to
> come up with the dosh required to put a sizable downpayment on it and to
> help with the payments if necessary, after all, HE is the baby and most
> deserving, and since we know you will be coming into some money soon
> (they didn't know we already got it, just that we won the case) we
> figure somewhere between $5-10K from you guys ought to do it........I
> swear if I wasn't in a a brace at the time and in physical therapy, I
> would have killed her. -ginny
>
>
>

I wouldn't blame you a bit!

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Friday, 06(VI)/13(XIII)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Cats must ask to be (fed/petted/let
out) when the humans are making whoopee.
-------------------------------------------

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:43:47 +0200, ChattyCathy
> wrote:

>We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
>birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>
>The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
>but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the details
>about them - just in case.
>
>At first I thought, 'bit of a cheek' but when I thought about it some more
>I realized that might not be such a bad idea; I've been to some weddings
>where they have an arrangement like this. It saves the couple getting 10
>butter dishes and 15 potato peelers (or whatever).
>
>That is, until I saw the 'wish list' that they had also tacked on to the
>invitation. It includes (among other things): a new HD Television, a new
>double door fridge and a home theater system. I thought this might be a
>joke, but they have actually stated the name of a store where one of the
>items on the wish list can be purchased.

That isn't part of my MO (for instance, I didn't "register" anywhere
when I got married), but maybe some people *are* like that.... or
maybe they were pushed into it by well meaning friends. You never
know unless you ask, so don't jump to conclusions.
>
>Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting the
>invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>
Too bad you barely know them. I'd be inclined to decline the
invitation unless, of course, they were someone I *really* wanted to
get to know better.

Conversely, if they were real friends, I would have wanted to get them
both a birthday gift and a birthday present anyway. So, I wouldn't
have a problem buying them a gift card to one of the stores in
question. Gift problem solved, TYVM.

>OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
>supply it to the guests; <grin>

You can only hope - given the horror stories here on rfc.

Thankfully I have (recent) personal stories of open bar, sit down
dinners to counter the cheapskate drama stories I read here.
Otherwise, I'd tend to think the entire world is full of self-centered
weirdoes.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:23 GMT, hahabogus > wrote:

>ChattyCathy > wrote in news:MHv4k.114052$TL1.92331
:
>
>> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting the
>> invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>>
>> OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
>> supply it to the guests; <grin>
>>
>
>So if you RSVP state what food you'd like and where it can be purchased.

That kind of RSVP isn't very far off of some posts I've seen about
picky guests here.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:35:56 +0200, ChattyCathy
> wrote:

>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:18:02 -0700, sqwertzme wrote:
>
>> On Jun 13, 9:43*am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
>>> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
>>> birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>>
>> They have houses in Africa? I thought they just had grass and dung
>> huts <shrug>.
>>
>> -sw
>
>You forgot about the lions roaming around in the streets.

OK, what would you rather have.... lions, cougars or bears?

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

Serene Vannoy wrote:
> Ophelia wrote:
>> Serene Vannoy wrote:
>>> Goomba wrote:
>>>
>>>> Oh....now this just seems sad to me. I have tons of fun socializing
>>>> with folks who aren't in my family. Sometimes more! LOL
>>> Well, sure, if I know what I'm paying for, but a party is supposed
>>> to be paid for by the person throwing the party. If I can't afford
>>> to buy everyone's dinner, I don't hold a party in a restaurant -- I
>>> have it at my home, and I serve food I can afford to serve.
>>
>> Good for you girl. As do I !!
>>
>>
>
> Because you're a classy dame, but we knew that. :-)

LOL well that must make two of us Thank you ma'am

cshenk wrote:
> "hahabogus" wrote
>
>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>> Yikes.
>
>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>
> Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding
> going on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some
> reasonable 'to you' amount towards the item.
>
> It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the
> registry.

In UK a couple getting married will have a listing at a local department
store. We can pick up the list and mark what we wish to buy so they know
it is covered. If there is nothing on the list we like/can afford, we buy
whatever we like.

This is the wedding present list, not a shower.

"Steve Pope" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> MareCat wrote:
>
>> *Extremely* tacky to include a gift registry notice in an
>> invite
Gifts are *always* considered optional, and any mention of them in an invite
is in poor taste, IMO.
>
> If the invite doesn't say "no gifts expected", that's a clue
> that you should look at Amazon, local department stores, etc. for
> wish-lists in the host's name.
>
> The "no gifts expected" can avoid confusion if the host is
> holding mutliple parties/events in the same time-frame.
>
> Steve

One shouldn't ever have to say that. NO mention of gifts in an invitation,
EVER. I presume such a phrase has sometimes been added to overcome the
influence of the barbarians who ask, but not one single etiquette resource
will back you up on it.

"cshenk" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> "Goomba" wrote
> We were talking WEDDING showers combined with housewarming.
>
>>> It was the way it was done in the 1800's. Kinda stopped around 1900 or
>>> so.
>>
>> What exactly are you talking about happening here? And can you cite
>
> A wedding, it is traditional even now to register for china and such.
>
>> where you got this information?
>
> History. I find it interesting to know what my grandparents and great
> grandparents were up to.
>
I cannot imagine where this happened. In the USA (and I believe in the UK)
a marriage announcement said who, where and of what familes. The
descriptive "social" pages announcements came way afterward.

>> And are we speaking of people who were barely scraping by or by
>> "society"? Or something in between?
>
> Does it matter? The less monied folks did what they could to emulate the
> more moneied folks. Go look at some old newspapers and you can see the
> wedding announcement often had a list of where they were registered at as
> well.

WHERE? Where did this happen? It certainly did not happen in New England.
I am almost passed out from the idea, imagine how my great grandmother would
have felt!

And yes, it does matter. I think the problem with these overwrought
weddings and brides today is that they think they are entitled to have
everything as the quasi-princess daughter of wealth would have had it. I
would so much rather be invited to something that fit the purse of the
family than an extravaganza with $12,000 dress, $120,000 ceremony and
reception and the couple asking for money to pay for a honeymoon they cannot
afford -- and sometimes even for a down payment on a house!

> You put down 10$ or so towards the goal item. OR you bring a gift, OR
> you do both with a small gift.

With the exception of these execrable honeymoon funds, I have never heard of
that. How the heck do those gift wrap offers jibe with that? I just tried
to order from someone's US registry Thursday, from Williams Sonoma, and
certainly they expected me to pick from a list there.

Oddly, they charge $5 for gift wrap, but since I know the couple live in
Switzerland and the gifts all must be unwrapped to ship them, I thought
someone should have noted that. Anyway, in case anyone is interested, you
cannot buy from abroad at that store, but must call California and order by
voice.

Ophelia said...

> cshenk wrote:
>> "hahabogus" wrote
>>
>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>>> Yikes.
>>
>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>
>> Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding
>> going on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some
>> reasonable 'to you' amount towards the item.
>>
>> It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the
>> registry.
>
> In UK a couple getting married will have a listing at a local department
> store. We can pick up the list and mark what we wish to buy so they
know
> it is covered. If there is nothing on the list we like/can afford, we
buy
> whatever we like.
>
> This is the wedding present list, not a shower.


I'd gift a GPS car unit so they'll never get lost or need to ask for
directions. Could save the marriage, while actually being super helpful
finding places, avoiding traffic, etc.

Andy

Well, at least it's nice to find out that Americans haven't cornered
the market on rude and crass behavior...

On Jun 13, 10:43*am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
> birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>
> The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
> but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the details
> about them - just in case.
>
> At first I thought, 'bit of a cheek' but when I thought about it some more
> I realized that might not be such a bad idea; I've been to some weddings
> where they have an arrangement like this. It saves the couple getting 10
> butter dishes and 15 potato peelers (or whatever).
>
> That is, until I saw the 'wish list' that they had also tacked on to the
> invitation. It includes (among other things): a new HD Television, a new
> double door fridge and a home theater system. I thought this might be a
> joke, but they have actually stated the name of a store where one of the
> items on the wish list can be purchased.
>
> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting the
> invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>
> OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
> supply it to the guests; <grin>
>
> --
> Cheers
> Chatty Cathy
>
> Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

Ophelia wrote:

> In UK a couple getting married will have a listing at a local department
> store. We can pick up the list and mark what we wish to buy so they know
> it is covered. If there is nothing on the list we like/can afford, we buy
> whatever we like.
>
> This is the wedding present list, not a shower.

Yup, same set up exists here also. But at no time should ANY mention of
a gift or registry be mentioned on or included in the invitation.
People can ask the family or close personal friends discretely if they
can't figure out which department store a couple has registered with.

Michael "Dog3" wrote:

> I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another custom I
> don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like the bride is being
> pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at different weddings. Both in
> the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern thang except I've only seen it a
> couple of times and it's not common at every midwestern wedding I've
> attended. People that are too busy or lazy to shop for a gift <pointing at
> myself...lazy>, they write a check. I don't see why I have to flip the
> bride a $20 bill for a dance on top of it or tack a bill on the tree.
>
> Michael

I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the
same thing as these days where people should be working and self
sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed. Tacky
as hell too.

Goomba wrote:
> Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>
>> I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another
>> custom I don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like
>> the bride is being pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at
>> different weddings. Both in the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern
>> thang except I've only seen it a couple of times and it's not common
>> at every midwestern wedding I've attended. People that are too busy
>> or lazy to shop for a gift <pointing at myself...lazy>, they write a
>> check. I don't see why I have to flip the bride a $20 bill for a
>> dance on top of it or tack a bill on the tree. Michael
>
> I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
> poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the
> same thing as these days where people should be working and self
> sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed.
> Tacky as hell too.

I lived in Upstate New York for a brief year and saw the Dollar Dance for
the first time. Hadn't seen it before that time, nor since. I don't know
what custom it's from, but I think it's tacky, too.

kili

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:27:25 -0500, Andy wrote:


> I'd gift a GPS car unit so they'll never get lost or need to ask for
> directions. Could save the marriage, while actually being super helpful
> finding places, avoiding traffic, etc.

Handy little gizmo's. Fairly expensive here, but worth every penny, IMHO.
DH got me one for my birthday earlier this year. He refers to it as 'your
sense of direction' (because I don't have one of my own - I am absolutely
hopeless). I love the thing. I used to get lost regularly and would often
end up phoning either my DH or DS from a gas station somewhere; I'd hand
the phone to one of the guys who worked there and say, "Please tell him
where I am, so he can come find me." I kid you not. Luckily, those days
are over, at least as long as those satellites stay up there, as somebody
succinctly pointed out to me recently. <g>

--
Cheers
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Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:04:23 -0500, Lou Decruss wrote:

>
> I'd send a regret letter to your people and include coupons for frozen
> stuff you'll never use. You have coupons down there? <eg>

<lol> Yes we do. Another good idea ;-)
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

"kilikini" > wrote in message
. com...
> Goomba wrote:
>> Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>>
>>> I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another
>>> custom I don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like
>>> the bride is being pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at
>>> different weddings. Both in the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern
>>> thang except I've only seen it a couple of times and it's not common
>>> at every midwestern wedding I've attended. People that are too busy
>>> or lazy to shop for a gift <pointing at myself...lazy>, they write a
>>> check. I don't see why I have to flip the bride a $20 bill for a
>>> dance on top of it or tack a bill on the tree. Michael
>>
>> I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
>> poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the
>> same thing as these days where people should be working and self
>> sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed.
>> Tacky as hell too.
>
> I lived in Upstate New York for a brief year and saw the Dollar Dance for
> the first time. Hadn't seen it before that time, nor since. I don't know
> what custom it's from, but I think it's tacky, too.

I grew up in PA and saw the dollar dance at many (most?) weddings I attended
in that part of the country. In the 16 years I lived in TX (and attended
*many* weddings), never once did I witness the dollar dance. (I did see a
money tree at one bridal shower down there, though.)

Mary

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 10:06:10 -0700, Serene Vannoy wrote:

> Goomba wrote:
>
>> Oh....now this just seems sad to me. I have tons of fun socializing
>> with folks who aren't in my family. Sometimes more! LOL
>
> Well, sure, if I know what I'm paying for, but a party is supposed to be
> paid for by the person throwing the party. If I can't afford to buy
> everyone's dinner, I don't hold a party in a restaurant -- I have it at
> my home, and I serve food I can afford to serve.

We were recently invited by a close friend to a party at a restaurant.
It was her daughter's birthday, BTW. When the lady in question phoned to
invite us I asked her if we could contribute to the bill as there would be
4 of us and she said 'No' right off. Anyway, about 20 people turned up
there and she paid for the whole thing - drinks and all; must have cost
her a fortune. When I again offered to contribute something before we
left, she said "We wanted your company, not your money." My kind of
friend.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Jun 13, 11:28 am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:14:16 +0000, Michael "Dog3" wrote:
> > ChattyCathy >
> :in rec.food.cooking
>
> >> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a
> >> combined birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of
> >> the month.
>
> >> The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts'
> >> - but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the
> >> details about them - just in case.
>
> > Right off I think the invite is tacky. A combined birthday/house warming
> > invitation implies, to me anyway, that if the invitation is accepted by
> > me, a gift should be taken. If they don't like my gift, they are free to
> > return it themselves.
>
> This is true.
>
> >> At first I thought, 'bit of a cheek' but when I thought about it some
> >> more I realized that might not be such a bad idea; I've been to some
> >> weddings where they have an arrangement like this. It saves the couple
> >> getting 10 butter dishes and 15 potato peelers (or whatever).
>
> > I still think it's tacky. It's not a wedding.
>
> This is also true.
>
>
>
> >> That is, until I saw the 'wish list' that they had also tacked on to
> >> the invitation. It includes (among other things): a new HD Television,
> >> a new double door fridge and a home theater system. I thought this
> >> might be a joke, but they have actually stated the name of a store
> >> where one of the items on the wish list can be purchased.
>
> >> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting
> >> the invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>
> > ROFL... My Gawd... Do they *think* a housearming gift should be of the
> > same type as a wedding gift? "Chutzpah" indeed. Who ARE these people?
>
> Just somebody DH knows from work. We've never socialized with them
> before. Which is what made me think it was a bit of cheek in the first
> place...

Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
combined
event celebration. Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>

maxine in ri

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:54:15 -0500, Janet Wilder
> wrote:

>ChattyCathy wrote:
>> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:44:55 +0000, Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>> I would think gifting them with a HD television would preclude the need to
>>> bring food. :-) What gall! And the practice seems to be on the rise.
>>> Just another example of greed and self-entitlement. Alas!
>>
>> What got me the most is the fact that we've never really socialized with
>> them before... To me it is just an excuse to get 'stuff' from anybody
>> they know (however vaguely).
>>
>
>Gift fishing?

More like socially inept. Most people never entertain and there's a
big reason why.

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On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:33:19 -0400, Goomba >
wrote:

>cshenk wrote:
>> "Goomba" wrote
>>
>>>> Common if newlyweds. Especially common in Hawaii. They do a money tree
>>>> in Hawaii as well and you clip money (or checks) to it with paperclips.
>>> Thats about as sad and tacky as "Dollar Dances" at weddings. If someone
>>> wants to gift people with money at a celebration, they are welcome to do
>>> it discretely. Slip me an envelope, and lets both get on with the party!
>>
>> Naw, not tacky at all! You'd have to see it to understand. 'Dollar dances'
>> are tacky. Dollar trees are a normal thing there in Hawaii and everyone
>> understands what's up. Saw one couple get almost 30,000$ (very big wedding
>> / housewarming with over 1,000 guests I was told at the end). It probably
>> cost them 10,000$ to hold the party (Luau with 6 roast pit pigs etc).
>
>IMO, I think ANY time money is involved or mentioned in context with a
>party (recouping expenses??) it means the dynamic of the function
>changes and it isn't a party anymore but rather a fund raiser.
>
>If you can't afford to host a party, don't have one. If your friends had
>$10,000. for a luau, that's wonderful. But to then put out a gimmick
>like a "tree" to recover the costs of the party it isn't wonderful
>anymore in my book (nor Emily Post's, Miss Manners, etc.).

It's cultural, Goomba. Don't dismiss what you don't understand.

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On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:47:15 -0700, maxine in ri wrote:


> Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
> combined
> event celebration. Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>

Possibly, in 'their' circle. As we're not part of their usual circle, I
still found it somewhat tacky.

Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a 'potluck', I
think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out door grilling).
Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies either a few pieces of
meat and a side dish, theoretically enough to feed themselves, but we
all share everything when it's ready. We all buy a few soft drinks and/or
booze and share that out too. It's fun, and everybody does it here in
summer. That's fine in my book, as everybody knows they have to bring
something, but that invitation got on my last nerve. <g>

--
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Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

ChattyCathy wrote:
> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:47:15 -0700, maxine in ri wrote:
>
>
>> Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
>> combined
>> event celebration. Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>
>
> Possibly, in 'their' circle. As we're not part of their usual circle,
> I still found it somewhat tacky.
>
> Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a 'potluck',
> I think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out door grilling).
> Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies either a few pieces
> of meat and a side dish, theoretically enough to feed themselves, but
> we all share everything when it's ready. We all buy a few soft drinks
> and/or booze and share that out too. It's fun, and everybody does it
> here in summer. That's fine in my book, as everybody knows they have
> to bring something, but that invitation got on my last nerve. <g>

Yep, that's kind of what we call pot luck. That's basically what we're
attending tomorrow. The hosts are providing lasagna, but we, as guests,
have been asked to provide a dessert, appetizer, or side dish. That's fine
with me! It's not like we're being asked for a refrigerator. Sheesh!

kili

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:44:11 -0400, "cshenk" > wrote:

>"kilikini" wrote
>
>>> This 'tree' is *only* used with newlyweds as far as I know.
>>
>> I lived in Hawaii for 10 years, been to many weddings, (had one there of
>> my own) and never saw or heard of a money tree. I think a bigger
>> celebration
>
>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>tree. 1986-1989.

I doubt she socialized with many Filipino Hawaiians. It's still the
norm in the Filipino American community - even on the mainland. Being
midwest & white to the core, money trees (and money dances) leave me
completely aghast - even after 40+ years of indoctrination. However,
I've learned not to sit in judgment and I don't bad mouth what I don't
know from up about - unlike certain holier than thou posters in rfc.

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On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:22:32 -0400, kilikini wrote:

> ChattyCathy wrote:
>>
>> Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a 'potluck',
>> I think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out door grilling).
>> Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies either a few pieces
>> of meat and a side dish, theoretically enough to feed themselves, but
>> we all share everything when it's ready. We all buy a few soft drinks
>> and/or booze and share that out too. It's fun, and everybody does it
>> here in summer. That's fine in my book, as everybody knows they have
>> to bring something, but that invitation got on my last nerve. <g>
>
> Yep, that's kind of what we call pot luck. That's basically what we're
> attending tomorrow. The hosts are providing lasagna, but we, as guests,
> have been asked to provide a dessert, appetizer, or side dish. That's fine
> with me! It's not like we're being asked for a refrigerator. Sheesh!

Sounds good to me. Have you decided what you gonna make to take with yet?

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:48:06 -0500, Lou Decruss >
wrote:

>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:44:11 -0400, "cshenk" > wrote:
>
>>"kilikini" wrote
>>
>>>> This 'tree' is *only* used with newlyweds as far as I know.
>>>
>>> I lived in Hawaii for 10 years, been to many weddings, (had one there of
>>> my own) and never saw or heard of a money tree. I think a bigger
>>> celebration
>>
>>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>>tree. 1986-1989.
>
>40 weddings in 3 years? hummmmm.
>
Think about her situation.... she and her husband bartended
celebrations on the side.

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kilikini wrote:

> Goomba wrote:
>
>>Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>>
>>
>>>I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another
>>>custom I don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like
>>>the bride is being pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at
>>>different weddings. Both in the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern
>>>thang except I've only seen it a couple of times and it's not common
>>>at every midwestern wedding I've attended. People that are too busy
>>>or lazy to shop for a gift <pointing at myself...lazy>, they write a
>>>check. I don't see why I have to flip the bride a $20 bill for a
>>>dance on top of it or tack a bill on the tree. Michael
>>
>>I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
>>poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the
>>same thing as these days where people should be working and self
>>sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed.
>>Tacky as hell too.
>
>
> I lived in Upstate New York for a brief year and saw the Dollar Dance for
> the first time. Hadn't seen it before that time, nor since. I don't know
> what custom it's from, but I think it's tacky, too.

The dollar dance is pretty common here in the midwest, at least among
the middle class. The bridal shops even sell little satin bags to put
you money in. I've always thought it's really tacky and wanted nothing
to do with it at my own wedding reception. I made my feeling on the
matter plain to the DJ - NO DAMNED DOLLAR DANCE. I'd dance with anybody
who wanted to dance with me for free.

<Sigh>. Should have just had the damned dollar dance. All evening long
I had guys asking me to dance and because I didn't have the little satin
bag they'd try to stuff bills down my bodice. ARGH!!!

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:53:41 +0200, "Giusi" >
wrote:

>"cshenk" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
>> "ChattyCathy" wrote
>>
>> > The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
>>> but they've registered at *two* home ware stores
>
>> Common if newlyweds. Especially common in Hawaii. They do a money tree
>> in > Hawaii as well and you clip money (or checks) to it with paperclips.
>>
>I don't think it matters where it is being done, it is bad manners. It is
>putting the screws on social acquaintances to get gifts and picking the
>gifts yourself.

Nobody is twisting your arm or taking names at the money tree. It's
there if you want to contribute. If you don't want to, then don't.
It's that simple.
>
>> Again, sorta depends on the background of the folks. With the larger
>> items, it's close family who get them or what you do is dontate a portion
>> of the cost towards an item.
>
>These are people she has never socialized with before. They should not be
>expecting a gift, let alone telling her what to buy.
>
They certainly sound like social misfits.


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On Sat 14 Jun 2008 05:55:56a, Michael "Dog3" told us...

> Wayne Boatwright >
> 6.120: in
> rec.food.cooking
>
>> Frankly, I think a "money tree" is tacky at any event. AFAIC, it's a
>> non- verbal way of begging. Local "cultures" bedamned.
>
> I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another custom I
> don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like the bride is
> being pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at different
> weddings. Both in the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern thang except I've
> only seen it a couple of times and it's not common at every midwestern
> wedding I've attended. People that are too busy or lazy to shop for a
> gift <pointing at myself...lazy>, they write a check. I don't see why I
> have to flip the bride a $20 bill for a dance on top of it or tack a
> bill on the tree.
>
> Michael


The "money dance" originated in Poland in the early 1900s, and spread to
Ukraine and Yugoslavia. Many people of those nationalities imigrated in
the early part of the 20th century to the US, particularly in the eastern
and midwestern states. Obviously, over the years, the "tradition" has
spread considerably. Originally, in Europe, it was done in poorer families
in order to give the bride and groom a bit of headstart financially.

Having said all that, it has clearly gotten out of hand.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
He who has a shady past knows that
nice guys finish last.
-------------------------------------------

"Goomba" > wrote in message
> I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help poorer
> couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the same thing
> as these days where people should be working and self sufficient before
> marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed. Tacky as hell too.
>

Going back many years, that dollar was probably a big portion of the wedding
gift. Weddings used to be a celebration of the marriage with friends and
family, not a grab for gifts and fancy meals.

I just read in the paper that the "average" cost of a wedding now is
$28,704. I can't imaging working the next few months just to pay for a
wedding, mine or my kids. The son of our friends just divorced and later
remarried and still owes on the first wedding.