On Jun 14, 11:30 am, Kathleen > wrote:
> kilikini wrote:
> > Goomba wrote:
>
> >>Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>
> >>>I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another
> >>>custom I don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like
> >>>the bride is being pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at
> >>>different weddings. Both in the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern
> >>>thang except I've only seen it a couple of times and it's not common
> >>>at every midwestern wedding I've attended. People that are too busy
> >>>or lazy to shop for a gift <pointing at myself...lazy>, they write a
> >>>check. I don't see why I have to flip the bride a $20 bill for a
> >>>dance on top of it or tack a bill on the tree. Michael
>
> >>I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
> >>poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the
> >>same thing as these days where people should be working and self
> >>sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed.
> >>Tacky as hell too.
>
> > I lived in Upstate New York for a brief year and saw the Dollar Dance for
> > the first time. Hadn't seen it before that time, nor since. I don't know
> > what custom it's from, but I think it's tacky, too.
>
> The dollar dance is pretty common here in the midwest, at least among
> the middle class. The bridal shops even sell little satin bags to put
> you money in. I've always thought it's really tacky and wanted nothing
> to do with it at my own wedding reception. I made my feeling on the
> matter plain to the DJ - NO DAMNED DOLLAR DANCE. I'd dance with anybody
> who wanted to dance with me for free.
>
> <Sigh>. Should have just had the damned dollar dance. All evening long
> I had guys asking me to dance and because I didn't have the little satin
> bag they'd try to stuff bills down my bodice. ARGH!!!

At your own WEDDING?? That's got to be the tackiest thing I've ever
heard, after the medeival custom of the local lord having first rights
to the bride....

maxine in ri

maxine in ri wrote:

> On Jun 14, 11:30 am, Kathleen > wrote:
>
>>kilikini wrote:
>>
>>>Goomba wrote:
>>
>>>>Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>>
>>>>>I never did understand the money tree thing. There is another
>>>>>custom I don't understand either. The dollar dance. It looks like
>>>>>the bride is being pimped out for cash. I've seen both of them at
>>>>>different weddings. Both in the midwest. Maybe it's a midwestern
>>>>>thang except I've only seen it a couple of times and it's not common
>>>>>at every midwestern wedding I've attended. People that are too busy
>>>>>or lazy to shop for a gift <pointing at myself...lazy>, they write a
>>>>>check. I don't see why I have to flip the bride a $20 bill for a
>>>>>dance on top of it or tack a bill on the tree. Michael
>>
>>>>I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
>>>>poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the
>>>>same thing as these days where people should be working and self
>>>>sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed.
>>>>Tacky as hell too.
>>
>>>I lived in Upstate New York for a brief year and saw the Dollar Dance for
>>>the first time. Hadn't seen it before that time, nor since. I don't know
>>>what custom it's from, but I think it's tacky, too.
>>
>>The dollar dance is pretty common here in the midwest, at least among
>>the middle class. The bridal shops even sell little satin bags to put
>>you money in. I've always thought it's really tacky and wanted nothing
>>to do with it at my own wedding reception. I made my feeling on the
>>matter plain to the DJ - NO DAMNED DOLLAR DANCE. I'd dance with anybody
>>who wanted to dance with me for free.
>>
>><Sigh>. Should have just had the damned dollar dance. All evening long
>>I had guys asking me to dance and because I didn't have the little satin
>>bag they'd try to stuff bills down my bodice. ARGH!!!
>
>
> At your own WEDDING?? That's got to be the tackiest thing I've ever
> heard, after the medeival custom of the local lord having first rights
> to the bride....

Yep. I've been married 24 years now and it still makes my ears burn.

Virginia Tadrzynski wrote:

>
> Beloved SIL
> approached us after we reached settlement on a severe accident I was
> involved in........(we got enough to pay for all my medical bills and a
> little something extra) and said.....get this.......WE want a house, and
> since we intend to ask my dad, the realtor, to screw the sellers over for us
> so we can get it as a steal, we expect HIS side of the family to come up
> with the dosh required to put a sizable downpayment on it and to help with
> the payments if necessary, after all, HE is the baby and most deserving, and
> since we know you will be coming into some money soon (they didn't know we
> already got it, just that we won the case) we figure somewhere between
> $5-10K from you guys ought to do it........I swear if I wasn't in a a brace
> at the time and in physical therapy, I would have killed her.
> -ginny
>
>


Oh.My.God. What a self-serving, spoiled b*tch.

Reports like that make me glad I was an only child.

Inquiring minds want to know: Did the rest of the family pony up?

gloria p

On Jun 14, 10:42 am, ChattyCathy > wrote:

> We were recently invited by a close friend to a party at a restaurant.
> It was her daughter's birthday, BTW. When the lady in question phoned to
> invite us I asked her if we could contribute to the bill as there would be
> 4 of us and she said 'No' right off. Anyway, about 20 people turned up
> there and she paid for the whole thing - drinks and all; must have cost
> her a fortune. When I again offered to contribute something before we
> left, she said "We wanted your company, not your money." My kind of
> friend.
>
Ok, I don't feel insulted (after 25 years) by my parent's friends
offer
to help pay for the 40th anniversary dinner my sister and I hosted at
a local restaurant.

We had the restaurant put together a menu with no prices with a good
assortment of their best dishes. I was hurt when the husbands (all
the previous generation) seemed to assume that my sister and I, both
single at the time, needed help paying for something we had carefully
planned.

maxine in ri

ChattyCathy wrote:
> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:22:32 -0400, kilikini wrote:
>
>> ChattyCathy wrote:
>>>
>>> Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a
>>> 'potluck', I think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out
>>> door grilling). Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies
>>> either a few pieces of meat and a side dish, theoretically enough
>>> to feed themselves, but we all share everything when it's ready. We
>>> all buy a few soft drinks and/or booze and share that out too. It's
>>> fun, and everybody does it here in summer. That's fine in my book,
>>> as everybody knows they have to bring something, but that
>>> invitation got on my last nerve. <g>
>>
>> Yep, that's kind of what we call pot luck. That's basically what
>> we're attending tomorrow. The hosts are providing lasagna, but we,
>> as guests, have been asked to provide a dessert, appetizer, or side
>> dish. That's fine with me! It's not like we're being asked for a
>> refrigerator. Sheesh!
>
> Sounds good to me. Have you decided what you gonna make to take with
> yet?

I'm going to make a champagne cheddar cheese dip with veggies and toasted
baguettes. There's going to be salsa for an appetizer, so if anyone wants
to dop a baguette with my dip and salsa, I think it will fit right in.
Hubby's at the grocery store now, picking up ingredients. :~)

kili

>
> In UK a couple getting married will have a listing at a local department
> store. We can pick up the list and mark what we wish to buy so they know
> it is covered. If there is nothing on the list we like/can afford, we buy
> whatever we like.
>
> This is the wedding present list, not a shower.




It has been the same in the U.S. for a long time. About 15 years ago or
so the bridal magazines and wedding consultants began recommending to
couples who already lived together that they should "register" for
honeymoon trips, mortgage payments, car payments, or at home im

Gone are the days when a pickle fork, cake knife, or china place setting
was considered an appropriate, lovely gift.

:-(

gloria p
The Olde Curmudgeon
(older than Tim Russert)

Michael "Dog3" wrote:
> I kinda resent feeling pressured into putting money on a
> tree in the bride's bodice during a dance.
>


Holy Mackerel, that must be SOME cleavage!

;-)
gloria p

Michael "Dog3" wrote:
> My brother and SIL just expect
> Steven and I to drop everything and drive the 2 houre to their place
> Christmas Day. We've done this for the last 15+ years. It's tiresome
> and stressful because we also have to be with Steven's family in the
> morning. So basically we've got an all day event going and we're in the
> car for 4 hours of it. We used to take the dog and spend the night but
> not the past 3 years. The dog is too old to travel so we come home.
> Anyway my SIL's big protest at driving down here is... get this... "Our
> lives are busier than yours"... Makes me boiling mad.
>


Michael:

Practice saying: "Sorry, not this year, but You're welcome to come here
for the day." You may even add "We're staying home this year."

And SAY it to her!

You are under no obligation to meet anyone's expectations once you are
over age 18. You are an adult with a LIFE. Respect yourself.

gloria p

"Virginia Tadrzynski" wrote
> "Dan Abel" wrote

>> I'm wondering whether this is a "military" culture rather than
>> "Hawaiian". I'd had experience with money trees, and they were always
>> military folk.

Or perhaps those who'd been stationed in Hawaii? Havent seen it at military
weddings but I wouldnt be shocked if I did. I'd have a preconception they
had spent time in Hawaii though (which may be wrong, just that it;s the only
spot I saw them).

> Considering the pittance the government pays them to put their lives on
> the line, I think a little understanding should be in order. If PFC John
> Doe has a money tree at his wedding before he is deployed, God bless him.
> If General Arsewipe puts one up at his daughter's do with reception at the
> Smithsonian, may the sand fleas that bother the local grunt in the Middle
> East infest his jock strap.

LOL! I'm with ya!

When I got married (in Hawaii) we used a justice of the peace (family coudnt
afford to come so a big wedding just didnt make sense). Afterwards, we had
a reception at what may be quite 'tacky' but was fun!

Yup, local bar ;-) I brought a huge plate of 'pupu's' for the whole bar
(200$ or so and that was alot in 1987) and put down $400 on the bar-tab for
everyone there. Had fun. As the tab-jar went down, hats were passed and it
was refilled. We didnt arrange the hat passing, it's just sorta automatic
military culture. By the time we left, there was more on the tab than we
had started. Excess would have gone to the bartender, if any was left at
the end of the night. (dunno, we left for our little honeymoon hotel about
9pm).

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:17:04 +0200, ChattyCathy
> wrote:

>On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:47:15 -0700, maxine in ri wrote:
>
>
>> Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
>> combined
>> event celebration. Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>
>
>Possibly, in 'their' circle. As we're not part of their usual circle, I
>still found it somewhat tacky.

No point in being rude or tacky back either. Just decline the
invitation. You don't even need to make up an excuse.
--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

Edwin Pawlowski wrote:
> "Goomba" > wrote in message
>> I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help
>> poorer couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not
>> the same thing as these days where people should be working and self
>> sufficient before marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed.
>> Tacky as hell too.
>
> Going back many years, that dollar was probably a big portion of the
> wedding gift. Weddings used to be a celebration of the marriage
> with friends and family, not a grab for gifts and fancy meals.
>
> I just read in the paper that the "average" cost of a wedding now is
> $28,704. I can't imaging working the next few months just to pay
> for a wedding, mine or my kids. The son of our friends just divorced
> and later remarried and still owes on the first wedding.

$28,000+? That's simply INSANE! My former Maui wedding in 1998 was about
$500 - catered, by the way, by Castaway Cafe in Kaanapali. (I'll give Gary
Bush, the owner, a plug http://www.castawaycafe.com/ because he's a really,
really nice guy.) Other folks who attended my wedding also brought food to
contribute, but I did *not* ask them to.

My current marriage in 2004, was held in Washington State and it was only
the cost of our plane tickets - Florida to Wash., Maui to Wash; I'm guessing
about $1,000? I wore sweatpants, and it was done at Dave Bugg's grand
opening in his restaurant.

I don't get the grandiose-ness of it all. Keep it simple. It's a day of a
celebration of a union to spend with friends.

kili

"Melba's Jammin'" wrote

>> Did you know there's even an etiquitte for how to deal with the 'no more
>> room on the tree'?
>
> Pluck the bills from the paperclips and return the paperclips to the
> tree? Huh!

Chuckle, yes. See below though..

>> These are small, not 6ft xmas trees. Those less 'flush'
>> put 1$ bills or 5$ bills on it (one bill per person and a casual guest
>> may
>> add just 1$ which is perfectly acceptable). Later as the tree fills,
>> folks
>> actually make room for larger bills by removing the smaller ones
>
> Aha! I was right!!
>
>> and carefully folding them into orgami-like decorations to place
>> about the feet of the tree. Tacky is to take down a 20, add a 50,
>> and pocket the 20 <grin>. Not tacky is to peel off a little when the
>> party runs short of ice and make an ice run. Tacky is to unfold the
>> orgami little ones to make an ice run.
>
> Some people get really prickly when they run into a local custom they
> don't approve of.

So I've noticed ;-)

"Michael "Dog3"" wrote

> Hmmm... that's a point I hadn't thought of. Still, I almost alway write
> them a check as a gift unless there is an item I know they absolutely
> can't
> live without. I kinda resent feeling pressured into putting money on a
> tree in in the bride's bodice during a dance.

I hope there's a missing 'or' in there! I cant imagine the tree in her
bodice being filled! Yikes!

ChattyCathy said...

> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:27:25 -0500, Andy wrote:
>
>
>> I'd gift a GPS car unit so they'll never get lost or need to ask for
>> directions. Could save the marriage, while actually being super helpful
>> finding places, avoiding traffic, etc.
>
> Handy little gizmo's. Fairly expensive here, but worth every penny, IMHO.
> DH got me one for my birthday earlier this year. He refers to it as 'your
> sense of direction' (because I don't have one of my own - I am absolutely
> hopeless). I love the thing. I used to get lost regularly and would often
> end up phoning either my DH or DS from a gas station somewhere; I'd hand
> the phone to one of the guys who worked there and say, "Please tell him
> where I am, so he can come find me." I kid you not. Luckily, those days
> are over, at least as long as those satellites stay up there, as somebody
> succinctly pointed out to me recently. <g>


Cathy,

When we road tripped in Kansas City the car rental GPS was great.

I've been evaluating them, reading reviews all day! There are tons to
choose from. I'm tired.

Andy

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 05:57:56a, Michael "Dog3" told us...

> "Virginia Tadrzynski" >
> : in rec.food.cooking
>
>> Considering the pittance the government pays them to put their lives
>> on the line, I think a little understanding should be in order. If
>> PFC John Doe has a money tree at his wedding before he is deployed,
>> God bless him. If General Arsewipe puts one up at his daughter's do
>> with reception at the Smithsonian, may the sand fleas that bother the
>> local grunt in the Middle East infest his jock strap.
>
> Hmmm... that's a point I hadn't thought of. Still, I almost alway write
> them a check as a gift unless there is an item I know they absolutely
> can't live without. I kinda resent feeling pressured into putting money
> on a tree in in the bride's bodice during a dance.
>
> Michael
>
>

I would imagine the bride might also resent having a tree in her bodice
whether she was dancing or not. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
I want .50 cal machine guns as a
factory option.
-------------------------------------------

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 10:34:43a, Andy told us...

> ChattyCathy said...
>
>> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:27:25 -0500, Andy wrote:
>>
>>
>>> I'd gift a GPS car unit so they'll never get lost or need to ask for
>>> directions. Could save the marriage, while actually being super helpful
>>> finding places, avoiding traffic, etc.
>>
>> Handy little gizmo's. Fairly expensive here, but worth every penny,
IMHO.
>> DH got me one for my birthday earlier this year. He refers to it as
'your
>> sense of direction' (because I don't have one of my own - I am
absolutely
>> hopeless). I love the thing. I used to get lost regularly and would
often
>> end up phoning either my DH or DS from a gas station somewhere; I'd hand
>> the phone to one of the guys who worked there and say, "Please tell him
>> where I am, so he can come find me." I kid you not. Luckily, those days
>> are over, at least as long as those satellites stay up there, as
somebody
>> succinctly pointed out to me recently. <g>
>
>
> Cathy,
>
> When we road tripped in Kansas City the car rental GPS was great.
>
> I've been evaluating them, reading reviews all day! There are tons to
> choose from. I'm tired.
>
> Andy
>
>

As with many things today, there are just too many choices.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
'The wheel is come full circle.' --
Shakespeare
-------------------------------------------

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 10:08:37 -0700, wrote:

> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:17:04 +0200, ChattyCathy
> > wrote:
>
>>On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:47:15 -0700, maxine in ri wrote:
>>
>>
>>> Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
>>> combined
>>> event celebration. Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>
>>
>>Possibly, in 'their' circle. As we're not part of their usual circle, I
>>still found it somewhat tacky.
>
> No point in being rude or tacky back either. Just decline the
> invitation. You don't even need to make up an excuse.

We weren't planning to. A simple "Sorry, can't make it" will suffice.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:41:25 -0400, kilikini wrote:

> ChattyCathy wrote:
>> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:22:32 -0400, kilikini wrote:
>>
>>> ChattyCathy wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a
>>>> 'potluck', I think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out
>>>> door grilling). Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies
>>>> either a few pieces of meat and a side dish, theoretically enough
>>>> to feed themselves, but we all share everything when it's ready. We
>>>> all buy a few soft drinks and/or booze and share that out too. It's
>>>> fun, and everybody does it here in summer. That's fine in my book,
>>>> as everybody knows they have to bring something, but that
>>>> invitation got on my last nerve. <g>
>>>
>>> Yep, that's kind of what we call pot luck. That's basically what
>>> we're attending tomorrow. The hosts are providing lasagna, but we,
>>> as guests, have been asked to provide a dessert, appetizer, or side
>>> dish. That's fine with me! It's not like we're being asked for a
>>> refrigerator. Sheesh!
>>
>> Sounds good to me. Have you decided what you gonna make to take with
>> yet?
>
> I'm going to make a champagne cheddar cheese dip with veggies and toasted
> baguettes.

Where is this shindig taking place? I'll be there ;-)

> There's going to be salsa for an appetizer, so if anyone wants
> to dop a baguette with my dip and salsa, I think it will fit right in.
> Hubby's at the grocery store now, picking up ingredients. :~)

Enjoy!

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

"Ophelia" wrote

>> Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding
>> going on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some
>> reasonable 'to you' amount towards the item.
>>
>> It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the
>> registry.
>
> In UK a couple getting married will have a listing at a local department
> store. We can pick up the list and mark what we wish to buy so they know
> it is covered. If there is nothing on the list we like/can afford, we buy
> whatever we like.
>
> This is the wedding present list, not a shower.

Agreed. I'd be happy with such an arrangement and assume if you mark off a
complete item, that they arent being crazy with the costs of the items (like
a new fridge etc!).

I have seen couples who were starting with *nothing* list like that: 'small
items or a gift card at (insert store)'. I do not expect such of those with
lots of money, but if 2 18year olds with a baby on the way get married, it's
common.

One of my troops got married in a similar case (having nothing). Her family
cut her off because he wasnt Japanese. The wedding was at the base chapel
and the reception downstairs of me in the family housing complex. We did it
potluck style, and added a fairly distinctive *military* version in that we
semi-clandestinely figured out just what they did have, then showed up with
trucks filled with everything and i mean just about everything, including
furniture. They'd just signed for an empty apartment and were set to spend
their wedding night on a futon.

Was this fancy stuff? Nope, in fact little of it was even new but it was
all clean and looked either new or very close to it. Also a gift
certificate for the commisary / exchange (about 400$).

The new stuff was wrapped up pretty at the reception/potluck and last to be
given was the keys by the manager who was all grins. Then we took'em over
to show them their place and filled it with all the stuff. They were as you
can guess, quite happy ;-)

Giving 'used stuff' at a wedding is normally not done, but military have a
way of making things work out to take care of our own.

Giusi > wrote:

>"Steve Pope" > ha scritto nel messaggio

>> If the invite doesn't say "no gifts expected", that's a clue
>> that you should look at Amazon, local department stores, etc. for
>> wish-lists in the host's name.

>> The "no gifts expected" can avoid confusion if the host is
>> holding mutliple parties/events in the same time-frame.

> One shouldn't ever have to say that. NO mention of gifts
> in an invitation, EVER. I presume such a phrase has sometimes
> been added to overcome the influence of the barbarians who ask,
> but not one single etiquette resource will back you up on it.

Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
expected. Even then the multiple-event problem is
not necessarily solved. "Are Joe and Jill expecting
gifts at their party in June?" "I dunno, we're going
to their party in July, the flakes didn't invite
us to their party in June". "They're having a party
in July without us? The jerks!" etc.

This is one of the many instances in which following
etiquette is a lot of work. I suppose it save the
host from having to include an awkward-sounding phrase
on their invitation though.

Steve

"ChattyCathy" wrote

> Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a 'potluck', I
> think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out door grilling).
> Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies either a few pieces of
> meat and a side dish, theoretically enough to feed themselves, but we
> all share everything when it's ready. We all buy a few soft drinks and/or
> booze and share that out too. It's fun, and everybody does it here in
> summer. That's fine in my book, as everybody knows they have to bring
> something, but that invitation got on my last nerve. <g>

Grin, we do that sort of party here too or used to, have to rebuild our
brick grill to start up again. Many of the old cirlcle have moved and some
have died while we were away, but there's new folks to join in.

So in your area everyone has an understood culturual based 'bring something'
including a meat? Thats how we do our simple ones too but we took turns
with the 'meat'. Usually 4 families plus us and rarely was it steaks.
Often just hot dogs and / or hamburgers. We'd set up what it was each week
for the next week so folks knew what sides to bring or what type of buns for
me to make. Just simple fun.

"sf" <.> wrote in message

>>That is utterly wild! I've been to some 40 of these and always saw the
>>tree. 1986-1989.
>
> I doubt she socialized with many Filipino Hawaiians. It's still the
> norm in the Filipino American community - even on the mainland. Being
> midwest & white to the core, money trees (and money dances) leave me
> completely aghast - even after 40+ years of indoctrination. However,

The dollar dance is something I've never seen at all. It 'sounds' tacky to
me but that's because I'm not used to it.

Yes, as you can guess I have many Filipeno friends. Thats part of being in
the Navy. My last 2 ships were probably about 20% Filipeno related folks
(either themselves or married to Filipeno families). Good people, different
traditions.

> I've learned not to sit in judgment and I don't bad mouth what I don't
> know from up about - unlike certain holier than thou posters in rfc.

Grin, I've only once seen the tree be blatently placed by the entry.
Normally it's discretely to the side so you dont see it on entry. Might
even be tucked in the kitchen and you have to ask or see it through a window
then wander in to add to it.

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 10:34:19 -0400, "MareCat"
> wrote:

>I grew up in PA and saw the dollar dance at many (most?) weddings I attended
>in that part of the country. In the 16 years I lived in TX (and attended
>*many* weddings), never once did I witness the dollar dance. (I did see a
>money tree at one bridal shower down there, though.)

OK, I *had* to look it up!

Sez he http://ourmarriage.com/html/the_wedding_dance.html

The "money dance" originated as a custom in Poland, and is a popular
tradition found celebrated in the weddings of today. It takes place
sometime after the first dance and is usually announced by the DJ. It
is customary for the best man to begin dancing with the bride, pinning
money onto her gown or putting it into a satin bag carried by the
bride, especially for the money dance. A newer rendition of this
money dance includes bridesmaids and other ladies dancing with the
groom, pinning money on his lapel.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 11:28:57a, sf told us...

> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 10:34:19 -0400, "MareCat"
> > wrote:
>
>>I grew up in PA and saw the dollar dance at many (most?) weddings I
>>attended in that part of the country. In the 16 years I lived in TX (and
>>attended *many* weddings), never once did I witness the dollar dance. (I
>>did see a money tree at one bridal shower down there, though.)
>
> OK, I *had* to look it up!
>
> Sez he http://ourmarriage.com/html/the_wedding_dance.html
>
> The "money dance" originated as a custom in Poland, and is a popular
> tradition found celebrated in the weddings of today. It takes place
> sometime after the first dance and is usually announced by the DJ. It
> is customary for the best man to begin dancing with the bride, pinning
> money onto her gown or putting it into a satin bag carried by the
> bride, especially for the money dance. A newer rendition of this
> money dance includes bridesmaids and other ladies dancing with the
> groom, pinning money on his lapel.
>
>

Yep, this is what I posted earlier...

The "money dance" originated in Poland in the early 1900s, and spread to
Ukraine and Yugoslavia. Many people of those nationalities imigrated in
the early part of the 20th century to the US, particularly in the eastern
and midwestern states. Obviously, over the years, the "tradition" has
spread considerably. Originally, in Europe, it was done in poorer families
in order to give the bride and groom a bit of headstart financially.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
We live in an age when pizza gets to
your home before the police. --Jeff Marder
-------------------------------------------

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:02:09 -0400, cshenk wrote:

> "ChattyCathy" wrote
>
>> Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a 'potluck', I
>> think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out door grilling).
>> Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies either a few pieces of
>> meat and a side dish, theoretically enough to feed themselves, but we
>> all share everything when it's ready. We all buy a few soft drinks
>> and/or booze and share that out too. It's fun, and everybody does it
>> here in summer. That's fine in my book, as everybody knows they have to
>> bring something, but that invitation got on my last nerve. <g>
>
> Grin, we do that sort of party here too or used to, have to rebuild our
> brick grill to start up again. Many of the old cirlcle have moved and
> some have died while we were away, but there's new folks to join in.
>
> So in your area everyone has an understood culturual based 'bring
> something' including a meat? Thats how we do our simple ones too but we
> took turns with the 'meat'. Usually 4 families plus us and rarely was it
> steaks.

All cultures here in South Africa enjoy braais, which implies outdoor
grilling of 'meat'. Hint: we have eleven (yes, eleven) official languages.
The side dishes are just that - sides. Fortunately for us, meat e.g.
boerewors (spicy sausage), beef steaks, poultry, lamb, pork and sometimes
venison, is not as expensive as in many other parts of the world, so
nobody has a problem with bringing along some meat for the braai - and
have fun at the same time. BTW, a traditional side dish at our braais is
'mielie pap' - it's ground maize meal cooked into a stiff porridge,
(similar to grits or polenta, I think) usually served with gravy made from
chili, tomatoes and onions. I am not 'traditional' I don't like pap very
much <lol>.

> Often just hot dogs and / or hamburgers. We'd set up what it was each
> week for the next week so folks knew what sides to bring or what type of
> buns for me to make. Just simple fun.
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:43:47 +0200, ChattyCathy
> wrote:

>We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
>birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>
>The invite says that 'guests are under no obligation to buy any gifts' -
>but they've registered at *two* home ware stores and given all the details
>about them - just in case.
>
>At first I thought, 'bit of a cheek' but when I thought about it some more
>I realized that might not be such a bad idea; I've been to some weddings
>where they have an arrangement like this. It saves the couple getting 10
>butter dishes and 15 potato peelers (or whatever).
>
>That is, until I saw the 'wish list' that they had also tacked on to the
>invitation. It includes (among other things): a new HD Television, a new
>double door fridge and a home theater system. I thought this might be a
>joke, but they have actually stated the name of a store where one of the
>items on the wish list can be purchased.
>

god have mercy.

your pal,
blake

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:16:36 -0700, sf <.> wrote:

>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:23 GMT, hahabogus > wrote:
>
>>ChattyCathy > wrote in news:MHv4k.114052$TL1.92331
:
>>
>>> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting the
>>> invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>>>
>>> OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
>>> supply it to the guests; <grin>
>>>
>>
>>So if you RSVP state what food you'd like and where it can be purchased.
>
>That kind of RSVP isn't very far off of some posts I've seen about
>picky guests here.

you got a point there. 'i'm allergic to everything but caviar and
sour cream blinis.'

your pal,
blake

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:14:16 GMT, "Michael \"Dog3\""
> wrote:

>ChattyCathy >
: in rec.food.cooking
>
>> OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
>> supply it to the guests; <grin>
>
>LOL... Well, you could have accepted the invitation and then taken a
>combination birthday/housewarming cake Doubt you'd get another invite
>from the greedy ones.
>
>Michael

store-bought from the local wal-mart equivalent.

your pal,
blake

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:47:15 -0700 (PDT), maxine in ri
> wrote:

>On Jun 13, 11:28 am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
>>
>> >> That is, until I saw the 'wish list' that they had also tacked on to
>> >> the invitation. It includes (among other things): a new HD Television,
>> >> a new double door fridge and a home theater system. I thought this
>> >> might be a joke, but they have actually stated the name of a store
>> >> where one of the items on the wish list can be purchased.
>>
>> >> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting
>> >> the invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>>
>> > ROFL... My Gawd... Do they *think* a housearming gift should be of the
>> > same type as a wedding gift? "Chutzpah" indeed. Who ARE these people?
>>
>> Just somebody DH knows from work. We've never socialized with them
>> before. Which is what made me think it was a bit of cheek in the first
>> place...
>
>Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
>combined
>event celebration. Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>
>
>maxine in ri

in my circle, we usually steal high-def t.v.'s.

your pal,
blake

In article >,
(Steve Pope) wrote:

> Giusi > wrote:
>
> >"Steve Pope" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>
> >> If the invite doesn't say "no gifts expected", that's a clue
> >> that you should look at Amazon, local department stores, etc. for
> >> wish-lists in the host's name.
>
> >> The "no gifts expected" can avoid confusion if the host is
> >> holding mutliple parties/events in the same time-frame.
>
> > One shouldn't ever have to say that. NO mention of gifts
> > in an invitation, EVER. I presume such a phrase has sometimes
> > been added to overcome the influence of the barbarians who ask,
> > but not one single etiquette resource will back you up on it.
>
> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
> expected.

Thanks, Steve.

> This is one of the many instances in which following
> etiquette is a lot of work. I suppose it save the
> host from having to include an awkward-sounding phrase
> on their invitation though.

I always thought that etiquette was supposed to *help* people, not make
it more difficult. I have a terrible time shopping for presents (I'm
surprised that I'm not divorced, yet), and need all the help I can get.

I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
exactly what they want and what they've already got.".

--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:35:56 +0200, ChattyCathy
> wrote:

>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:18:02 -0700, sqwertzme wrote:
>
>> On Jun 13, 9:43*am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
>>> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
>>> birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>>
>> They have houses in Africa? I thought they just had grass and dung
>> huts <shrug>.
>>
>> -sw
>
>You forgot about the lions roaming around in the streets.

i thought the lions sleep tonight.

your pal,
blake

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:00 -0400, "kilikini"
> wrote:

>Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>
>> The next time you go to a baby shower, the "mother" will probably
>> want you to bring the baby as the gift.
>
>Heck, *I* would! Better somebody else than me deliver the thing. <giggle>
>
>kili <----- who's never been to a baby shower
>

it's even worse than when it rains cats and dogs.

your pal,
blake

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 12:16:59p, blake murphy told us...

> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:35:56 +0200, ChattyCathy
> > wrote:
>
>>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:18:02 -0700, sqwertzme wrote:
>>
>>> On Jun 13, 9:43*am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
>>>> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a
>>>> combined birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of
>>>> the month.
>>>
>>> They have houses in Africa? I thought they just had grass and dung
>>> huts <shrug>.
>>>
>>> -sw
>>
>>You forgot about the lions roaming around in the streets.

We have coyotes and havalinas roaming around in the streets.

>
> i thought the lions sleep tonight.

It's all happening at the zoo.



--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
If it's not your banana, don't eat it.
-------------------------------------------

Dan Abel > wrote:

>I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
>didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
>friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
>exactly what they want and what they've already got.".

Thinking about it, the etiquette stricture against saying
"no gifts required" is partly a ploy by the department
stores. It means, in most cases, you'll be contacting
a department store when you receive any invitation, thus
reeling in business that way. Plus, if gifts are required,
since per etiquett you can't say *that*, as a host you
are more or less obligated to sign on at one or more
department stores, just as a backdoor way of communicating
to guests that you want gifts.

I'm not complaining... I own Macy's debt and made a nice
bit of change out of Nordstrom bonds a few years back.
Thank you Miss Manners!

Steve

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:16:59 +0000, blake murphy wrote:

> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:35:56 +0200, ChattyCathy
> > wrote:
>
>>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:18:02 -0700, sqwertzme wrote:
>>
>>> On Jun 13, 9:43*am, ChattyCathy > wrote:
>>>> We got an invitation today from an acquaintance and his wife to a combined
>>>> birthday/house warming party they're holding at the end of the month.
>>>
>>> They have houses in Africa? I thought they just had grass and dung
>>> huts <shrug>.
>>>
>>> -sw
>>
>>You forgot about the lions roaming around in the streets.
>
> i thought the lions sleep tonight.

Only in the jungle, the mighty jungle, natch.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:27:08 -0400, "cshenk" > wrote:

>"hahabogus" wrote
>
>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>> Yikes.
>
>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>
>Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding going
>on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some reasonable 'to you'
>amount towards the item.
>
>It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the registry.
>

well, that's o.k. then.

your pal,
blake

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 12:23:10p, blake murphy told us...

> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:00 -0400, "kilikini"
> > wrote:
>
>>Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>
>>> The next time you go to a baby shower, the "mother" will probably want
>>> you to bring the baby as the gift.
>>
>>Heck, *I* would! Better somebody else than me deliver the thing.
<giggle>
>>
>>kili <----- who's never been to a baby shower
>>
>
> it's even worse than when it rains cats and dogs.
>
> your pal,
> blake
>

What would be *really* worse is if 10 guests each showed up with a baby as
the gift.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
If it's not your banana, don't eat it.
-------------------------------------------

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:25:29 +0000, Wayne Boatwright wrote:

>
> What would be *really* worse is if 10 guests each showed up with a baby as
> the gift.

Agreed. One at a time is enough.
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 12:25:10p, blake murphy told us...

> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:27:08 -0400, "cshenk" > wrote:
>
>>"hahabogus" wrote
>>
>>>> I did attend a wedding shower where I bought from the gift
>>>> registry. I was taken aback by the stuff on the list ... for a
>>>> shower? A $300 Kitchenaid I deny myself?? For a shower??
>>>> Yikes.
>>
>>> Tell the truth it wasn't the 300 dollar kitchen aid more than the PBJ
>>> meal they serve you to try and get it.
>>
>>Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding
>>going on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some reasonable
>>'to you' amount towards the item.
>>
>>It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the
>>registry.
>>
>
> well, that's o.k. then.
>
> your pal,
> blake
>

Yeah, back in the day it was common to learn what pattern of china,
crystal, or silver the couple would like to have. One might add a place
setting, or selected pieces from any of those they specified. One might
also consider small appliances like toasters, waffle irons, blenders, etc.
Considering that "back in the day", few couples getting married were
already living together, and had not accumulated many such items before the
wedding. Today it's a whole 'nother ball game. Many couples are wedding
at a later age and having either lived on their own or as couples, and have
already accumulated many of the "necessities" and other items. Now they're
looking to acquire luxury items. To specify those kinds of items is ballsy
to say the least.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
If a really stupid person becomes
senile, how can you tell? --George Carlin
-------------------------------------------

In article >,
Kathleen > wrote:

> maxine in ri wrote:
>
> > On Jun 14, 11:30 am, Kathleen > wrote:

> >><Sigh>. Should have just had the damned dollar dance. All evening long
> >>I had guys asking me to dance and because I didn't have the little satin
> >>bag they'd try to stuff bills down my bodice. ARGH!!!
> >
> >
> > At your own WEDDING?? That's got to be the tackiest thing I've ever
> > heard, after the medeival custom of the local lord having first rights
> > to the bride....
>
> Yep. I've been married 24 years now and it still makes my ears burn.

So who was the local lord?

:-)

I played in a pit orchestra for the "Marriage of Figaro". I figured
that it was just some boring old opera. Turned out it was about "droit
de seigneur", meaning the right of the lord to have sex with the new
bride first.

--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA