On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:17:36 -0700 (PDT), maxine in ri
> wrote:

>On Jun 14, 11:30 am, Kathleen > wrote:
>>
>> <Sigh>. Should have just had the damned dollar dance. All evening long
>> I had guys asking me to dance and because I didn't have the little satin
>> bag they'd try to stuff bills down my bodice. ARGH!!!
>
>At your own WEDDING?? That's got to be the tackiest thing I've ever
>heard, after the medeival custom of the local lord having first rights
>to the bride....
>
>maxine in ri

but it's perfectly acceptable at strip joints. let's have a little
cultural sensitivity here.

your pal,
blake

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:57:56 GMT, "Michael \"Dog3\""
> wrote:

>"Virginia Tadrzynski" >
: in rec.food.cooking
>
>> Considering the pittance the government pays them to put their lives
>> on the line, I think a little understanding should be in order. If
>> PFC John Doe has a money tree at his wedding before he is deployed,
>> God bless him. If General Arsewipe puts one up at his daughter's do
>> with reception at the Smithsonian, may the sand fleas that bother the
>> local grunt in the Middle East infest his jock strap.
>
>Hmmm... that's a point I hadn't thought of. Still, I almost alway write
>them a check as a gift unless there is an item I know they absolutely can't
>live without. I kinda resent feeling pressured into putting money on a
>tree in in the bride's bodice during a dance.
>
>Michael

take a walk on the wild side, michael.

your pal,
blake

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:04:23 -0500, Lou Decruss >
wrote:
>
>I don't do gifts anymore. Louise and I have been together for many
>years and if we ever decide to get married, (doubtful) no one will
>know and there will be no begging party. We've moved a few times and
>we've never asked for or received anything other than a bottle of
>wine.

living in sin is its own reward.

your pal,
blake

sf wrote:

>> If you can't afford to host a party, don't have one. If your friends had
>> $10,000. for a luau, that's wonderful. But to then put out a gimmick
>> like a "tree" to recover the costs of the party it isn't wonderful
>> anymore in my book (nor Emily Post's, Miss Manners, etc.).
>
> It's cultural, Goomba. Don't dismiss what you don't understand.
>
Who says I don't "understand it" ?? I do.. and still don't like it.
What's to understand? In the US he who hosts the party pays for the
party... short of a stated pot luck type thing.
When *I* throw a party...you're my guest. I've invited you to celebrate
with me, not pay for my party.

maxine in ri wrote:

> Ok, I don't feel insulted (after 25 years) by my parent's friends
> offer
> to help pay for the 40th anniversary dinner my sister and I hosted at
> a local restaurant.
>
> We had the restaurant put together a menu with no prices with a good
> assortment of their best dishes. I was hurt when the husbands (all
> the previous generation) seemed to assume that my sister and I, both
> single at the time, needed help paying for something we had carefully
> planned.
>


OTOH if you had overextended yourselves as so many people do,
it was kind of them to offer.

gloria p

On Jun 14, 10:34*am, Andy <q> wrote:

> When we road tripped in Kansas City the car rental GPS was great.
>
> I've been evaluating them, reading reviews all day! There are tons to
> choose from. I'm tired.

I have a TomTom that I adore! Yes, they are pricey -- but so worth it.
I also have an iPhone. It uses Google Maps, and you can get turn by
turn text instructions (via the web) plus it's so easy to search for
something, touch the phone number and it calls or touch an address and
it routes from where you are at. It just doesn't do the audio
directions like TomTom. I am wondering if the new 3G iPhones will. The
new ones are being released on July 11th -- and start at half of what
mine cost, which is also half of what my TomTom cost.

You can also purchase extra personalities for the TomTom. Like Mr. T
or Dennis Hopper (his is flat creepy at times).

The iPhone is also internet on 24/7. It was fun being in the middle of
nowhere (literally) and getting the lyrics to a song that we didn't
agree on!

I love both the iPhone and TomTom and I won't travel without either.

--Lin

Gloria P wrote:
> maxine in ri wrote:
>
>> Ok, I don't feel insulted (after 25 years) by my parent's friends
>> offer
>> to help pay for the 40th anniversary dinner my sister and I hosted at
>> a local restaurant.
>>
>> We had the restaurant put together a menu with no prices with a good
>> assortment of their best dishes. I was hurt when the husbands (all
>> the previous generation) seemed to assume that my sister and I, both
>> single at the time, needed help paying for something we had carefully
>> planned.
>>
>
>
> OTOH if you had overextended yourselves as so many people do,
> it was kind of them to offer.
>
> gloria p

I think it is sweetly indulgent that older relatives like to make life a
bit easier for their offspring by offering some money. Or perhaps
they're just used to picking up the tab, but grown ups can say "Thanks,
but no... you're OUR guest!" and they will appreciate being let off the
hook.

Andy wrote:
> ChattyCathy said...
>
>> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:27:25 -0500, Andy wrote:
>>
>>
>>> I'd gift a GPS car unit so they'll never get lost or need to ask for
>>> directions.

>> Handy little gizmo's. Fairly expensive here, but worth every penny, IMHO.

> Cathy,
>
> When we road tripped in Kansas City the car rental GPS was great.
>
> I've been evaluating them, reading reviews all day! There are tons to
> choose from. I'm tired.
>
> Andy
>


We each got one for Christmas, a Tomtom and a Garmin and both are quite
functional.

One difference that comes with increasing price is that one model
tells you "Turn right at the next intersection." A slightly pricier
model tells you "Turn right at Main Street."

The thing that amuses me is if you take the wrong turn it will
immediately reroute you without sounding angry. ;-)

gloria p

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 12:14:11p, Janet Baraclough told us...

> The message >
> from Gloria P > contains these words:
>
>
>> Gone are the days when a pickle fork, cake knife, or china place setting
>> was considered an appropriate, lovely gift.
>
>
> I wonder if today's extravagant, carefully arranged gift lists give as
> much pleasure as our unsolicited wedding presents did. Here's what we
> got:
>
> One of my favourite aunts gave us a floral pattern Pyrex casserole
> dish with lid. Another aunt gave us an iron, and my best friend gave us
> a set of 6 coffee cups and saucers. My work colleagues gave us a set of
> 6 wine glasses. Someone else, gave us a plastic laundry basket; and
> friends of parents gave us stuff like tea-towels, or a pair of
> pillowcases. About 30 friends at college clubbed together and gave us a
> set of saucepans. We were thrilled with all of it :-)
>
> Janet
>

I'm sure you enjoyed and appreciated the things you received far more than
the "look what a haul we made" couples of today. Your friends and
realtives were thoughtful in the approach to what they thought you could
use and might need.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
If you save the world too often, it
begins to expect it.
-------------------------------------------

Wayne Boatwright wrote:
> On Sat 14 Jun 2008 12:14:11p, Janet Baraclough told us...

>>
>> I wonder if today's extravagant, carefully arranged gift lists give as
>> much pleasure as our unsolicited wedding presents did.
>>
>
> I'm sure you enjoyed and appreciated the things you received far more than
> the "look what a haul we made" couples of today.


Even worse is the expectation (recent? regional?) that each wedding
gift should equal the cost of each guest's food and drink at the
reception. It's not unusual for couples today to select menus and
venues that cost as much as $300-400 per guest. That's how weddings get
to costing $100K and more.

gloria p

Steve Pope wrote:
> Giusi > wrote:
>
>> "Steve Pope" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>
>>> If the invite doesn't say "no gifts expected", that's a clue
>>> that you should look at Amazon, local department stores, etc. for
>>> wish-lists in the host's name.
>
>>> The "no gifts expected" can avoid confusion if the host is
>>> holding mutliple parties/events in the same time-frame.
>
>> One shouldn't ever have to say that. NO mention of gifts
>> in an invitation, EVER. I presume such a phrase has sometimes
>> been added to overcome the influence of the barbarians who ask,
>> but not one single etiquette resource will back you up on it.
>
> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
> expected.

That's just silly. Gifts are NEVER mandatory. Never. Otherwise, they're
not gifts.

Serene

In article
>,
Dan Abel > wrote:

> I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
> didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
> friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
> exactly what they want and what they've already got.".

No sweat. You've got a year after the ceremony to pony up a wedding
gift. I wish I'd taken that time when my niece married; she was filing
for divorce about 9 months into the marriage. They'd been shacking up
for about 3 years before the wedding‹no guarantees for anything anymore.

--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Janet Baraclough wrote:
> The message >
> from Gloria P > contains these words:
>
>
>> Gone are the days when a pickle fork, cake knife, or china place setting
>> was considered an appropriate, lovely gift.
>
>
> I wonder if today's extravagant, carefully arranged gift lists give as
> much pleasure as our unsolicited wedding presents did. Here's what we
> got:
>
> One of my favourite aunts gave us a floral pattern Pyrex casserole
> dish with lid. Another aunt gave us an iron, and my best friend gave us
> a set of 6 coffee cups and saucers. My work colleagues gave us a set of
> 6 wine glasses. Someone else, gave us a plastic laundry basket; and
> friends of parents gave us stuff like tea-towels, or a pair of
> pillowcases. About 30 friends at college clubbed together and gave us a
> set of saucepans. We were thrilled with all of it :-)
>
> Janet
We got several place settings in my wife's pattern in sterling silver.
Both her younger sister chose the same pattern, the thinking was that if
one of them died or divorced the others could split the service. Those
two or three place settings grew over the first thirty years of our
marriage to a service for twelve plus all the serving pieces. It all
sits in a rosewood silver chest in the dining room. Can't remember last
time it was opened. Looking at the spot price for silver I'm very
tempted to sell the stuff.

Stuff we used the most was a service for eight of "china" that came with
Duz detergent, I think Golden Wheat was the pattern. We still have a
serving bowl from that. The "silver" was Betty Crocker "Twin Stars"
pattern stainless. All of this is from the girls my wife went to high
school and college with before we married. They saved coupons, etc. and
got the stuff for free. It meant a lot to us.

Neither of our children had a fantastic wedding either, daughter paid
for her own as I did not approve of the guy she married nor the
subsequent divorce. Son and his wife are common-law under Texas law and
have been together about fifteen years now with two kids.

It's not what you get as wedding gifts, it's the idea of love of each of
you and how your friends and family see you.

My old high school has a "homecoming" every year in June. We just came
home a couple of hours ago from that, a thirty minute drive but worth
it. Sat with three "girls" (we're all in our mid-to-late sixties) that I
grew up with and am still friends with as is my wife from the day she
met them. That's what life is all about.

George

Gloria P said...

> Andy wrote:
>> ChattyCathy said...
>>
>>> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:27:25 -0500, Andy wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>> I'd gift a GPS car unit so they'll never get lost or need to ask for
>>>> directions.
>
>>> Handy little gizmo's. Fairly expensive here, but worth every penny,
IMHO.
>
>> Cathy,
>>
>> When we road tripped in Kansas City the car rental GPS was great.
>>
>> I've been evaluating them, reading reviews all day! There are tons to
>> choose from. I'm tired.
>>
>> Andy
>>
>
>
> We each got one for Christmas, a Tomtom and a Garmin and both are quite
> functional.
>
> One difference that comes with increasing price is that one model
> tells you "Turn right at the next intersection." A slightly pricier
> model tells you "Turn right at Main Street."
>
> The thing that amuses me is if you take the wrong turn it will
> immediately reroute you without sounding angry. ;-)
>
> gloria p


gloria p,

I'm giving a real close look at the Magellan 1412. 6 million points of
interest, nice interface with address book, so if you put in Bernie's
address and name it Bernies place. When you route to Bernies, you'll hear
on arrival "You have arrived at Bernies place."

And the 2D and 3D maps are nice. Even has a compass and an altimeter.

On sale at Costco for $150, ending tomorrow.

I played with it at circuit city. I agree the woman in the unit sounded
very polite.

I'm not thrilled with the alphabetical order text keyboard instead of
QWERTY. Maybe that's changeable.

An amazing piece of technology.

Andy

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:18:50 GMT, "Michael \"Dog3\""
> wrote:

>Gloria P > news:i-
: in rec.food.cooking
>
>>
>> You are under no obligation to meet anyone's expectations once you are
>> over age 18. You are an adult with a LIFE. Respect yourself.
>
>This year we are staying put. Period. We aren't leaving the house. We've
>made it know already and will follow up periodically throughout the year
>that everyone is welcome to stop by if they want. I don't expect any of
>them.
>
>Michael

I think Gloria is so correct. My BD is sometimes on Thanksgiving and
it seems, I have had to go elsewhere. And then I got married and we
spent my birthday going 2.5 hours o/w into my dear in laws for several
BDs until, I put my foot down, saying it was "my day" too. I then
invited the relatives here but that wasn't too popular, with the 2.5
hour drive for everyone else and they were older. Then one year,
instead of dear in laws, I just said no to everyone and stayed home.
Jees- you have to put your foot down for Holidays if you really want
to enjoy your own personal one. Took years of trying to please both
sets of parents before I asked "What about Naomi?"

And then this year for my birthday we are going to my beloved sister's
and we love going there. Staying home for Xmas though.

Learn to put your foot down because it makes you so much less
stressed- afterwards!

aloha,
Cea
roast beans to kona to email
farmers of Pure Kona

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:28:57 -0700, sf <.> wrote:

>On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 10:34:19 -0400, "MareCat"
> wrote:
>
>>I grew up in PA and saw the dollar dance at many (most?) weddings I attended
>>in that part of the country. In the 16 years I lived in TX (and attended
>>*many* weddings), never once did I witness the dollar dance. (I did see a
>>money tree at one bridal shower down there, though.)
>
>OK, I *had* to look it up!
>
>Sez he http://ourmarriage.com/html/the_wedding_dance.html
>
>The "money dance" originated as a custom in Poland, and is a popular
>tradition found celebrated in the weddings of today. It takes place
>sometime after the first dance and is usually announced by the DJ. It
>is customary for the best man to begin dancing with the bride, pinning
>money onto her gown or putting it into a satin bag carried by the
>bride, especially for the money dance. A newer rendition of this
>money dance includes bridesmaids and other ladies dancing with the
>groom, pinning money on his lapel.

I have seen a local custom, won't say the nationality, of giving money
by mouth to the bride.
roast beans to kona to email
farmers of Pure Kona

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article
> >,
> Dan Abel > wrote:
>
>> I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
>> didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
>> friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
>> exactly what they want and what they've already got.".
>
> No sweat. You've got a year after the ceremony to pony up a wedding
> gift. I wish I'd taken that time when my niece married; she was filing
> for divorce about 9 months into the marriage. They'd been shacking up
> for about 3 years before the wedding‹no guarantees for anything anymore.
>


Are you sure about the year? I thought the year rule applied to the
couple's leeway for thank you notes.

gloria p

PS: A shame about your niece. Young people don't seem to value
commitment to much of anything these days.

Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>Steve Pope wrote:

>> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
>> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
>> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
>> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
>> expected.

>That's just silly. Gifts are NEVER mandatory. Never. Otherwise, they're
>not gifts.

That's why I said "expected" rather than "mandatory"....

S.

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 04:45:08p, Janet Baraclough told us...

> The message 0>
> from Wayne Boatwright > contains these words:
>
>
>> What would be *really* worse is if 10 guests each showed up with a baby
>> as the gift.
>
> Surely that would be a good thing; then the mother-to-be could choose
> which one she liked.
>
>
> Janet.
>

ROTF!

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
Why, no . . . Have *you* ever snorted
laser toner?
-------------------------------------------

On Sat 14 Jun 2008 03:56:14p, Melba's Jammin' told us...

> In article
> >,
> Dan Abel > wrote:
>
>> I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
>> didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
>> friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
>> exactly what they want and what they've already got.".
>
> No sweat. You've got a year after the ceremony to pony up a wedding
> gift. I wish I'd taken that time when my niece married; she was filing
> for divorce about 9 months into the marriage. They'd been shacking up
> for about 3 years before the wedding‹no guarantees for anything anymore.
>

A co-worker "friend" who had been living with the same person for five
years prior to getting married, filed for divorce 1 day short of a year.
Glad I didn't go to the wedding.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 06(VI)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Flag Day
-------------------------------------------
For exercise, men can walk. Women talk.
-------------------------------------------

Steve Pope wrote:
> Serene Vannoy > wrote:
>
>> Steve Pope wrote:
>
>>> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
>>> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
>>> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
>>> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
>>> expected.
>
>> That's just silly. Gifts are NEVER mandatory. Never. Otherwise, they're
>> not gifts.
>
> That's why I said "expected" rather than "mandatory"....

Then you're not being "forced" to do anything, right?

Serene

In article >,
Gloria P > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > Dan Abel > wrote:
> >
> >> I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
> >> didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
> >> friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
> >> exactly what they want and what they've already got.".
> >
> > No sweat. You've got a year after the ceremony to pony up a wedding
> > gift. I wish I'd taken that time when my niece married; she was filing
> > for divorce about 9 months into the marriage. They'd been shacking up
> > for about 3 years before the weddingÐno guarantees for anything anymore.
> >
>
>
> Are you sure about the year? I thought the year rule applied to the
> couple's leeway for thank you notes.
>
> gloria p
>
> PS: A shame about your niece. Young people don't seem to value
> commitment to much of anything these days.

From http://www.gifts.com/Wedding-Etiquette.html
"#8: No Time Like The Present
Wedding Etiquette states that guests have up to one year after the
wedding to send a gift (which is generally accepted). C¹mon nowŠ that¹s
nice to know, but if you couldn¹t figure out your gift during the
engagement, do you really think you¹re going to be inspired after it¹s
over and done with? We say it can be a little late, but try to get it
there by the time they get back from their honeymoon or soon after.
Otherwise, it will hang over your head all year!"

Wrong! It's not "hanging over my head" if it's a conscious choice and
decision.

http://ww21.1800flowers.com/template...ate8&page=4016

". . . Another myth: guests have up to a year after the wedding to send
a gift. Not so. Gifts should be sent before the wedding."

Right, as opposed to bringing them TO the wedding and/or party.

I think you can kill two birds with one stone if you give the gift on
the first anniversary. Double duty. (Stick with me, Kid; I've got a
million of 'em.)


--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Dan Abel wrote:

> In article >,
> Kathleen > wrote:
>
>
>>maxine in ri wrote:
>>
>>
>>>On Jun 14, 11:30 am, Kathleen > wrote:
>
>
>>>><Sigh>. Should have just had the damned dollar dance. All evening long
>>>>I had guys asking me to dance and because I didn't have the little satin
>>>>bag they'd try to stuff bills down my bodice. ARGH!!!
>>>
>>>
>>>At your own WEDDING?? That's got to be the tackiest thing I've ever
>>>heard, after the medeival custom of the local lord having first rights
>>>to the bride....
>>
>>Yep. I've been married 24 years now and it still makes my ears burn.
>
>
> So who was the local lord?

I'd just married him so I didn't mind that custom.

>
> :-)
>
> I played in a pit orchestra for the "Marriage of Figaro". I figured
> that it was just some boring old opera. Turned out it was about "droit
> de seigneur", meaning the right of the lord to have sex with the new
> bride first.

I read "Wyrd Sisters", Terry Pratchett's take on "MacBeth", to my son,
aged 11 at the time. A twist on "droit de seigneur" was part of the
plot (something I didn't realize until we were well into the story).

He enjoyed it enough to take a stab at reading the original but got
bogged down in the archaic english and gave up on it.

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> Gloria P > wrote:
>
>> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>>> In article
>>> >,
>>> Dan Abel > wrote:
>>>
>>>> I went to a wedding a few years back, and didn't know what to get. I
>>>> didn't get anything. At the reception, I was talking to a mutual
>>>> friend, who said, "Well, they're *registered* at XYZ!. That store knows
>>>> exactly what they want and what they've already got.".
>>> No sweat. You've got a year after the ceremony to pony up a wedding
>>> gift. I wish I'd taken that time when my niece married; she was filing
>>> for divorce about 9 months into the marriage. They'd been shacking up
>>> for about 3 years before the weddingÐno guarantees for anything anymore.
>>>
>>
>> Are you sure about the year? I thought the year rule applied to the
>> couple's leeway for thank you notes.
>>
>> gloria p
>>
>> PS: A shame about your niece. Young people don't seem to value
>> commitment to much of anything these days.
>
> From http://www.gifts.com/Wedding-Etiquette.html
> "#8: No Time Like The Present
> Wedding Etiquette states that guests have up to one year after the
> wedding to send a gift (which is generally accepted). C¹mon nowŠ that¹s
> nice to know, but if you couldn¹t figure out your gift during the
> engagement, do you really think you¹re going to be inspired after it¹s
> over and done with? We say it can be a little late, but try to get it
> there by the time they get back from their honeymoon or soon after.
> Otherwise, it will hang over your head all year!"
>
> Wrong! It's not "hanging over my head" if it's a conscious choice and
> decision.
>
> http://ww21.1800flowers.com/template...ate8&page=4016
>
> ". . . Another myth: guests have up to a year after the wedding to send
> a gift. Not so. Gifts should be sent before the wedding."
>
> Right, as opposed to bringing them TO the wedding and/or party.
>
> I think you can kill two birds with one stone if you give the gift on
> the first anniversary. Double duty. (Stick with me, Kid; I've got a
> million of 'em.)
>
>
You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.

No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
on your computer.

Nothing rude about a pot luck, as long as everyone knows that's what
it is. There are two kinds of pot lucks. In apartment or condo
"villages", the residents will do a pot luck and it's a way to
socialize with your neighbors without having to invest all that much
money. Everyone contributes to the communal feast, everyone partakes.
It's kind of nice, in an old fashioned way.
THere's also nothing wrong with inviting close friends over to spend
the day and bring a dish to share. There's also nothing wrong with
saying "Can you please make that (whatever) that I loved so much when
you made it last time?"
Why not? Of course, this is assuming a degree of closeness. The kind
of friends who know where you keep the serving spoons (and vice
versa). If I'm having a party it's usually "semi-pot luck". I provide
75% of the food and drink knowing my close friends will not show up
empty handed (as I don't when I go their homes). And they will say
"what can I bring"? My answer is usually "you don't have to...." and
they will say "No. I'll make that (stuff) you like so much!" or "how
about if I bring some (fill in the blank)". If they are not close
friends, or just becoming close friends and have never been to my home
before, my answer is "you don't have to bring anything, just your
appetite". They will typically bring some wine, a plant, a candle or
something of that nature, because they are civilized and were taught
to be gracious when accepting an invitation.

But my "inner circle"--there is always the assumption of contributing
to the communal feast. It's not considered an obligation, either, it's
just how we are with each other. One person always makes hot artichoke
dip. Always. That's her thing. But again, we are the type of close
friends who attend each other's milestones in life, we are all invited
to each other's family celebrations, we are family without the blood
ties.

If a work friend or someone I just met REQUESTED I bring an expensive
main dish to share on my first visit to their home, I'd decline as
well.



On Jun 14, 11:22*am, "kilikini" > wrote:
> ChattyCathy wrote:
> > On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 07:47:15 -0700, maxine in ri wrote:
>
> >> Perhaps in their circle, that's considered normal-type gifts for a
> >> combined
> >> event celebration. *Don't worry, it's not my circle, either<G>
>
> > Possibly, in 'their' circle. As we're not part of their usual circle,
> > I still found it somewhat tacky.
>
> > Ya know, we have something similar to what you guys call a 'potluck',
> > I think? We call it a 'bring and braai' (braai = out door grilling).
> > Somebody offers the venue and everybody supplies either a few pieces
> > of meat and a side dish, theoretically enough to feed themselves, but
> > we all share everything when it's ready. We all buy a few soft drinks
> > and/or booze and share that out too. It's fun, and everybody does it
> > here in summer. That's fine in my book, as everybody knows they have
> > to bring something, but that invitation got on my last nerve. <g>
>
> Yep, that's kind of what we call pot luck. *That's basically what we're
> attending tomorrow. *The hosts are providing lasagna, but we, as guests,
> have been asked to provide a dessert, appetizer, or side dish. *That's fine
> with me! *It's not like we're being asked for a refrigerator. *Sheesh!
>
> kili

"Janet Baraclough" > wrote in message
> One of my favourite aunts gave us a floral pattern Pyrex casserole
> dish with lid. Another aunt gave us an iron, and my best friend gave us
> a set of 6 coffee cups and saucers. My work colleagues gave us a set of
> 6 wine glasses. Someone else, gave us a plastic laundry basket; and
> friends of parents gave us stuff like tea-towels, or a pair of
> pillowcases. About 30 friends at college clubbed together and gave us a
> set of saucepans. We were thrilled with all of it :-)
>
> Janet

We still have and use, some of the gifts we were given 42 years ago. Sure,
we got cash too and used it towards furnishings, but for the most part we've
long forgot who gave us money. But the cake dish, martini set, etc still
bring back memories of the giver.

Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>Steve Pope wrote:

>> Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>>> Steve Pope wrote:

>>>> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
>>>> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
>>>> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
>>>> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
>>>> expected.

>>> That's just silly. Gifts are NEVER mandatory. Never. Otherwise, they're
>>> not gifts.

>> That's why I said "expected" rather than "mandatory"....

>Then you're not being "forced" to do anything, right?

True. My statement was conditional. *If* the attendee
wants to give a gift when gifts are expected, *then* the
atendee is forced to research whether gifts are expected.

Hope this helps.

Steve

Barb wrote:

> I think you can kill two birds with one stone if you give the gift on
> the first anniversary. Double duty. (Stick with me, Kid; I've got a
> million of 'em.)

ABSOLUTELY!

My aunt sent Bob and I a "Memory Bowl." It's a lovely crystal bowl
with our names and our wedding date etched on it as a first
anniversary gift. I imagine the same thing can be done with wine
glasses or goblets, decorative plates, silver platters, holiday
ornaments, etc.

She didn't send a wedding gift (as we had asked that none be given) so
this was a wonderful and truly cherished gift we received -- and
completely unexpected.

--Lin (sentimental fool that loves surprises!)

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:15:45 -0700 (PDT), wrote:

>But my "inner circle"--there is always the assumption of contributing
>to the communal feast. It's not considered an obligation, either, it's
>just how we are with each other. One person always makes hot artichoke
>dip. Always. That's her thing. But again, we are the type of close
>friends who attend each other's milestones in life, we are all invited
>to each other's family celebrations, we are family without the blood
>ties.

I get it. My friends are like that too.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

"Steve Pope" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> Serene Vannoy > wrote:
>
>>Steve Pope wrote:
>
>>> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
>>> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
>>> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
>>> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
>>> expected.
>
>>That's just silly. Gifts are NEVER mandatory. Never. Otherwise, they're
>>not gifts.
>
> That's why I said "expected" rather than "mandatory"....
>
> S.

You can never be in charge of others' expectations. I coule be sitting here
expecting you to send me something. I might even offer you an espresso and
a biscuit for it. Deluded attitude.

Even for a wedding, for which I EXPECT to send a gift if it is someone I
know, even if I do not attend, the choice of gift is mine and I have a year
in which to give it.

Accepting that any of these "expectations" of gifts to people over 7 years
old are valid only helps the "creep" of commercialism over open-hearted
generosity.

I cannot tell you how many graduations in foreign countries I have been
invited to. Kids I never saw who belong to people I may know slightly, but
apparently they receive 100s of invitations to send out..

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:37:18 -1000, wrote:

>I have seen a local custom, won't say the nationality, of giving money
>by mouth to the bride.

I can only hope there's no tongue involved. LOL


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

> ha scritto nel messaggio
...
Nothing rude about a pot luck, as long as everyone knows that's what
it is.

I agree. I thought it was a N American thing, but I was invited to join a
club (loosely speaking) of friends here in Italy who have supper together
and everyone brings something to it. Then a different friend entirely who
has Sunday suppers at her country house began to accept when I offered to
bring things.

The only problem I have is that when I plan a particular meal, perhaps a
foreign cuisine, there are one or two who will not take no for an answer and
I 1) have too much food for the space and 2) have to serve something Italian
in the middle of a Thai meal. Not easy, but too kind to comnplain of.

George Shirley wrote:

> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>
> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
> on your computer.

That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.

I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
opened as part of the festivities.

nancy

"Nancy Young" > ha scritto nel messaggio
. ..
> George Shirley wrote:
>
>> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
>> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
>> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
>> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>>
>> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
>> on your computer.
>
> That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
> I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
> it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.
>
> I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
> opened as part of the festivities.
>
> nancy

Yes, it's true, but you'll find that in the US it mostly happens among
people not used to social rules. In WV where I once had a farm it was
always done so, because they weren't so far from the times when a wedding
was an opportunity to see people and get out, whereas most of one's life was
spent isolated in a hollow somewhere.

Their trip probably included buying the gift, wrapping the gift, going to
the wedding and giving the gift and the chance to do so probably wouldn't
come up for another year or more.

wrote:
> On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:18:50 GMT, "Michael \"Dog3\""
> > wrote:
>
>> Gloria P > news:i-
>> : in rec.food.cooking
>>
>>>
>>> You are under no obligation to meet anyone's expectations once you
>>> are over age 18. You are an adult with a LIFE. Respect yourself.
>>
>> This year we are staying put. Period. We aren't leaving the house.
>> We've made it know already and will follow up periodically
>> throughout the year that everyone is welcome to stop by if they
>> want. I don't expect any of them.
>>
>> Michael
>
> I think Gloria is so correct. My BD is sometimes on Thanksgiving and
> it seems, I have had to go elsewhere. And then I got married and we
> spent my birthday going 2.5 hours o/w into my dear in laws for several
> BDs until, I put my foot down, saying it was "my day" too. I then
> invited the relatives here but that wasn't too popular, with the 2.5
> hour drive for everyone else and they were older. Then one year,
> instead of dear in laws, I just said no to everyone and stayed home.
> Jees- you have to put your foot down for Holidays if you really want
> to enjoy your own personal one. Took years of trying to please both
> sets of parents before I asked "What about Naomi?"
>
> And then this year for my birthday we are going to my beloved sister's
> and we love going there. Staying home for Xmas though.
>
> Learn to put your foot down because it makes you so much less
> stressed- afterwards!
>

We've done the same thing. No more holidays with my husband's family. The
only one we do is Christmas Eve when we exchange gifts. No Thanksgiving, no
Easter, no Christmas, no New Year's; we stay home and enjoy the day as just
us. That way we can cook or not cook, sleep in, not worry if we have a
couple of glasses of wine; it's just easier. Plus my husband's family is
very vocal. They shout, they talk over you - it's really stressful to me,
but it's standard procedure to them. I'm slowly teaching the hubby to not
do that to me. :~)

kili

Nancy Young wrote:
> George Shirley wrote:
>
>> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
>> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
>> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
>> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>>
>> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
>> on your computer.
>
> That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
> I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
> it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.
>
> I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
> opened as part of the festivities.
>
> nancy
Last wedding I went to here in Louisiana was also the first one I had
gone to here. There was a table by the door of the huge room where the
reception was being held that was for gifts. There was a money dance
with both the bride and groom participating and actively soliciting
money gifts.

The parents of the bride spent over $20K on the wedding and reception
and they are not wealthy people. The mother of the groom, a professional
seamstress, made the wedding gown for the bride and the tuxedo the groom
wore (that was a good part).

The hordes of people invited to the reception ate up tons of food in
short order, many got falling down drunk and were obnoxious. DW and I
went home almost immediately with no apologies. The wedded couple were
married in the Diocesan cathedral which costs an arm and a leg to use
even if you are a parishioner there.

All in all it was a display of simulated wealth for some reason and of
the tendency of some people to make asses of themselves. The bride and
groom have split the blanket at least twice since that time two years
ago and most of us, including the grooms parents who are dear friends,
are making book on how much longer the marriage lasts. I guess I'm just
really old-fashioned in my views.

George Shirley wrote:
> Nancy Young wrote:

>> That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
>> I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
>> it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.
>>
>> I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
>> opened as part of the festivities.

> Last wedding I went to here in Louisiana was also the first one I had
> gone to here. There was a table by the door of the huge room where the
> reception was being held that was for gifts. There was a money dance
> with both the bride and groom participating and actively soliciting
> money gifts.

I'm happy I never ran into the money dance, I'll tell you.
I didn't do the garter thing, either. I guess I'm just not a big
fan of weddings to start with.

> The parents of the bride spent over $20K on the wedding and reception
> and they are not wealthy people. The mother of the groom, a
> professional seamstress, made the wedding gown for the bride and the
> tuxedo the groom wore (that was a good part).

That's wonderful (the clothing). It's certainly not difficult to spend
that much on a wedding, I think that's the starter price around here
with many corners cut. Big business.

> The hordes of people invited to the reception ate up tons of food in
> short order, many got falling down drunk and were obnoxious. DW and I
> went home almost immediately with no apologies. The wedded couple were
> married in the Diocesan cathedral which costs an arm and a leg to use
> even if you are a parishioner there.

Geez. You wouldn't think the church part would be the expensive
part. But then, I guess it would. Not to start a war, but the Catholic
church was the most difficult part of my wedding, wound up with
a nice Methodist church.

> All in all it was a display of simulated wealth for some reason and of
> the tendency of some people to make asses of themselves. The bride and
> groom have split the blanket at least twice since that time two years
> ago and most of us, including the grooms parents who are dear friends,
> are making book on how much longer the marriage lasts. I guess I'm
> just really old-fashioned in my views.

Yeah, people get married for a lot of reasons, many of them wrong.
If they can end it before creating a lot more misery, it's probably for
the best.

nancy

"George Shirley" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> Nancy Young wrote:
>> George Shirley wrote:
>>
>>> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
>>> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
>>> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
>>> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>>>
>>> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
>>> on your computer.
>>
>> That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
>> I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
>> it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.
>>
>> I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
>> opened as part of the festivities.
>>
>> nancy
> Last wedding I went to here in Louisiana was also the first one I had gone
> to here. There was a table by the door of the huge room where the
> reception was being held that was for gifts. There was a money dance with
> both the bride and groom participating and actively soliciting money
> gifts.
>
> The parents of the bride spent over $20K on the wedding and reception and
> they are not wealthy people. The mother of the groom, a professional
> seamstress, made the wedding gown for the bride and the tuxedo the groom
> wore (that was a good part).
>
> The hordes of people invited to the reception ate up tons of food in short
> order, many got falling down drunk and were obnoxious. DW and I went home
> almost immediately with no apologies. The wedded couple were married in
> the Diocesan cathedral which costs an arm and a leg to use even if you are
> a parishioner there.
>
> All in all it was a display of simulated wealth for some reason and of the
> tendency of some people to make asses of themselves. The bride and groom
> have split the blanket at least twice since that time two years ago and
> most of us, including the grooms parents who are dear friends, are making
> book on how much longer the marriage lasts. I guess I'm just really
> old-fashioned in my views.

Then move over, because I want on that bench, too. If less hoopla went into
the wedding and more thought into the marriage, I'd have more respect for
today's couples.

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:25:29 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> wrote:

>On Sat 14 Jun 2008 12:23:10p, blake murphy told us...
>
>> On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:00 -0400, "kilikini"
>> > wrote:
>>
>>>Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>>>>
>>>> The next time you go to a baby shower, the "mother" will probably want
>>>> you to bring the baby as the gift.
>>>
>>>Heck, *I* would! Better somebody else than me deliver the thing.
><giggle>
>>>
>>>kili <----- who's never been to a baby shower
>>>
>>
>> it's even worse than when it rains cats and dogs.
>>
>> your pal,
>> blake
>>
>
>What would be *really* worse is if 10 guests each showed up with a baby as
>the gift.

<snort>

your pal,
blake

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 00:45:08 +0100, Janet Baraclough
> wrote:

>The message 0>
>from Wayne Boatwright > contains these words:
>
>
>> What would be *really* worse is if 10 guests each showed up with a baby as
>> the gift.
>
> Surely that would be a good thing; then the mother-to-be could choose
>which one she liked.
>
>
> Janet.

that's the old redd foxx joke about a man whose wife had triplets:

'o.k., mary, you pick out the one you like 'cause ima drown the other
two.'

your pal,
blake