"That's how weddings get to costing $100K and more."

gloria p

$100K is more than our first house cost!!
Our wedding was lovely and what we could afford, and totally paid for
(including honeymoon) by the time the 'big day' arrrived.

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 08:59:31 -0400, "Nancy Young" >
wrote:

>George Shirley wrote:
>> Nancy Young wrote:
>
>>> That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
>>> I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
>>> it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.
>>>
>>> I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
>>> opened as part of the festivities.
>
>> Last wedding I went to here in Louisiana was also the first one I had
>> gone to here. There was a table by the door of the huge room where the
>> reception was being held that was for gifts. There was a money dance
>> with both the bride and groom participating and actively soliciting
>> money gifts.
>
>I'm happy I never ran into the money dance, I'll tell you.
>I didn't do the garter thing, either. I guess I'm just not a big
>fan of weddings to start with.
>
>> The parents of the bride spent over $20K on the wedding and reception
>> and they are not wealthy people. The mother of the groom, a
>> professional seamstress, made the wedding gown for the bride and the
>> tuxedo the groom wore (that was a good part).
>
>That's wonderful (the clothing). It's certainly not difficult to spend
>that much on a wedding, I think that's the starter price around here
>with many corners cut. Big business.
>
>> The hordes of people invited to the reception ate up tons of food in
>> short order, many got falling down drunk and were obnoxious. DW and I
>> went home almost immediately with no apologies. The wedded couple were
>> married in the Diocesan cathedral which costs an arm and a leg to use
>> even if you are a parishioner there.
>
>Geez. You wouldn't think the church part would be the expensive
>part. But then, I guess it would. Not to start a war, but the Catholic
>church was the most difficult part of my wedding, wound up with
>a nice Methodist church.
>
>> All in all it was a display of simulated wealth for some reason and of
>> the tendency of some people to make asses of themselves. The bride and
>> groom have split the blanket at least twice since that time two years
>> ago and most of us, including the grooms parents who are dear friends,
>> are making book on how much longer the marriage lasts. I guess I'm
>> just really old-fashioned in my views.
>
>Yeah, people get married for a lot of reasons, many of them wrong.
>If they can end it before creating a lot more misery, it's probably for
>the best.
>
>nancy

I'm sure the current generation would not have liked our wedding. We
did not have it where both families lived, but where the minister I
wanted to officiate lived. I made my dress and Mother's dress. I am
sure that my MIL made her dress and my SIL's dress. I had one
attendant. Her parents were dear friends and I had known her since
the day they brought her home from the hospital.

There were about 20 people there, all people we knew and loved. I
don't think the church cost us anything. The minister and organist
were given a stipend. We had the church's regular florist do the
flowers and they remained for services the next day. The organist
told us where to get the cake, one that was good to eat.

We sent announcements after the wedding. We received gifts from
people who actually wanted to give us something. I may have
registered my china, silver and crystal but don't remember getting
any.

BTW the wedding was in 1962 and we are still married.
--
Susan N.

"Moral indignation is in most cases two percent moral,
48 percent indignation, and 50 percent envy."
Vittorio De Sica, Italian movie director (1901-1974)

"Janet Baraclough" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> The message >
> from "Giusi" > contains these words:
>
>
>> I cannot tell you how many graduations in foreign countries I have been
>> invited to. Kids I never saw who belong to people I may know slightly,
>> but
>> apparently they receive 100s of invitations to send out..
>
> That really surprises me. All the graduations I've ever been to in
> the UK universities, have strictly limited numbers of guest;

These are High School

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:21:55 +0000, Michael "Dog3" wrote:


> The last wedding I was at was a couple of years ago in my hometown. It
> was for a local debutante whose parents are friends of my mother. The
> wedding was very small and there was a small reception afterwards at the
> bride's parent's home. It was all so quiet and private. The invitation
> read "no gifts" at the bottom. The couple had been living in sin for a
> few years and had a very nice apartment as it is.
>
> On the way home from the reception I told my mother that the wedding was
> so discreet you'd have thought the couple was famous and hiding out from
> the papparazzi. After all, the couple is a very popular couple in some
> circles and few of their friends were invited to the wedding. Mother
> said the parents of both the bride and groom had offered the couple
> sizeable cash gifts for a down payment on their first home and that the
> couple really didn't need anything else. Mother said she had sent a
> check before the wedding from our family to the couple even though it
> was not necessary.
>
> That was a weird one too.

I dunno, I guess they had their reasons for being discreet. I know we did.
It was my second time around and we agreed that we didn't want any fuss -
what was the point? I certainly didn't want any gifts or having to
invite Auntie Sofie's third cousin removed... So we didn't tell anybody
that we were getting married except our parents and my DS; we only told
our friends after the fact. As it turned out, when they found out, five or
six of our friends threw us a small 'surprise party' which was a great
deal of fun.

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Sun 15 Jun 2008 05:23:29a, Janet Baraclough told us...

> The message >
> from "Giusi" > contains these words:
>
>
>> I cannot tell you how many graduations in foreign countries I have been
>> invited to. Kids I never saw who belong to people I may know slightly,
>> but apparently they receive 100s of invitations to send out..
>
> That really surprises me. All the graduations I've ever been to in
> the UK universities, have strictly limited numbers of guest; usually
> not more than 4 per graduand and they certainly never have free rein to
> invite 100s. Most students fill their quota with close family.
>
> Janet.
>

The many graduation invitations tht are sent out here in the US are really
an "announcement" only, with no expectation that the recipient will attend
the ceremony. Also a ploy for receiving a gift. It may also imply that
the recipient is invited to the graduation party. In every place I've
lived, a set number of tickets are given the graduate. Only ticket holders
are permitted to attend, and that usually numbers 4-6.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/15(XV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Father's Day
-------------------------------------------
When all else fails, read the manual.
-------------------------------------------

On Sun 15 Jun 2008 07:51:22a, Its me told us...

> "That's how weddings get to costing $100K and more."
>
> gloria p
>
> $100K is more than our first house cost!!
> Our wedding was lovely and what we could afford, and totally paid for
> (including honeymoon) by the time the 'big day' arrrived.

I would say you were the exception.



--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/15(XV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Father's Day
-------------------------------------------
A little inaccuracy saves tons of
explanation.
-------------------------------------------

Wayne Boatwright > wrote:

>On Sun 15 Jun 2008 07:51:22a, Its me told us...

>> $100K is more than our first house cost!!
>> Our wedding was lovely and what we could afford, and totally paid for
>> (including honeymoon) by the time the 'big day' arrrived.

>I would say you were the exception.

How do you pay for a honeymoon before it happens? (Pre-paid
package tour or something?)

Steve

Steve Pope wrote:
> Wayne Boatwright > wrote:
>
>> On Sun 15 Jun 2008 07:51:22a, Its me told us...
>
>>> $100K is more than our first house cost!!
>>> Our wedding was lovely and what we could afford, and totally paid
>>> for (including honeymoon) by the time the 'big day' arrrived.
>
>> I would say you were the exception.
>
> How do you pay for a honeymoon before it happens? (Pre-paid
> package tour or something?)

If you go to a resort, or on a cruise, you pay ahead of time.

nancy

ChattyCathy wrote:
> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:21:55 +0000, Michael "Dog3" wrote:
>
>
>> The last wedding I was at was a couple of years ago in my hometown. It
>> was for a local debutante whose parents are friends of my mother. The
>> wedding was very small and there was a small reception afterwards at the
>> bride's parent's home. It was all so quiet and private. The invitation
>> read "no gifts" at the bottom. The couple had been living in sin for a
>> few years and had a very nice apartment as it is.
>>
>> On the way home from the reception I told my mother that the wedding was
>> so discreet you'd have thought the couple was famous and hiding out from
>> the papparazzi. After all, the couple is a very popular couple in some
>> circles and few of their friends were invited to the wedding. Mother
>> said the parents of both the bride and groom had offered the couple
>> sizeable cash gifts for a down payment on their first home and that the
>> couple really didn't need anything else. Mother said she had sent a
>> check before the wedding from our family to the couple even though it
>> was not necessary.
>>
>> That was a weird one too.
>
> I dunno, I guess they had their reasons for being discreet. I know we did.
> It was my second time around and we agreed that we didn't want any fuss -
> what was the point? I certainly didn't want any gifts or having to
> invite Auntie Sofie's third cousin removed... So we didn't tell anybody
> that we were getting married except our parents and my DS; we only told
> our friends after the fact. As it turned out, when they found out, five or
> six of our friends threw us a small 'surprise party' which was a great
> deal of fun.
>
Friends of ours got married, second time around for each, then one year
later held a "love in" and invited all of their close friends, kids, and
family members they cared for. Nice bash with drinks, food, good
friends, and a good time. That was about twelve years ago and they're
still together. Of course they're about my age, late sixties and both
are professional people, medical doctors and have a clinic together now.

We enjoyed the "love in" more than we would have a formal wedding.

"Janet Baraclough" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> The message >
> from "Giusi"
>> >> apparently they receive 100s of invitations to send out..
>> >
All the graduations I've ever been to in>> > the UK universities, have
strictly limited numbers of guest;
>
>> These are High School
>
> LOL. Kids here don't "graduate" from secondary school. They just
> leave school. Everybody does it so it's not regarded as an academic
> achievement :-)

Everybody does not do it. Every kid of our friends may do it, but there are
plenty of near illiterates in the UK and plenty of those who got bored and
wandered off before their A levels.
>
> Janet.

"Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message
6.120...
> On Sun 15 Jun 2008 07:51:22a, Its me told us...
>
>> "That's how weddings get to costing $100K and more."
>>
>> gloria p
>>
>> $100K is more than our first house cost!!
>> Our wedding was lovely and what we could afford, and totally paid for
>> (including honeymoon) by the time the 'big day' arrrived.
>
> I would say you were the exception.

Well, then, include us among the exceptions, also. DH and I both had good
jobs and were fortunate enough to be able to pay for our wedding ourselves.
It wasn't a lavish affair (the ceremony was held outdoors at an overlook at
the "PA Grand Canyon", and the reception afterwards was held in a parish
hall connected to a local Catholic church), and we paid for things, little
by little, starting a year before the event. At the end of the reception, we
gave the caterer a check for the balance, and everything (except for wedding
photos, which we paid for when we ordered them later on) was done. My mom
made my wedding dress, we bought our own booze for the reception, and we got
married in a very inexpensive area. It was a wonderful party, and many of
the guests still tell us--13 years later--what a great time they had. Our
honeymoon was a week-long road trip from PA back down to Houston (we had
driven up for the wedding), with stops in the Poconos, Williamsburg, VA, and
Memphis along the way. No debts to pay off for us.

I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
dollars on *one* day...

Mary

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 11:52:37 -0500, George Shirley wrote:

> ChattyCathy wrote:


>> I dunno, I guess they had their reasons for being discreet. I know we
>> did. It was my second time around and we agreed that we didn't want any
>> fuss - what was the point? I certainly didn't want any gifts or having
>> to invite Auntie Sofie's third cousin removed... So we didn't tell
>> anybody that we were getting married except our parents and my DS; we
>> only told our friends after the fact. As it turned out, when they found
>> out, five or six of our friends threw us a small 'surprise party' which
>> was a great deal of fun.
>>
> Friends of ours got married, second time around for each, then one year
> later held a "love in" and invited all of their close friends, kids, and
> family members they cared for. Nice bash with drinks, food, good
> friends, and a good time. That was about twelve years ago and they're
> still together. Of course they're about my age, late sixties and both
> are professional people, medical doctors and have a clinic together now.
>
> We enjoyed the "love in" more than we would have a formal wedding.

I hear what you're saying. I enjoyed our informal surprise party far more
than I enjoyed my first wedding reception. No stress, no having to
remember 'who was who in the zoo' etc. because my Mom and the MIL had
invited people I'd never met... But the best part was I didn't have to
learn how to waltz all over again <grin>

Funny memory, for me anyway - at my first wedding reception, we had
received 120 positive r.s.v.p.s from the invited guests- so we had 12
tables of 10 all set out (apart from the 'Bridal table'). Somehow another
8 or 9 people showed up that we hadn't counted on, so we had to find
another table for them in a hurry. Luckily there was enough food to go
around too ;-)

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, MareCat wrote:


> I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
> dollars on *one* [wedding] day...

Amen. For what some of these shindigs cost, I could have bought a house...

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

wrote:
> Nothing rude about a pot luck, as long as everyone knows that's what
> it is. There are two kinds of pot lucks. In apartment or condo
> "villages", the residents will do a pot luck and it's a way to
> socialize with your neighbors without having to invest all that much
> money. Everyone contributes to the communal feast, everyone partakes.
> It's kind of nice, in an old fashioned way.
> THere's also nothing wrong with inviting close friends over to spend
> the day and bring a dish to share.

I don't think there's anything *wrong* with it, per se, but I don't do
it. If I'm having a party, I don't want people to feel like they have to
provide anything. It feels too much like charging admission to me. I'm
fine with it at organizational meetings -- for example, if the local
chapter of one of my groups has a meeting and says it's a potluck, fine.
But if I'm having a party in my house, I'm the host, and I'll provide
all the food -- way more food than folks can eat, usually -- and if
people want to bring a little something, that's gratefully accepted, but
not expected.

My response to "what can I bring" is always "oh, just your delightful
company".


Serene

kilikini wrote:

> We've done the same thing. No more holidays with my husband's family. The
> only one we do is Christmas Eve when we exchange gifts. No Thanksgiving, no
> Easter, no Christmas, no New Year's; we stay home and enjoy the day as just
> us.

I don't do family holidays, either. I stopped doing them years ago, and
while there was uproar at first, my family got used to it. The way I
figure it, I like most of my family members, but I don't need to see
them all under one roof at the same time. Add to that the fact that one
sibling creates a huge drama storm complete with slamming doors and
cursing EVERY holiday, and I think I chose well.

Serene

Nancy Young wrote:
> George Shirley wrote:
>
>> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
>> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
>> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
>> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>>
>> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
>> on your computer.
>
> That's funny. Not to open a whole new can of worms, but
> I think it's considered bad form to bring the gift to the wedding,
> it creates a whole huge logistics problem getting them home.
>
> I know, now I'll hear about all the places where wedding gifts are
> opened as part of the festivities.

*shudder* That's horrible. I can almost see having little kids open
gifts at their parties, but even then, there's so much wrong with it.
Take your gifts home, enjoy them, and write your thank-you notes. No
need to put them on display and make a five-year-old try to look pleased
when Aunt Emma gives him underwear again.

Serene

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
> wrote:

>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>dollars on *one* day...

Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

"How do you pay for a honeymoon before it happens? (Pre-paid
package tour or something?)"

Steve

Steve, what I meant is that we had the money to pay for our honeymoon
ahead of time without having to borrow or go in any debt. We hadn't
actually literally paid for all of our meal checks & tips, motels, gas,
etc before the fact.
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
"Well, then, include us among the exceptions, also. DH and I both had
good jobs and were fortunate enough to be able to pay for our wedding
ourselves. It wasn't a lavish affair (the ceremony was held outdoors at
an overlook at the "PA Grand Canyon", and the reception afterwards was
held in a parish hall connected to a local Catholic church), and we paid
for things, little by little, starting a year before the event. At the
end of the reception, we gave the caterer a check for the balance, and
everything (except for wedding photos, which we paid for when we ordered
them later on) was done. My mom made my wedding dress, we bought our own
booze for the reception, and we got married in a very inexpensive area.
It was a wonderful party, and many of the guests still tell us--13 years
later--what a great time they had. Our honeymoon was a week-long road
trip from PA back down to Houston (we had driven up for the wedding),
with stops in the Poconos, Williamsburg, VA, and Memphis along the way.
No debts to pay off for us.
I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
dollars on *one* day..."

Mary

Mary, your wedding sounds quite similar to ours.
We also go married in Pa, although in a church rather than at Little
Grand Canyon.
And then we also drove to Texas, but to our new house outside Dallas.

We did have a formal church wedding complete with long white gown, 6
attendants, reception at the Shriner's social hall, etc.
But we also had been working for a while and had the money to pay for
everything ourselves and started planning and paying as we went along
for months in advance.
We also closed on our first home less than a month before the wedding,
so we did not want to go overboard for a wedding, but instead have the
money to buy all the things we wanted to get settled into our home.

ChattyCathy wrote:

> I dunno, I guess they had their reasons for being discreet. I know we did.
> It was my second time around and we agreed that we didn't want any fuss -
> what was the point? I certainly didn't want any gifts or having to
> invite Auntie Sofie's third cousin removed... So we didn't tell anybody
> that we were getting married except our parents and my DS; we only told
> our friends after the fact. As it turned out, when they found out, five or
> six of our friends threw us a small 'surprise party' which was a great
> deal of fun.


When I married my first wife (as married as we legally were allowed to
be at that time, anyway), we signed the papers at the Check Cashing
Place, then went across the street to our favorite coffee shop, where
the owner gave us free celebratory cake (two forks!) and coffee. From
then on, we called the Check Cashing Place "The Chapel of Love". ;-)

Serene

Steve Pope wrote:
> Serene Vannoy > wrote:
>
>> Steve Pope wrote:
>
>>> Serene Vannoy > wrote:
>
>>>> Steve Pope wrote:
>
>>>>> Sure, the correct etiquette is to force persons accepting
>>>>> the invitation to make phone calls, ask around, check
>>>>> gift registries etc. because it is their job as invitee
>>>>> to conduct a detective operation to find out if gifts are
>>>>> expected.
>
>>>> That's just silly. Gifts are NEVER mandatory. Never. Otherwise, they're
>>>> not gifts.
>
>>> That's why I said "expected" rather than "mandatory"....
>
>> Then you're not being "forced" to do anything, right?
>
> True. My statement was conditional. *If* the attendee
> wants to give a gift when gifts are expected, *then* the
> atendee is forced to research whether gifts are expected.
>
> Hope this helps.

You're being dense. Hope this helps.

Serene

Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>Steve Pope wrote:

>> Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>>> Steve Pope wrote:

>>>> That's why I said "expected" rather than "mandatory"....

>>> Then you're not being "forced" to do anything, right?

>> True. My statement was conditional. *If* the attendee
>> wants to give a gift when gifts are expected, *then* the
>> atendee is forced to research whether gifts are expected.

>> Hope this helps.

>You're being dense. Hope this helps.

Wrong, Serene, you deliberately picked an absurd, highly unlikely
meaning for my statement and started criticizing me for
it as though it was something I actually wrote. There
was nothing unclear about my post. Why pursue this kind
of fiction?

Steve

Its me > wrote:

>"How do you pay for a honeymoon before it happens? (Pre-paid
>package tour or something?)"

>Steve, what I meant is that we had the money to pay for our honeymoon
>ahead of time without having to borrow or go in any debt. We hadn't
>actually literally paid for all of our meal checks & tips, motels, gas,
>etc before the fact.

Gotcha. That makes sense. Thanks.

Steve

Its me wrote:
> "How do you pay for a honeymoon before it happens? (Pre-paid
> package tour or something?)"
>
> Steve
>
> Steve, what I meant is that we had the money to pay for our honeymoon
> ahead of time without having to borrow or go in any debt. We hadn't
> actually literally paid for all of our meal checks & tips, motels, gas,
> etc before the fact.
> -----------------------------------------------------
> -----------------------------------------------------
> "Well, then, include us among the exceptions, also. DH and I both had
> good jobs and were fortunate enough to be able to pay for our wedding
> ourselves. It wasn't a lavish affair (the ceremony was held outdoors at
> an overlook at the "PA Grand Canyon", and the reception afterwards was
> held in a parish hall connected to a local Catholic church), and we paid
> for things, little by little, starting a year before the event. At the
> end of the reception, we gave the caterer a check for the balance, and
> everything (except for wedding photos, which we paid for when we ordered
> them later on) was done. My mom made my wedding dress, we bought our own
> booze for the reception, and we got married in a very inexpensive area.
> It was a wonderful party, and many of the guests still tell us--13 years
> later--what a great time they had. Our honeymoon was a week-long road
> trip from PA back down to Houston (we had driven up for the wedding),
> with stops in the Poconos, Williamsburg, VA, and Memphis along the way.
> No debts to pay off for us.
> I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
> dollars on *one* day..."
>
> Mary
>
> Mary, your wedding sounds quite similar to ours.
> We also go married in Pa, although in a church rather than at Little
> Grand Canyon.
> And then we also drove to Texas, but to our new house outside Dallas.
>
> We did have a formal church wedding complete with long white gown, 6
> attendants, reception at the Shriner's social hall, etc.
> But we also had been working for a while and had the money to pay for
> everything ourselves and started planning and paying as we went along
> for months in advance.
> We also closed on our first home less than a month before the wedding,
> so we did not want to go overboard for a wedding, but instead have the
> money to buy all the things we wanted to get settled into our home.
>
>
>
>
For our honeymoon we drove from her home in MD to my home in TX. Made
every bit of 39 miles the first day.

That's when I found out my wife was a witch. Every time she looked at me
I turned into a motel. <BSEG>

"sf" <.> wrote in message ...
> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
> > wrote:
>
>>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>>dollars on *one* day...
>
> Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.

Guess I'm just cheap, then.

Mary

Janet Baraclough wrote:

> It used to be common here (UK), to display all the wedding gifts at
> the reception after the wedding. That was in the days when everyone who
> was invited to the wedding, was automatically also invited to the
> reception after, however formal or informal that was.
>

In the US, in days before couples lived together prior to the wedding,
it was common to display the gifts rec'd before the wedding at the
parents home. People could oooh and ahhh and admire, yet it didn't
clutter up the wedding day itself.

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:21:50 -0400, "MareCat"
> wrote:

>"sf" <.> wrote in message ...
>> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
>> > wrote:
>>
>>>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>>>dollars on *one* day...
>>
>> Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.
>
>Guess I'm just cheap, then.
>
No, you know your limitations. There's nothing worse than a lavish,
over the top wedding given by people who really can't afford it. It's
akin to parents taking out second mortgages on their homes to send
their children to an expensive, private college. Insane.

My bets are on a quick divorce when I attend a wedding that's not
within the couple's budget.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sun 15 Jun 2008 10:17:59a, MareCat told us...

> "Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message
> 6.120...
>> On Sun 15 Jun 2008 07:51:22a, Its me told us...
>>
>>> "That's how weddings get to costing $100K and more."
>>>
>>> gloria p
>>>
>>> $100K is more than our first house cost!!
>>> Our wedding was lovely and what we could afford, and totally paid for
>>> (including honeymoon) by the time the 'big day' arrrived.
>>
>> I would say you were the exception.
>
> Well, then, include us among the exceptions, also. DH and I both had
> good jobs and were fortunate enough to be able to pay for our wedding
> ourselves. It wasn't a lavish affair (the ceremony was held outdoors at
> an overlook at the "PA Grand Canyon", and the reception afterwards was
> held in a parish hall connected to a local Catholic church), and we paid
> for things, little by little, starting a year before the event. At the
> end of the reception, we gave the caterer a check for the balance, and
> everything (except for wedding photos, which we paid for when we ordered
> them later on) was done. My mom made my wedding dress, we bought our own
> booze for the reception, and we got married in a very inexpensive area.
> It was a wonderful party, and many of the guests still tell us--13 years
> later--what a great time they had. Our honeymoon was a week-long road
> trip from PA back down to Houston (we had driven up for the wedding),
> with stops in the Poconos, Williamsburg, VA, and Memphis along the way.
> No debts to pay off for us.
>
> I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
> dollars on *one* day...
>
> Mary
>
>

Mary, I'm glad to see another exception!

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/15(XV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Father's Day
-------------------------------------------
Cat: Living poetry.
-------------------------------------------

On Sun 15 Jun 2008 11:31:22a, sf told us...

> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
> > wrote:
>
>>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>>dollars on *one* day...
>
> Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.

Just because they can doesn't necessarily justify doing it. For the
genuinely wealthy, perhaps. What I hate to see is the parents spending
their life's savings to put on such an affair, and that seems to often be
the case. Poof! It's gone in the blink of an eye.


--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/15(XV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Father's Day
-------------------------------------------
Cat: Living poetry.
-------------------------------------------

sf wrote:

> My bets are on a quick divorce when I attend a wedding that's not
> within the couple's budget.
>
What about within the parents budget?

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:08:01 -0400, Goomba >
wrote:

>sf wrote:
>
>> My bets are on a quick divorce when I attend a wedding that's not
>> within the couple's budget.
>>
>What about within the parents budget?

Nope. That means she's looking at hubby to support her in the style
she's become accustomed to. If hubby can't, then daddy will. I call
it the Princess Syndrome.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:03:01 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> wrote:

>On Sun 15 Jun 2008 11:31:22a, sf told us...
>
>> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
>> > wrote:
>>
>>>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>>>dollars on *one* day...
>>
>> Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.
>
>Just because they can doesn't necessarily justify doing it. For the
>genuinely wealthy, perhaps. What I hate to see is the parents spending
>their life's savings to put on such an affair, and that seems to often be
>the case. Poof! It's gone in the blink of an eye.

Agreed. Also, if the parents are putting down their life savings,
they really can *not* afford it in the first place.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sun 15 Jun 2008 01:13:03p, sf told us...

> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:08:01 -0400, Goomba >
> wrote:
>
>>sf wrote:
>>
>>> My bets are on a quick divorce when I attend a wedding that's not
>>> within the couple's budget.
>>>
>>What about within the parents budget?
>
> Nope. That means she's looking at hubby to support her in the style
> she's become accustomed to. If hubby can't, then daddy will. I call
> it the Princess Syndrome.

I almost hate to bring this up, but it's a fact of life in some areas. I
had a co-worker of whom I was extremely fond, who was a self-admitted
Jewish American Princess (JAP), from a well-to-do Long Island family. She
was happily married to a goi with whom she had 3 very lovely, but very
"princess", daughters. However, she was quick and blunt to say that she
would have no qualms in divorcing her husband in a minute if he couldn't
support her in the style to which she was accustomed. I observed their
happiness, but knowing her quite well could believe that she would do it.
Her salary was *hers* for her own pleasure.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/15(XV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Father's Day
-------------------------------------------
People are more violently opposed to
fur than to leather because it's safer
to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-------------------------------------------

"sf" <.> wrote in message ...
> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:21:50 -0400, "MareCat"
> > wrote:
>
>>"sf" <.> wrote in message
. ..
>>> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>>>>dollars on *one* day...
>>>
>>> Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.
>>
>>Guess I'm just cheap, then.
>>
> No, you know your limitations. There's nothing worse than a lavish,
> over the top wedding given by people who really can't afford it. It's
> akin to parents taking out second mortgages on their homes to send
> their children to an expensive, private college. Insane.

It's one thing to truly be able to afford a $50,000+ wedding (quickly and
easily paid for)...quite another to throw a $50,000 wedding that you spend
years paying off (if you even manage to pay it off, that is). Although
spending that much on a wedding isn't something *I'd* do (I keep imagining
all the other things I could do with that much money), if other people want
to spend that kind of dough, then so be it. As long as they can pay for it.


> My bets are on a quick divorce when I attend a wedding that's not
> within the couple's budget.

Mine, too.

Mary

"sf" <.> wrote in message ...
> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:17:59 -0400, "MareCat"
> > wrote:
>
>>I just cannot fathom how/why people spend tens/hundreds of thousands of
>>dollars on *one* day...
>
> Is this a test? Maybe it's because they can.
>
>

We all have different values incomes, priorities, and make choices
accordingly. Daughter of a well to do lawyer got married last year. Her
father offered either the wedding or 50k for a house downpayment. They took
the wedding.

On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:21:17 +0200, ChattyCathy
> fired up random neurons and synapses to
opine:

>On Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:12:23 +0000, hahabogus wrote:
>
>> ChattyCathy > wrote in
>> news:MHv4k.114052$TL1.92331 @newsfe21.ams2:
>>
>>> Now that's 'Chutzpah', in my book - or is it? We won't be accepting the
>>> invitation, regardless - we barely know these people.
>>>
>>> OBFood: they didn't mention bringing any food, so I'm assuming they'll
>>> supply it to the guests; <grin>
>>>
>>>
>> So if you RSVP state what food you'd like and where it can be purchased.
>
>Now that's a plan. How does this sound?
>
>"I'd like 4lbs of shrimp, a few lobsters and some truffels - you can buy
>them at XYZ store(s), or I'm not attending."
>
>BTW, DH says that this is what he calls 'shopping with other people's
>money' ;-)

There is a variation in civil litigation: *litigating* with other
people's money. Two things you learn very quickly in civil litigation:
free speech ain't, and nobody *ever* discovers anything in discovery.

As to the within thread, I think once you're past the age of 10 and
not having a wedding or shower of some sort, you ought to pretty much
get over wanting gifts for Occasions such as birthdays and house
warmings. OTOH, I recall my parents talking about having "rent
parties" when they were growing up during the Depression, when
neighbors would try to help each other out with rent and mortgage
payments during bad times. Whole different kettle of fish (thereby
OB).

--

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd

"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch!"

-- W.C. Fields

Edwin Pawlowski wrote:

> We all have different values incomes, priorities, and make choices
> accordingly. Daughter of a well to do lawyer got married last year.
> Her father offered either the wedding or 50k for a house downpayment.
> They took the wedding.

Eeek! Maybe dad will wind up springing for both, the wedding
and the down payment.

nancy

Nancy Young > wrote:

>Edwin Pawlowski wrote:

>> We all have different values incomes, priorities, and make choices
>> accordingly. Daughter of a well to do lawyer got married last year.
>> Her father offered either the wedding or 50k for a house downpayment.
>> They took the wedding.

>Eeek! Maybe dad will wind up springing for both, the wedding
>and the down payment.

Yep, it's a no-brainer. Daughter knows if dad pays for the wedding,
he might later pay for the down payment anyway, but if she says "no"
to the wedding that money is gone.

Steve

In article >,
Terry Pulliam Burd > wrote:

> I think once you're past the age of 10 and not having a wedding or
> shower of some sort, you ought to pretty much get over wanting gifts
> for Occasions such as birthdays
> --
>
> Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd

Well, FINE, then!!
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Only 10 more days until my birthday. Shop early, shop often, mail early
to avoid the rush.

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:50:17 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> wrote:

>I observed their
>happiness, but knowing her quite well could believe that she would do it.
>Her salary was *hers* for her own pleasure.

If his salary isn't similar to Daddy's, they're in for a rough ride.
Too bad! However, if she told him up front what she told you.... he
entered into marriage forewarned. I can only say that she must be
*very* good in the areas that interest him most (unless *he's* a gold
digger).



--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:54:49 -0400, "MareCat"
> wrote:

> if other people want
> to spend that kind of dough, then so be it. As long as they can pay for it.

That's my point. If they are relying on their parents to pay for
the affair, then they can't afford it. These are the days of two
salaried people entering into marriage.

IMO, the couple to be needs to get a handle on real life and the first
step is knowing what they can afford as their wedding expense (Mom and
Dad are not denied contributing to the big event, of course... but
they're *two* adults, so they should start acting like adults).


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West