On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:47:25 -0400, "Edwin Pawlowski" >
wrote:

>We all have different values incomes, priorities, and make choices
>accordingly. Daughter of a well to do lawyer got married last year. Her
>father offered either the wedding or 50k for a house downpayment. They took
>the wedding.

Yeah and what does that say? Daddy should have said: Here's $50,000,
use it any way you wish. Sounds like she's still Daddy's girl and
Daddy is a control freak.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sun 15 Jun 2008 03:39:08p, Terry Pulliam Burd told us...

> As to the within thread, I think once you're past the age of 10 and
> not having a wedding or shower of some sort, you ought to pretty much
> get over wanting gifts for Occasions such as birthdays and house
> warmings.

Terry, on part of this I couldn't disagree more, but I supposed it depends
greatly on one's family traditions/experiences.

I think that gift giving between parents, children, and grandchildren, on
at least the occasions of birthdays and Christmas, should have no "cutoff"
date. However, I think exchanges between aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.,
unless one is extremely close, are unnecessary.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/15(XV)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Today is: Father's Day
-------------------------------------------
Although I'm not Canadian, I tend to
like their bacon.
-------------------------------------------

"sf" <.> wrote in message ...
> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:47:25 -0400, "Edwin Pawlowski" >
> wrote:
>
>>We all have different values incomes, priorities, and make choices
>>accordingly. Daughter of a well to do lawyer got married last year. Her
>>father offered either the wedding or 50k for a house downpayment. They
>>took
>>the wedding.
>
> Yeah and what does that say? Daddy should have said: Here's $50,000,
> use it any way you wish. Sounds like she's still Daddy's girl and
> Daddy is a control freak.
>
>

No, not a control freak at all. The 50k would have been a bargain and he
was looking to control cost. From what I heard, the wedding was close to
double that. Wedding gown $$ alone could have bought a small car.

On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:59:09 -0400, "Edwin Pawlowski" >
wrote:

>
>"sf" <.> wrote in message ...
>> On Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:47:25 -0400, "Edwin Pawlowski" >
>> wrote:
>>
>>>We all have different values incomes, priorities, and make choices
>>>accordingly. Daughter of a well to do lawyer got married last year. Her
>>>father offered either the wedding or 50k for a house downpayment. They
>>>took
>>>the wedding.
>>
>> Yeah and what does that say? Daddy should have said: Here's $50,000,
>> use it any way you wish. Sounds like she's still Daddy's girl and
>> Daddy is a control freak.
>>
>>
>
>No, not a control freak at all. The 50k would have been a bargain and he
>was looking to control cost. From what I heard, the wedding was close to
>double that. Wedding gown $$ alone could have bought a small car.
>
So they had disposable income and this over the top wedding was
affordable by all involved? So, why bring it up?


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

"Janet Baraclough" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> The message >
>> Everybody does not do it.
>
> Yes they do;. they all leave school.
>
> Janet

Taking snipping lessons from Sheldon?

In article >,
Janet Baraclough > wrote:

> The message >
> from "Giusi" > contains these words:

> > > That really surprises me. All the graduations I've ever been to in
> > > the UK universities, have strictly limited numbers of guest;
>
> > These are High School
>
> LOL. Kids here don't "graduate" from secondary school. They just
> leave school. Everybody does it so it's not regarded as an academic
> achievement :-)
>
> Janet.

Sweet Jesus! Here they sometimes "graduate" from kindergarten‹with
mortarboard and gown. I was invited to an 8th grade graduation party (I
was told that's a common thing in Roman Catholic parochial schools). My
thought was, "That's as far as she plans to go?"
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

On Mon 16 Jun 2008 06:11:16a, Melba's Jammin' told us...

> In article >,
> Janet Baraclough > wrote:
>
>> The message > from "Giusi"
>> > contains these words:
>
>> > > That really surprises me. All the graduations I've ever been to in
>> > > the UK universities, have strictly limited numbers of guest;
>>
>> > These are High School
>>
>> LOL. Kids here don't "graduate" from secondary school. They just
>> leave school. Everybody does it so it's not regarded as an academic
>> achievement :-)
>>
>> Janet.
>
> Sweet Jesus! Here they sometimes "graduate" from kindergarten‹with
> mortarboard and gown. I was invited to an 8th grade graduation party (I
> was told that's a common thing in Roman Catholic parochial schools). My
> thought was, "That's as far as she plans to go?"

Yes, 8th grade is a common graduation thing in Catholic schools, at least
it was in Cleveland. They may or may not continue on to a Catholic
highschool, or choose a public highschool instead. I think the latter is
why they make such a big deal out of 8th grade graduation. For those who
choose public highschool (which seems the majority), it's a turning point
in their education.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Monday, 06(VI)/16(XVI)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Support mental health - or I'll KILL you
-------------------------------------------

The message >
from "Giusi" > contains these words:

> I cannot tell you how many graduations in foreign countries I have
> been invited to. Kids I never saw who belong to people I may know
> slightly, but apparently they receive 100s of invitations to send
> out..

Invitations or announcements? They are not the same, though around
here‹local custom? Heck if I know‹invitations to high school graduation
parties are often included with the announcement if a party's in the
offing. I haven't seen any (yet?) with gift registry information
included, though. The most prized gift for high school graduates seems
to be cash so a gift registry might not be practical. "-)
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
George Shirley > wrote:

> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>
> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
> on your computer.


I think you're confusing greeting card (Congratulations on your wedding)
with gift card (used to be called a gift certificate when they were
paper; now it seems like most as plastic, like a credit card).
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Wayne Boatwright wrote:
> On Mon 16 Jun 2008 06:11:16a, Melba's Jammin' told us...
>
>> Janet Baraclough > wrote:
>>
>>> The message > from "Giusi"
>>> > contains these words:
>>
>>>>> That really surprises me. All the graduations I've ever been to
>>>>> in the UK universities, have strictly limited numbers of guest;
>>>
>>>> These are High School
>>>
>>> LOL. Kids here don't "graduate" from secondary school. They just
>>> leave school. Everybody does it so it's not regarded as an academic
>>> achievement :-)

>> Sweet Jesus! Here they sometimes "graduate" from kindergarten‹with
>> mortarboard and gown. I was invited to an 8th grade graduation
>> party (I was told that's a common thing in Roman Catholic parochial
>> schools). My thought was, "That's as far as she plans to go?"
>
> Yes, 8th grade is a common graduation thing in Catholic schools, at
> least it was in Cleveland. They may or may not continue on to a
> Catholic highschool, or choose a public highschool instead. I think
> the latter is why they make such a big deal out of 8th grade
> graduation. For those who choose public highschool (which seems the
> majority), it's a turning point in their education.

Now it's everywhere. It used to be just assumed you'd graduate
junior high school. Heh. Now it's a big ceremony/party situation.
What the heck.

nancy

Terry Pulliam Burd wrote:
OTOH, I recall my parents talking about having "rent
> parties" when they were growing up during the Depression, when
> neighbors would try to help each other out with rent and mortgage
> payments during bad times. Whole different kettle of fish (thereby
> OB).

I've heard of mortgage burning parties in my grandparents generation.
But just like a wedding, the hosts are the folks who provide the party
in celebration of the event.

sf wrote:

> If his salary isn't similar to Daddy's, they're in for a rough ride.
> Too bad! However, if she told him up front what she told you.... he
> entered into marriage forewarned. I can only say that she must be
> *very* good in the areas that interest him most (unless *he's* a gold
> digger).
>
Oh come on... I had a big wedding. I didn't expect anything more from my
parents. The wedding was just as much their party and their own friends
and guests as ours.
I left my father's home and learned to pinch pennies and live a less
sheltered or financial easy lifestyle because we didn't have the same
finances as my parents at their point of life. But then again, neither
did my parents have it themselves when they started out! It is a growing
up thing to learn to support yourself rather than be supported. A couple
is starting small and working up....and if they're smart they recognize
that.
I think the only problem young folks need to work on now is delayed
gratification. Learn not to go into debt just to obtain "things" that
are long gone before the debt itself.

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:16:45 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> wrote:

>On Mon 16 Jun 2008 06:11:16a, Melba's Jammin' told us...
>>
>> Sweet Jesus! Here they sometimes "graduate" from kindergarten‹with
>> mortarboard and gown. I was invited to an 8th grade graduation party (I
>> was told that's a common thing in Roman Catholic parochial schools). My
>> thought was, "That's as far as she plans to go?"
>
>Yes, 8th grade is a common graduation thing in Catholic schools, at least
>it was in Cleveland. They may or may not continue on to a Catholic
>highschool, or choose a public highschool instead. I think the latter is
>why they make such a big deal out of 8th grade graduation. For those who
>choose public highschool (which seems the majority), it's a turning point
>in their education.

you ain't lying.

your pal,
blake

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> George Shirley > wrote:
>
>> You could always take the easy way out. Go to the wedding and carry a
>> gift card in your pocket. Spot a gift on the table that looks like it
>> would be expensive and very nice. Take the card on the gift off, put
>> your card on. Being careful of course not to be seen.
>>
>> No more gift problems and you can save money by printing the gift card
>> on your computer.
>
>
> I think you're confusing greeting card (Congratulations on your wedding)
> with gift card (used to be called a gift certificate when they were
> paper; now it seems like most as plastic, like a credit card).
Nope, most weddings we've been to each gift has a card on the outside
saying who it is from. That's the card I'm talking about.

When our son was in college he and a couple of friends used to go to
wedding receptions in the college town he lived in. Just find one going
on, dress nicely and walk in and join the crowd. Eat the food, drink the
booze, and then leave quietly. Claims he never got caught, takes
chutzpah and he had lots of that when he was young.

On Mon 16 Jun 2008 07:19:31a, Michael "Dog3" told us...

> "Nancy Young" > news:rLydnaKX-c-
> : in rec.food.cooking
>
>> Now it's everywhere. It used to be just assumed you'd graduate
>> junior high school. Heh. Now it's a big ceremony/party situation.
>> What the heck.
>
> I was at The Irish Crystal company to pick up 2 of the "Mark Roberts
> Cookbook Fairies". A woman was in there shopping for a commencement
> gift. I know I'm really ignorant about this stuff but what is all that
> about?
>
> Michael
>

Commencement = graduation. Highschool or college.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Monday, 06(VI)/16(XVI)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
If cats have kittens, do bats have bittens?
-------------------------------------------

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:45:30 -0500, George Shirley wrote:

> When our son was in college he and a couple of friends used to go to
> wedding receptions in the college town he lived in. Just find one going
> on, dress nicely and walk in and join the crowd. Eat the food, drink the
> booze, and then leave quietly. Claims he never got caught, takes
> chutzpah and he had lots of that when he was young.

I had to smile about this. I am not surprised he never got caught. I am
sure this goes on all the time... BTW, did you ever see the movie called
"The Wedding Crashers"? It was too funny, except those guys didn't exactly
'leave quietly'. <grin>

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

On Mon 16 Jun 2008 08:47:15a, Michael "Dog3" told us...

> Wayne Boatwright >
> 6.120: in
> rec.food.cooking
>
>>
>> Commencement = graduation. Highschool or college.
>
> Yeahbut she was looking for something for a kindergartener. I didn't
> know they had Commencement too. I forgot to post the age of the child
> in my OP. She wanted something religious <shrug>.
>
> Michael

But you didn't sayit was for a kindergartener. I guess these days any old
excuse will do.



--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Monday, 06(VI)/16(XVI)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
'MEOW'... 'WOOF'... It's a two-litter
engine!
-------------------------------------------

MareCat wrote:
> "sf" <.> wrote in message ...

>> My bets are on a quick divorce when I attend a wedding that's not
>> within the couple's budget.
>
> Mine, too.

I worried a bit about my brother's marriage when his wedding was
through-the-roof expensive, and he took out massive debt to finance it.
(The ring alone was many thousands of dollars.) But I needn't have
worried. Today, he has a happy marriage, a beautiful house, a bunch of
money, and eight happy, well-adjusted children.

Serene

ChattyCathy wrote:
> On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:45:30 -0500, George Shirley wrote:
>
>> When our son was in college he and a couple of friends used to go to
>> wedding receptions in the college town he lived in. Just find one going
>> on, dress nicely and walk in and join the crowd. Eat the food, drink the
>> booze, and then leave quietly. Claims he never got caught, takes
>> chutzpah and he had lots of that when he was young.
>
> I had to smile about this. I am not surprised he never got caught. I am
> sure this goes on all the time... BTW, did you ever see the movie called
> "The Wedding Crashers"? It was too funny, except those guys didn't exactly
> 'leave quietly'. <grin>
>
I probably should have added something to the effect that we were
horrified by what he said. We're intensely private people and would
never do anything like that ourselves. I guess we just wrote it off as
youthful high jinks but I'm sure himself wouldn't do anything like that
now. At about age 30 he turned into the quintessential yuppie.

Serene Vannoy wrote:

> I worried a bit about my brother's marriage when his wedding was
> through-the-roof expensive, and he took out massive debt to finance it.
> (The ring alone was many thousands of dollars.) But I needn't have
> worried. Today, he has a happy marriage, a beautiful house, a bunch of
> money, and eight happy, well-adjusted children.
>
> Serene

And some wonderful memories of the event too, I imagine?

Goomba wrote:
> Serene Vannoy wrote:
>
>> I worried a bit about my brother's marriage when his wedding was
>> through-the-roof expensive, and he took out massive debt to finance
>> it. (The ring alone was many thousands of dollars.) But I needn't
>> have worried. Today, he has a happy marriage, a beautiful house, a
>> bunch of money, and eight happy, well-adjusted children.
>>
>> Serene
>
> And some wonderful memories of the event too, I imagine?

Oh, sure, but I've had friends who had hundred-dollar weddings with
plenty of wonderful memories. :-)

Serene

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:16:45 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> wrote:

>Yes, 8th grade is a common graduation thing in Catholic schools, at least
>it was in Cleveland. They may or may not continue on to a Catholic
>highschool, or choose a public highschool instead. I think the latter is
>why they make such a big deal out of 8th grade graduation. For those who
>choose public highschool (which seems the majority), it's a turning point
>in their education.

Here kids graduate from K, 5th, 8th, etc. There are even special
parties, called a "quinceanera", held on a girl's 15 birthday where
everyone dresses to the nines and the girl looks like a princess bride
(religious ceremony, big reception, tiara, fancy dresses and tuxedos).


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:58:52 -0400, "Edwin Pawlowski" >
wrote:

>
>"Goomba" > wrote in message
>> I think it comes from lower socio-economic groups who tried to help poorer
>> couples set up house, not unlike a mutual aid society. Not the same thing
>> as these days where people should be working and self sufficient before
>> marriage. It was survival then, now it is greed. Tacky as hell too.
>>
>
>Going back many years, that dollar was probably a big portion of the wedding
>gift. Weddings used to be a celebration of the marriage with friends and
>family, not a grab for gifts and fancy meals.
>
>I just read in the paper that the "average" cost of a wedding now is
>$28,704. I can't imaging working the next few months just to pay for a
>wedding, mine or my kids. The son of our friends just divorced and later
>remarried and still owes on the first wedding.

I heard that figure on a radio show a few weeks ago. In many parts of
the country that's 1/4 of the cost of a starter home. I don't
understand it. I was talking to a neighbor lady who's just become a
widow. She was talking about how they'd spend money over the years.
She said they'd paid for 4 college educations because that lasts.
They'd not contributed to one wedding because they don't last. Good
advice and we'll be following it.

Lou

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 02:30:20 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> fired up random neurons and synapses to
opine:

>Terry, on part of this I couldn't disagree more, but I supposed it depends
>greatly on one's family traditions/experiences.
>
>I think that gift giving between parents, children, and grandchildren, on
>at least the occasions of birthdays and Christmas, should have no "cutoff"
>date. However, I think exchanges between aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.,
>unless one is extremely close, are unnecessary.

The decision not to give presents on occasions such as Christmas and
birthday to anyone but the grandchildren was a practical one. All our
kids are well enough off, thank you, God, that it drove the DH and me
(mostly me) nuts trying to find gifts for them. Besides, it lets me
spoil the grandkids beyond redemption, which is way fun!

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
--
"If the soup had been as hot as the claret, if the claret had been as
old as the bird, and if the bird's breasts had been as full as the
waitress's, it would have been a very good dinner."

-- Duncan Hines

To reply, replace "meatloaf" with "cox"

Lou Decruss wrote:

> She said they'd paid for 4 college educations because that lasts.
> They'd not contributed to one wedding because they don't last. Good
> advice and we'll be following it.
>
> Lou

That just sounds stingy to me. Not contribute *at all*?? And do they
want to include family and business friends in the day? Often weddings
allow the family to invite old friends and such to the day yet should
the young couple pay the bill for Mom's old friends?
I consider weddings (and funerals) to be great family reunions and
parties. I don't have a problem spending money on them, within reason. I
do draw the line at the faux grandeur stuff, but to just provide a great
event I have no problem.

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:11:16 -0500, Melba's Jammin'
> fired up random neurons and synapses to
opine:

>Sweet Jesus! Here they sometimes "graduate" from kindergarten‹with
>mortarboard and gown. I was invited to an 8th grade graduation party (I
>was told that's a common thing in Roman Catholic parochial schools). My
>thought was, "That's as far as she plans to go?"

My boss' son just finished his second year at NYU and they held a
graduation for *that* <head shaking> The idea that the award of an
associate's degree rises to the level of a bachelor degree's ceremony
is puzzling, IMHO.

The kid has opted to drop out of school and join the Navy, trying out
for the Seals. He may get a rude shock. This is a pampered Orange
County CA privately schooled kid who thinks having taken a few years
of tae kwan do is going to have the Seals struck dumb with shock and
awe over his skills <g>

OB: I am marinating a flank steak in Nancy Young's recently posted
marinade as I keyboard this. Thanks, Nancy! <waving>

--

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd

"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch!"

-- W.C. Fields

Terry Pulliam Burd wrote:

> OB: I am marinating a flank steak in Nancy Young's recently posted
> marinade as I keyboard this. Thanks, Nancy! <waving>

(delighted smile) You're welcome! Hope you like it.

nancy

On Mon 16 Jun 2008 06:44:58p, Terry Pulliam Burd told us...

> On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 02:30:20 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> > fired up random neurons and synapses to
> opine:
>
>>Terry, on part of this I couldn't disagree more, but I supposed it
depends
>>greatly on one's family traditions/experiences.
>>
>>I think that gift giving between parents, children, and grandchildren, on
>>at least the occasions of birthdays and Christmas, should have no
"cutoff"
>>date. However, I think exchanges between aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.,
>>unless one is extremely close, are unnecessary.
>
> The decision not to give presents on occasions such as Christmas and
> birthday to anyone but the grandchildren was a practical one. All our
> kids are well enough off, thank you, God, that it drove the DH and me
> (mostly me) nuts trying to find gifts for them. Besides, it lets me
> spoil the grandkids beyond redemption, which is way fun!

I understand your rationale. My situation was quite different. I am an
only child and have no children. If my parents and I did not exchange
gifts, there would essentially have been no gift-giving with any family
members. It was important to us, and it preserved our tradition.


--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Monday, 06(VI)/16(XVI)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Cannibalism is a small price to pay
for popularity.
-------------------------------------------

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 21:46:06 -0400, Goomba >
wrote:

>Lou Decruss wrote:
>
>> She said they'd paid for 4 college educations because that lasts.
>> They'd not contributed to one wedding because they don't last. Good
>> advice and we'll be following it.
>>
>> Lou
>
>That just sounds stingy to me.

We all get our opinion. Paying for 100% of the college education for
4 kids doesn't sound stingy to me.

> Not contribute *at all*?? And do they
>want to include family and business friends in the day? Often weddings
>allow the family to invite old friends and such to the day yet should
>the young couple pay the bill for Mom's old friends?
>I consider weddings (and funerals) to be great family reunions and
>parties.

So you'd spend $28,000 for a family reunion? I'll agree that parents
who don't want to pay shouldn't have anything to do with the guest
list. When I was younger I remember a story of a brides parents
paying and the (non-paying) grooms parents came up with a list of 200+
I'm glad I didn't have to deal with those politics.

>I don't have a problem spending money on them, within reason. I
>do draw the line at the faux grandeur stuff, but to just provide a great
>event I have no problem.

I'd throw a backyard party, but that's about it.

Lou

On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:08:07 -0500, George Shirley
> wrote:

>ChattyCathy wrote:
>> On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:45:30 -0500, George Shirley wrote:
>>
>>> When our son was in college he and a couple of friends used to go to
>>> wedding receptions in the college town he lived in. Just find one going
>>> on, dress nicely and walk in and join the crowd. Eat the food, drink the
>>> booze, and then leave quietly. Claims he never got caught, takes
>>> chutzpah and he had lots of that when he was young.
>>
>> I had to smile about this. I am not surprised he never got caught. I am
>> sure this goes on all the time... BTW, did you ever see the movie called
>> "The Wedding Crashers"? It was too funny, except those guys didn't exactly
>> 'leave quietly'. <grin>
>>
>I probably should have added something to the effect that we were
>horrified by what he said. We're intensely private people and would
>never do anything like that ourselves. I guess we just wrote it off as
>youthful high jinks but I'm sure himself wouldn't do anything like that
>now. At about age 30 he turned into the quintessential yuppie.

sounds like he went from bad to worse.

your pal,
blake

On Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:46:06 -0500, Lou Decruss >
wrote:

>So you'd spend $28,000 for a family reunion? I'll agree that parents
>who don't want to pay shouldn't have anything to do with the guest
>list. When I was younger I remember a story of a brides parents
>paying and the (non-paying) grooms parents came up with a list of 200+
>I'm glad I didn't have to deal with those politics.

$28,000 is starting to look normal to me. DD is just starting to plan
her wedding and it's already over $20,000. That's only the reception
part. It's still minus minister, dress, tux, DJ, wedding party gifts
& flowers.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

blake murphy wrote:
> On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:08:07 -0500, George Shirley
> > wrote:
>
>> ChattyCathy wrote:
>>> On Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:45:30 -0500, George Shirley wrote:
>>>
>>>> When our son was in college he and a couple of friends used to go to
>>>> wedding receptions in the college town he lived in. Just find one going
>>>> on, dress nicely and walk in and join the crowd. Eat the food, drink the
>>>> booze, and then leave quietly. Claims he never got caught, takes
>>>> chutzpah and he had lots of that when he was young.
>>> I had to smile about this. I am not surprised he never got caught. I am
>>> sure this goes on all the time... BTW, did you ever see the movie called
>>> "The Wedding Crashers"? It was too funny, except those guys didn't exactly
>>> 'leave quietly'. <grin>
>>>
>> I probably should have added something to the effect that we were
>> horrified by what he said. We're intensely private people and would
>> never do anything like that ourselves. I guess we just wrote it off as
>> youthful high jinks but I'm sure himself wouldn't do anything like that
>> now. At about age 30 he turned into the quintessential yuppie.
>
> sounds like he went from bad to worse.
>
> your pal,
> blake
All I can say is that we haven't seen he and his family in five years
although we talk on the phone. He's willing to carry on a short
conversation if we call him. I don't understand his attitude and neither
does his mother. He and our daughter were great friends when young but
she now has nothing to do with him at all. I think many families have
social climbers in them that just want to forget the family they came
from. Oh well, it will all even out in the end.

sf wrote:

> $28,000 is starting to look normal to me. DD is just starting to plan
> her wedding and it's already over $20,000. That's only the reception
> part. It's still minus minister, dress, tux, DJ, wedding party gifts
> & flowers.
>
It adds up. Sure you can go cheaper, but IMO, you want food, drink and
surroundings that are special (memorable, top quality) because the event
is special! And I know that I have no problem paying a caterer to
provide incredible food, generous drinks and *service* that frees me up
to enjoy the day with family.

"Lou Decruss" wrote

>>I don't have a problem spending money on them, within reason. I
>>do draw the line at the faux grandeur stuff, but to just provide a great
>>event I have no problem.
>
> I'd throw a backyard party, but that's about it.

Same here. I'd clean up the house, buy lots of expensive foods and have
Charlotte give me a head-count of how many she and her new husband expected
to have arrive. She wouldnt have to do more than show up ;-)

In our simple habits, I'd want to call the groom's Mom and ask if there was
any special dish I should avoid making as she knew her side was bringing it
but that they need bring nothing but their happy selves. Also, any special
diets that need to be accounted for and we'd put pretty cards by foods that
were 'kosher' or 'low-sodium' or 'gluten free' etc.

(It does NOT 'do' to trample the grooms side in duplicating a favorite
heirloom dish they are proud of, especially if your version turns out to be
better! Ms Manners will tall you to check first to be sure of no clash).

If she 'asked' if there was anything special I wanted them to bring, I'd he
honest and say I'm rotten with desserts so I could only provide a pretty
store bought cake and some breyers ice cream plus sliced fruits. Grin, call
me horrid but if given a chance to politely ask for a specific thing, it
would be something dessert line. I'd explain that with the sugar problems
in my family side, we arent much into sweets so not all that good at making
them but not actually diabetics so sweets are fine.

On Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:36:40 -0400, Goomba >
wrote:

>sf wrote:
>
>> $28,000 is starting to look normal to me. DD is just starting to plan
>> her wedding and it's already over $20,000. That's only the reception
>> part. It's still minus minister, dress, tux, DJ, wedding party gifts
>> & flowers.
>>
>It adds up. Sure you can go cheaper, but IMO, you want food, drink and
>surroundings that are special (memorable, top quality) because the event
>is special!

Some people don't feel a wedding is special. 50% fail. Our best
friends got married last week in Mexico. They were gone for a week
and came back with horror stories. After 72 hours of being back
everyone was fighting. Everything changed. It's rather common.

>And I know that I have no problem paying a caterer to
>provide incredible food, generous drinks and *service* that frees me up
>to enjoy the day with family.

IMO, the best way to free yourself up is to stay free and let things
remain a daily choice. I was watching the tube this morning about ***
people getting married in California. I have no idea why they feel
that's so important. Obviously we're straight and could get married
anytime we wanted, but we think our relationship will remain stronger
the way it is. And we've both been married. If someone wants to
spend 28 grand for a party, or if you want to pay for one that's fine.
But calling those who don't buy into the theater "stingy" rather
****es me off.

Just my $.02

Lou

Lou Decruss wrote:

>> It adds up. Sure you can go cheaper, but IMO, you want food, drink and
>> surroundings that are special (memorable, top quality) because the event
>> is special!
>
> Some people don't feel a wedding is special. 50% fail. Our best
> friends got married last week in Mexico. They were gone for a week
> and came back with horror stories. After 72 hours of being back
> everyone was fighting. Everything changed. It's rather common.

That is sad. And I like to imagine that EVERYONE goes into a marriage
*hoping* it will last.... and give it the respect and intention that
such a decision warrants.

>
>> And I know that I have no problem paying a caterer to
>> provide incredible food, generous drinks and *service* that frees me up
>> to enjoy the day with family.
>
> IMO, the best way to free yourself up is to stay free and let things
> remain a daily choice. I was watching the tube this morning about ***
> people getting married in California. I have no idea why they feel
> that's so important. Obviously we're straight and could get married
> anytime we wanted, but we think our relationship will remain stronger
> the way it is. And we've both been married. If someone wants to
> spend 28 grand for a party, or if you want to pay for one that's fine.
> But calling those who don't buy into the theater "stingy" rather
> ****es me off.
>
> Just my $.02
>
> Lou

No, what I find "stingy" is the attitude that weddings are doomed from
the start so why waste money on such a "non-event" and that anyone that
does is silly and frivolous?? I think I "hear" you say that it is
"smarter" to pay for college instead of a wedding...assuming it has to
be one or the other?

On Tue 17 Jun 2008 12:29:59p, Lou Decruss told us...

> On Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:36:40 -0400, Goomba >
> wrote:
>
>>sf wrote:
>>
>>> $28,000 is starting to look normal to me. DD is just starting to plan
>>> her wedding and it's already over $20,000. That's only the reception
>>> part. It's still minus minister, dress, tux, DJ, wedding party gifts
>>> & flowers.
>>>
>>It adds up. Sure you can go cheaper, but IMO, you want food, drink and
>>surroundings that are special (memorable, top quality) because the event
>>is special!
>
> Some people don't feel a wedding is special. 50% fail. Our best
> friends got married last week in Mexico. They were gone for a week
> and came back with horror stories. After 72 hours of being back
> everyone was fighting. Everything changed. It's rather common.
>
>>And I know that I have no problem paying a caterer to
>>provide incredible food, generous drinks and *service* that frees me up
>>to enjoy the day with family.
>
> IMO, the best way to free yourself up is to stay free and let things
> remain a daily choice. I was watching the tube this morning about ***
> people getting married in California. I have no idea why they feel
> that's so important. Obviously we're straight and could get married
> anytime we wanted, but we think our relationship will remain stronger
> the way it is. And we've both been married. If someone wants to
> spend 28 grand for a party, or if you want to pay for one that's fine.
> But calling those who don't buy into the theater "stingy" rather
> ****es me off.
>
> Just my $.02
>
> Lou
>

Many *** people have very strong feelings about marriage because it's
something we're not allowed to have. As with many things, those that are
forbidden are the things that are wanted, and that's just from a
psychological perspective. There are other issues here, particular the
unique legal rights of a married couple.

Shortly after David and I became a "couple", we invited friends for a
commitment ceremony presided over by a minister. This was very important
to us. Legal issues were less so, at least at that time. However, both of
the companies we work for recognize domestic partners when it comes to
company benefits and insurance.

It it became "legal" for us to married in the state of Arizona, I know if
we would bother at this point. What would weigh heavily would not be our
emotional investment, but what other gains we might achieve within the
state's legal system.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Tuesday, 06(VI)/17(XVII)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Cat Game #6: Fit into the smallest
space available.
-------------------------------------------

Goomba wrote:
> Lou Decruss wrote:
>
>>> It adds up. Sure you can go cheaper, but IMO, you want food, drink
>>> and surroundings that are special (memorable, top quality) because
>>> the event is special!
>>
>> Some people don't feel a wedding is special. 50% fail. Our best
>> friends got married last week in Mexico. They were gone for a week
>> and came back with horror stories. After 72 hours of being back
>> everyone was fighting. Everything changed. It's rather common.
>
> That is sad. And I like to imagine that EVERYONE goes into a marriage
> *hoping* it will last.... and give it the respect and intention that
> such a decision warrants.
>
>>
>>> And I know that I have no problem paying a caterer to provide
>>> incredible food, generous drinks and *service* that frees me up to
>>> enjoy the day with family.
>>
>> IMO, the best way to free yourself up is to stay free and let things
>> remain a daily choice. I was watching the tube this morning about ***
>> people getting married in California. I have no idea why they feel
>> that's so important. Obviously we're straight and could get married
>> anytime we wanted, but we think our relationship will remain stronger
>> the way it is. And we've both been married. If someone wants to
>> spend 28 grand for a party, or if you want to pay for one that's fine.
>> But calling those who don't buy into the theater "stingy" rather
>> ****es me off.
>>
>> Just my $.02
>>
>> Lou
>
> No, what I find "stingy" is the attitude that weddings are doomed from
> the start so why waste money on such a "non-event" and that anyone that
> does is silly and frivolous?? I think I "hear" you say that it is
> "smarter" to pay for college instead of a wedding...assuming it has to
> be one or the other?
Let's see here. We got married on December 26, 1960. I spent $45.00 (a
months rent on my apartment) for flowers for the church, gave the
retired priest who conducted the ceremony $20.00 (my FIL sent me $15.00
of it back as it was a "retired" priest), wife spent whatever her dress
and my Robert Brooks suit cost her (didn't want me to get married in my
old Navy uniform), suit I know was $15.00 at the discount store, she
made the dress, plus the $10.00 for the marriage license, MIL made the
refreshments for the wedding party at her house, probably another
$10.00. Probably roughly $100.00 total. I was making $1.05 an hour plus
a 1% commission at a Sears store so we didn't have a lot of money. We
were very happy being married with family and friends around us though.

Someone else will have to do the math to amortize cost of wedding versus
47 years of wedded bliss. <VBG>

George

Wayne Boatwright wrote:

> Many *** people have very strong feelings about marriage because it's
> something we're not allowed to have. As with many things, those that
> are forbidden are the things that are wanted, and that's just from a
> psychological perspective. There are other issues here, particular
> the unique legal rights of a married couple.

You hear horror stories (for both *** and straight couples) where
one is injured or killed, and their family coming over and taking all
of their possessions, including money, because legally they are
next of kin.

A scenario best avoided, however you have to do it.

nancy

"Wayne Boatwright" > ha scritto nel messaggio
6.120...
> On Tue 17 Jun 2008 12:29:59p, Lou Decruss told us...
> It it became "legal" for us to married in the state of Arizona, I know if
> we would bother at this point. What would weigh heavily would not be our
> emotional investment, but what other gains we might achieve within the
> state's legal system.

I have been to several civil partner ceremonies in the past couple of years.
Most of them have been because without it a long term partner can have no
rights in emergencies. One friend of a friend was forbidden to enter the
hospital room where his partner lay dying by a bitter family who had not
spoken to either of them in a decade.
Then there are inheritance issues-- in some countries you cannot leave your
estate away from family or spouse so it could be important that your partner
be legally a spouse.