Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow
for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
when
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting
the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete
so it
works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's
butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the
world to think of crazy things to say.

In article
>,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
> chow
> for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
> when
> woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
>
> What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
> little
> to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
> starting
> the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
> ended
> up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
> pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
> out of
> most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
>
> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
> that it
> works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
> one
> or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete
> so it
> works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
> that
> practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
>
> Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
> food
> poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
> Setter's
> butt and a car hit us both.
>
> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
> laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
>
> Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
> the
> world to think of crazy things to say.

I've always loved this joke, but the first time I read it, the punchline
read "I sat down in the middle of the street to lick my balls and got
hit by a car". <g>
--
Peace! Om

"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." --Mark Twain

"maxine in ri" > wrote
>
> Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
> the
> world to think of crazy things to say.

Maxine, this is just funny as hell!

"maxine in ri" > wrote in message
...
<snip>

> Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
> world to think of crazy things to say.

Best belly laugh I've had in an age! Thanks, Maxine.

TammyM

On Sep 17, 11:20*am, Omelet > wrote:
> In article
> >,
> *maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>
>
> > Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
> > chow
> > for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
> > when
> > woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
>
> > What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
> > little
> > to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
> > starting
> > the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
> > ended
> > up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
> > pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
> > out of
> > most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
>
> > I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
> > that it
> > works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
> > one
> > or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete
> > so it
> > works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
> > that
> > practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
>
> > Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
> > food
> > poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
> > Setter's
> > butt and a car hit us both.
>
> > I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
> > laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
>
> > Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
> > the
> > world to think of crazy things to say.
>
> I've always loved this joke, but the first time I read it, the punchline
> read "I sat down in the middle of the street to lick my balls and got
> hit by a car". <g>

Someone must have sent the clean version to Tania's Mom, since this is
what she posted. You're right, tho. now that you mention it, I've
heard it that way as well.

maxine in ri

In article
>,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> On Sep 17, 11:20*am, Omelet > wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > *maxine in ri > wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > > Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog
> > > chow
> > > for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
> > > when
> > > woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
> >
> > > What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
> > > little
> > > to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
> > > starting
> > > the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
> > > ended
> > > up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
> > > pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
> > > out of
> > > most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
> >
> > > I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
> > > that it
> > > works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
> > > one
> > > or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete
> > > so it
> > > works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
> > > that
> > > practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
> >
> > > Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
> > > food
> > > poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
> > > Setter's
> > > butt and a car hit us both.
> >
> > > I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
> > > laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
> >
> > > Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
> > > the
> > > world to think of crazy things to say.
> >
> > I've always loved this joke, but the first time I read it, the punchline
> > read "I sat down in the middle of the street to lick my balls and got
> > hit by a car". <g>
>
> Someone must have sent the clean version to Tania's Mom, since this is
> what she posted. You're right, tho. now that you mention it, I've
> heard it that way as well.
>
> maxine in ri

Either way, it's still good for a belly laugh. ;-)
--
Peace! Om

"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." --Mark Twain