After unsuccessfully finding Centrelink office on google that deals solely
with *professionals*, Peter Loonias abandons the search and walks into the
*local* Centrelink office on Russell Island.
He marches straight up to the counter and hollers, "'My name is Peter
Loonias and cause I suffer from PTSD after a bloody lawn mower run over me
foot I want an easy job---Mind you as I'm not used to being kept by my
female significant others, nothing too demanding--got it?"

The Centrelink officer behind the desk shakes his head, sizes him up and
then peers at the computer monitor. After a few taps on the keyboard he
says, "According to your file you were a cook and bottle washer in the
SASR". Well your timing is excellent sir. We just got a job opening from a
very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / cook / housekeeper / bodyguard
for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Porche,
but he'll supply all of your clothes. And you'll be expected to escort her
on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the
garage stocked with the best wines. The starting salary is $120,000 a year."

Peter Loonias says, "You're bullshitting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah well, you started it."