Some random thoughts:

Red rum! Red rum! Today's color is red.

OMG! It's THE cakes!!

That Xmas buffet for nibbling at all day looked sparse; I estimate more
than 75% of it consisted of her crappy tablescaping. Apparently we're
supposed to feed our guests cake, little desserts, mucked-up wine, and
crescent rolls? Yeah, right!

SLop says "Give me 30 min and I'll give you your entire Xmas back!" In
retrospect, I want my time back!

The Hanukkah Horror:
SLop says to put LOTS of blue food coloring into the frosting. I wept
for the foodcake as she slathered the frosting all over it. Bwah! One of
the jumbo marshmellows was trying to escape out the top of that cake so
she had to squash it down! Hmm, marshmellows aren't kosher... SLop
advises us that "Faux pearls are not edible, so be sure to remove them
before serving". The more you know... SLop gets some pre-made five
pointed Stars o David to top the cake; Why are there two of them?

Next, SLop makes a green cake and then dumps coconut on it for a snow
effect, but it doesn't look anything like snow to me. SLop tells us to
literally press it lightly onto the side to make it stick and adds that
when The Wallet's sons came home for the first time she made this crappy
cake for them. I thought the first time they came home for dinner was in
another ep, maybe in French Farce?

SLop said something about a tube you buy in the grorcery store. What was
that about? She then tries to make holly leaves and suggests two ways to
make the berries, using red hots or what appears to be a tube of red
toothpaste. The former looked good but the later looked like rivulettes
of blood.

Next is the Kwanza cake and OhMyGawd! She bisects a cake horizontally,
mixes some icing with cocoa, cinnamon, and vanilla extract to make what
she calls "chocolate-cinnamon icing" (that doesn't sound good) and then
plops it onto the cake half and spreads it around before replacing the
top. SLop tells us her trick: putting pie filling in the middle of the
cake. SLop applies another slathering of frosting and then embellishes
it with "acorns" (really corn nuts), pumpkin seeds, and some candles.
Gawd damn, those are some big-ass candles!

SLop anounces that she just HAS to taste the "wonderful" Kwanza kake,
followed by her cutting the cake and shoveling it into her mouth in
slow-mo. Oh gawd that's vile.

We come back from commercial break to see her Crassmass Crescent-ring
Cake that is made with crescent ring dough from the store. SLop arranges
the pieces in a ring, arranging them so the corners are sticking down
and outward. SLop walks over the counter and grabs an armful of
silverwear to apply some jam onto the ring and then puts slices of
almond paste onto it like pieces of pepperoni. She adds that if you
don't have almond paste laying around, use ricotta cheese instead. I
just don't see that working the same...

SLop then tops the ring with another tube of dough and tells us to seal
the top and bottom edges of the dough so the filling doesnt leak out,
then changes her mind halfway through. SLop says the cake takes as long
to make as a pot of coffee, 25 minutes. Damn, does she get it from the
McDonald's drive through or something? Anyway, thanks to the magic of
X-mas morning, there's an already baked ring on the counter. Someone
tell SLop it was really MV, not the Spirit of Xmas, unless that's what
made her pass out and forget. SLop makes a glaze tells us to use it
after the ring has cooled so it doesn't melt and run off the sides.

Oh look! A new X-mas Peptmo-Bismal ad! How utterly appropriate. Hee hee!
Err, Ho ho ho!

SLop makes cheesecake sugarplum pops by taking a melon baller to a
nearly frozen cheesecake. What a waste of cheesecake. SLop tells us that
this is a great user for them because they are otherwise put into
storage until Spring. Hmm, SLop sure loves her suckers, err, lolipops,
doesn't she?

At this point a friend I was chatting up realized we were watching the
same show and commented "oh that's what I was watching..... lol" and
"and everyones kitchen looks like that, right". Heh.

For her obligatory cocktail, SLop mixes some hot wine and cinnamon. Why
can't you just DRINK the wine WITHOUT adding all that crap? I guess we
can count ourselves lucky she didn't clothespin things to the serving
glasses this time.

SLop answers a fake email from a "fan" which read: "I love to entertain,
but how do I relish my food to make it appetising?" BWAH! The first
thing you can do is stop making SLop's concoctions, but SLop answers
"SUGARFRUIT!" and says that she loves it so much that she embellishes
EVERYTHING with it. Oh yeah, using fruit dipped in raw egg whites is
also known as "serving up some salmonella with your holiday food".

Once again, we see her Xmas buffet which is DOMINATED by crappy
tablescape. I sure hope her guests know to fill up before arriving...

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating
the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not
sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of
Miss Lee.

I finally got to see the legendary Kwannza Cake episode!

Disgusting.

Hasta,
Curt Nelson

wrote:

>I finally got to see the legendary Kwannza Cake episode!
>
>Disgusting.

Another must-see if the porcine bloomin' onion bathed in the light
of a lit menora...


--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating
the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not
sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of
Miss Lee.