The Top 10 Signs You're A Lousy Cook:

10. Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a
fire siren

9. Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

8. Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs
forks and follows him.

7. Your kids favourite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

6. You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

5. Your kids got even with the neighbourhood bully by inviting him over for
dinner.

4. Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in
their lunch bags.

3. Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

2. No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.

.... and the Number 1 Sign You're A Lousy Cook (drum roll)

1. You burned the house down trying to make jelly.