"sf" > wrote in message
...
> How to Give a Cat a Pill
>
> 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
> holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
> cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
> right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to
> close mouth and swallow.
>
> 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
> left arm and repeat process.
>
> 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
>
> 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
> paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
> mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
>
> 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
> Call spouse from garden.
>
> 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
> and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
> head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
> pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
>
> 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
> Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
> shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
> gluing later.
>
> 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
> just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
> force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
>
> 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
> to take taste away.Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
> from carpet with cold water and soap.
>
> 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.Open another
> beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
> showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
> with elastic band.
>
> 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
> hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
> Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last
> tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss
> back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from
> bedroom.
>
> 12. Call fire department to retrieve the darn cat from across the
> road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
> avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
>
> 13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
> tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from
> shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.
> Be rough about it.. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water
> down throat to wash pill down.
>
> 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
> emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
> and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
> home to order new table.
>
> 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
> pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
>
>
>
> How To Give A Dog A Pill
>
> 1. Wrap it in bacon.
> 2. Toss it in the air.
>
>
>
> --
> I love cooking with wine.
> Sometimes I even put it in the food.


Every time I see this I get tears in my eyes from laughing.

I love it.

Dimitri

In article >,
"Dimitri" > wrote:

> Every time I see this I get tears in my eyes from laughing.
>
> I love it.
>
> Dimitri

It is funny, but I never have any trouble giving cats pills. :-) I
learned the right technique from my vet.
--
Peace! Om

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
-- Anon.