Omelet wrote:
> In article >,
> Pennyaline > wrote:
>
>> Chemiker wrote:
>>> On Sun, 24 May 2009 05:24:17 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>> On Sat 23 May 2009 04:33:46p, Chemiker told us...
>>> Understood, and with sympathy.
>>>
>>> There is no way that one can prepare for a
>>> death, no matter what they say.
>> How ironic. I started reading this thread yesterday, but interrupted it
>> to go visit my mother in the hospital.
>>
>> She was supposed to be fine. She was supposed to have surgery, recover
>> and come home. I went to visit her yesterday morning anticipating
>> nothing untoward. It would be a short visit, then I had to go to the
>> store, then swing by post office to drop some envelopes into the boxes,
>> go home, feed the animals, have a little lunch myself, get some
>> housework done before the holiday, then go back to see her again in the
>> late afternoon.
>>
>> She was in respiratory failure when I arrived at 10:00 AM. They figure
>> she threw a clot, unavoidable after her surgeries earlier this year and
>> her diminished mobility. After the clot lodged in her lungs, her age
and
>> overall weakened condition took it from there. She didn't respond to
any
>> medical interventions.
>>
>> She failed so fast. We, her children, knew her wishes. We withdrew
>> bipap, stopped all meds except Versed and Morphine, and let her go. She
>> died at 6:10 PM. I'll never see her again. I still can't believe it.
>
> Geezus Penny. I'm so sorry!
> I really do know how that feels. :-(
>
> HUGS!!!
>
> How old was she?

My thanks to all for your responses. She was 83, but it was still a huge
surprise. Events since January took a lot out of her. She had spent only
six weeks at home this year. Too many complications to knee replacement
surgery, too long spent in rehabilitation centers. It was startling how
deconditioned she was when she finally came home in late April after the
second attempt at joint replacement in February. At home, she started
bleeding from the large intestine, brought on by weeks of antibiotic
treatment and decades of NSAID use for pain control, but her prospects
immediately after the exploratory lap and partial bowel resection were
actually quite good and she was doing remarkably well for her age and
overall condition. She was awake and oriented times three, talking a
blue streak per her norm and wondering when they were going to let her
eat again. Then with the next beat, it was all over.

I am very lucky that we left nothing unsaid and very little not done. My
greatest desire, since my daughter and I moved into this new place in
December of 2008 was to have my mother come for a meal and sit in front
of my fireplace. The houses I lived in before this one had stairways in
the entrances, and by the middle of last year she had become unable to
climb stairs even with help. This house has only two steps up to the
front porch, and the rest is clear and level sailing, but her mobility
was so bad in December that she couldn't even negotiate those. So we
talked at length about having her come over for dinner once she got the
knee done, which should have been all done and dusted by the end of
February after surgery in January. But after January's surgery, the
tibia cracked. The surgery was repeated in February with a new
prosthetic joint and revision and repair of the tibia, but rehab for
that surgery was slow and seemed to go nowhere. In March she was still
in a rehab center barely able to bend the knee and scarcely able to put
weight on her foot, and spent most of her time sitting in her room
sleeping in a chair. But coming for dinner remained a popular topic for
discussion between us during in-person visits and phone calls during
that long period, and she loved deciding what we would have to eat. She
was finally discharged home with home care and physical therapy in late
April, and after months away was home for the birth of her first great
grandchild. She still couldn't do stairs and didn't really feel like
eating, but for three weeks we continued to talk about having her over
as soon as she felt better, and she ultimately decided on roast chicken
and peas. After her abdominal surgery, she told me again that the plan
was still on. At this moment, it is the only thing that didn't get done
that I would like the chance to complete.

"Pennyaline" ha scritto nel messaggio

At this moment, it is the only thing that didn't get done
> that I would like the chance to complete.

Your story reminded me so much of my father's last 2 years. I think you did
better at wrapping up than I did. I think there's usually something left to
do, to say, to wish for. I am very sorry for your loss, Penny.

Pennyaline wrote:
> Omelet wrote:
>> In article >,
>> Pennyaline > wrote:
>>
>>> Chemiker wrote:
>>>> On Sun, 24 May 2009 05:24:17 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
>>>> > wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> On Sat 23 May 2009 04:33:46p, Chemiker told us...
>>>> Understood, and with sympathy.
>>>>
>>>> There is no way that one can prepare for a
>>>> death, no matter what they say.
>>> How ironic. I started reading this thread yesterday, but
>>> interrupted it to go visit my mother in the hospital.
>>>
>>> She was supposed to be fine. She was supposed to have surgery,
>>> recover and come home. I went to visit her yesterday morning
>>> anticipating nothing untoward. It would be a short visit, then I
>>> had to go to the store, then swing by post office to drop some
>>> envelopes into the boxes, go home, feed the animals, have a little
>>> lunch myself, get some housework done before the holiday, then go
>>> back to see her again in the late afternoon.
>>>
>>> She was in respiratory failure when I arrived at 10:00 AM. They
>>> figure she threw a clot, unavoidable after her surgeries earlier
>>> this year and her diminished mobility. After the clot lodged in
>>> her
>>> lungs, her age and overall weakened condition took it from there.
>>> She didn't respond to any medical interventions.
>>>
>>> She failed so fast. We, her children, knew her wishes. We withdrew
>>> bipap, stopped all meds except Versed and Morphine, and let her
>>> go.
>>> She died at 6:10 PM. I'll never see her again. I still can't
>>> believe it.
>>
>> Geezus Penny. I'm so sorry!
>> I really do know how that feels. :-(
>>
>> HUGS!!!
>>
>> How old was she?
>
> My thanks to all for your responses. She was 83, but it was still a
> huge surprise. Events since January took a lot out of her. She had
> spent only six weeks at home this year. Too many complications to
> knee replacement surgery, too long spent in rehabilitation centers.
> It was startling how deconditioned she was when she finally came
> home
> in late April after the second attempt at joint replacement in
> February. At home, she started bleeding from the large intestine,
> brought on by weeks of antibiotic treatment and decades of NSAID use
> for pain control, but her prospects immediately after the
> exploratory
> lap and partial bowel resection were actually quite good and she was
> doing remarkably well for her age and overall condition. She was
> awake and oriented times three, talking a blue streak per her norm
> and wondering when they were going to let her eat again. Then with
> the next beat, it was all over.
> I am very lucky that we left nothing unsaid and very little not
> done.
> My greatest desire, since my daughter and I moved into this new
> place
> in December of 2008 was to have my mother come for a meal and sit in
> front of my fireplace. The houses I lived in before this one had
> stairways in the entrances, and by the middle of last year she had
> become unable to climb stairs even with help. This house has only
> two
> steps up to the front porch, and the rest is clear and level
> sailing,
> but her mobility was so bad in December that she couldn't even
> negotiate those. So we talked at length about having her come over
> for dinner once she got the knee done, which should have been all
> done and dusted by the end of February after surgery in January. But
> after January's surgery, the tibia cracked. The surgery was repeated
> in February with a new prosthetic joint and revision and repair of
> the tibia, but rehab for that surgery was slow and seemed to go
> nowhere. In March she was still in a rehab center barely able to
> bend
> the knee and scarcely able to put weight on her foot, and spent most
> of her time sitting in her room sleeping in a chair. But coming for
> dinner remained a popular topic for discussion between us during
> in-person visits and phone calls during that long period, and she
> loved deciding what we would have to eat. She was finally discharged
> home with home care and physical therapy in late April, and after
> months away was home for the birth of her first great grandchild.
> She
> still couldn't do stairs and didn't really feel like eating, but for
> three weeks we continued to talk about having her over as soon as
> she
> felt better, and she ultimately decided on roast chicken and peas.
> After her abdominal surgery, she told me again that the plan was
> still on. At this moment, it is the only thing that didn't get done
> that I would like the chance to complete.

I'm so sorry - my heart goes out to you and wishes you comfort.

Dora

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother.


Becca

Pennyaline wrote:
>> I am very lucky that we left nothing unsaid and very little not done.
> My greatest desire, since my daughter and I moved into this new place
> in December of 2008 was to have my mother come for a meal and sit in
> front of my fireplace. The houses I lived in before this one had
> stairways in the entrances, and by the middle of last year she had
> become unable to climb stairs even with help. This house has only two
> steps up to the front porch, and the rest is clear and level sailing,
> but her mobility was so bad in December that she couldn't even
> negotiate those. So we talked at length about having her come over
> for dinner once she got the knee done, which should have been all
> done and dusted by the end of February after surgery in January. But
> after January's surgery, the tibia cracked. The surgery was repeated
> in February with a new prosthetic joint and revision and repair of
> the tibia, but rehab for that surgery was slow and seemed to go
> nowhere. In March she was still in a rehab center barely able to bend
> the knee and scarcely able to put weight on her foot, and spent most
> of her time sitting in her room sleeping in a chair. But coming for
> dinner remained a popular topic for discussion between us during in-
> person visits and phone calls during that long period, and she loved
> deciding what we would have to eat. She was finally discharged home
> with home care and physical therapy in late April, and after months
> away was home for the birth of her first great grandchild. She still
> couldn't do stairs and didn't really feel like eating, but for three
> weeks we continued to talk about having her over as soon as she felt
> better, and she ultimately decided on roast chicken and peas. After
> her abdominal surgery, she told me again that the plan was still on.
> At this moment, it is the only thing that didn't get done that I
> would like the chance to complete.

The planning and dreaming were as good as the reality would have been

"I am very lucky that we left nothing unsaid and very little not done."

That is a great blessing that not everyone can aspire to. I am so sorry for
your loss, but this will be a comfort.

Bless you.