I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of prose. I
enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system. -- TR
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lamentations of the Father
by Ian Frazier

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods
that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not
in the living room.

Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in
the living room.

Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of
all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat,
but not in the living room.

Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you
may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may
drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any
food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you
eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater
person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither
raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an
abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show,
your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink
your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor
knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your
blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do
not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to
make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away. When you
chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not
open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do
not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the
table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips.
I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your
stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the
table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the
pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to
make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor
slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like
that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said,
it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean,
saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the
unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and
two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas
each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten
enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can
see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas,
and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you
eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert,
no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving
the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten
what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you
shall have no dessert.

On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a
plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching
each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the
offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not,
only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the
fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of
herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is
loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from
screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto
death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face,
nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it
should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.

Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills,
that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to
the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket
of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are
distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold
still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and
also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be;
and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath
water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it
be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building;
nor eat sand. Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you
should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I
read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to
madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Complaints and Lamentations
O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do,
you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not
accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit,
and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and
the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law
teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has
years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger.
But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?"
and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give
the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.

Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again,
even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than
before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and
twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen
hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And
yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines,
nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind,
for surely you cannot know.

For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the
month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of
taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with
wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am
that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and
avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

On Jul 10, 3:17*pm, "The Ranger" > wrote:
> I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of prose. I
> enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system. -- TR
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> Lamentations of the Father
> by Ian Frazier
>
> Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods
> that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.
>
> Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not
> in the living room.
>
> Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in
> the living room.
>
> Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of
> all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat,
> but not in the living room.
>
> Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you
> may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
>
> Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may
> drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
> Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any
> food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
>
> But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you
> eat in the living room.
>
> Laws When at Table
> And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater
> person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither
> raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an
> abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show,
> your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink
> your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor
> knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your
> blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.
>
> When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do
> not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to
> make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away. When you
> chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not
> open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do
> not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.
>
> Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the
> table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips.
> I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your
> stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the
> table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the
> pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to
> make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.
>
> Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor
> slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like
> that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said,
> it has come to pass.
>
> Laws Pertaining to Dessert
> For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean,
> saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the
> unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and
> two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas
> each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten
> enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can
> see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas,
> and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you
> eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert,
> no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving
> the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten
> what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you
> shall have no dessert.
>
> On Screaming
> Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a
> plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching
> each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the
> offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not,
> only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the
> fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of
> herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is
> loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from
> screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto
> death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face,
> nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it
> should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.
>
> Concerning Face and Hands
> Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills,
> that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to
> the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket
> of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are
> distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold
> still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and
> also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be;
> and you shall not go hence until I have done.
>
> Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
> Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath
> water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it
> be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building;
> nor eat sand. Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you
> should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I
> read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to
> madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
>
> Complaints and Lamentations
> O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do,
> you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not
> accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit,
> and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and
> the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law
> teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has
> years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger.

On Jul 10, 1:55*pm, Lynn from Fargo Ografmorffig >
wrote:
> On Jul 10, 3:17*pm, "The Ranger" > wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of prose. I
> > enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system. -- TR
> > -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> > Lamentations of the Father
> > by Ian Frazier
>
> > Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods
> > that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room..
>
> > Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not
> > in the living room.
>
> > Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in
> > the living room.
>
> > Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of
> > all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat,
> > but not in the living room.
>
> > Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you
> > may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
>
> > Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may
> > drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
> > Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any
> > food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
>
> > But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you
> > eat in the living room.
>
> > Laws When at Table
> > And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater
> > person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither
> > raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an
> > abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show,
> > your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink
> > your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor
> > knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your
> > blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.
>
> > When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do
> > not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to
> > make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away. When you
> > chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not
> > open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do
> > not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.
>
> > Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the
> > table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips.
> > I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your
> > stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the
> > table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the
> > pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to
> > make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.
>
> > Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor
> > slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like
> > that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said,
> > it has come to pass.
>
> > Laws Pertaining to Dessert
> > For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean,
> > saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the
> > unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and
> > two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas
> > each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten
> > enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can
> > see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas,
> > and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you
> > eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert,
> > no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving
> > the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten
> > what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you
> > shall have no dessert.
>
> > On Screaming
> > Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a
> > plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching
> > each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the
> > offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not,
> > only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the
> > fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of
> > herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is
> > loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from
> > screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto
> > death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face,
> > nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it
> > should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.
>
> > Concerning Face and Hands
> > Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills,
> > that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to
> > the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket
> > of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are
> > distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold
> > still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and
> > also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be;
> > and you shall not go hence until I have done.
>
> > Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
> > Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath
> > water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it
> > be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building;
> > nor eat sand. Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you
> > should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I
> > read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to
> > madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.
>
> > Complaints and Lamentations
> > O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do,
> > you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not
> > accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit,
> > and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and
> > the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law
> > teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has
> > years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger.
> > But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?"
> > and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give
> > the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.
>
> > Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again,
> > even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than
> > before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and
> > twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen
> > hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year.. And
> > yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines,
> > nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind,
> > for surely you cannot know.
>
> > For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the
> > month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of
> > taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with
> > wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am
> > that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and
> > avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.
>
> Thank you Thank you! *I *used to use this piece as a "reading" for
> carious events. *When my computer died I lost the text! *Bless you,
> Ranger.
> Lynn in Fargo- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

A good smack upside the head will straighten out any unruly child who
has been told but once to mind their manners.

"The Ranger" > wrote in
ndwidth:

> I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of
> prose. I enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system.
> -- TR -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> Lamentations of the Father
> by Ian Frazier
>



Copied and sent to all my mates who have rugrats :-)


Thanks.

--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia

Killfile all Google Groups posters.........

http://improve-usenet.org/

http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html

On Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:17:34 -0700, "The Ranger"
> wrote:

>I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of prose. I
>enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system. -- TR
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>Lamentations of the Father
>by Ian Frazier

How cute! Thanks for sharing...

In article
>,
Chemo the Clown > wrote:
(snip)
> A good smack upside the head will straighten out any unruly child who
> has been told but once to mind their manners.

Would same teach you to trim a post before responding? Good manners and
all that.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.me.com/barbschaller - good news 4-6-2009
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
-Philo of Alexandria

"The Ranger" > wrote in message
ndwidth...
>I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of prose. I
>enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system. -- TR
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> Lamentations of the Father
> by Ian Frazier
>
> Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods
> that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.
>
> Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but
> not in the living room.
>
> Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in
> the living room.
>
> Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of
> all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may
> eat, but not in the living room.
>
> Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you
> may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
>
> Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you
> may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
> Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of
> any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
>
> But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may
> you eat in the living room.
>

(snippage)

That was funny! I grew up in one of those households where the living room
was "for company". All that means is it was a big room full of furniture
people rarely sat on. It was rather like a museum. It wouldn't have
surprised me to find ropes blocking it off. You may look but don't sit and
definitely don't eat in that room. How silly!

I'm now the recipient of said "living room". I say what is the room for if
not to live in? And live in it I do. My computer desk is in one corner,
next to a couple of windows so I can watch the birds at the feeders. I sit
here and get into all sorts of trouble posting to ngs and listening to music
My cat is even allowed to sit on the living room furniture! Oh dear!
If I want to eat or drink in the living room, I shall.

Thanks for sharing that, Ranger. It was fun

Jill

"jmcquown" > wrote in
:


>
> I'm now the recipient of said "living room". I say what is the room for
> if not to live in? And live in it I do. My computer desk is in one
> corner, next to a couple of windows so I can watch the birds at the
> feeders. I sit here and get into all sorts of trouble posting to ngs
> and listening to music
> My cat is even allowed to sit on the living room furniture! Oh dear!
> If I want to eat or drink in the living room, I shall.
>



Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so you live in a one room apartment.

Does the bathroom at least have a door??


--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia

Killfile all Google Groups posters.........

http://improve-usenet.org/

http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html

jmcquown > wrote in message
...
==> Jill's Living Room: Then and Now <==

I also grew up in a time when the Living Room was where guests were
entertained and the fine furniture was showcased. The Rules for Continued
Living On This Plane of Existence were simple and direct: Break the Rules
and your next conversation would be with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Little Brother and I didn't really "test" either parents' adherence those
simple tenets until well into our twenties.

What really stunned Little Brother and me growing up were the parents that
had entire homes that were showplaces. Those boys' mothers were fanatical in
keeping chaos contained -- usually all males were penned to a small section
of lawn or courtyard, fed (if lucky) and watered like hamsters, and then
shooed to another boy's home (usually mine and Little Brother's) so they
could scour the bricks clean or fluff the lawn back into proper order.
Imagine which boys were the most troubled and troubling...

Nowadays, I don't think "living rooms" is a term that many employ when
putting a house on the market. Study, den, or simply room were what I
remember seeing them labeled as. I know we combined our living room into a
larger area and simply call it The Hall because that's where we hold
gatherings. It's open, simple, and the furniture is comfortable.

The Ranger

The Ranger wrote:
> jmcquown > wrote in message
> ...
> ==> Jill's Living Room: Then and Now <==
>
> I also grew up in a time when the Living Room was where guests were
> entertained and the fine furniture was showcased. The Rules for Continued
> Living On This Plane of Existence were simple and direct: Break the Rules
> and your next conversation would be with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
> Little Brother and I didn't really "test" either parents' adherence those
> simple tenets until well into our twenties.
>
> What really stunned Little Brother and me growing up were the parents that
> had entire homes that were showplaces. Those boys' mothers were fanatical in
> keeping chaos contained -- usually all males were penned to a small section
> of lawn or courtyard, fed (if lucky) and watered like hamsters, and then
> shooed to another boy's home (usually mine and Little Brother's) so they
> could scour the bricks clean or fluff the lawn back into proper order.
> Imagine which boys were the most troubled and troubling...
>
> Nowadays, I don't think "living rooms" is a term that many employ when
> putting a house on the market. Study, den, or simply room were what I
> remember seeing them labeled as. I know we combined our living room into a
> larger area and simply call it The Hall because that's where we hold
> gatherings. It's open, simple, and the furniture is comfortable.
>
> The Ranger
>
>
If I ever build another house it will have the bedrooms and bathrooms at
one end and the rest of it will be kitchen/dining/living area. Anyone
who comes to our home ends up in the kitchen anyway.

George Shirley > wrote in message
.. .
[snip]
> If I ever build another house it will have the bedrooms
> and bathrooms at one end and the rest of it will be
> kitchen/dining/living area. Anyone who comes to our
> home ends up in the kitchen anyway.

I was stunned at two general floorplans I saw when we were shopping for
ideas... The weirdest floorplan, one that completely baffled me, stuck the
kitchen at the very back corner of the house. You had to wind your way
through six rooms, like a mouse in a maze, if you entered through the
garage. The architect's idea for the "laundry room" (a closet that wouldn't
have held an apartment washer-dryer stackable) was one of the middle rooms
you had to walk through to get to it. The other floorplan that pushed me
into firmly into remodeling our 3/2 ranch miniaturized every room to allow
for the listing of said models as 4/2 (den), with a "MODERN" galley kitchen.
Expanding our 60s galley kitchen was the very spark that started us down the
path we were on.

Would I do another remodel? In a HEARTBEAT! I wouldn't hesitate.

The Ranger

The Ranger wrote:
> I was looking through some old files and came across this piece of prose. I
> enjoyed it as much today as when I saved it to my file system. -- TR
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> Lamentations of the Father


I think I saw it long ago, but I enjoyed it every bit as much this time.
I sent it to everyone I now who has a sense of humor.

gloria p

The Ranger wrote:
> George Shirley > wrote in message
> .. .
> [snip]
>> If I ever build another house it will have the bedrooms
>> and bathrooms at one end and the rest of it will be
>> kitchen/dining/living area. Anyone who comes to our
>> home ends up in the kitchen anyway.
>
> I was stunned at two general floorplans I saw when we were shopping for
> ideas... The weirdest floorplan, one that completely baffled me, stuck the
> kitchen at the very back corner of the house. You had to wind your way
> through six rooms, like a mouse in a maze, if you entered through the
> garage. The architect's idea for the "laundry room" (a closet that wouldn't
> have held an apartment washer-dryer stackable) was one of the middle rooms
> you had to walk through to get to it. The other floorplan that pushed me
> into firmly into remodeling our 3/2 ranch miniaturized every room to allow
> for the listing of said models as 4/2 (den), with a "MODERN" galley kitchen.
> Expanding our 60s galley kitchen was the very spark that started us down the
> path we were on.
>
> Would I do another remodel? In a HEARTBEAT! I wouldn't hesitate.
>
> The Ranger
>
>
We've been in this house for 19 years now, about $30K went into
remodeling just to make a badly built home liveable. Kitchen is still
too small, formal dining room is too small to hold all our descendants,
formal living room is DW's "art" room (read where everything comes to
rest for art), one bedroom is my office then there's two more bedrooms
and two baths. We converted an outside storeroom into a 6X9 pantry that
works well, lots of wire shelving, the freezer, etc. all in that and I
ran an ac duct to it for heating and cooling. Turned the carport into a
real garage that is also full of DW's "stuff." Now have 2000 square feet
of living area and have doubled the going price of the house. That money
spent on remodeling doesn't cover the insurance repairs plus our share
of a)an ice storm that dropped two oak trees on the house, a small
tornado that didn't hit the ground that dropped the top of another oak
tree on the house, Hurricanes Rita,$16K in damages with $13K paid by
insurance, Gustav, about a thousand bucks (small hurricane for us), and
Ike, no damage to us at all.

Lord willing and the crick don't rise, we'll pay this old house off this
year. May be able to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary in 2010 in a
paid for house.

At age 70 I wouldn't remodel again but would gladly design and have
built my own house if I win the lottery. Preferably on a couple of acres
of land somewhere in East Texas with a large pond to fish in.

The Ranger wrote:

> I also grew up in a time when the Living Room was where guests were
> entertained and the fine furniture was showcased. The Rules for
> Continued Living On This Plane of Existence were simple and direct:
> Break the Rules and your next conversation would be with St. Peter at
> the Pearly Gates. Little Brother and I didn't really "test" either
> parents' adherence those simple tenets until well into our twenties.

We didn't have the dreaded plastic on the furniture (okay, maybe on the
lampshades), but we were not permitted to sit *on* the furniture. We
sat on the floor to watch tv. I'm amazed my parents didn't just put the
tv in the basement and be done with it.

> What really stunned Little Brother and me growing up were the parents
> that had entire homes that were showplaces.

I knew people who lived in the basement. Upstairs was for show.

Having said that, I never sit in my livingroom. It's just a room for
furniture, no living goes on whatsoever.

nancy

George Shirley > wrote in message
. ..
[snip]
> At age 70 I wouldn't remodel again but would gladly
> design and have built my own house if I win the lottery.
> Preferably on a couple of acres of land somewhere in
> East Texas with a large pond to fish in.

"Large" would be the operative phrase there.

The Ranger

"The Ranger" > wrote in message
...
> jmcquown > wrote in message
> ...
> ==> Jill's Living Room: Then and Now <==
>
> I also grew up in a time when the Living Room was where guests were
> entertained and the fine furniture was showcased. The Rules for Continued
> Living On This Plane of Existence were simple and direct: Break the Rules
> and your next conversation would be with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Only if you were invited into the room. To be shown off to the guests, like
the furniture. <G>

> Nowadays, I don't think "living rooms" is a term that many employ when
> putting a house on the market. Study, den, or simply room were what I
> remember seeing them labeled as. I know we combined our living room into a
> larger area and simply call it The Hall because that's where we hold
> gatherings. It's open, simple, and the furniture is comfortable.
>
> The Ranger
I think they're called "great rooms". This room is great. It's also a
total waste of space if you don't use it. So I'm using it

Jill

The Ranger wrote:
> George Shirley > wrote in message
> . ..
> [snip]
>> At age 70 I wouldn't remodel again but would gladly
>> design and have built my own house if I win the lottery.
>> Preferably on a couple of acres of land somewhere in
>> East Texas with a large pond to fish in.
>
> "Large" would be the operative phrase there.
>
> The Ranger
>
>
I actually looked at a piece of land about 75 miles north of Houston,
had a 100-acre lake on it, full of fish, plus another 900-acres of land.
Unfortunately I didn't have the $2,000,000.00 for the land. Still, one
can dream of winning the lottery.

Forty years ago I was offered 12,000 acres of land in the upper reaches
of west Texas for $12.00 an acre, couldn't afford that either. A large
oil company bought it for a retreat for their executives. I visited it
once when I did a job for that company. Beautiful lodge made of local
stone, all the things you would need to live well, and a ranch full of
game. Of course you had to own a plane to get to it as it was "fly in"
only.

I'll settle for anywhere from a half to two acres somewhere I can build
an Eco-cottage with room for the descendants to come visit. Some place
where I can grow fruit trees, a good sized veggie garden, blackberries,
and grapes. That's not too much to ask for.

On Jul 11, 11:51*am, George Shirley > wrote:
> I'll settle for anywhere from a half to two acres somewhere I can build
> an Eco-cottage with room for the descendants to come visit. Some place
> where I can grow fruit trees, a good sized veggie garden, blackberries,
> and grapes. That's not too much to ask for.

Not in my uncles' books, it's not too much to ask. 'Course they all
live in Beorne where mesquite seems to be a weed.

The Ranger

On Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:54:50 -0400, "Nancy Young"
> fired up random neurons and synapses to opine:

<snip>

>I knew people who lived in the basement. Upstairs was for show.
>
>Having said that, I never sit in my livingroom. It's just a room for
>furniture, no living goes on whatsoever.

My mother kept all sorts of things "for best." Linens, pretty
nightgowns she'd been given, a gorgeous Noritake tea set, even a
beautiful pagoda ring the dear aulde dad brought back from Vietnam.
They were still in their original wrappings when we buried her. Now
I'll never know when "best" might have been or who "best" might have
been waiting for.

She gave me a quilt my great-grandmother had handstitched and was
horrified when she found it employed on a guest bed. I had to reassure
her that as soon as a guest got a good look at the quilt, I'd whisk it
away, only to be seen by the guest upon departure :-)

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd

--

"If the soup had been as hot as the claret, if the claret had been as
old as the bird, and if the bird's breasts had been as full as the
waitress's, it would have been a very good dinner."

- Duncan Hines

To reply, replace "meatloaf" with "cox"

Terry Pulliam Burd wrote:
> On Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:54:50 -0400, "Nancy Young"
> > fired up random neurons and synapses to
> opine:
>
> <snip>
>
>> I knew people who lived in the basement. Upstairs was for show.
>>
>> Having said that, I never sit in my livingroom. It's just a room
>> for
>> furniture, no living goes on whatsoever.
>
> My mother kept all sorts of things "for best." Linens, pretty
> nightgowns she'd been given, a gorgeous Noritake tea set, even a
> beautiful pagoda ring the dear aulde dad brought back from Vietnam.
> They were still in their original wrappings when we buried her. Now
> I'll never know when "best" might have been or who "best" might have
> been waiting for.
>
> She gave me a quilt my great-grandmother had handstitched and was
> horrified when she found it employed on a guest bed. I had to
> reassure
> her that as soon as a guest got a good look at the quilt, I'd whisk
> it
> away, only to be seen by the guest upon departure :-)
>
> Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd

I still have my mother's unused wedding bone china she saved for
"best". I've never used it - chip off the old block.

On Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:27:56 -0400, "Dora" > wrote:

>I still have my mother's unused wedding bone china she saved for
>"best". I've never used it - chip off the old block.

I have people over and actually use my formal dining room too. I have
3 "sets" of china from one grandmother (only one is full, bullion
bowls and all, but doesn't include serving pieces) and they are used
on a regular "company" type basis - even if it's my grown up kids. I
also use newer "china" as everyday dishes. I didn't even realize it
until someone commented.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

"sf" > wrote in message
...
> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:27:56 -0400, "Dora" > wrote:
>
>>I still have my mother's unused wedding bone china she saved for
>>"best". I've never used it - chip off the old block.
>
> I have people over and actually use my formal dining room too.


We have a formal dining room that we have used once in over two years. Our
kitchen is very big with a huge table in there and that is where we always
end up. When we bought this house, my wife suggested that I convert the
dining room for my office, but we ended up using a spare bedroom. It would
have been a better use of space to do away with the dining room.

George L

On Jul 13, 4:59*am, "George Leppla" > wrote:
> We have a formal dining room that we have used once in over two years. Our
> kitchen is very big with a huge table in there and that is where we always
> end up. *When we bought this house, my wife suggested that I convert the
> dining room for my office, but we ended up using a spare bedroom. It would
> have been a better use of space to do away with the dining room.

That's the reason we combined the living and dining rooms into our
current hall, or great room. I'm glad we did it and can't imagine how
we were able to host dinners the way it was set up prior.

The Ranger

On Jul 12, 3:27*pm, "Dora" > wrote:
> Terry Pulliam Burd wrote:
> > On Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:54:50 -0400, "Nancy Young"
> > > fired up random neurons and synapses to
> > opine:
>
> > <snip>
>
> >> I knew people who lived in the basement. *Upstairs was for show.
>
> >> Having said that, I never sit in my livingroom. *It's just a room
> >> for
> >> furniture, no living goes on whatsoever.
>
> > My mother kept all sorts of things "for best." Linens, pretty
> > nightgowns she'd been given, a gorgeous Noritake tea set, even a
> > beautiful pagoda ring the dear aulde dad brought back from Vietnam.
> > They were still in their original wrappings when we buried her. Now
> > I'll never know when "best" might have been or who "best" might have
> > been waiting for.
>
> > She gave me a quilt my great-grandmother had handstitched and was
> > horrified when she found it employed on a guest bed. I had to
> > reassure
> > her that as soon as a guest got a good look at the quilt, I'd whisk
> > it
> > away, only to be seen by the guest upon departure :-)
>
> > Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
>
> I still have my mother's unused wedding bone china she saved for
> "best". *I've never used it - chip off the old block.

I once used the family chocolate set.

I was about 8 years old and home sick while everyone else was at
church one Sunday. I decided some hot chocolate would be nice, so I
got out the chocolate pot and the nice hand painted cup and saucer and
enjoyed my chocolate.

Mother was NOT impressed.

John Kane, Kingston ON Canada

On Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:54:55 -0700 (PDT), The Ranger
> wrote:

>On Jul 13, 4:59*am, "George Leppla" > wrote:
>> We have a formal dining room that we have used once in over two years. Our
>> kitchen is very big with a huge table in there and that is where we always
>> end up. *When we bought this house, my wife suggested that I convert the
>> dining room for my office, but we ended up using a spare bedroom. It would
>> have been a better use of space to do away with the dining room.
>
>That's the reason we combined the living and dining rooms into our
>current hall, or great room. I'm glad we did it and can't imagine how
>we were able to host dinners the way it was set up prior.
>
Frankly, I can't stand having a dining/living room combination. There
is nothing worse, IMO.

I would have combined the kitchen and dining room years ago (the old
breakfast room is part of the kitchen now), but I didn't have the
heart to cut into that gumwood paneling. A future owner of this house
can do it, I won't.

As it is, life has reverted back to more formal entertaining now that
the kids are grown and I'm glad I didn't combine rooms. A city house
should be more formal anyway.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

On Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:30:10 -0700, sf > fired up
random neurons and synapses to opine:

>On Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:27:56 -0400, "Dora" > wrote:
>
>>I still have my mother's unused wedding bone china she saved for
>>"best". I've never used it - chip off the old block.
>
>I have people over and actually use my formal dining room too. I have
>3 "sets" of china from one grandmother (only one is full, bullion
>bowls and all, but doesn't include serving pieces) and they are used
>on a regular "company" type basis - even if it's my grown up kids. I
>also use newer "china" as everyday dishes. I didn't even realize it
>until someone commented.

I have my grandmother's china service for 24 (which isn't for 24 in
every category due to breakage over the years - tea cups seem to be
the most endangered species) that I only haul out for big occasions,
such as Christmas or formal dinners. The china is handpainted, so also
has to be handwashed, thus makes the rare appearance due to popular
demand of my kitchen lackeys.

I don't argue with the idea of holding some things back "for best," as
my mother did, but for her "best" never came. Something a little
poignant in that.

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd

--

"If the soup had been as hot as the claret, if the claret had been as
old as the bird, and if the bird's breasts had been as full as the
waitress's, it would have been a very good dinner."

- Duncan Hines

To reply, replace "meatloaf" with "cox"