My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
and desserts.

Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
candied walnuts and gougeres.

We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
appetizer."

She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....

She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.

If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
ego.

What would _you_ have done?

fuming in ri

"maxine in ri" > wrote in message
...
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

I would have taken it as you did, but I would not be taking part in her
dinner party again. I am afraid your hostess was NOT gracious.

maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."

How kind of your host to decide that someone who couldn't follow
directions would get to dictate the whole evening for everyone else.

>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

Served everything, been properly grateful to ALL the contributors, and
tried to remember that the person who couldn't follow directions
probably has issues I don't know about, and was probably not trying to
ruin anything for anyone.

Serene

--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com

"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory

Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>> What would _you_ have done?

>Served everything, been properly grateful to ALL the contributors, and
>tried to remember that the person who couldn't follow directions
>probably has issues I don't know about, and was probably not trying to
>ruin anything for anyone.

That's my thinking as well. Whatever is compelling this person
to overreach in an attempt to control events and/or show off, be
happy you are not that person with that sort of compulsion.

The host fell down a bit on graciousness, but I've seen worse.

Personally I would re-attend the event in the future if the event was
enjoyable for me. I would not boycott it out of priciple.

Steve

On Sun, 06 Dec 2009 11:36:57 -0800, Serene Vannoy
> wrote:

>Served everything, been properly grateful to ALL the contributors, and
>tried to remember that the person who couldn't follow directions
>probably has issues I don't know about, and was probably not trying to
>ruin anything for anyone.

Bingo! Who knows if she even had issues? Maybe she's been to enough
"dinner parties" where there wasn't enough food or someone fell
through at the last minute and she wanted to make sure there was
enough (if that's an "issue", so be it).

The idea of serving the gougères as an appetizer was excellent.
Sounds like Maxine rolled with the punches - but I would *not* have
rolled over and hidden my salad in the coatroom. I would have put in
the kitchen or wherever the prepared dishes were to be placed.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host
> supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad
> with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the
> hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other
> people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

"It was extremely kind of you to bring all these things. Of course,
you realize others were asked to bring the (appetizer), (sides),
(dessert) whatever. I'll be happy to put yours aside for you, to take
home when you leave." (smile gently)". Period.

"Dora" > wrote in message
...
> maxine in ri wrote:
>> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
>> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
>> and desserts.
>>
>> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
>> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>>
>> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
>> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
>> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
>> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
>> appetizer."
>>
>> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
>> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
>> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>>
>> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>>
>> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
>> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
>> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
>> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
>> ego.
>>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
> "It was extremely kind of you to bring all these things. Of course, you
> realize others were asked to bring the (appetizer), (sides), (dessert)
> whatever. I'll be happy to put yours aside for you, to take home when you
> leave." (smile gently)". Period.

Exactly!! It is all very well pandering to the person who brought
everything, but what about Maxine??? How dare she be put aside for doing as
requested!

In article >,
"Dora" > wrote:

> maxine in ri wrote:
> > My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host
> > supplies
> > the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> > and desserts.
> >
> > Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad
> > with
> > candied walnuts and gougeres.
> >
> > We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> > second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the
> > hostess
> > said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> > salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> > appetizer."
> >
> > She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> > to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> > gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
> >
> > She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
> >
> > If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> > guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> > offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other
> > people
> > share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> > ego.
> >
> > What would _you_ have done?
> >
> > fuming in ri
>
> "It was extremely kind of you to bring all these things. Of course,
> you realize others were asked to bring the (appetizer), (sides),
> (dessert) whatever. I'll be happy to put yours aside for you, to take
> home when you leave." (smile gently)". Period.

Some people are pretty inflexible, so I guess you'd have to be there to
know, but my personal philosophy is that you almost can't have too many
appetizers and salads. I love beets, but my wife hates them. If that
salad was mostly beets, my wife would miss out on salad, which is a
favorite of hers. Others don't like citrus. I would take some of each.
Two kinds of bread sounds good also.

--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA

maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad.

What kind of crack is that? "Oh, we don't need a salad" leaves you
standing there like the dingbat who was in the wrong.

> This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."

Then it's the appetizer. Not the salad.

> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

I certainly wouldn't have had the other guests put their assigned
courses in the coatroom.

nancy

In article
>,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

Left and gone home.
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

Omelet wrote:
> In article
> >,
> maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
> Left and gone home.

(laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.

nancy

On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> Omelet wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>
> >> What would _you_ have done?
>
> >> fuming in ri
>
> > Left and gone home.
>
> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
>
> nancy

Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
for his sake.

maxine in ri

In article
>,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> > Omelet wrote:
> > > In article
> > > >,
> > > maxine in ri > wrote:
> >
> > >> What would you have done?
> >
> > >> fuming in ri
> >
> > > Left and gone home.
> >
> > (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
> >
> > nancy
>
> Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
> for his sake.
>
> maxine in ri

Congrats on the restraint. ;-)
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:05:14 -0800 (PST), maxine in ri
> wrote:

>On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>> Omelet wrote:
>> > In article
>> > >,
>> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>>
>> >> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> >> fuming in ri
>>
>> > Left and gone home.
>>
>> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
>>
>> nancy
>
>Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
>for his sake.
>
>maxine in ri

I don't think it merited that kind of response, Maxine. I think you
handled it well. If it makes you feel any better, you could always
call the hostess, pretend to be confused and ask what happened.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

"maxine in ri" ha scritto nel messaggio
On Dec 6, 4:16 pm, "Nancy Young"

> Omelet wrote:
> > In article
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>
> >> What would _you_ have done?
>
> > Left and gone home.
>
> (laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.
>

Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee for his
sake.

But how ignorant is that hostess to decide unilaterally that the beet
confection wasnt an appetiser? She's your problem. What would I do?
Probably politely tell her so. Was she expecting pigs in blankets or
something?

On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:05:14 -0800 (PST), maxine in ri wrote:

> On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>> Omelet wrote:
>>> In article
>>> >,
>>> maxine in ri > wrote:
>>
>>>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>>>> fuming in ri
>>
>>> Left and gone home.
>>
>> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
>>
>> nancy
>
> Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
> for his sake.
>
> maxine in ri

just think of it as having more class than they.

your pal,
blake

blake murphy wrote:
> On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:05:14 -0800 (PST), maxine in ri wrote:
>
>> On Dec 6, 4:16 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>> Omelet wrote:
>>>> In article
>>>> >,
>>>> maxine in ri > wrote:
>>>>> What would _you_ have done?
>>>>> fuming in ri
>>>> Left and gone home.
>>> (laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.
>>>
>>> nancy
>> Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
>> for his sake.
>>
>> maxine in ri
>
> just think of it as having more class than they.


I suppose it would be okay to look terribly disappointed and say "
But..you asked me to bring this..... and now you don't want it?"

On Dec 6, 1:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> Omelet wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>
> >> What would _you_ have done?
>
> >> fuming in ri
>
> > Left and gone home.
>
> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.

SWMBO laughed when she read this. She would've done just what Maxine
did; fumed quietly. 'Course, the moment we returned to the car, I'd've
heard about it. From that point onward, wild horses would not be able
to drag her back to that hostess' house.

She'd actually been thinking about this while prepping holiday
cookies; she offered up, "Okay; good night then," and turning to me
would just as "innocently" say, "<insert movie title> is still
playing. Didn't you mention you'd rather go to that instead of this
meal?" Sometimes, it's just best to put it all out on the table. <EG>

The Ranger

On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:16:51 -0500, Nancy Young wrote:

> Omelet wrote:
>> In article
>> >,
>> maxine in ri > wrote:
>>
>>> What would _you_ have done?
>>>
>>> fuming in ri
>>
>> Left and gone home.
>
> (laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.
>
> nancy

geez. tough crowd.

your pal,
blake

blake murphy wrote:
> On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:16:51 -0500, Nancy Young wrote:
>
>> Omelet wrote:

>>> maxine in ri > wrote:
>>>
>>>> What would _you_ have done?
>>>>
>>>> fuming in ri
>>>
>>> Left and gone home.
>>
>> (laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.

> geez. tough crowd.

Put yourself in maxine's shoes. I don't care if she just stopped
at the store and picked something up, she brought it in and
presented it and was left standing there with egg on her face,
sort of, with Sorry, we don't need that. Some other person
brought something lovely.

She made a lovely sounding salad (that she was assigned) and
was made to feel dismissed. I was steamed for her. No pun
intended.

nancy

"Nancy Young" > wrote in message
...
> Put yourself in maxine's shoes. I don't care if she just stopped at the
> store and picked something up, she brought it in and
> presented it and was left standing there with egg on her face, sort of,
> with Sorry, we don't need that. Some other person
> brought something lovely.
> She made a lovely sounding salad (that she was assigned) and
> was made to feel dismissed. I was steamed for her. No pun
> intended.

I'm with you nancy!

On Mon, 7 Dec 2009 12:23:28 -0500, Nancy Young wrote:

> blake murphy wrote:
>> On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:16:51 -0500, Nancy Young wrote:
>>
>>> Omelet wrote:
>
>>>> maxine in ri > wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> What would _you_ have done?
>>>>>
>>>>> fuming in ri
>>>>
>>>> Left and gone home.
>>>
>>> (laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.
>
>> geez. tough crowd.
>
> Put yourself in maxine's shoes. I don't care if she just stopped
> at the store and picked something up, she brought it in and
> presented it and was left standing there with egg on her face,
> sort of, with Sorry, we don't need that. Some other person
> brought something lovely.
>
> She made a lovely sounding salad (that she was assigned) and
> was made to feel dismissed. I was steamed for her. No pun
> intended.
>
> nancy

sure, i'd be miffed. but i don't think i would storm off in a huff. not
gone back the next time, maybe.

your pal,
blake

On Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:59:05 -0600, Omelet >
wrote:

>In article
>,
> maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
>Left and gone home.

And taken my food with me.
--
Susan N.

"Moral indignation is in most cases two percent moral,
48 percent indignation, and 50 percent envy."
Vittorio De Sica, Italian movie director (1901-1974)

In article >,
The Cook > wrote:

> On Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:59:05 -0600, Omelet >
> wrote:
>
> >In article
> >,
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
> >
> >> What would _you_ have done?
> >>
> >> fuming in ri
> >
> >Left and gone home.
>
> And taken my food with me.

Of course! ;-)
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

"maxine in ri" wrote

> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.

I dislike being 'assigned' a dish, but do not at all mind a sign up list, or
a conglom while we all offer what we wanna bring and settle it out.

> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread,
>
> the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought ..
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so

> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.

I too would be angry. It isnt polite to start with the 'assign' a dish, but
if one must, then you *never* dump the assigned person's gift in favor of
some other person who rudely brought a competing one.

We had one like that many years ago at our simple neighbor gathers. She'd
try to 'one up' other folks dishes so we would 'ooh and ahh' over what a
great cook she thought she was. She was 'de-invited'. Afterall, if Amy was
bringing a simple green bean cassarole, she didnt need to sit there turning
beet red while 'The Ass' tried to trump it all with her version. We wanted
Amy's version and her conversation.

In article >,
"cshenk" > wrote:

> "maxine in ri" wrote
>
> > My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> > the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> > and desserts.
>
> I dislike being 'assigned' a dish, but do not at all mind a sign up list, or
> a conglom while we all offer what we wanna bring and settle it out.
>
> > Dh and i were assigned salad and bread,
> >
> > the hostess
> > said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought ..
> > She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
>
> > If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> > guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> > offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> > share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> > ego.
>
> I too would be angry. It isnt polite to start with the 'assign' a dish, but
> if one must, then you *never* dump the assigned person's gift in favor of
> some other person who rudely brought a competing one.
>
> We had one like that many years ago at our simple neighbor gathers. She'd
> try to 'one up' other folks dishes so we would 'ooh and ahh' over what a
> great cook she thought she was. She was 'de-invited'. Afterall, if Amy was
> bringing a simple green bean cassarole, she didnt need to sit there turning
> beet red while 'The Ass' tried to trump it all with her version. We wanted
> Amy's version and her conversation.

As hostess, it'd behoove her to simply let both people put out their
offerings, then let the other guests decide what they want to eat.

Same as any other potluck!

We have potlucks all the time at work and a signup list is put up. If
someone brings their signed up offering and other stuff, it's ALL put
out! No harm, no foul. :-)
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

On Dec 6, 2:09*pm, maxine in ri > wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. *As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. *This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

I'd give it to the hostess--straight. You might still want to call
her and explain your position and whether you will participate again.
See how she worms out of this one.

On Dec 6, 11:09 am, maxine in ri > wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."

> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

What would I have done in your place, or as the hostess? In your
place I would have handed the salad to her and said, "Here's the salad
you asked me to bring. Please do whatever you like with it." And I
wouldn't raise my hands to take it back from her if it looked like she
wanted to give it back. In her place I'd have served everything
brought by everyone and counseled the overeager person privately that
bringing unwanted things was both unnecessary and troublesome.

It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. -aem

On Dec 6, 5:14*pm, aem > wrote:
> On Dec 6, 11:09 am, maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>
>
> > My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> > the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> > and desserts.
>
> > Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> > candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> > We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> > second couple there. *As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> > said "Oh, we don't need a salad. *This other person brought a lovely
> > salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> > appetizer."
> > She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> > to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> > gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> > She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> > If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> > guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> > offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> > share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> > ego.
>
> > What would _you_ have done?
>
> What would I have done in your place, or as the hostess? *In your
> place I would have handed the salad to her and said, "Here's the salad
> you asked me to bring. *Please do whatever you like with it." *And I
> wouldn't raise my hands to take it back from her if it looked like she
> wanted to give it back. *In her place I'd have served everything
> brought by everyone and counseled the overeager person privately that
> bringing unwanted things was both unnecessary and troublesome.
>
> It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
> people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. * * -aem

I'd take boring over having to sit through that again!

maxine in ri

On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:06:39 -0800 (PST), maxine in ri
> wrote:

>On Dec 6, 5:14*pm, aem > wrote:
>>
>> It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
>> people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. * * -aem
>
>I'd take boring over having to sit through that again!
>
I take it that even without that little fiasco you didn't enjoy the
evening. Good enough excuse not to do it again.


--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

"aem" > wrote
> It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
> people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. -aem
>

Yes. People are going hungry.

maxine in ri > wrote in message
...
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

"That's nice. Here's my contribution to tonight's meal. Please set it out in
addition to the additional salad so people have a choice."

On the way out, after dinner and guests had gone, depending on how well I
knew the hostess, I'd ask about the one that brought all the food. There is
really no good reason for someone to trump so many dishes.

The Ranger

maxine in ri wrote:
>
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

Not a lot other than putting whatever I'd been assigned on the table
anyway, with a smile. The hostess clearly isn't well-educated in proper
dinner party etiquette. Next time, don't go to that house.

maxine in ri wrote:
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some
cheeses from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese
sold there is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different
cheeses.... $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that
when we showed up there was no room on the table because other people
had brought dishes. the cheese never got served.

The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
time I will just get one or two pieces.

Dave > wrote in message
m...
[snip]
> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
> asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some cheeses
> from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there
> is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses....
> $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that when we showed up
> there was no room on the table because other people had brought dishes.
> the cheese never got served.
>
> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
> time I will just get one or two pieces.

I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which it
sounds like you did.

The Ranger

The Ranger wrote:
> Dave > wrote in message
> m...
> [snip]
>> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
>> asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some cheeses
>> from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there
>> is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses....
>> $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that when we showed up
>> there was no room on the table because other people had brought dishes.
>> the cheese never got served.
>>
>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
>> time I will just get one or two pieces.
>
> I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
> going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which it
> sounds like you did.

I didn't look at it that way. The truth is that I really enjoy these
people and they invite us to parties at their place once or twice a year
and we keep meaning to have them out here. They put on a great spread. I
don't mind contributing. In this case she specifically mentioned that
she would like some cheese from our local cheese shop. I don't think
that she knew how expensive it was. She had a huge spread of food, most
of which was uneaten.

Dave Smith > wrote in message
m...
> The Ranger wrote:
>> Dave > wrote in message
>> m...
>> [snip]
>>> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last
>>> summer and I asked what we could bring. The hostess
>>> suggested that I bring some cheeses from our local cheese
>>> shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there is
>>> very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses.... $45.
>>> I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that
>>> when we showed up there was no room on the table because
>>> other people had brought dishes the cheese never got served.
>>>
>>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her.
>>> The next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>>
>> I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
>> going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which
>> it sounds like you did.
>
> I didn't look at it that way. The truth is that I really enjoy these
> people and they invite us to parties at their place once or twice a year
> and we keep meaning to have them out here. They put on a great spread. I
> don't mind contributing. In this case she specifically mentioned that she
> would like some cheese from our local cheese shop. I don't think that she
> knew how expensive it was. She had a huge spread of food, most of which
> was uneaten.

My mistake; please accept my apology. I misread (unintentionally) what you
posted.

I also do this with several friends who always seem to have hosting duties.
We would _love_ to get together but timing usually means we're traveling to
their little burg (West Sac, Hatch, and Galt) which means we're bring in,
dining, and driving out at the end of the day. It works out, as you pointed
out.

Cheers,

The Ranger

The Ranger wrote:
> Dave Smith > wrote in message
> m...
>> The Ranger wrote:
>>> Dave > wrote in message
>>> m...
>>> [snip]
>>>> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last
>>>> summer and I asked what we could bring. The hostess
>>>> suggested that I bring some cheeses from our local cheese
>>>> shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there is
>>>> very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses.... $45.
>>>> I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that
>>>> when we showed up there was no room on the table because
>>>> other people had brought dishes the cheese never got served.
>>>>
>>>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her.
>>>> The next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>>>
>>> I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
>>> going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which
>>> it sounds like you did.
>> I didn't look at it that way. The truth is that I really enjoy these
>> people and they invite us to parties at their place once or twice a year
>> and we keep meaning to have them out here. They put on a great spread. I
>> don't mind contributing. In this case she specifically mentioned that she
>> would like some cheese from our local cheese shop. I don't think that she
>> knew how expensive it was. She had a huge spread of food, most of which
>> was uneaten.
>
> My mistake; please accept my apology. I misread (unintentionally) what you
> posted.
>
> I also do this with several friends who always seem to have hosting duties.
> We would _love_ to get together but timing usually means we're traveling to
> their little burg (West Sac, Hatch, and Galt) which means we're bring in,
> dining, and driving out at the end of the day. It works out, as you pointed
> out.
>
> Cheers,
>
> The Ranger
>
>

It's too bad you are not worth the knowing....

"Dave Smith" > wrote in message
m...
> maxine in ri wrote:
>>
>> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
>> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
>> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
>> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
>> ego.
>>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
> asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some cheeses
> from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there
> is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses....
> $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that when we showed up
> there was no room on the table because other people had brought dishes.
> the cheese never got served.
>
> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
> time I will just get one or two pieces.
>

I had someone offer to make a dessert if I purchased the ingredients as it
included an ingredient I was allergic to. I did so and took them all over
to her. She lived across the street. The night of the dinner, she "forgot"
the dessert and forgot to return the leftovers of the ingredients. I never
allowed another person to contribute to a meal.

Debbie

Debbie wrote:
>
>
>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The
>> next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>
>
> I had someone offer to make a dessert if I purchased the ingredients as
> it included an ingredient I was allergic to. I did so and took them all
> over to her. She lived across the street. The night of the dinner, she
> "forgot" the dessert and forgot to return the leftovers of the
> ingredients. I never allowed another person to contribute to a meal.


I think that would really **** me off.