http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2010/10/...oween-costumes

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while
eating the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no,
we're not sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows
any knowlege of Miss Lee.

In article >,
(Ubiquitous) wrote:

> http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2010/10/...oween-costumes

Sooo ... she put the mixed chicken and turkey legs on the same place on
the grill at the same time, said the turkey needed about twice as long
as the chicken, and took them off together and served them together. So
was she serving turkey legs that had only been cooked half as long as
they should, or chicken legs that had been cooked twice as long as they
should?

It was embarrassing to have her rattle on about Robin Hood and Marion as
if they were real people, and blather about what a sweetie Marion was
and forgetting the part of the legend where she poisons and murders
Robin, the same way SLop did with the people she served those raw turkey
legs to.

Then she takes a frozen cheesecake, lets it thaw overnight to cut it and
stick in popsicle sticks, and then freezes it overnight so she can
drizzle on chocolate (which wasn't chocolate) and then talks about how
fast the cheesecake was to prepare. Uh, yeah, except for the two days
of prep time.

Her breasts were ... glowing.

--
"Please, I can't die, I've never kissed an Asian woman!"
Shego on "Shat My Dad Says"

wrote:
> (Ubiquitous) wrote:

>> http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2010/10/...oween-costumes
>
>Sooo ... she put the mixed chicken and turkey legs on the same place on
>the grill at the same time, said the turkey needed about twice as long
>as the chicken, and took them off together and served them together. So
>was she serving turkey legs that had only been cooked half as long as
>they should, or chicken legs that had been cooked twice as long as they
>should?
>
>It was embarrassing to have her rattle on about Robin Hood and Marion as
>if they were real people, and blather about what a sweetie Marion was
>and forgetting the part of the legend where she poisons and murders
>Robin, the same way SLop did with the people she served those raw turkey
>legs to.
>
>Then she takes a frozen cheesecake, lets it thaw overnight to cut it and
>stick in popsicle sticks, and then freezes it overnight so she can
>drizzle on chocolate (which wasn't chocolate) and then talks about how
>fast the cheesecake was to prepare. Uh, yeah, except for the two days
>of prep time.
>
>Her breasts were ... glowing.

I taped the repeat on Tuesday but haven't had a chance to view it yet.

--
It is simply breathtaking to watch the glee and abandon with which
the liberal media and the Angry Left have been attempting to turn
our military victory in Iraq into a second Vietnam quagmire. Too bad
for them, it's failing.

In article >,
(Ubiquitous) wrote:

> wrote:
> > (Ubiquitous) wrote:
>
> >> http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2010/10/...alloween-costu
> >> mes
> >
> >Sooo ... she put the mixed chicken and turkey legs on the same place on
> >the grill at the same time, said the turkey needed about twice as long
> >as the chicken, and took them off together and served them together. So
> >was she serving turkey legs that had only been cooked half as long as
> >they should, or chicken legs that had been cooked twice as long as they
> >should?
> >
> >It was embarrassing to have her rattle on about Robin Hood and Marion as
> >if they were real people, and blather about what a sweetie Marion was
> >and forgetting the part of the legend where she poisons and murders
> >Robin, the same way SLop did with the people she served those raw turkey
> >legs to.
> >
> >Then she takes a frozen cheesecake, lets it thaw overnight to cut it and
> >stick in popsicle sticks, and then freezes it overnight so she can
> >drizzle on chocolate (which wasn't chocolate) and then talks about how
> >fast the cheesecake was to prepare. Uh, yeah, except for the two days
> >of prep time.
> >
> >Her breasts were ... glowing.
>
> I taped the repeat on Tuesday but haven't had a chance to view it yet.

Watch when she's all in white as the drunken fairy queen of booze.

--
"Please, I can't die, I've never kissed an Asian woman!"
Shego on "Shat My Dad Says"

wrote:
> (Ubiquitous) wrote:

>> I taped the repeat on Tuesday but haven't had a chance to view it yet.
>
>Watch when she's all in white as the drunken fairy queen of booze.

I am hoping to watch it during Fabulous's convalescence. but I hear it's
a boozey doozie!

---
"If Barack Obama isn't careful, he will become the Jimmy Carter of the
21st century."

wrote:
> (Ubiquitous) wrote:

>> I taped the repeat on Tuesday but haven't had a chance to view it yet.
>
>Watch when she's all in white as the drunken fairy queen of booze.

Finally watched it yesterday afternoon. Holy CRAP! This one's a KEEPER!

Who tp'd her magical fairy grove, the tp fairies?

Four words for her gypsy Cher costume: "Gypsies, Tramps, and Lee's"

Apparently in Sandie's world, spherical ice cubes do not melt.


--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while
eating the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no,
we're not sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows
any knowlege of Miss Lee.

"The Queen has arrived! All hail the Queen!," shouts a Renaissance Faire
performer as the Queen of SLop, dressed as Queen Elizabeth I, is chauffered
in a boat towards a crowd of extras that shouts "All hail the Queen!" in
unison. "It is good to be Queen Elizabeth the First or Sandra Lee. I've got
some great costumes for you and an extraordinary menu you are going to love."
I don't see how since what she describes doesn't sound fit for a king, but
it all ends with a "festive Tablescape" that will "haunt your Halloween."
Get ready, because the true nightmare starts now!

Renaissance Halloween:
Turkey and Chicken Legs with Medieval Marinade
Grilled Bow and Arrow Steak on a Stick
Frozen White Chocolate Feather Cheesecake
Cocktail Time: Queen of the Fairies Cocktail / Crystal Ball Cocktail

The farce begins under the assumption that Sandra has just won a joust
tournament against a fellow knight before retreating back to Sherwood Forest
to desecrate food.

She waltzes onto the scene wearing the shittiest Maid Marian costume I've
ever seen and tries too hard to get into character. "A victorious Maid
Marian at your service, or should I say Sandra Lee at the New York
Renaissance Faire. This is one of my favorite things to do in the late
summer and early fall months. Renaissance Faire is always a good time," she
says before clumsily seguing to the menu, which starts with her "rustic"
Turkey and Chicken Legs with Medieval Marinade because in Sherwood Forest,
"chickens and turkeys run wild." Yeah, until they're slaughtered, cut up and
thrown into a plastic Ziploc bag that didn't exist back then and ruined by a
shitty marinade made with: tomato paste, chicken stock, 2 T McCormick
applewood rub, jarlic ("That's the Semi-Homemade part, right?"),
worcestershire sauce, apple cider vinegar, olive oil and 1 bag of thawed,
mushy onions. They marinate in "ye old cooler" for an hour before being
cooked through on a grill while being basted with leftover marinade. Later,
two Merry Men crash the set and devour them, faking orgasms every step of the
way, but I wouldn't touch them simply for the fact that she boiled the
****ing MARINADE and used it as a basting sauce. That is DISGUSTING and
unsafe no matter how long it was boiled.

Sandra channels her inner man when she dawns a low-rent Robin Hood costume,
complete with a bow and arrow, that correlates to her next recipe, Grilled
Bow and Arrow Steak on a Stick that's "hearty and filling and it sicks to
your bones," but it's hard to see how because all she does is butterfly a 2-
pound flank steak and top each half with grill seasoning, jarred red pepper
slices and shredded pepper jack cheese before rolling them up "the long way"
and sandwiching them together with six wooden skewers -- making sure to slice
between each skewer to create "perfect rolls and perfect bites" that only
cook on the grill 4 minutes per side. "The more steak you make, the merrier
your men are going to be, I assure you!," she enthuses seconds later. While
the steak cooks, she creates a dipping sauce by mixing 1 C of plain yogurt
with equal parts grill seasoning, hot sauce, worcestershire sauce and fresh
parsley in a bowl. "And you just made a 'FIN-tastic dipping sauce!," she
says after whisking. "You can see why they're so popular amongst the Merry
Men," she says after the seak is done. Apparently, the cheese in the recipe
makes them "irresistible," but it hardly lives up to the "amazing meal" she
deems it to be when it's over, especially since this is another take on her
Spicy Steak On a Stick from last year's Halloween episode -- Halloween
Queens. And how many times have we seen the dipping sauce? Oh, and
wriggling both of your hands in a bowl of soapy water for THREE seconds after
you've handled raw meat doesn't mean they're clean. I don't see why she's
emulating Robin Hood either. With every cookbook she sells, she's robbing
the poor and giving to the rich every time she files a ****ing tax return!

After a mediocre appetizer, she transforms into a "Faireen" to prepare her
next disasterpiece. "As the Queen of the Fairies alone, I possess the FAN-
tastical and fanciful powers over every magical being. My job is to protect
them and while my follying fairies frolick with the fireflies over the pond
and the dusky twilight sets in on everything, it's my job to create a
harmonious combination of sweet treats and delightful drinks," which is just
the excuse she needs to introduce us to her Frozen White Chocolate Feather
Cheesecake. Trust me, it sounds fancier than it actually is because it's
nothing more than a frozen, "fairey" store-bought Sara Lee cheesecake cut
into eighths that get fitted with popsicle sticks featuring white plume
feathers hot-glued onto the ends. Each slice is drizzled with melted white
chocolate [chips] (using a "magical" bowl and a "fairey" microwave) and
garnished with silver dragees, edible white pearls and glitter purchased from
the "fairey" craft store. "Look at how beautiful this is!," she yelps. "One
of the best things about this dessert is it's absolutely magical, because it
comes together in a snap." "How pretty are those?," she asks. "I can't
think of one person I know who would not love to see that at a Halloween
party!," she feigns, but how could you possibly eat this?! You pick up a
slice and I guarantee you that the popsicle stick would rip through the
cheesecake the moment it started coming to room temperature so what's the
point? It would've made more sense to defrost it, then drizzle and decorate.
I can't decide what's more distracting: the fact that she tried to pass
this off as a legitimate dessert or her tits covered in white glitter! The
costume is all kinds of wrong, too. Instead of looking like a Faireen, she
looks like Queen of the Columbian drug cartel after finding a semi truck full
of pillows stuffed with white feathers and cocaine!

"One of the other powers of fairies is instant manifestations of desire and
that is how all my Cocktail Time ingredients got on the table!," she
screeches, which only means one thing: It's Cocktail Time. Today, she's
making two cocktails. The first is her Queen of the Fairies Cocktail. Into
a pitcher, she dumps: 1 C of half-and-half, 1/2 bottle of white chocolate
liqueur, 1/4 bottle of vanilla vodka ("A favorite of the fairies!") and 1/4 C
hazelnut liqueur ("This is the perfect touch to this cocktail and it makes it
magical"). This is stirred together with a stir stick with a huge white
plume feather sticking off the end and poured into "glasses" from the
"fairie" craft store, which are actually candle votives! She even garnishes
the glasses with two HUGE white plume feathers so each one of her guest's
nose will be tickled to death while drinking it, should they survive!

"One of the beautiful things about being Queen of the Fairies is I have all
the magical powers and I can personify anyone I desire...How about Cher
*fingersnap* as the Dark Lady for my gyspy fortune teller," she says after
the commercial break. "And with all magical beings, we can see into the
future. We use things like tarot cards and tea cups (and LSD!). The crystal
ball, of course, is the best way to look into the future, and I see in your
future something fabulous coming." It turns out to be her "brilliant"
Crystal Ball Cocktail, which starts with a huge ball of ice (made with a
"cute 'lil" mold) sitting in a martini glass. Into a pitcher, she pours 1
part of white "cranburry" juice, 1/2 a bottle of green apple vodka and 1/4 of
a bottle of cinnamon schnapps ("one magical ingredient"). This is mixed
together with her obnoxious stir stick and poured over the ice balls in the
martini glasses. "The ice will keep your martini very cold without watering
it down because these crystal ice balls take a very long time to melt." But
it still waters it down, dipshit! Even so, she can't resist a taste of this
one, going: "Mmmmmmm...*gulp*...That is SOOO delicious!" Yeah, I look into
MY cyrstal ball and I see multiple DWI's, DUI's and suspended driver's
licenses in your future!

The horror fest comes to a close with the arrival of her Tablescape. "Look
at how magical everything is!," she beckons.

"To start off each place setting" is a black, "faux leather" placemat
contrasted by a silver charger "pretty enough for any special occasion." On
top of that is a golden bowl and a silver bowl that's been turned upside to
create a dome to house miniature crowns that are perfect for "The Queen of
the Fairies or The Madame of Magic" attending any Halloween party. Each
place setting also features a placecard made out of "black cardstock" written
out with a gold marker and a gold stamp saying 'Happy Halloween.'" Running
down the table is a "beautiful gold runner" that turns out to be a piece of
remnant fabric from the fabric store laid on top of a "plain black piece of
fabric as my tablecloth." Candle votives in black and gold "march" down the
table, which also feature napkin rings made out of gaudy, dollar store
bracelets that act as the favor for each guest to take home.

She signs off with these words of wisdom: "All magical beings know that you
must cast positive spells to get more powerful so remember that this
Halloween season."

Thanks, but after watching this shitfest, I have more reason to curse this
bitch.

The Renaissance theme is so tacky and tired, especially after last year's
episode, so if the show must go on, I'd rather see her emulate liviing or
dead celebrities since that would be much more entertaining. The
introduction proved once and for all that she's a queen in her own mind and
the costumes looked as trashy as a two-dollar hooker. If they were Bob
Mackie designs, they had to be at least seven to ten years old. Once again,
the food was lackluster. Apart from the chicken and turkey legs, exactly
what would people fill up on? I highly doubt that one lousy piece of beef
and a slice of rock hard cheesecake would make a dent in all of the liquor
she served, but when you have a pickled liver, I guess it doesn't matter.

Congratulations, Sandra, your Halloween episodes are finally nothing but a
cliche.


--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while
eating the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no,
we're not sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows
any knowlege of Miss Lee.