This is a new column.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece

Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)

Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
cooked turkey.


(end)

I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
everyone else prefers your stuffing too.

But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
surprised me a bit.

Lenona.

On Nov 23, 9:15*am, Lenona > wrote:

>
>
> * Dear Miss Manners: *Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
>
> Lenona.
>
>
A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
"because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."

There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
whine about some else's cooking.

Lenona wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
<clipped>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

She's always been good!

Lenona > wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you dont like what the host is serving? (The host is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughters
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

Oh go ahead and hurt the host feelings.
However... If it is corn bread stuffing, that is a different story

--
Enjoy Life... Nad R (Garden in zone 5a Michigan)

On Nov 23, 10:25*am, itsjoannotjoann >
wrote:

>
> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> has _asked_ you to bring. *Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."


If you're saying that there's no way to say "no, thank you" to any
particular dish only to accept a serving of a similar dish then or
later on without offending that PARTICULAR host, fine.

All I'm saying is, even MM has said it's OK to lie about what you're
allergic to if you can get away with it, such as when a child actually
fools an adult by saying "I'm allergic to vegetables." (Most adults
aren't fooled by that, of course.)

In my extended family, as I implied, the homeowners would be shocked
and mortified if the other relatives DIDN'T bring anything, since then
there wouldn't be enough to go around - they never have to ask people
to bring contributions. We know each other too well for that. As I
said, nobody else ever hosts the dinner - but sometimes certain people
can't be there, so the hosts always call in their invitations, so
they'll know how many places to set at the table.

And if the person taking the "orders" for each plate at the dinner
hears the words "please make sure it's that stuffing," no one would
think anything of it. The host might even think "great, I prefer my
stuffing to hers - there will be more for me!"

I suppose for people in other families, an alternative for guests
would be to decline the stuffing at the first serving but ask for it
at the second serving, since it would be likely that the hated
stuffing would be gone by then anyway.

Lenona.

On Nov 23, 9:47*am, Lenona > wrote:
> On Nov 23, 10:25*am, itsjoannotjoann >
> wrote:
>
>
>
> > A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> > has _asked_ you to bring. *Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> > picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> > "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>
> If you're saying that there's no way to say "no, thank you" to any
> particular dish only to accept a serving of a similar dish then or
> later on without offending that PARTICULAR host, fine.
>
>
I didn't say that at all.
>
>
> In my extended family, as I implied, the homeowners would be shocked
> and mortified if the other relatives DIDN'T bring anything, since then
> there wouldn't be enough to go around - they never have to ask people
> to bring contributions. We know each other too well for that. As I
> said, nobody else ever hosts the dinner - but sometimes certain people
> can't be there, so the hosts always call in their invitations, so
> they'll know how many places to set at the table.
>
>
Mortified _and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at their
door without a food contribution??? What has the host/hostess have
to be mortified about?? The bringing of food to large get togethers
is done in my family, too, but not just hoping someone will show up
with the correct for dishes. The host/hostess in your family doesn't
request specific dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring
what they hope is a variety?? But bringing your own dressing/stuffing
is silly because you don't like what someone else has prepared. Just
ask if you can bring ALL the stuffing/dressing.
>
>
> And if the person taking the "orders" for each plate at the dinner
> hears the words "please make sure it's that stuffing," no one would
> think anything of it. The host might even think "great, I prefer my
> stuffing to hers - there will be more for me!"
>
>
Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
fill their own plates???? Are y'all that messy when serving
yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? And no, the
host/hostess will not think "there will be more for me if they don't
eat mine" they'll be wondering what it is about their own dressing/
stuffing that is so unappetizing.
>
>

itsjoannotjoann wrote on Tue, 23 Nov 2010 08:13:37 -0800 (PST):

> On Nov 23, 9:47 am, Lenona > wrote:
>> On Nov 23, 10:25 am, itsjoannotjoann >
>> wrote:
>>
> >> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host
> >> or hostess has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing
> >> because you have a picky eater and just cannot fathom
> >> eating what has been prepared "because they don't like
> >> their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>
>> If you're saying that there's no way to say "no, thank you"
>> to any particular dish only to accept a serving of a similar
>> dish then or later on without offending that PARTICULAR host,
>> fine.
>>
> I didn't say that at all.
>>
>> In my extended family, as I implied, the homeowners would be
>> shocked and mortified if the other relatives DIDN'T bring
>> anything, since then there wouldn't be enough to go around -
>> they never have to ask people to bring contributions. We know
>> each other too well for that. As I said, nobody else ever
>> hosts the dinner - but sometimes certain people can't be
>> there, so the hosts always call in their invitations,
>> so they'll know how many places to set at the table.
>>
> Mortified _and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at
> their door without a food contribution??? What has the
> host/hostess have to be mortified about?? The bringing of
> food to large get togethers is done in my family, too, but not
> just hoping someone will show up with the correct for dishes.
> The host/hostess in your family doesn't request specific
> dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring what they
> hope is a variety?? But bringing your own dressing/stuffing
> is silly because you don't like what someone else has
> prepared. Just ask if you can bring ALL the
> stuffing/dressing.
>>
>> And if the person taking the "orders" for each plate at the
>> dinner hears the words "please make sure it's that stuffing,"
>> no one would think anything of it. The host might even think
>> "great, I prefer my stuffing to hers - there will be more for
>> me!"

>Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
>fill their own plates????

In my family, people may, tho' it is not expected, bring wine, usually
champagne in a cooler, and cookies and dried fruit for after dinner.
No-one really objected when a guest said she would like to bring and
cook a Tofurkey for herself and her fiance. We all tried some but were
just polite in our comments. Normally, both my daughter or I would serve
two sorts of stuffing: bread, sage and onion and sausage chestnut. That
seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't like sweet
potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually provided for me. Everyone
seems to like cranberry bread and cranberry dressing.
--

James Silverton
Potomac, Maryland

Email, with obvious alterations: not.jim.silverton.at.verizon.not

In article
>,
itsjoannotjoann > wrote:

> On Nov 23, 9:15*am, Lenona > wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > * Dear Miss Manners: *Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> > you don¹t like what the host is serving? (The ³host² is my daughter,
> > and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
> >
> > Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> > for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> > Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter¹s
> > permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> > cooked turkey.
> >
> > (end)
> >
> > I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> > extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> > stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> > since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> > same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> > bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> > dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> > everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
> >
> >
> > Lenona.
> >
> >
> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>
> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> whine about some else's cooking.

Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

In article >,
"James Silverton" > wrote:

> seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't like sweet
> potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually provided for me. Everyone
> seems to like cranberry bread and cranberry dressing.

What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

Melba's wrote on Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:56:45 -0600:

>> seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't
>> like sweet potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually
>> provided for me. Everyone seems to like cranberry bread and
>> cranberry dressing.

> What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.

Possibly, a slip of the tongue for cranberriy sauce. There are two
schools of thought in my family; some like the skins, some don't so both
are provided.

--

James Silverton
Potomac, Maryland

Email, with obvious alterations: not.jim.silverton.at.verizon.not

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 07:15:26 -0800 (PST), Lenona wrote:

> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you donÿt like what the host is serving? (The ´host¡ is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughterÿs
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it?

what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
cook.

your pal,
blake

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> In article
> >,
> itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
>>>
>> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
>> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
>> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
>> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>
>> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
>> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
>> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
>> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
>> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
>> whine about some else's cooking.
>
> Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.

<suspiciously> what brands of booze do you stock?

your pal,
blake

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:26:51 -0500, Goomba wrote:

> Lenona wrote:
>> This is a new column.
>>
>> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
> <clipped>
>> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
>> surprised me a bit.
>>
>> Lenona.
>
> She's always been good!

gotta love miss manners. funny lady.

i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.

your pal,
blake

Lenona wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.

On the one hand I know that stuffing is one of those things that
people like just the way they want it and it's not a reflection on yours
if they don't love it. On the other hand, would it really kill the guy to
pass on the stuffing for one day, have your kind at your own house.

If I was the host/ess in this scenario, I say bring it, I wouldn't take it
personally. Bring a dessert, too, while you're at it.

> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.

I'm with her, what's the BFD, get over yourself. (not you, the whiner
who wrote the letter)

nancy

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 07:15:26 -0800 (PST), Lenona >
wrote:

>This is a new column.
>
>http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
>you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
>and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
>Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
>for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
>Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
>permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
>cooked turkey.
>
>
>(end)
>
>I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
>extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
>stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
>since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
>same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
>bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
>dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
>everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
>But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
>surprised me a bit.
>
>Lenona.

I always apprise all guests NOT to bring any food, it will not be
served... nor will it be stored in my fridge or even permitted inside
my house. They can leave it in their automobile or I will happily
toss it out in my yard for the critters, of course they may choose to
just about face and leave (good riddance to bad rubbish). It's RUDE
to bring food to a formal dinner... bring the host/ess a gift of
booze/candy... I typically bring flowers.

"blake murphy" > wrote in message
...
> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.

I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady

--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 09:37:48 -0800, Ranée at Arabian Knits
> wrote:

> We usually make two kinds of dressing, a rice
> based one and a bread based one.

I've never eaten a rice based dressing. How do you make yours?

--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

In article >,
blake murphy > wrote:

> On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
> > In article
> > >,
> > itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
> >>>
> >> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> >> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> >> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> >> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
> >>
> >> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> >> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> >> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
> >> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> >> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> >> whine about some else's cooking.
> >
> > Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.
>
> <suspiciously> what brands of booze do you stock?
>
> your pal,
> blake

I've a bunch of old stuff in the cabinet * we almost never drink hard
liquor; Rob has some red wine around. There are a couple liquor stores
within 2 miles of me, though.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

In article >,
"James Silverton" > wrote:

> Melba's wrote on Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:56:45 -0600:
>
> >> seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't
> >> like sweet potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually
> >> provided for me. Everyone seems to like cranberry bread and
> >> cranberry dressing.
>
> > What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.
>
> Possibly, a slip of the tongue for cranberriy sauce. There are two
> schools of thought in my family; some like the skins, some don't so both
> are provided.

Got it! Thanks. We always had the jellied stuff when I was a kid; now
I prefer the whole berry sauce. And am reminded that I need to make
some. I'll use my microwave recipe and add some orange zest and
cinnamon to it:


Cranberry Sauce - Microwave

Recipe By: Strib Taste section 11/14/90

Serving Size: 10

12-ounce bag fresh cranberries
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup water

Mix together cranberries, sugar and water in microwave-safe 2-quart
casserole. Cover with lid or vented plastic food wrap and microwave on
high (100% power), 6-7 minutes, stirring at 3 minutes, until cranberry
skins pop. (Maybe less time in newer, higher-powered nukers.) Frozen
cranberries will take 2 to 3 minutes longer to cook and should be
stirred twice.

Stir again and cool, covered, to room temperature. Stir and serve or
chill before serving. Makes 2 cups.

Spicy Cranberry Sauce: Prepare as directed, but mix 1/4 teaspoon each
ground cinnamon, ginger, and cloves with sugar.

Orange-Cranberry Sauce: Prepare as directed, but substitute packed light
brown sugar for granulated sugar, orange juice for water, and finely
grated peel of one orange.

Notes: Pretty tough to beat this method of cooking.

I'm tempted to stir in some of Art Simon's Texas Gunpowder (dehydrated
chipotles or serranos); that would give it a little pizazz.
--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 12:12:07 -0500, blake murphy
> wrote:

> what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
> cook.

No it doesn't. It sounds like there are quite a few people giving
advice who don't know anything about hosting large family gatherings.
Only an overly sensitive host would feel that was a way to say they're
"incompetent" and with her boyfriend being Mr. Picky, it might be a
relief to her DD that they're bring something he will like. I say
she should go with her gut and bring it. <shrug> It's the male
version of "happy wife, happy life" to me.

Her family seems to be the come one, come all type and it also seems
like contributions are welcomed. That way the host/hostess doesn't
have to buy and prepare food for an army. After a while people in a
family like that knows who usually brings what, so the possibility of
26 store-bought pumpkin pies isn't very likely.

When the host makes a request, it can be for one of two reasons...
people love what you usually make or they hate what you usually make -
you'll know by the request.

--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

On Nov 23, 10:15*am, Lenona > wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...ners/article26...
>
> * Dear Miss Manners: *Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

I wouldn't dare bring something unless the hostess has requested it.
It's kind of a slap in the face. If the boyfriend or whoever won't
like her dressing, I'm sure he can graciously forgo it and he won't
starve either. Probably overweight anyway, per statistics.

Now I'll read the other replies and see how all-wet I am.

On 11/23/2010 10:15 AM, Lenona wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

I wouldn't do it. They're welcoming you into their home for a dinner
that they are cooking you. You don't like it? Don't go. I'm surprised
that the letter writer isn't more concerned about her daughter's feeling
than her boyfriends. I think it's rude to bring your own because you
don't like theirs.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 11:13 AM, itsjoannotjoann wrote:

> Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
> fill their own plates???? Are y'all that messy when serving
> yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? And no, the
> host/hostess will not think "there will be more for me if they don't
> eat mine" they'll be wondering what it is about their own dressing/
> stuffing that is so unappetizing.

It certainly doesn't sound very nice, IMO.


--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 11:56 AM, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In >,
> "James > wrote:
>
>> seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't like sweet
>> potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually provided for me. Everyone
>> seems to like cranberry bread and cranberry dressing.
>
> What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.
>

Don't know about James, but I make dressing with cranberries in it. (and
apples and sausage.)

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 12:12 PM, blake murphy wrote:

>
> what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
> cook.
>
> your pal,
> blake

And that the writers' daughter isn't making her boyfriend happy with her
recipe for dressing.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 12:20 PM, Ranée at Arabian Knits wrote:

> Honestly, I think it is rude to bring anything if you haven't been
> asked or if you don't check with the hostess first. We tell people to
> bring whatever makes their Thanksgiving, but I plan for every side dish
> we want. If someone comes with the express purpose of bringing
> something so they don't have to eat what is served, that is rude, IMO.
> If you don't have religious or health reasons for abstaining from
> something, then smile and say thank you. It's a huge meal, it's not
> like you can't skip something you don't care for unobtrusively. If the
> boyfriend (and don't get me going on this MOTHER making her "boyfriends"
> preferences take precedent over her daughter)

Exactly!!! I'd tell my "boyfriend" to suck it up.

thinks he will die without
> the right stuffing, he can make some at home the day before. Or after.
> My mom did that for me when I was a child, so maybe the boy needs this
> mom to do so for him, too.

Glad someone else is on exactly the same page as I!

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 12:32 PM, Nancy Young wrote:

> If I was the host/ess in this scenario, I say bring it, I wouldn't take it
> personally. Bring a dessert, too, while you're at it.

Well of course, that would be the graceful thing to do.




--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 1:05 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>
>
> "blake murphy" > wrote in message
> ...
>> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
>> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.
>
> I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
> quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady
>

She's fantastic.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

James Silverton added the following to the totality of all human wisdom
on 11/23/2010 in writing
> Tofurkey

the crux of the moral decay

--
Yours,
Dan S.
There are 10 kinds of people, those who can read binary and those who
can't.

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> On 11/23/2010 1:05 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>>
>>
>> "blake murphy" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
>>> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.
>>
>> I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
>> quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady
>>
>
> She's fantastic.

Yes I expected her to be someone who told you where to place your knife
and fork)

--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

"Omelet" > wrote in message
news
> Last time, they wanted to contribute some fresh Collards from their
> garden. I detest collards but politely mentioned that I'd never been
> able to enjoy them as perhaps I did not cook them right so they were
> invited early to help with the meal prep. ;-)
>
> Actually, that was far more fun. <g>

But that was you being gracious
--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On 11/23/2010 2:40 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>
>
> "ravenlynne" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On 11/23/2010 1:05 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>> "blake murphy" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
>>>> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.
>>>
>>> I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
>>> quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady
>>>
>>
>> She's fantastic.
>
> Yes I expected her to be someone who told you where to place your
> knife and fork)
>

She definitely has a dry sense of humor.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On 11/23/2010 9:15 AM, Lenona wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

I think there has to be a "may I" before bringing anything. For our
dinner, one guest asked if he could bring the dressing. Less work for me!

--
Janet Wilder
Way-the-heck-south Texas
Spelling doesn't count. Cooking does.

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:25:35 -0800, Ranée at Arabian Knits
> wrote:

> In article >,
> sf > wrote:
>
> > On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 09:37:48 -0800, Ranée at Arabian Knits
> > > wrote:
> >
> > > We usually make two kinds of dressing, a rice
> > > based one and a bread based one.
> >
> > I've never eaten a rice based dressing. How do you make yours?
>
> It's basically a wild rice pilaf, with white rice and lots of onion
> and garlic. I season with thyme, s & p. I add toasted, slivered
> almonds or toasted pine nuts. It's great to stuff the bird, too, but I
> roast mine unstuffed for quicker cooking.
>
Okay, thanks. Have you ever tried water chestnuts in dressing? Not
much flavor, but they have a nice crunch and don't get soggy.

--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

On Nov 23, 7:15*am, Lenona > wrote:

I'm hosting Thangsgivng this year. I gave the menu I'm cooking to all
my guests with the advice that if there was anything on the menu that
was missing or that they thought should be included they were welcomed
to bring it. We always do it that way no matter who is hosting.
Everyone knows what is on the 'basic' menu and then who ever chooses
to 'fill in' does.

We are not stiff necked formal about this Holiday, we all love food
and wine and everything everyone brings is all put in a big buffet and
we indulge as much as we want of whatever dishes we choose.

Those who have children bring whatever dish their kids "have" to have
and everyone brings wine.

I don't understand why people are so up tight about it. This is a
holiday to enjoy food and each other, eat drink and
laugh and have a good time and be thankful that we can.

On Nov 23, 11:13*am, itsjoannotjoann >
wrote:
> On Nov 23, 9:47*am, Lenona > wrote:> On Nov 23, 10:25*am, itsjoannotjoann >
> > wrote:
>
>
> Mortified *_and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at their
> door without a food contribution??? * What has the host/hostess have
> to be mortified about?? *The bringing of food to large get togethers
> is done in my family, too, but not just hoping someone will show up
> with the correct for dishes. *The host/hostess in your family doesn't
> request specific dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring
> what they hope is a variety?? *


After 60 years of watching/doing the same things in the extended
family, the hosts know what to expect - and so do the guests. We all
know who likes to bring the vegetables and who will bring pies or
other desserts.

The hosts would be shocked if no one brought anything, since it's
usually just RELATIVES who are there, and they've ALWAYS brought
contributions! As I said, no other nuclear family else ever hosts.
This is due to the fact that only one house is BIG enough for more
than a few dinner guests.


> Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? *People are not allowed to
> fill their own plates???? *Are y'all that messy when serving
> yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? *

No, we're FORMAL. Everyone but three people or so sits down, partly to
avoid crowding and foot traffic, but it's also gracious to let guests
relax in their seats - especially the oldest ones. The host always
does the carving for the first servings. The two or three volunteers
(I'm often one of them, another would be the hostess) take specific
orders, fill the plates, and serve.

For some reason, I can't remember if we use that method for second
servings, since many don't want seconds, but we DO use it for dessert,
since most people want to wait a while before dessert anyway, and
again, it's faster if most of the guests stay seated.

Thanks to sf for your comments, btw. As well as commentator #40.

Lenona.

ravenlynne wrote:
> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
>> What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.
>
> Don't know about James, but I make dressing with cranberries in it. (and
> apples and sausage.)

One year I tried to do as many American ingredients as I could manage.
It was a fun production.

A turkey. Stuffing of corn bread with chestnuts(French because of the
blight on the American chestnut trees but it was an American tradition
in the past) and cranberries. An oyster and potato dressing. Gravy
thickened with corn starch. Steamed squash in a tomato sauce. A couple
of different bean dishes one with hot peppers. Wild rice. Mashed
potatoes. Pumpkin pie. Chocolate ice cream. Tequila.

On 11/23/2010 4:13 PM, Doug Freyburger wrote:
> ravenlynne wrote:
>> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>>
>>> What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.
>>
>> Don't know about James, but I make dressing with cranberries in it. (and
>> apples and sausage.)
>
> One year I tried to do as many American ingredients as I could manage.
> It was a fun production.
>
> A turkey. Stuffing of corn bread with chestnuts(French because of the
> blight on the American chestnut trees but it was an American tradition
> in the past) and cranberries. An oyster and potato dressing. Gravy
> thickened with corn starch. Steamed squash in a tomato sauce. A couple
> of different bean dishes one with hot peppers. Wild rice. Mashed
> potatoes. Pumpkin pie. Chocolate ice cream. Tequila.

My grandmother used to make great oyster dressing...I'm the only one I
know who likes it so I don't bother.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

Ranée at Arabian Knits wrote:
>
> If you don't have religious or health reasons for abstaining from
> something, then smile and say thank you.

To me a flat "no thank you" covers it no matter the reason. Some will
know my reason some won't and it doesn't matter. A "no thank you" is to
be accepted with grace. Here's the next dish. No thank you. Then pass
it on to the next person around the table. Will do thank you.

> If the
> boyfriend (and don't get me going on this MOTHER making her "boyfriends"
> preferences take precedent over her daughter)

There's a trade off in being a host. To some extent everyone's tastes
should be taken into account if those tastes are known. To some extent
traditions are known and matter. There are plenty of side dishes for
vegitarians but vegans need to get over the fact that others eating meat
is a tradition.

There's also a trade off in being a guest. If your tastes tend to get
judged as being picky then they are your issue and should not be
mentioned. If your tastes are specific enough to just be a personal
quirk they don't need to be taken into account. I strongly dislike bell
peppers so any dish I see that contains them gets passed to the next
person at the table without any comment from me. Many would not even
notice it happening.

Omelet wrote:

> a formal potluck.
>
An oxymoron