So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
going out of town this year."

I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
and let us know. This was Sunday.

It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)

Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
don't want to burn bridges.
--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On Dec 29, 1:26*pm, ravenlynne > wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." *This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. *Anyway, I stated our
> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
> and let us know. *This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. *I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. *Do I enquire as to whether
> they're coming? *If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. *They do have a
> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
> Currently Reading: *Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
your house. That question should give you all the information you
need.

On 12/29/2010 4:40 PM, ImStillMags wrote:
> On Dec 29, 1:26 pm, > wrote:
>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>> going out of town this year."
>>
>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
>> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
>> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
>> and let us know. This was Sunday.
>>
>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
>> they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
>> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
>> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
>> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
>> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
>> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
>> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>> --
>> Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold
>
> Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
> doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
> your house. That question should give you all the information you
> need.
>

Thanks! I just hate the whole Miss Popularity "let me pick my my
millions of invites what is most fun and keep everyone else hanging!"

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

ravenlynne wrote:

>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.

I think your stuck at this point and the most effective advice would be
to not put yourself in this position again.

As for dealing with it now, with out offending any one or "burning any
bridges" make enough food so at the worst you have more leftovers than
planned.

For my part i would be prepared for 'drop ins' but that's just me, i
encourage people to 'drop in' unannounced, and without calling first,
that's just the way i grew up and it works for me.

If im not home, or cant receive people its up to them to understand and
adapt.

The important thing here is that i would ask your husband how and why
those people are important to him.

If they are professionals (job, money or work related) important i would
be more forgiving & accommodating, if they are of only social or
familial importance i might be less welcoming or concerned with
offending them.

--

Mr. Joseph Paul Littleshoes Esq.

Domine, dirige nos.

Let the games begin!
http://fredeeky.typepad.com/fredeeky.../sf_anthem.mp3

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> On 12/29/2010 4:40 PM, ImStillMags wrote:
>> On Dec 29, 1:26 pm, > wrote:
>>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>>> going out of town this year."
>>>
>>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>>> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
>>> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
>>> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
>>> and let us know. This was Sunday.
>>>
>>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
>>> they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
>>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>>> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>>> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
>>> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
>>> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
>>> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
>>> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
>>> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
>>> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>>
>>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>>> don't want to burn bridges.
>>> --
>>> Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold
>>
>> Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
>> doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
>> your house. That question should give you all the information you
>> need.
>>
>
> Thanks! I just hate the whole Miss Popularity "let me pick my my millions
> of invites what is most fun and keep everyone else hanging!"

How rude they are!!! If that happens again, just say you haven't decided
what you are doing!!
Or...you could ask what THEY are doing... because YOU haven't decided yet???
--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On 12/29/2010 5:09 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>
>
> "ravenlynne" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On 12/29/2010 4:40 PM, ImStillMags wrote:
>>> On Dec 29, 1:26 pm, > wrote:
>>>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>>>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>>>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>>>> going out of town this year."
>>>>
>>>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us
>>>> what
>>>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>>>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>>>> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
>>>> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
>>>> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
>>>> and let us know. This was Sunday.
>>>>
>>>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>>>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
>>>> they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
>>>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me
>>>> know so
>>>> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>>>> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
>>>> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
>>>> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
>>>> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
>>>> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
>>>> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
>>>> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>>>
>>>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>>>> don't want to burn bridges.
>>>> --
>>>> Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold
>>>
>>> Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
>>> doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
>>> your house. That question should give you all the information you
>>> need.
>>>
>>
>> Thanks! I just hate the whole Miss Popularity "let me pick my my
>> millions of invites what is most fun and keep everyone else hanging!"
>
> How rude they are!!! If that happens again, just say you haven't decided
> what you are doing!!
> Or...you could ask what THEY are doing... because YOU haven't decided
> yet???

Well, I'm certainly not putting myself in the situation again, as I have
just told my husband. I think it's rude.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

In article >,
ravenlynne > wrote:

> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us"

Sucker!

> which, while I did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going
> to tell you my plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it
> with her husband and let us know. This was Sunday.

You need to practice your tap dancing.

>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning.

Well, there you go!

> Do I enquire as to whether they're coming?

Only if you want to know how many groceries to buy.

> If so, when do I do this?

How about tonight.

> How long do I wait?

Until Monday, December 27. Oh, wait, that's past already. . . .

> Or do I
> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
> I didn't plan for you?

Mmmmm, no. Figure it out now - it will be less awkward to call now and
make a damn plan than to say "sorry, you can't come because you're a
moron and I'm a sucker for tolerating you."

> I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
> people and I'm quite irked about it.

Fair enough.

> I'm not planning on a ham or something that feeds plenty, but
> appetizers and beef filet.


Tell her you're having sloppy joes and need to buy buns.

> When I'm invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They
> do have a history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or,
> as happened last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them
> backing out at the last minute because the rest of the group had to
> cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)

Rob's great-aunt Josephine Amanda used to say, "Fool me once, shame on
you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I loved Aunt Jo. She walked across
the Golden Gate bridge on the day it opened in 1937.

> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.

So, call her and say, "I need to know if you're coming on Friday. I
have to plan and shop. Yea or nay?" If she waffles, then say, "Well,
let's get together another time, then, because you don't sound sure
about it and I need a commitment or regrets today."

You're welcome.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
Pepparkakor particulars posted 11-29-2010;
http://web.me.com/barbschaller

On 12/29/2010 6:35 PM, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In >,
> > wrote:
>
>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>> going out of town this year."
>>
>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us"
>
> Sucker!
>
>> which, while I did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going
>> to tell you my plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it
>> with her husband and let us know. This was Sunday.
>
> You need to practice your tap dancing.
>
>>
>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning.
>
> Well, there you go!
>
>> Do I enquire as to whether they're coming?
>
> Only if you want to know how many groceries to buy.
>
>> If so, when do I do this?
>
> How about tonight.
>
>> How long do I wait?
>
> Until Monday, December 27. Oh, wait, that's past already. . . .
>
>> Or do I
>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>> I didn't plan for you?
>
> Mmmmm, no. Figure it out now - it will be less awkward to call now and
> make a damn plan than to say "sorry, you can't come because you're a
> moron and I'm a sucker for tolerating you."
>
>> I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>> people and I'm quite irked about it.
>
> Fair enough.
>
>> I'm not planning on a ham or something that feeds plenty, but
>> appetizers and beef filet.
>
>
> Tell her you're having sloppy joes and need to buy buns.
>
>> When I'm invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They
>> do have a history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or,
>> as happened last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them
>> backing out at the last minute because the rest of the group had to
>> cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Rob's great-aunt Josephine Amanda used to say, "Fool me once, shame on
> you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I loved Aunt Jo. She walked across
> the Golden Gate bridge on the day it opened in 1937.
>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>
> So, call her and say, "I need to know if you're coming on Friday. I
> have to plan and shop. Yea or nay?" If she waffles, then say, "Well,
> let's get together another time, then, because you don't sound sure
> about it and I need a commitment or regrets today."
>
> You're welcome.
>

Thanks!

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

In article >,
ravenlynne > wrote:

> On 12/29/2010 5:09 PM, Ophelia wrote:
> > How rude they are!!! If that happens again, just say you haven't decided
> > what you are doing!!

> > Or...you could ask what THEY are doing... because YOU haven't decided
> > yet???
>
> Well, I'm certainly not putting myself in the situation again, as I have
> just told my husband. I think it's rude.

What did you decide to do? Good luck!!

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
Pepparkakor particulars posted 11-29-2010;
http://web.me.com/barbschaller

On 12/29/2010 7:01 PM, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In >,
> > wrote:
>
>> On 12/29/2010 5:09 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>>> How rude they are!!! If that happens again, just say you haven't decided
>>> what you are doing!!
>
>>> Or...you could ask what THEY are doing... because YOU haven't decided
>>> yet???
>>
>> Well, I'm certainly not putting myself in the situation again, as I have
>> just told my husband. I think it's rude.
>
> What did you decide to do? Good luck!!
>

I'm simply going to speak to her later and ask what they've decided to
do for new years eve then wish them a happy new year if it's not us.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 29/12/2010 4:26 PM, ravenlynne wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did
> mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans
> without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let
> us know. This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
> coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I just plan
> for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so I didn't
> plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to people and
> I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or something that
> feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm invited somewhere,
> I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a history of both waiting
> until the day of to let us know or, as happened last time, agreeing to
> come with a group, but them backing out at the last minute because the
> rest of the group had to cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll
> cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.

The last part says it all, You don't want to offend. Call them up to
confirm.



I was in a similar but different situation three years ago. I invited
two couples for dinner on New Years Eve. One of the guys said yes
immediately. The other guy had to check with his wife. I figured that
would be a no because think she is upset with us. Sure enough, he called
back and declined. I invited our neighbours in their place.

I ordered a prime rib that I figured would feed the 6 of us without a
tone of leftovers, and the rest of the preparations were basically for
6, including the table setting.

He called at about 4 pm.to see if the invitation was still open. I guess
that she didn`t find any better offers. I was tempted to say no, but I
feel sorry for him being married to her so I told them to come. Besides,
he said that he would bring some beef tenderloin steaks and my only real
concern was the size of the roast. It turned out that his "steaks" were
two small end pieces, about 6 oz. total.


I don't see that happening. I won't be inviting them again.

On 12/29/2010 11:26 AM, ravenlynne wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did
> mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans
> without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let
> us know. This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
> coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I just plan
> for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so I didn't
> plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to people and
> I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or something that
> feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm invited somewhere,
> I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a history of both waiting
> until the day of to let us know or, as happened last time, agreeing to
> come with a group, but them backing out at the last minute because the
> rest of the group had to cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll
> cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.

You need to develop your lying skills. Being able to weasel my way out
of most any social function/engagement is pretty much my specialty. Of
course, only the dimmest of folks will be fooled by any excuse you give
them - even if you dress up the lie with most elaborate of details. The
truth is that it's not going to take very long until your buddies have
got your number figured out and they'll stop being so chummy. Just the
way I like it. :-)

On 12/29/2010 7:14 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
> I don't see that happening. I won't be inviting them again.

Haha..that sounds just like these people.

Update:

I called. They accepted. I had previously (since my posting) changed
my mind from beef to ham. Informed them of the menu (never told them
about the beef in the first place). They noted that they don't like ham
but would like to bring something. I noted that I'm still making ham,
but "we would love it if you brought something that you like to share
with us." They're bringing pigs in blankets.

O_o

So there it is.

---
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 12/29/2010 7:21 PM, dsi1 wrote:
> On 12/29/2010 11:26 AM, ravenlynne wrote:
>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>> going out of town this year."
>>
>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
>> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did
>> mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans
>> without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let
>> us know. This was Sunday.
>>
>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
>> coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I just plan
>> for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so I didn't
>> plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to people and
>> I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or something that
>> feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm invited somewhere,
>> I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a history of both waiting
>> until the day of to let us know or, as happened last time, agreeing to
>> come with a group, but them backing out at the last minute because the
>> rest of the group had to cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll
>> cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>
> You need to develop your lying skills. Being able to weasel my way out
> of most any social function/engagement is pretty much my specialty. Of
> course, only the dimmest of folks will be fooled by any excuse you give
> them - even if you dress up the lie with most elaborate of details. The
> truth is that it's not going to take very long until your buddies have
> got your number figured out and they'll stop being so chummy. Just the
> way I like it. :-)

LOL

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 12/29/2010 7:21 PM, dsi1 wrote:
> On 12/29/2010 11:26 AM, ravenlynne wrote:
>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>> going out of town this year."
>>
>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
>> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did
>> mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans
>> without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let
>> us know. This was Sunday.
>>
>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
>> coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I just plan
>> for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so I didn't
>> plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to people and
>> I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or something that
>> feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm invited somewhere,
>> I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a history of both waiting
>> until the day of to let us know or, as happened last time, agreeing to
>> come with a group, but them backing out at the last minute because the
>> rest of the group had to cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll
>> cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>
> You need to develop your lying skills. Being able to weasel my way out
> of most any social function/engagement is pretty much my specialty. Of
> course, only the dimmest of folks will be fooled by any excuse you give
> them - even if you dress up the lie with most elaborate of details. The
> truth is that it's not going to take very long until your buddies have
> got your number figured out and they'll stop being so chummy. Just the
> way I like it. :-)

See, the thing is, I'm not offended by a simple "no" when I give an
invite. There could be myriad reasons why the invite is declined. I
don't necessarily take it personally. But when you call, fishing for an
invite, then act as if you need to weigh all of your options and see if
something more appealing comes your way, I feel like saying "**** you,
spend your evening elsewhere, then" but maybe without the profanity.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 29/12/2010 6:35 PM, Melba's Jammin' wrote:


>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning.
>
> Well, there you go!
>
>> Do I enquire as to whether they're coming?
>
> Only if you want to know how many groceries to buy.


I disagree on the "only" point. Sure, it's handy to know who many are
coming because you don't want to be caught short. Neither do you want to
have to buy a lot of extra stuff if they aren't coming. My wife and I
usually do sea food and I don't want to buy a lobster or other specialty
items for people who aren't coming.

There are other considerations. My wife always sets a nice table. We
have several sets of dishes, in various degrees of completeness. We have
enough of one set for 8, but if she wants to use my grandmother's Limoge
there are only 5 complete settings. Ditto for table napkins. and napkin
rings. She likes to have the table set well in advance and would not
appreciate having to change everything because someone didn't have the
social graces to commit to an invitation ... especially one that she
extended to herself.



>
>> If so, when do I do this?
>
> How about tonight.
>
>> How long do I wait?
>
> Until Monday, December 27. Oh, wait, that's past already. . . .
>
>> Or do I
>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>> I didn't plan for you?
>
> Mmmmm, no. Figure it out now - it will be less awkward to call now and
> make a damn plan than to say "sorry, you can't come because you're a
> moron and I'm a sucker for tolerating you."
>
>> I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>> people and I'm quite irked about it.
>
> Fair enough.
>
>> I'm not planning on a ham or something that feeds plenty, but
>> appetizers and beef filet.
>
>
> Tell her you're having sloppy joes and need to buy buns.
>
>> When I'm invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They
>> do have a history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or,
>> as happened last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them
>> backing out at the last minute because the rest of the group had to
>> cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Rob's great-aunt Josephine Amanda used to say, "Fool me once, shame on
> you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I loved Aunt Jo. She walked across
> the Golden Gate bridge on the day it opened in 1937.
>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>
> So, call her and say, "I need to know if you're coming on Friday. I
> have to plan and shop. Yea or nay?" If she waffles, then say, "Well,
> let's get together another time, then, because you don't sound sure
> about it and I need a commitment or regrets today."
>
> You're welcome.
>

On 29/12/2010 7:21 PM, dsi1 wrote:

> You need to develop your lying skills. Being able to weasel my way out
> of most any social function/engagement is pretty much my specialty. Of
> course, only the dimmest of folks will be fooled by any excuse you give
> them - even if you dress up the lie with most elaborate of details. The
> truth is that it's not going to take very long until your buddies have
> got your number figured out and they'll stop being so chummy. Just the
> way I like it. :-)

I tried that with my wacko sister in law who likes to have big parties
at her cottage, but doesn't have room to put us up and does not want our
dog. We made excuses for several years and finally had to tell her that
we would love to come to parties at her house, but don't want to drive
four hours each way for a party and cannot afford to board the dog and
stay in a hotel in order to go to her party.

On Dec 29, 6:23*pm, ravenlynne > wrote:
> On 12/29/2010 7:14 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
>
> > I don't see that happening. I won't be inviting them again.
>
> Haha..that sounds just like these people.
>
> Update:
>
> I called. *They accepted. *I had previously (since my posting) changed
> my mind from beef to ham. *Informed them of the menu (never told them
> about the beef in the first place). *They noted that they don't like ham
> but would like to bring something. *I noted that I'm still making ham,
> but "we would love it if you brought something that you like to share
> with us." *They're bringing pigs in blankets.
>
> O_o
>
> So there it is.
>
>
Next year tell them you are going to Moscow, Russia, Bean Blossom,
Indiana, anywhere just as long as they get the message. These people
must have been raised in the projects.

On 12/29/2010 7:32 PM, itsjoannotjoann wrote:
> On Dec 29, 6:23 pm, > wrote:
>> On 12/29/2010 7:14 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
>>
>>> I don't see that happening. I won't be inviting them again.
>>
>> Haha..that sounds just like these people.
>>
>> Update:
>>
>> I called. They accepted. I had previously (since my posting) changed
>> my mind from beef to ham. Informed them of the menu (never told them
>> about the beef in the first place). They noted that they don't like ham
>> but would like to bring something. I noted that I'm still making ham,
>> but "we would love it if you brought something that you like to share
>> with us." They're bringing pigs in blankets.
>>
>> O_o
>>
>> So there it is.
>>
>>
> Next year tell them you are going to Moscow, Russia, Bean Blossom,
> Indiana, anywhere just as long as they get the message. These people
> must have been raised in the projects.

They've got large senses of entitlement.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 12/29/2010 2:25 PM, ravenlynne wrote:
>
> See, the thing is, I'm not offended by a simple "no" when I give an
> invite. There could be myriad reasons why the invite is declined. I
> don't necessarily take it personally. But when you call, fishing for an
> invite, then act as if you need to weigh all of your options and see if
> something more appealing comes your way, I feel like saying "**** you,
> spend your evening elsewhere, then" but maybe without the profanity.
>

"Maybe?" :-)

On Dec 29, 1:26*pm, ravenlynne > wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." *This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. *Anyway, I stated our
> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
> and let us know. *This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. *I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. *Do I enquire as to whether
> they're coming? *If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. *They do have a
> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
> Currently Reading: *Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

Do as the second poster (ImStillMags) suggested.

She said:


Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
your house. That question should give you all the information you
need.

On 12/29/2010 7:42 PM, Chemo the Clown wrote:
> On Dec 29, 1:26 pm, > wrote:
>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>> going out of town this year."
>>
>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
>> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
>> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
>> and let us know. This was Sunday.
>>
>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
>> they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
>> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
>> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
>> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
>> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
>> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
>> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>> --
>> Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold
>
> Do as the second poster (ImStillMags) suggested.
>
> She said:
>
>
> Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
> doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
> your house. That question should give you all the information you
> need.

This is just what I did...I believe I caught her because what she said
was "My husband just walked in the door and he needs to ask me
something, may I call you right back" then called back 30 seconds later
and accepted the invite. Ah....people.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 12/29/2010 7:40 PM, dsi1 wrote:
> On 12/29/2010 2:25 PM, ravenlynne wrote:
>>
>> See, the thing is, I'm not offended by a simple "no" when I give an
>> invite. There could be myriad reasons why the invite is declined. I
>> don't necessarily take it personally. But when you call, fishing for an
>> invite, then act as if you need to weigh all of your options and see if
>> something more appealing comes your way, I feel like saying "**** you,
>> spend your evening elsewhere, then" but maybe without the profanity.
>>
>
> "Maybe?" :-)

Well, I do TRY to be nice...lol. I do my raging alone.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 12/29/2010 2:31 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
> On 29/12/2010 7:21 PM, dsi1 wrote:
>
>> You need to develop your lying skills. Being able to weasel my way out
>> of most any social function/engagement is pretty much my specialty. Of
>> course, only the dimmest of folks will be fooled by any excuse you give
>> them - even if you dress up the lie with most elaborate of details. The
>> truth is that it's not going to take very long until your buddies have
>> got your number figured out and they'll stop being so chummy. Just the
>> way I like it. :-)
>
> I tried that with my wacko sister in law who likes to have big parties
> at her cottage, but doesn't have room to put us up and does not want our
> dog. We made excuses for several years and finally had to tell her that
> we would love to come to parties at her house, but don't want to drive
> four hours each way for a party and cannot afford to board the dog and
> stay in a hotel in order to go to her party.

And who doesn't have a wacko sister-in-law? Good thing we have a major
part of the Pacific Ocean's worth of separation between us. :-)

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were doing
> for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what everyone is
> doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not going out of
> town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did mean
> it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans without
> inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let us know.
> This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
> coming?

Yes.

If so, when do I do this?

On the phone - saying "have you finalized your plans?"

How long do I wait?

Do it ASAP

Or do I just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me
know so
> I didn't plan for you?

Not acceptable

For crying out loud - say the more you(we) thought about getting together
with "you guys' the better it sounded and if you can't make it NYD/E lets
get together soon.

Dimitri

ravenlynne > wrote in news:ifgjeg$qsb$1
@news.eternal-september.org:

> On 12/29/2010 7:14 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
>> I don't see that happening. I won't be inviting them again.
>
> Haha..that sounds just like these people.
>
> Update:
>
> I called. They accepted. I had previously (since my posting) changed
> my mind from beef to ham. Informed them of the menu (never told them
> about the beef in the first place). They noted that they don't like ham
> but would like to bring something. I noted that I'm still making ham,



After reading the whole saga, I can relate to what you went through.

My SO had some 'friends' that we invited along to a dinner party. They did
the same thing.... "We'll wait before we accept because something better
might come along."

They ended up coming to our place, rather begrudgingly, and I made them
feel uncomfortable all night, as I didn't really give a shit if they
stayed 'friends' with my SO or not. She ended up agreeing with me that if
they were *true* friends, they wouldn't have held out to the last minute.

We've never invited them again, and they have asked why, when they know
other friends of theirs and ours have come to parties, and they don't even
get a look-in. I just said, "Well, we thought you'd be going elsewhere, so
we didn't want to bother you." They will NEVER get another invite.

I've also told the family/kids/sisters etc that if they *ever* do the
'hold-out' thing to us, they'll NEVER get another invite to come over.

For the SO's 50th recently, I sent out invites to all attendees. It had an
RSVP on it. Several people decided to just turn up at the party without
RSVP'ing, and I had a word to them along the lines of "What the **** are
you doing here? You didn't RSVP, so that means you weren't coming. You
don't just turn up unannounced."

I've been promised by them they they *will* RSVP on time, in future :-)

I also have a rule..... if I invite you to functions at my place and you
knock back invites 3 times (or just don't show), you never get another
invite. I have several friends on their 2nd 'warning'. I also tell them
what is happening right from the start, so that they know.


> but "we would love it if you brought something that you like to share
> with us." They're bringing pigs in blankets.
>


That's big of them!!

Cheapskates, as well as assholes.


--
Peter Lucas
Hobart
Tasmania


A good friend would drive 30 miles at 2:00 am to bail you out of jail.
A best friend, however, would be sitting in the cell next to you saying
"Man, that was f******n Awesome!"

ravenlynne wrote:
> On 12/29/2010 7:40 PM, dsi1 wrote:
>> On 12/29/2010 2:25 PM, ravenlynne wrote:
>>>
>>> See, the thing is, I'm not offended by a simple "no" when I give an
>>> invite. There could be myriad reasons why the invite is declined. I
>>> don't necessarily take it personally. But when you call, fishing
>>> for an invite, then act as if you need to weigh all of your options
>>> and see if something more appealing comes your way, I feel like
>>> saying "**** you, spend your evening elsewhere, then" but maybe
>>> without the profanity.
>>>
>>
>> "Maybe?" :-)
>
> Well, I do TRY to be nice...lol. I do my raging alone.

If it's any consolation, you have the right to be aggravated and worse.
They don't treat you right. Just as well to accept that that's how they
are, rude and self-centered, and plan from now on to never let them
get the upper hand again, where you're left hanging.

Happy New Year, anyway! I hope you get this settled like Now,
so you don't have this irritation for another minute.

nancy

In article >,
ravenlynne > wrote:

> don't necessarily take it personally. But when you call, fishing for an
> invite, then act as if you need to weigh all of your options and see if
> something more appealing comes your way, I feel like saying "**** you,
> spend your evening elsewhere, then" but maybe without the profanity.

Bingo! But eliminating the profanity would take all the fun out of
telling her off.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
Pepparkakor particulars posted 11-29-2010;
http://web.me.com/barbschaller

In article >,
ravenlynne > wrote:

> On 12/29/2010 7:14 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
> > I don't see that happening. I won't be inviting them again.
>
> Haha..that sounds just like these people.
>
> Update:
>
> I called. They accepted.

Dang!

> I had previously (since my posting) changed my mind from beef to ham.
> Informed them of the menu (never told them about the beef in the
> first place). They noted that they don't like ham

What brass balls! "What are you doing? I might want to come. You're
having ham? We don't like ham. We're coming anyway, though, and
bringing our own food and some for The Rest of You."


> but would like to bring something. I noted that I'm still making ham,
> but "we would love it if you brought something that you like to share
> with us." They're bringing pigs in blankets.

So they're going to show up wearing blankets? Huh! That's different!
"-)
>
> O_o
>
> So there it is.

LOL! I hope you have a fun evening. We're going to see comedian Louie
Anderson at a local venue. Should be a fun evening.
>
> ---
> Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold



--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
Pepparkakor particulars posted 11-29-2010;
http://web.me.com/barbschaller

On Dec 29, 4:26*pm, ravenlynne > wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." *This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. *Anyway, I stated our
> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
> and let us know. *This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. *I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. *Do I enquire as to whether
> they're coming? *If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. *They do have a
> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
> Currently Reading: *Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

I'd call and demand an answer - "Now". And no pussyfooting around.
Tell them you need to know!! And you might even mention past
performance, too, if she tries to be non-committal.

On Dec 29, 5:35*pm, Melba's Jammin' >
wrote:
> In article >,
>
> *ravenlynne > wrote:
>
> > I'm not planning on a ham or something that feeds plenty, but
> > appetizers and beef filet.
>
> Tell her you're having sloppy joes and need to buy buns.
>
What Barb said, or maybe make it hot dogs.

> --
> Barb, Mother Superior

--Bryan

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were doing
> for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what everyone is
> doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not going out of
> town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did mean
> it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans without
> inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let us know.
> This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
> coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I just plan
> for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so I didn't
> plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to people and
> I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or something that
> feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm invited somewhere, I
> let them know pretty much asap. They do have a history of both waiting
> until the day of to let us know or, as happened last time, agreeing to
> come with a group, but them backing out at the last minute because the
> rest of the group had to cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll cancel
> too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
I could be wrong but I would take what they said to mean that they might
have been thinking of throwing a party themselves. I often ask about a
particular day when I am planning my daughter's birthday party. Her
birthday is in July and so many people are on vacation then, that having a
party is difficult. This last year we just did it in May and called it an
unbirthday party. I didn't have to ask around and all but maybe three kids
showed up.

In the case of your friends... Since you already sort of invited them, if I
were you I would ask them now if they are coming and tell them that you need
to plan the menu and buy the food.

On Wed, 29 Dec 2010 19:23:37 -0500, ravenlynne
> wrote:

> They're bringing pigs in blankets.

Big spenders. Enjoy your ham!

--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

On Wed, 29 Dec 2010 16:32:01 -0800 (PST), itsjoannotjoann
> wrote:

> These people must have been raised in the projects.

I sincerely doubt it. They sound like over privileged spoiled brats
(all grown up) to me.


--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

On 12/29/2010 9:24 PM, Julie Bove wrote:

> I could be wrong but I would take what they said to mean that they might
> have been thinking of throwing a party themselves. I often ask about a
> particular day when I am planning my daughter's birthday party. Her
> birthday is in July and so many people are on vacation then, that having a
> party is difficult. This last year we just did it in May and called it an
> unbirthday party. I didn't have to ask around and all but maybe three kids
> showed up.

No they rarely throw parties. They have get togethers at their house
sometimes, but everyone who attends has to bring food as they don't
supply any. They feel that opening their home is enough.

Don't look at me like that...I don 't know!



--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

On 12/30/2010 2:35 AM, sf wrote:
> On Wed, 29 Dec 2010 16:32:01 -0800 (PST), itsjoannotjoann
> > wrote:
>
>> These people must have been raised in the projects.
>
> I sincerely doubt it. They sound like over privileged spoiled brats
> (all grown up) to me.
>
>

They are in a way. I'll explain.

We're all in the SCA (Society for Creative anachronism.) We're
historical re-enactors that re-create medieval life. In the society, he
is important...he's a knight (a process that usually takes roughly 20
years...10 to squire, 10 to knight) and a duke, meaning he's been king
twice. She's a squire. She has no title, such as duchess as they were
just married and he had titles before. My husband is an armsman of his,
hoping to be a squire of his too. This will most likely happen soon,
he's good and they love him. It's his dream, so I'm supportive. I could
give a crap less, I have other things in my life, but it's important to
his "career" in this that I be...cooperative.

My issues come into play when they take it to real life....He's a
stockbroker, she handles patents at home. That is what they are. They
are no better or worse than we are, just people. So don't come into my
home and act like the king and queen. You are not. Don't expect me to
cater to every whim when I invite you over, because I'm not playing.

Yes, it's an odd life we live. I love my hubby so I do what I can, but
I put my foot down yesterday to him and he completely agrees. So we're
all good. I'll cook friday and we'll have a good time playing board
games or something and that'll be i.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> Yes, it's an odd life we live. I love my hubby so I do what I can, but I
> put my foot down yesterday to him and he completely agrees. So we're all
> good. I'll cook friday and we'll have a good time playing board games or
> something and that'll be i.

Good! He needs to know his 'interests' do not allow others to look down on
you! It seems to me that those people take their elevated status into rl
and it is not acceptable!
--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

> There are other considerations. My wife always sets a nice table. We
> have several sets of dishes, in various degrees of completeness. We have
> enough of one set for 8, but if she wants to use my grandmother's Limoge
> there are only 5 complete settings. Ditto for table napkins. *and napkin
> rings. *She likes to have the table set well in advance and would not
> appreciate having to change everything because someone didn't have the
> social graces to commit to an invitation ... especially one that she
> extended to herself.
>

Mix up the table settings - it's a modern thing to do, and Martha does
it all the time. If you keep the different patterns fairly equal in
number, it should be fine.

N.

On 30/12/2010 10:19 AM, Nancy2 wrote:
>
>> There are other considerations. My wife always sets a nice table. We
>> have several sets of dishes, in various degrees of completeness. We have
>> enough of one set for 8, but if she wants to use my grandmother's Limoge
>> there are only 5 complete settings. Ditto for table napkins. and napkin
>> rings. She likes to have the table set well in advance and would not
>> appreciate having to change everything because someone didn't have the
>> social graces to commit to an invitation ... especially one that she
>> extended to herself.
>>
>
> Mix up the table settings - it's a modern thing to do, and Martha does
> it all the time. If you keep the different patterns fairly equal in
> number, it should be fine.

My sister in law does that. She does not have a complete set of dishes
or glasses. Instead, she has a very eclectic collection of tableware.

Nancy2 wrote:

>
> Mix up the table settings - it's a modern thing to do, and Martha does
> it all the time. If you keep the different patterns fairly equal in
> number, it should be fine.
>
> N.

Yeah, but even if you're mixing it up you still need to know how many to
lay out. Unless you're serving buffet style and can just stack plates
and slip a few more into the pile...