Marking Time


And God came unto him in a dream and said, "Tonight at 11:45pm you
will die." He awoke startled. It was 11 in the morning. He had 12
hours and 45 minutes to live. A strong believer, he could not bring
himself to challenge the word of God.

As zero hour approached he began to pray more and more fervently. His
eyes were closed. He was trembling. But he was ready. He had said
his prayers and could only hope he had atoned for his sins. But the
suspense was killing him.

"When, when?", he cried, opening his eyes to see on the clock radio it
was already 12:15am, a half hour past the deadline declared by God.
He had beaten death. Even better, he had beaten God.

"What a fool I was to believe in such a silly dream", he said,
laughing hysterically with great relief, jumping high in the air and
clicking his heels in celebration.

He turned on the radio and the first thing he heard was, "In case you
have forgotten, please remember, you were supposed to have turned your
clocks back one hour at midnight."

"Oh my God", he said, "no, no, no." Turns out it was really only
11:15pm, not 12:15am. He thought he had tricked God, but God had
tricked him. A half later he keeled over dead and was sent straight
to hell on a charge of laughing at God in the first degree. No
parole.

Hope you remembered to set your clocks back tonight. Be grateful for
time, it's all you've got.

TJ

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
...
<snip>
> Hope you remembered to set your clocks back tonight.
>
> TJ

you just changed your clocks (tonight, Monday night)? You must have been an
hour early for Mass on Sunday... Hopefully, that was enough time for you to
confess all your sins to the padre before the service started.

In article >, says...
>
> "Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
> ...
> <snip>
> > Hope you remembered to set your clocks back tonight.
> >
> > TJ
>
> you just changed your clocks (tonight, Monday night)? You must have been an
> hour early for Mass on Sunday... Hopefully, that was enough time for you to
> confess all your sins to the padre before the service started.

You assume that we all attend a house of worship on Sunday. I choose not
to do so.

Back when I met the SO he was befuddled by my going to Sunday services
which involved getting together with a buddy of mine for breakfast at a
local eatery.

On Nov 6, 11:56*pm, T > wrote:

> You assume that we all attend a house of worship on Sunday. I choose not
> to do so.
>
> Back when I met the SO he was befuddled by my going to Sunday services
> which involved getting together with a buddy of mine for breakfast at a
> local eatery.



I assume nothing. I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
time. We were wearing 1930's style double-breasted suits with wide-
brimmed fedoras hats and wing tip shoes (couldn't find any spats),
like something straight out of an old black and white gangster flick.

We sat in there and listened to "the minister" talking about a
recent trip he made to Africa. We came in midway through, so really I
didn't know what he was talking about, and neither did my buddy. But
we got enough info so that when the guy was done with his sermon and
asked if anyone had any questions, I stood up and asked something
sarcastic in a theatrical big city gangster voice from the 30s. He
answered seriously. My buddy then asked a question. Same thing. Our
questions were designed to humiliate and denigrate the crowd for their
stupid belief, but as it turns out they seemed to enjoy the show and
as we left I noted their faces were brighter and healthier in glow
than when we had arrived. I almost felt a bit guilty about what we
did, but that guilt was diminished by the reception we received from
the crowd - one we did not expect. Always nice to get a nice
surprise.

What does SO stand for?
TJ

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
news:150e3fe5-bc79-4e11-a85d-

What does SO stand for?
TJ

======

Significant Other.

Cheri

On Nov 8, 2:07*am, "Cheri" > wrote:

> Significant Other.
>
> Cheri



Thanks. I swear to God, if I were on a quiz show and they gave me
at least two minutes to think it over - ok, maybe 5 minutes - ok,
maybe the whole show - I would eventually figure it out on my own.
But I was not in a quiz-show mood, so I appreciate the response.

TJ

On Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:26:31 -0800 (PST), Tommy Joe
> wrote:



> I assume nothing. I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>time.

Sobriety is so over rated.

On Nov 8, 6:15*am, Ed Pawlowski > wrote:



> Sobriety is so over rated.



I guess I'm not as smart as I thought. I don't know what you
mean. Back when I was a kid and full of gusto I did not need booze to
spark my lunacy into the public spotlight. I pulled all sorts of
stunts on an almost daily basis. One time me and a buddy who looked
considerably older pulled a stunt in a public restroom - a clean,
orderly below-the-street restroom with an attendant - that I really
enjoyed.

My buddy had a fake badge and a toy set of handcuffs we got at
Woolworth's down the block. He comes up behind me with the attendant
watching and touches my shoulder and asks loudly, "Are you Thomas
Joseph?"

I said, "Yeah, what of it?"

He already had his fake badge out. Now he yanked the cuffs from
his pocket and said, "Do you want to come along peaceably, or do I
have to throw these on you?"

I turned and swung. It was choreographed of course. He ducked
low and came up with a punch to my stomach. I went down and he yanked
me up (with a bit of help from me), put the cuffs on me and yanked me
by my shoulder and said, "Let's go buddy, you're going away for a long
time."

The funny part came when the attendant, who fell for the act,
jumped in as we were leaving, and, trying to impress my buddy 'the
cop' began yelling, "I knew it, I knew it when I first saw him - I
knew there was something wrong about that guy."

He was serious. It seemed he wanted to kiss the ass of my
buddy's fake cop in case he needed him at some future point. Or maybe
I did look suspicious. Maybe I got too much into character and over
played my part, making myself look too suspicious. Or maybe I have a
criminal look and can't recognize it myself. Not knowing these things
makes me want to kill. I need a drink.

TJ

"Zombie Hampster" > wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 08 Nov 2012 06:15:16 -0500, Ed Pawlowski > wrote:
>
>>On Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:26:31 -0800 (PST), Tommy Joe
> wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>> I assume nothing. I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>>>was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>>>laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>>>time.
>>
>>Sobriety is so over rated.
>
> Especially when you're 18 claiming to be 16!

or, 96 claiming 69.

Tommy Joe wrote:
>
>I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>time.

Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.

Brooklyn1 wrote:
>
> Tommy Joe wrote:
> >
> >I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
> >was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
> >laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
> >time.
>
> Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
> At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
> things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.

I've always wondered that too, Sheldon. So many single guys seem to hang out
with the guys all the time. Screw that, i was never a guy-group fellow. I
went after (and often got the girls).

If I wasn't with some interesting female at night, I prefered to stay home
alone. I've never understood that guy-group mentality. They were probably
all secret homos, just waiting for one of them to make the first move. eheh

G.

On Nov 8, 9:17*am, Brooklyn1 <Gravesend1> wrote:

> Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
> At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
> things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.


You are an argument seeker and for you there is no cure, but I
will answer your snide question anyway by saying the age was 16, not
18, and that it was a type or a moment of absent-mindedness. Don't
worry, I was attending the church of T&A before I was 14. Back then
they were every bit as mysterious and hard to find as God himself. I
found God in a book, T&A in a magazine - Sunshine and Health was the
order of the day back then. The real thing came along later. I was
at my prime in my early teens, more ready than ever, but could not get
too far past the sweater. I enjoyed the torment. Now when I am old
and nearly useless they flock to me. I think they can sense when a
guy can't get a hard-on. It's a win-win for them, like marrying a guy
doing life in jail and playing the "Oh God I wish we were together"
routine while secretly hoping the guy is never released.

TJ

TJ

On Nov 7, 9:26*pm, Tommy Joe > wrote:
> On Nov 6, 11:56*pm, T > wrote:
>
> > You assume that we all attend a house of worship on Sunday. I choose not
> > to do so.
>
> > Back when I met the SO he was befuddled by my going to Sunday services
> > which involved getting together with a buddy of mine for breakfast at a
> > local eatery.
>
> * * I assume nothing. *I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
> was 14. *Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
> laughs. *We picked the church at random. *We were both 16 at the
> time. *We were wearing 1930's style double-breasted suits with wide-
> brimmed fedoras hats and wing tip shoes (couldn't find any spats),
> like something straight out of an old black and white gangster flick.
>
> * * *We sat in there and listened to "the minister" talking about a
> recent trip he made to Africa. *We came in midway through, so really I
> didn't know what he was talking about, and neither did my buddy. *But
> we got enough info so that when the guy was done with his sermon and
> asked if anyone had any questions, I stood up and asked something
> sarcastic in a theatrical big city gangster voice from the 30s. *He
> answered seriously. *My buddy then asked a question. *Same thing. *Our
> questions were designed to humiliate and denigrate the crowd for their
> stupid belief, but as it turns out they seemed to enjoy the show and
> as we left I noted their faces were brighter and healthier in glow
> than when we had arrived. *I almost felt a bit guilty about what we
> did, but that guilt was diminished by the reception we received from
> the crowd - one we did not expect. *Always nice to get a nice
> surprise.
>
> What does SO stand for?
> TJ

and then I suppose you jerked off...or at least tried.

On Nov 6, 3:36 am, "Richard K." > wrote:


> you just changed your clocks (tonight, Monday night)? You must have been an
> hour early for Mass on Sunday... Hopefully, that was enough time for you to
> confess all your sins to the padre before the service started.



A guy leaves a confession booth and walks out into the street
feeling cleansed in his soul. He is ready. He is free of sin. Lost
in the reverie of the moment he fails to see an advancing car and is
smashed to the ground. But he is still alive.

"I don't want to die", he mutters to himself in the same stupid
way lots of people mutter the same phrase when they know they're about
to go, as if God is going to pay special attention to them over others
in the same boat. But deep in his heart the guy knows he is ready,
having just emerged from the confession booth sin free.

The ambulance arrives. He thinks to himself maybe he will live
after alll. But he can tell there was something wrong inside his
body. Maybe he was bleeding internally. He sensed it. The
paramedics got out of the ambulance and approached. One was a young,
good-looking female with large breasts. She bent low over his face to
grab his arm to take his pulse, her tits slathered softly all over his
face. "Wow, these are the best tits ever", he thought to himself.

Then he remembered that lustful thoughts are a sin and could
keep him out of heaven, maybe deliver him to hell. He tried to block
the woman's tits from his mind. She had nice legs too. He wondered
why such a good looking woman would take such a low-brow job. (that's
right - low brow - I've known a few paramedics personally). He even
tried staring at the male paramedic's cock to diminish his own
burgeoning hard-on from driving even more lustful thoughts to his
flaming brain.

It was like that old car tuneup commercial where the auto
mechanic says, "You can pay now, or you can pay a lot more later, it's
up to you." It was heaven the guy wanted - one form or another - take
it now with the tits or later with streets paved with gold. He opted
for the tits. As she leaned forward again to adjust the blood
pressure cuff, her tits flopping all over his face, he tightened his
legs around his burgeoning cock and squeezed until he climaxed with
great enjoyment even as at that moment he felt death overtaking him.
His cock grew so huge from this once in a lifetime climax that his
cock burst clean through his pants right before it jolted and pulsated
and shot stream after stream of *** straight into the air as a crowd
of onlookers applauding while others looked away in fear or disgust.
It was the greatest orgasm of his life, and it wasn't just the tits,
it was the combination of cumming and dying at the same time.
Exquisite.

But also scary, for now he knew he was going to have to deal
with the judgment of God. Would it be an understanding God who would
let the guy's last-second mis-fire slide, or would it be a vengeful
God who maxes out on the dude and sends him to flaming hell forever?
The guy is dead and no one knows. After they die, those who were at
the accident scene will know. Wherever God sends them, if the guy is
there, they will know that God has sent him to the same place. If
he's not there, they will know he was sent to the other.

By the way, I jerked off after reading my post,
TJ