"Janet Wilder" > wrote in message
eb.com...
> On 12/6/2014 2:46 PM, Cheri wrote:
>
>> And the really sad part is in most cases the person that died would be
>> horrified that the survivors are spending outrageous sums on something
>> the deceased in unable to enjoy. Spend it while they're alive IMO.
>
>
> I'm trying to! :-)

You go girl! :-)

Cheri

Cheri wrote:
>
> And the really sad part is in most cases the person that died would be
> horrified that the survivors are spending outrageous sums on something
> the deceased in unable to enjoy. Spend it while they're alive IMO.

Nonsense... the deceased won't feel horrified or anything else...
funerals are for the living. The real truth is it costs relatively
little to buy a cemetery plot, a plain pine box, and a simple head
stone... probably costs about the same as a basic incineration. As a
veteran I can be buried for free but that would entail an unmarked
grave in a far away place... so for less than two grand I have a very
nice plot in a local cemetery where my neighbors will at least
recognize my name and be reminded of the good I've done in the
community. Many of my neighbors also care for the homeless critters.

On Saturday, December 6, 2014 2:15:12 PM UTC-5, Dave Smith wrote:
> On 2014-12-06 1:59 PM, sf wrote:
> > On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 13:35:03 -0500, Dave Smith
> > > wrote:
> >
> >> On 2014-12-06 12:54 PM, notbob wrote:
> >>
> >>>> For one thing, it's cheaper.
> >>>
> >>> But, it is certainly NOT cheap!
> >>>
> >>> When my mom past on, this past July, the basic cremation, w/ no
> >>> services, ran jes a hair under $2K. There may be some rfc regulars
> >>> for whom $2K is "cheap". Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> On a related note.....
> >> I am wondering about the cost for church weddings in the US. My wife
> >> and I were married in the church that her family had attended for years.
> >> Well, she and her father. Her mother did not attend church. It seems to
> >> me that at the time I was expected to pay the minister $25 for his
> >> services.... it was over 40 years ago.
> >>
> >> My niece is getting married in California next year. Her fiance and his
> >> family were life long members of a church in the area and it was going
> >> to cost them $3000 for the church. He was furious about that and found
> >> another church where they charge only<?> $3000. That seems like an
> >> outrageous expense to rent a facility for an hour or two.
> >>
> >>
> >
> > Weddings are crazy expensive these days. It's not uncommon to spend
> > $30,000. I was married here 42 years ago.
> > http://sfwedding.org/make-a-reservation/
> > The entire cost of the wedding, which included my (beautiful beaded)
> > dress from a high end store, fabric for bridesmaids + flower girl
> > dresses, reception food & drink + church/minister/organist expenses
> > was (wait for it) $1500. My maid of honor was engaged to a florist at
> > the time, so all the flowers & bouquets were her gift to me.
> >
>
>
> Wow. They do charge that much. My brother and SiL were shocked that a
> church would charge a member for the use of the church, and even more so
> that it was so much.
>
> Our ceremony was in the family's church and the reception was at the
> inlaw's house.

Keep in mind that the church has to prepare for the wedding
i. e. cleaning, perhaps setting up a special altar, flower banks, rehearsal etc, arranging for music....it could be a package deal in that the organist gets a cut of it and so on. Somebody has to clean up afterward too. There is prob. an extra fee if anyone dares to throw rice.

If a couple really wants to just tie a legal knot without impressing the whole world, there's always city hall or a clergyman's study. It's gotten way out of hand, what with chocolate fountains, photo booths and other tawdry aspects.

On Saturday, December 6, 2014 3:40:05 PM UTC-5, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>
> When my MIL passed, we had the viewing for an hour just before the
> church service. It worked out well as people did not have to go from
> the funeral home to the church to the cemetery.

I have been to a funeral where the body was displayed in the narthex, the family received people for an hour, then a rather extensive funeral the deceased had designed himself, then a BIG feeding of all guests. He was interred the next day in a family only ceremony.

Toughest funeral I ever experienced was for a child. Two afternoons and evenings of wake, then funeral entailing more service at the funeral home, a longish trip to a church with mass attended by many, and then another longish trip to the cemetery. Snow on the ground didn't help matters. Three days were so tough on the family, I wondered if they regretted it.

On 12/6/2014 5:05 PM, graham wrote:
> On 06/12/2014 10:21 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>
>
>>
>> When I go, my family should dispose of my body as cheap as possible.
>
> When I was instructing my lawyer for my will, I told her that I want the
> cheapest funeral possible. I told her a sack would do but she didn't
> think that would be permitted - although she liked the idea!
> Graham
>

Wills are rarely read before anyone dies. In most jurisdictions there
has to be a week between the death and submitting the will for probate,
so putting funeral directions in a will does not guarantee they will be
honored.

Better to send a signed and dated letter to whomever will be responsible
for dealing with your remains and give them the directions.

Even though people are told that putting funeral directions in a will
doesn't give them much of a chance of having their wishes honored, some
insist.

I remember drafting a will for the brother of one of the firm's
partners. He specified that he wanted to be buried in a particular
cemetery in a particular section so that there would be no traffic noise
near his grave.

There is a tiny Jewish cemetery near the Freehold, NJ mall. My daughter
told me that's where she wants to be buried so she can be near the mall.
She was kidding, but for her it would be appropriate.

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On 12/6/2014 6:40 PM, wrote:

> But his exit line was not original. Witness this grave from Key West:
> http://www.tripadvisor.com/LocationP...s_Florida.html
>


I was in that cemetery and saw that headstone. That was the only
cemetery in the country that permitted you to be buried with your pet.
There haven't been any plots available there for many years.

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On 12/6/2014 8:08 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
> Cheri wrote:
>>
>> And the really sad part is in most cases the person that died would be
>> horrified that the survivors are spending outrageous sums on something
>> the deceased in unable to enjoy. Spend it while they're alive IMO.
>
> Nonsense... the deceased won't feel horrified or anything else...
> funerals are for the living. The real truth is it costs relatively
> little to buy a cemetery plot, a plain pine box, and a simple head
> stone... probably costs about the same as a basic incineration. As a
> veteran I can be buried for free but that would entail an unmarked
> grave in a far away place... so for less than two grand I have a very
> nice plot in a local cemetery where my neighbors will at least
> recognize my name and be reminded of the good I've done in the
> community. Many of my neighbors also care for the homeless critters.
>


I am living with the reality. You won't believe the list of charges for
that plain pine box. And I already owned the cemetery plot.

Supposedly the funeral home I used was the lowest priced one in the area.

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On 12/6/2014 9:42 PM, Janet Wilder wrote:

> There is a tiny Jewish cemetery near the Freehold, NJ mall. My
> daughter
> told me that's where she wants to be buried so she can be near the mall.
> She was kidding, but for her it would be appropriate.

Ha, is that the one where I told my sister in law, this is going
to sound strange, but turn at the cemetery, the mall is right there?
That is a nice little cemetery, though I didn't know it was Jewish.

nancy

On 12/6/2014 8:22 PM, Kalmia wrote:
> On Saturday, December 6, 2014 3:40:05 PM UTC-5, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>>
>> When my MIL passed, we had the viewing for an hour just before the
>> church service. It worked out well as people did not have to go from
>> the funeral home to the church to the cemetery.
>
> I have been to a funeral where the body was displayed in the narthex, the family received people for an hour, then a rather extensive funeral the deceased had designed himself, then a BIG feeding of all guests. He was interred the next day in a family only ceremony.
>
> Toughest funeral I ever experienced was for a child. Two afternoons and evenings of wake, then funeral entailing more service at the funeral home, a longish trip to a church with mass attended by many, and then another longish trip to the cemetery. Snow on the ground didn't help matters. Three days were so tough on the family, I wondered if they regretted it.
>

The second hardest funeral I attended was when one of my closest friends
lost her three-year old boy. The image of that tiny coffin will never
leave my brain.

The hardest funeral was for my daughter. There is just something
unnatural about burying one's own child.

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On Sat, 6 Dec 2014 18:12:45 -0800 (PST), Kalmia
> wrote:

>On Saturday, December 6, 2014 2:15:12 PM UTC-5, Dave Smith wrote:
>> On 2014-12-06 1:59 PM, sf wrote:
>> > On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 13:35:03 -0500, Dave Smith
>> > > wrote:
>> >
>> >> On 2014-12-06 12:54 PM, notbob wrote:
>> >>
>> >>>> For one thing, it's cheaper.
>> >>>
>> >>> But, it is certainly NOT cheap!
>> >>>
>> >>> When my mom past on, this past July, the basic cremation, w/ no
>> >>> services, ran jes a hair under $2K. There may be some rfc regulars
>> >>> for whom $2K is "cheap". Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> On a related note.....
>> >> I am wondering about the cost for church weddings in the US. My wife
>> >> and I were married in the church that her family had attended for years.
>> >> Well, she and her father. Her mother did not attend church. It seems to
>> >> me that at the time I was expected to pay the minister $25 for his
>> >> services.... it was over 40 years ago.
>> >>
>> >> My niece is getting married in California next year. Her fiance and his
>> >> family were life long members of a church in the area and it was going
>> >> to cost them $3000 for the church. He was furious about that and found
>> >> another church where they charge only<?> $3000. That seems like an
>> >> outrageous expense to rent a facility for an hour or two.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >
>> > Weddings are crazy expensive these days. It's not uncommon to spend
>> > $30,000. I was married here 42 years ago.
>> > http://sfwedding.org/make-a-reservation/
>> > The entire cost of the wedding, which included my (beautiful beaded)
>> > dress from a high end store, fabric for bridesmaids + flower girl
>> > dresses, reception food & drink + church/minister/organist expenses
>> > was (wait for it) $1500. My maid of honor was engaged to a florist at
>> > the time, so all the flowers & bouquets were her gift to me.
>> >
>>
>>
>> Wow. They do charge that much. My brother and SiL were shocked that a
>> church would charge a member for the use of the church, and even more so
>> that it was so much.
>>
>> Our ceremony was in the family's church and the reception was at the
>> inlaw's house.
>
>Keep in mind that the church has to prepare for the wedding
> i. e. cleaning, perhaps setting up a special altar, flower banks, rehearsal etc, arranging for music....it could be a package deal in that the organist gets a cut of it and so on. Somebody has to clean up afterward too. There is prob. an extra fee if anyone dares to throw rice.
>
>If a couple really wants to just tie a legal knot without impressing the whole world, there's always city hall or a clergyman's study. It's gotten way out of hand, what with chocolate fountains, photo booths and other tawdry aspects.

The marriage to my first wife we eloped, cost $20 to a justice of the
peace... lasted 14 years so it was a bargain. LOL

On 12/6/2014 7:55 PM, Janet Wilder wrote:

> My 15 year-old granddaughter's Bat Mitzvah reception two years ago was
> over $35,000. They could have married her off for that amount.
>
> It was a great party with a wonderful DJ and dance team and awesome food.
>

Good for the local economy, but I'd have to have million$ to spend that.

On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 20:49:29 -0600, Janet Wilder >
wrote:

>On 12/6/2014 8:08 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
>> Cheri wrote:
>>>
>>> And the really sad part is in most cases the person that died would be
>>> horrified that the survivors are spending outrageous sums on something
>>> the deceased in unable to enjoy. Spend it while they're alive IMO.
>>
>> Nonsense... the deceased won't feel horrified or anything else...
>> funerals are for the living. The real truth is it costs relatively
>> little to buy a cemetery plot, a plain pine box, and a simple head
>> stone... probably costs about the same as a basic incineration. As a
>> veteran I can be buried for free but that would entail an unmarked
>> grave in a far away place... so for less than two grand I have a very
>> nice plot in a local cemetery where my neighbors will at least
>> recognize my name and be reminded of the good I've done in the
>> community. Many of my neighbors also care for the homeless critters.
>>
>
>
>I am living with the reality. You won't believe the list of charges for
>that plain pine box. And I already owned the cemetery plot.
>
>Supposedly the funeral home I used was the lowest priced one in the area.

Things must be very expensive in Texas, do they have a shortage of
land foe burials there?

When my mother passed her plain pine box cost $300, that's what she
wanted and I paid for it. My mother and father already had the plot
in a big cemetary on long Island, the entire funeral cost me $2,500.
My father died two years later, I paid $3,000 for his funeral, prices
went up. Then the matching headstones for both were the most
expensive item, they cost $10,000, I paid that too... my brother and
sister are two cheapos, they paid nothing but tried to have the most
to say about how things should be, especially about the design of the
headstones, they offered not a cent so I ignored them and chose what I
liked. Funerals are when siblings and relatives show their true
colors... my mother had three well to do younger sisters, they offered
nothing. My father had one older sister who was very wealthy, she
offered nothing and in fact the POS didn't attend, or even send a card

On 2014-12-06 21:51, Janet Wilder wrote:
>
> The hardest funeral was for my daughter. There is just something
> unnatural about burying one's own child.
>
The worst I have ever been to were friends, two of my best friends
when I was 14. But I can feel your pain because on the last month or do
I have been to visitation and/or visitation for the two young ladies,
daughters of friends. Parents should not have to bury their children.

On 2014-12-06 21:12, Kalmia wrote:

>>>
>> Wow. They do charge that much. My brother and SiL were shocked that
>> a church would charge a member for the use of the church, and even
>> more so that it was so much.
>>
>> Our ceremony was in the family's church and the reception was at
>> the inlaw's house.
>
> Keep in mind that the church has to prepare for the wedding i. e.
> cleaning, perhaps setting up a special altar, flower banks, rehearsal
> etc, arranging for music....it could be a package deal in that the
> organist gets a cut of it and so on. Somebody has to clean up
> afterward too. There is prob. an extra fee if anyone dares to throw
> rice.

Sure.... but... $3000... for someone whose family has been attending and
sustaining the church for years?

>
> If a couple really wants to just tie a legal knot without impressing
> the whole world, there's always city hall or a clergyman's study.
> It's gotten way out of hand, what with chocolate fountains, photo
> booths and other tawdry aspects.

I agree. I also question the open bar. Some people really take advantage
of that. Some people will for dry or have only a drink or two if it is
a cash bar, but will drink their faces off if it is an open bar.

On 2014-12-06 18:53, koko wrote:
> On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 13:29:51 -0500, Dave Smith
> > wrote:
>
>> On 2014-12-06 12:54 PM, notbob wrote:
>>> On 2014-12-06, Janet Wilder > wrote:
>>>>
>>>> For one thing, it's cheaper.
>>>
>>> But, it is certainly NOT cheap!
>>>
>>> When my mom past on, this past July, the basic cremation, w/ no
>>> services, ran jes a hair under $2K. There may be some rfc regulars
>>> for whom $2K is "cheap". Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
>>
>>
>> The funeral bill for my mother was about $2500. That covered the coffin
>> we had to buy for cremation, the cremation, transport and urn. Then
>> there was a cost of the church and the church lady reception at the
>> church and the wake.
>
> Dang, we don't charge for the dead spread at my church, it's just
> something we do out of care and concern for the family.
>

They do at Anglican churches here. The food is provided by the Anglican
Church Woman (ACW) . It is a weird set up. My wife was a member of the
ACW at her old church. There are a number of women scheduled each month
and they are expected to provide sandwiches and sometimes desserts for
funerals that month. The family pays a set amount based on the number of
people expected to attend. The money goes to the ACW which in turn
donates it to the church. The members are not reimbursed for the cost of
the ingredients for the food they provide.

In article >, graham >
wrote:

> On 06/12/2014 10:21 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
> >
> > When I go, my family should dispose of my body as cheap as possible.
>
> When I was instructing my lawyer for my will, I told her that I want the
> cheapest funeral possible. I told her a sack would do but she didn't
> think that would be permitted - although she liked the idea!
> Graham

I always wanted my remains to be tossed on the compost pile but I'm
getting too old to keep the compost going so I guess cremation is the
only reasonable option. My spouse's first husband's ashes are somewhere
in the house (I'm sure she knows where but I don't). She can put my
ashes in a mason jar and put it next his.

A few years ago an old guy living out in the hills died and his young
next door neighbor got the local folks together and they burned him on a
pyre. The local gendarmes tossed the young man in jail, but they had to
let him go. A doctor had been called in to sign a death certificate, the
old guy had signed papers authorizing the neighbor to deal with his
remains, and there was no law (in Arkansas, at least) that said you
can't torch a corpse. Don't know if they changed the law, but I hope
they didn't.

Dave W.
In the Ozarks

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...
> Cheri wrote:
>>
>> And the really sad part is in most cases the person that died would be
>> horrified that the survivors are spending outrageous sums on something
>> the deceased in unable to enjoy. Spend it while they're alive IMO.
>
> Nonsense... the deceased won't feel horrified or anything else...
> funerals are for the living. The real truth is it costs relatively
> little to buy a cemetery plot, a plain pine box, and a simple head
> stone... probably costs about the same as a basic incineration. As a
> veteran I can be buried for free but that would entail an unmarked
> grave in a far away place... so for less than two grand I have a very
> nice plot in a local cemetery where my neighbors will at least
> recognize my name and be reminded of the good I've done in the
> community. Many of my neighbors also care for the homeless critters.

Nonsense...if you know the deceased human at all, you know how they would
feel about certain things. It might be true in your case, but in my case,
people don't need to see a headstone to remember my name. It's very easy to
care for a "homeless critter," not so easy to develop relationships where
people remember you without being reminded.

Cheri

On Sat, 6 Dec 2014 23:00:39 -0000, Janet > wrote:

> In article >,
> says...
> >
> > On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 15:40:21 -0500, Ed Pawlowski > wrote:
> >
> > > On 12/6/2014 2:44 PM, sf wrote:
> > >
> > > >
> > > > My daughter's baptism was in my house (hated my son's church baptism)
> > > > and have given serious thought to a funeral or wake for one or both of
> > > > us here at the house too.
> > > >
> > >
> > > That was common years ago but I've not seen a home funeral in the past
> > > 40+ years though.
> > >
> > That recently? The last one I attended was my great grandmother's
> > back in the '50s! Haven't even heard a mention of home funerals since
> > then.
>
> The most recent home funeral I attended was earlier this year.
>

Glad to hear it's still being done!

--
A kitchen without a cook is just a room

On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 23:15:13 -0500, Dave Smith
> wrote:

> Parents should not have to bury their children.

Agree.

--
A kitchen without a cook is just a room

On Sat, 6 Dec 2014 22:57:28 -0000, Janet > wrote:

>
> I've been to two funerals at home (one was in their garden, beautiful
> summers day) and they were both very simple, sincere and moving. I think
> it's a great idea and it's what we'll do ourselves.
>
+1


--
A kitchen without a cook is just a room

On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 18:55:00 -0600, Janet Wilder >
wrote:
> >
>
> My 15 year-old granddaughter's Bat Mitzvah reception two years ago was
> over $35,000. They could have married her off for that amount.

Holy COW! That's a couple years of college tuition. Sounds like they
have money to burn.
>
> It was a great party with a wonderful DJ and dance team and awesome food.

A good party is worth every penny... especially when you're not the
one who's paying for it!

--
A kitchen without a cook is just a room

"Janet Wilder" > wrote in message
eb.com...
> On 12/6/2014 3:16 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>>
>>
>> "Ed Pawlowski" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> On 12/6/2014 2:44 PM, sf wrote:
>>>
>>>>
>>>> My daughter's baptism was in my house (hated my son's church baptism)
>>>> and have given serious thought to a funeral or wake for one or both of
>>>> us here at the house too.
>>>>
>>>
>>> That was common years ago but I've not seen a home funeral in the past
>>> 40+ years though.
>>>
>>> When my MIL passed, we had the viewing for an hour just before the
>>> church service. It worked out well as people did not have to go from
>>> the funeral home to the church to the cemetery.
>>
>> When I was a child, family were laid out in their coffins in the front
>> room surrounded by flowers and candles. They were there for about 3
>> days (if memory serves) plenty of time for viewing. On the day of the
>> burial, we went from the house to the cemetery where the priest gave the
>> blessing.
>>
>>
>
> Flowers were originally at a wake and a funeral to mask the smell of the
> body as in the old days they didn't get people who had home funerals
> embalmed.

Yes, it was a bit whiffy.


> I read that somewhere. If the "answer" ever comes up on Jeopardy, I'll
> know it.

Good luck at getting on then))


--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Kalmia" wrote in message
...

On Saturday, December 6, 2014 3:40:05 PM UTC-5, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>
> When my MIL passed, we had the viewing for an hour just before the
> church service. It worked out well as people did not have to go from
> the funeral home to the church to the cemetery.

I have been to a funeral where the body was displayed in the narthex, the
family received people for an hour, then a rather extensive funeral the
deceased had designed himself, then a BIG feeding of all guests. He was
interred the next day in a family only ceremony.

Toughest funeral I ever experienced was for a child. Two afternoons and
evenings of wake, then funeral entailing more service at the funeral home, a
longish trip to a church with mass attended by many, and then another
longish trip to the cemetery. Snow on the ground didn't help matters.
Three days were so tough on the family, I wondered if they regretted it.

______________

Two years ago this coming January, my 19 yr. old nephew and two friends
were killed in a car accident. There was one afternoon of visitation, where
the line seemed to go on forever. So many young people hurting as well as
the family. The visitation was supposed to end at 5 pm., but there were so
many, it went on for an extra 45 minutes. I was furious when the funeral
directors weren't best pleased to end it on time....such an unusual
circumstance and they should have been gracious about it. Such
unprofessional behaviour. ....Sharon in Canada

On 12/6/2014 11:19 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
> On 2014-12-06 21:12, Kalmia wrote:

>> Keep in mind that the church has to prepare for the wedding i. e.
>> cleaning, perhaps setting up a special altar, flower banks, rehearsal
>> etc, arranging for music....it could be a package deal in that the
>> organist gets a cut of it and so on. Somebody has to clean up
>> afterward too. There is prob. an extra fee if anyone dares to throw
>> rice.
>
> Sure.... but... $3000... for someone whose family has been attending and
> sustaining the church for years?

People don't bat an eye paying that much for the cake. Or the
video guy or the flowers. It doesn't seem outlandish to pay
that for what's supposed to be the most important part of the
whole shebang.

Just my 2 cents.

nancy

In article >, says...

> Spike Milligan (comedian) wanted: "I told them I was ill" on his
> headstone but the papist church in Ireland wouldn't allow it, so his
> family had it engraved in Gaelic.

Nothing to do with papists and Ireland.

Spike is buried where he lived, in Sussex, England, in a Church of
England graveyard which is where his gravestone is. It was that church
which contested his epitaph.

Janet UK

In article >, says...
>
> On 06/12/2014 10:21 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>
>
> >
> > When I go, my family should dispose of my body as cheap as possible.
>
> When I was instructing my lawyer for my will, I told her that I want the
> cheapest funeral possible. I told her a sack would do but she didn't
> think that would be permitted - although she liked the idea!
> Graham

Most families won't get round to the Will until after the funeral is
done and dusted. So the Will (or the solicitor holding it) might not
be the best place to leave a note of your disposal wishes:-)

Cheapest coffin is a plain cardboard one, but you can buy them ready
decorated and personalisedsee

http://www.creativecoffins.com/

I'm torn between gardening ones or a foodie one, perhaps "rest in
peas"

http://www.ship-of-fools.com/gadgets/death/219.html

Janet UK

In article >, says...


> Nonsense...if you know the deceased human at all, you know how they would
> feel about certain things.

Dream on.

I've seen plenty of families where even though everybody, including
the deceased, KNEW they were terminally ill and dying, nobody ever
admitted it to the patient, discussed it, made their wishes known. The
dying person, knowing they were dying, didn't make a will, didn't leave
a list of their financial accounts, didn't leave a list of the computer
passwords to domestic bills paid online which they knew their widow
would have to deal with urgently.

It's a form of total denial that causes untold distress and major
practical problems for the survivors who were co-operators in allowing
it to happen.


Janet UK

On 12/6/2014 9:08 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
> As a
> veteran I can be buried for free but that would entail an unmarked
> grave in a far away place...

Really? No National cemeteries near you? My parents are interred at
Beaufort National Cemetery. Their graves are not ummarked. The plot is
free but the funeral service isn't provided by the government; you have
to use a funeral home to make the arrangments. That's where the real
expense comes in.

Jill

"Janet" > wrote in message
t...
> In article >, says...
>
>
>> Nonsense...if you know the deceased human at all, you know how they would
>> feel about certain things.
>
> Dream on.
>
> I've seen plenty of families where even though everybody, including
> the deceased, KNEW they were terminally ill and dying, nobody ever
> admitted it to the patient, discussed it, made their wishes known. The
> dying person, knowing they were dying, didn't make a will, didn't leave
> a list of their financial accounts, didn't leave a list of the computer
> passwords to domestic bills paid online which they knew their widow
> would have to deal with urgently.
>
> It's a form of total denial that causes untold distress and major
> practical problems for the survivors who were co-operators in allowing
> it to happen.
>
>
> Janet UK

I'm not talking about wills and things, I'm talking about their take on
life, likes and dislikes, which I know very well and have no need to "dream"
about any them, your situation might be different so let your imagination
take you where it will.

Cheri

On 12/5/2014 8:36 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
> On Fri, 05 Dec 2014 19:19:01 -0600, Becca EmaNymton
> > wrote:
>
>> On 12/5/2014 4:52 AM, Ophelia wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>> "Janet Wilder" > wrote in message
>>
>>>> Wish that I could have. His funeral cost me close to $20,000 and I
>>>> already had the plot. He was buried in a traditional pine coffin in a
>>>> shroud. There was no embalming, as we don't do that. I had to pay to
>>>> send the remains to New Jersey from Texas and that, alone was a couple
>>>> of thousand. His daughter is married to a trust fund baby and they are
>>>> far from poor, but she refused to help with the expenses.
>>>>
>>>> My children will have to pay for my funeral as there is no one else to
>>>> do it and it's against the law to throw my remains into the nearest
>>>> dumpster.
>>>
>>> We both agree we want to be cremated and our ashes scattered together in
>>> our favourite place in the country.
>>
>> Same here, Ms. O, George and I will both be cremated, our ashes will be
>> together, then tossed off a ship. The container has to be biodegradable,
>> so my choice is a paper bag from Whataburger.
>>
>> Becca
>
> Odds are that won't happen unless you both die at the same time.
>
> I think that's very sad... I believe everyone deserves a marked grave
> or it's like they never were... even all my cats that passed have a
> marked grave, and I personally dug every one and in a pleasant place.
> I know that those who have passed don't know but it's for those who
> come later to remember. I think cremation and scattering ashes is
> simply pure miserly cheapness. Those won't be your ashes anyway, more
> likely some stranger's burnt briquets
>


In our local cemetery, my family has a burial site, and I have looked at
headstones and gravestones, but I have not picked one out, yet. If you
walk by, my name will be there, but I will be out at sea.

Becca

On 2014-12-07 6:55 AM, Nancy Young wrote:

>> Sure.... but... $3000... for someone whose family has been attending and
>> sustaining the church for years?
>
> People don't bat an eye paying that much for the cake. Or the
> video guy or the flowers. It doesn't seem outlandish to pay
> that for what's supposed to be the most important part of the
> whole shebang.
>
> Just my 2 cents.


??? A special occasion means you have to go along happily with being
fleeced? I can appreciate being expected to pay a reasonable rental
rate for the church if you are not a member, and to pay for cleaning,
plus the minister and organist. I don't think a member of the church
should have to pay so much. They are already paying for the upkeep of
the building. A stipend for the minister who is already on salary, pay
the organist and a cleaning fee.

On 12/5/2014 11:23 PM, Janet Wilder wrote:
> On 12/5/2014 10:07 AM, sf wrote:
>> On Fri, 05 Dec 2014 09:50:57 -0600, Janet Wilder >
>> wrote:
>>
>>> It's very useful to have this ritual spelled out for you. There are no
>>> decisions to make and funeral directors respect your wishes for a
>>> traditional funeral so they stop trying to push more expensive stuff on
>>> you immediately.
>>
>> Hm. I don't want to be cremated, but I don't want my body to last for
>> centuries either. Maybe I should specify a Jewish style funeral for
>> myself, because what you said about it appeals to me.
>
> For one thing, it's cheaper.

Huntsville, TX, the city where I went to college, has green burials. For
those who want to be buried, this is the way to go, I wish more
communities had these.

Becca

On 12/6/2014 11:21 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:

> Cremation, IMO, can be more personal. I'm not one to visit graves of
> the dead. All that remains is the body that no longer functions. I
> have some of my brother's ashes and I think of him more when I see them
> than all my other relatives that are under the ground hundreds of miles
> away.
>
> If my wife passes before me, I'd just want a tiny bit of her ashes to
> carry with me in some sort of a locket. Her soul, her thoughtfulness,
> her personality cannot be replaced and a body in the ground is just
> that. The locket would be a way of remembering what once was.
>
> When I go, my family should dispose of my body as cheap as possible.
> Better they should use any money left for their own benefit instead of
> some undertaker or casket maker. I'd rather they enjoy a vacation
> instead of getting fancy silks in the box and brass handles to be buried
> in a 6' deep hole. I don't want a viewing either. Better my friends
> visit today so we can enjoy a drink or dinner and have a couple of
> laughs together than they visit when I'm dead and cannot see them.
>
> I'm sure many disagree, but that works for me.

Ed, I like you.

Becca

On 12/6/2014 1:47 PM, rosie wrote:
> On Saturday, December 6, 2014 11:21:37 AM UTC-6, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>> On 12/5/2014 9:36 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
>>
>>>
>> When I go, my family should dispose of my body as cheap as
>> possible. Better they should use any money left for their own
>> benefit instead of some undertaker or casket maker. I'd rather they
>> enjoy a vacation instead of getting fancy silks in the box and
>> brass handles to be buried in a 6' deep hole. I don't want a
>> viewing either. Better my friends visit today so we can enjoy a
>> drink or dinner and have a couple of laughs together than they
>> visit when I'm dead and cannot see them.
>>
>> I'm sure many disagree, but that works for me.
>
> Well, my husband wants to be cremated and then taken to tthe Moose
> Bridge in Wyoming and dropped off there. The kids asked me what I
> wanted and I just told them I didn't care. Finally Mark and Jill got
> an idea, they will have me cremated and dropped off in different
> places I have loved. What ever they want to do is fine with me,
> sprinkled all over the world is as good as anything.

Rosie, that sounds wonderful.

Becca

On 12/7/2014 11:07 AM, Dave Smith wrote:
> On 2014-12-07 6:55 AM, Nancy Young wrote:
>
>>> Sure.... but... $3000... for someone whose family has been attending and
>>> sustaining the church for years?
>>
>> People don't bat an eye paying that much for the cake. Or the
>> video guy or the flowers. It doesn't seem outlandish to pay
>> that for what's supposed to be the most important part of the
>> whole shebang.
>>
>> Just my 2 cents.
>
>
> ??? A special occasion means you have to go along happily with being
> fleeced? I can appreciate being expected to pay a reasonable rental
> rate for the church if you are not a member, and to pay for cleaning,
> plus the minister and organist. I don't think a member of the church
> should have to pay so much. They are already paying for the upkeep of
> the building. A stipend for the minister who is already on salary, pay
> the organist and a cleaning fee.

(shrug) It doesn't surprise me if that's the going rate these
days. Everything goes up once you say it's for a wedding, at least
the money that goes for the church, theoretically anyway, is for a
good cause. It was probably one of the lowest expenses involved.

nancy

On 12/6/2014 5:05 PM, graham wrote:
> On 06/12/2014 10:21 AM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>
>
>>
>> When I go, my family should dispose of my body as cheap as possible.
>
> When I was instructing my lawyer for my will, I told her that I want the
> cheapest funeral possible. I told her a sack would do but she didn't
> think that would be permitted - although she liked the idea!
> Graham
>

Graham, I came into this world naked, and that is how I want to be
cremated. I will pay for my children and DIL's to go on a cruise, to
scatter our ashes, and for the memorial service and the dinner party,
yes I want my family and friends to eat and have a party after the
memorial service with cocktails, included. Nobody can wear black, dress
casually in bright colors, smile, have a drink and tell tales.

Becca

On 12/6/2014 8:50 PM, Nancy Young wrote:
> On 12/6/2014 9:42 PM, Janet Wilder wrote:
>
> > There is a tiny Jewish cemetery near the Freehold, NJ mall. My
> > daughter
>> told me that's where she wants to be buried so she can be near the mall.
>> She was kidding, but for her it would be appropriate.
>
> Ha, is that the one where I told my sister in law, this is going
> to sound strange, but turn at the cemetery, the mall is right there?
> That is a nice little cemetery, though I didn't know it was Jewish.
>
> nancy

That's the one!

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On 12/6/2014 9:44 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
> On 12/6/2014 7:55 PM, Janet Wilder wrote:
>
>> My 15 year-old granddaughter's Bat Mitzvah reception two years ago was
>> over $35,000. They could have married her off for that amount.
>>
>> It was a great party with a wonderful DJ and dance team and awesome food.
>>
>
> Good for the local economy, but I'd have to have million$ to spend that.

SIL does have millions. Daughter has a diamond Rolex watch that she has
to wear when he takes her to business functions so he can show off.

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On 12/6/2014 9:48 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
> On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 20:49:29 -0600, Janet Wilder >
> wrote:
>
>> On 12/6/2014 8:08 PM, Brooklyn1 wrote:
>>> Cheri wrote:
>>>>
>>>> And the really sad part is in most cases the person that died would be
>>>> horrified that the survivors are spending outrageous sums on something
>>>> the deceased in unable to enjoy. Spend it while they're alive IMO.
>>>
>>> Nonsense... the deceased won't feel horrified or anything else...
>>> funerals are for the living. The real truth is it costs relatively
>>> little to buy a cemetery plot, a plain pine box, and a simple head
>>> stone... probably costs about the same as a basic incineration. As a
>>> veteran I can be buried for free but that would entail an unmarked
>>> grave in a far away place... so for less than two grand I have a very
>>> nice plot in a local cemetery where my neighbors will at least
>>> recognize my name and be reminded of the good I've done in the
>>> community. Many of my neighbors also care for the homeless critters.
>>>
>>
>>
>> I am living with the reality. You won't believe the list of charges for
>> that plain pine box. And I already owned the cemetery plot.
>>
>> Supposedly the funeral home I used was the lowest priced one in the area.
>
> Things must be very expensive in Texas, do they have a shortage of
> land foe burials there?


The funeral home was in Central New Jersey. Our plots are in South
Brunswick.
--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas

On 12/6/2014 10:15 PM, Dave Smith wrote:
> On 2014-12-06 21:51, Janet Wilder wrote:
>>
>> The hardest funeral was for my daughter. There is just something
>> unnatural about burying one's own child.
>>
> The worst I have ever been to were friends, two of my best friends
> when I was 14. But I can feel your pain because on the last month or do
> I have been to visitation and/or visitation for the two young ladies,
> daughters of friends. Parents should not have to bury their children.

S--t happens. Our faith is there to comfort us when it does.

--
From somewhere very deep in the heart of Texas