About fussy kids and their Thanksgiving preferences. Enjoy.

http://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity/2016/11/22


Lenona.

> wrote in message
...
> About fussy kids and their Thanksgiving preferences. Enjoy.
>
> http://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity/2016/11/22
>
>
> Lenona.

Cute. One of my friends sent me this, I thought it was pretty funny, a
little over the top, but funny to me.

Thanksgiving at Grandma's

"We will be eating at:

Two. 2:00

Not 2:15.

Not 2:05.

Arrive late and you get what's left over.

Last year, I forget who now, fried a turkey in one of those contraptions
and practically burned the deck off the house, I am roasting a turkey in the
oven.

This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the
secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Nephew, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's
house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove to prepare
your contribution to the meal. Honest to God, I thought you might have
learned after two wives - date them longer and save us all the agony of
another divorce.

Now, the house rules are now slightly different this year.

New House Rules:

1. I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice
things. Therefore Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the
environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal
with. Besides, I don't have to worry that you might break my good china
when you offer to 'do dishes' and don't understand that means 'wash
them in the sink, dry them and put them away, not 'stick' them in the
dishwasher and leave them for a week.

2. I don't care if your favorite team is playing a critical game. The
television stays off during the meal, or stay home.

3. The "no cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles
because your children still like to open a third can before finishing the
first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. There is one
cup per kid and all of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying
close attention to refills.

4. Dearie, last year we were at Sissy's house and I looked the other way
when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in my
front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save
yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook. You shouldn't
bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.

5. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of
life.
Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat
whatever
they like as long as they finish it.

6. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a
vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg
salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease
in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural.
And
as far as being healthy... look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.

7. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

8. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car. If I find one in my
house
I have a hammer to deal with it.

9. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you
can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

10. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I
have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming
over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things. If you don't watch
your
kids, remember that I have a hammer.

11.Dear single daughter, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat
that has lived too
many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat instead of coming to
dinner
is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can
live
with that. Can you?

12. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to
bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you
to
bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn't have
to
be difficult.


13. Dominoes and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or
an
on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you
have kids.

14. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas.
Not showing up may or may not guarantee a card that may or may not be
signed.

In memory of those that have passed, the back fridge will be filled with
beer.
Drink until it is gone. I prefer a good wine anyway, but one from each
family needs to
be the designated driver. (I realize that might be a difficult choice, so
think
about a cab because I don't want any arguments on my front door step.
Remember,
I have a hammer.)

I really mean all of the above.

Love You,

Grandma"

"Cheri" wrote in message news

> wrote in message
...
> About fussy kids and their Thanksgiving preferences. Enjoy.
>
> http://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity/2016/11/22
>
>
> Lenona.

Cute. One of my friends sent me this, I thought it was pretty funny, a
little over the top, but funny to me.

Thanksgiving at Grandma's

"We will be eating at:

Two. 2:00

Not 2:15.

Not 2:05.

Arrive late and you get what's left over.

Last year, I forget who now, fried a turkey in one of those contraptions
and practically burned the deck off the house, I am roasting a turkey in the
oven.

This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the
secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Nephew, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's
house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove to prepare
your contribution to the meal. Honest to God, I thought you might have
learned after two wives - date them longer and save us all the agony of
another divorce.

Now, the house rules are now slightly different this year.

New House Rules:

1. I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice
things. Therefore Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the
environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal
with. Besides, I don't have to worry that you might break my good china
when you offer to 'do dishes' and don't understand that means 'wash
them in the sink, dry them and put them away, not 'stick' them in the
dishwasher and leave them for a week.

2. I don't care if your favorite team is playing a critical game. The
television stays off during the meal, or stay home.

3. The "no cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles
because your children still like to open a third can before finishing the
first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. There is one
cup per kid and all of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying
close attention to refills.

4. Dearie, last year we were at Sissy's house and I looked the other way
when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in my
front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save
yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook. You shouldn't
bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.

5. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of
life.
Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat
whatever
they like as long as they finish it.

6. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a
vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg
salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease
in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural.
And
as far as being healthy... look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.

7. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

8. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car. If I find one in my
house
I have a hammer to deal with it.

9. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you
can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

10. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I
have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming
over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things. If you don't watch
your
kids, remember that I have a hammer.

11.Dear single daughter, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat
that has lived too
many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat instead of coming to
dinner
is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can
live
with that. Can you?

12. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to
bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you
to
bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn't have
to
be difficult.


13. Dominoes and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or
an
on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you
have kids.

14. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas.
Not showing up may or may not guarantee a card that may or may not be
signed.

In memory of those that have passed, the back fridge will be filled with
beer.
Drink until it is gone. I prefer a good wine anyway, but one from each
family needs to
be the designated driver. (I realize that might be a difficult choice, so
think
about a cab because I don't want any arguments on my front door step.
Remember,
I have a hammer.)

I really mean all of the above.

Love You,

Grandma"

==============

Yayyyyyyyyy that's the way to do it)))



--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk

"Ophelia" wrote in message ...

"Cheri" wrote in message news

> wrote in message
...
>> About fussy kids and their Thanksgiving preferences. Enjoy.
>>
>> http://www.gocomics.com/heartofthecity/2016/11/22
>>
>>
>> Lenona.
>
>Cute. One of my friends sent me this, I thought it was pretty funny, a
>little over the top, but funny to me.

This is my fav food chuckle of the week :-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhg7...ature=youtu.be