Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?

The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just about
the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan.
The flour started browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with
stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring continued
until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.

Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an equal
amount of water was added. This was just the juice that has oozed from the
roast, none of the browned bits from the pan were used, and I didn't see any
fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was dumped into the pan, and the pan
quickly covered, then uncovered as the sizzling stopped, and the rest of the
juice-water dumped in. Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but
it did thicken.

At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy than
this, and dumped another scoop of flour into the mix, and added yet again as
much water as there was original liquid. So now it's 3/4 water

More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice mix.

And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice the lumps,
so maybe they were strained out.

What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect for what
you'd expect in a meat gravy, while flavor was almost entirely absent. After
watching the preparation, I had expected it to taste burnt, ashy,
floury...something. But it had almost no flavor at all.

All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing" improvising mode,
but with a very practiced hand, as though it had been done this way many
times. I'm sure it had. This explains a lot.

Don't try this recipe at home, please.

Donna

"D.Currie" > wrote in message
...
> Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?
>
> The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."
>
> It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just
about
> the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan.
> The flour started browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with
> stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring continued
> until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.
>
> Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an equal
> amount of water was added. This was just the juice that has oozed from the
> roast, none of the browned bits from the pan were used, and I didn't see
any
> fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was dumped into the pan, and the pan
> quickly covered, then uncovered as the sizzling stopped, and the rest of
the
> juice-water dumped in. Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but
> it did thicken.
>
> At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy than
> this, and dumped another scoop of flour into the mix, and added yet again
as
> much water as there was original liquid. So now it's 3/4 water
>
> More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice mix.
>
> And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice the
lumps,
> so maybe they were strained out.
>
> What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect for
what
> you'd expect in a meat gravy, while flavor was almost entirely absent.
After
> watching the preparation, I had expected it to taste burnt, ashy,
> floury...something. But it had almost no flavor at all.
>
> All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing" improvising
mode,
> but with a very practiced hand, as though it had been done this way many
> times. I'm sure it had. This explains a lot.
>
> Don't try this recipe at home, please.
>
> Donna
>
>

Bet the burned flour just smelled terrific!

Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and
juices from the roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a
boil then plopped in a half cup or so of raw flour. A quick stir then
poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

Paul


"D.Currie" > wrote in message
...
> Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?
>
> The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."
>
> It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just
about
> the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan.
> The flour started browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with
> stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring continued
> until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.
>
> Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an equal
> amount of water was added. This was just the juice that has oozed from the
> roast, none of the browned bits from the pan were used, and I didn't see
any
> fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was dumped into the pan, and the pan
> quickly covered, then uncovered as the sizzling stopped, and the rest of
the
> juice-water dumped in. Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but
> it did thicken.
>
> At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy than
> this, and dumped another scoop of flour into the mix, and added yet again
as
> much water as there was original liquid. So now it's 3/4 water
>
> More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice mix.
>
> And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice the
lumps,
> so maybe they were strained out.
>
> What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect for
what
> you'd expect in a meat gravy, while flavor was almost entirely absent.
After
> watching the preparation, I had expected it to taste burnt, ashy,
> floury...something. But it had almost no flavor at all.
>
> All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing" improvising
mode,
> but with a very practiced hand, as though it had been done this way many
> times. I'm sure it had. This explains a lot.
>
> Don't try this recipe at home, please.
>
> Donna
>
>

Paul M. Cook©® wrote:

> Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat
> and juices from the roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated
> to a
> boil then plopped in a half cup or so of raw flour. A quick stir then
> poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.

When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the
kitchen and keep her out. She's voiced her disapproval of using filter
organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat real gravy (as opposed to
jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the turkey
roasts...

--
Darryl L. Pierce >
Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
"What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

Paul M. Cook©® wrote:
> Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the
> fat and juices from the roasting pan, added some canned chicken
> stock, heated to a boil then plopped in a half cup or so of raw
> flour. A quick stir then poured through a strainer and, voila!
> Turkey, blech, gravy.
>
> Paul

Gravy is not hard to make but anything gets more difficult with people
watching. I'd rather break out a can of gravy, warm it up and pour it into
the gravy boat. Here, have some gravy. If you don't like it, blame
[manufacturer] <G>

Jill

>
> "D.Currie" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making
>> something?
>>
>> The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."
>>
>> It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat.
>> Just about the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped
>> flour into the pan. The flour started browning, but quickly
>> progressed to burning, even with stirring. It began to smell like
>> burnt popcorn. This stirring continued until the flour was a nice
>> mix of very dark brown and black.
>>
>> Juice from the evening's roast was poured into a container, and an
>> equal amount of water was added. This was just the juice that has
>> oozed from the roast, none of the browned bits from the pan were
>> used, and I didn't see any fat, either. A bit of the water-juice was
>> dumped into the pan, and the pan quickly covered, then uncovered as
>> the sizzling stopped, and the rest of the juice-water dumped in.
>> Stirring didn't do much to alleviate the lumps, but it did thicken.
>>
>> At about this point the cook said something about wanting more gravy
>> than this, and dumped another scoop of flour into the mix, and added
>> yet again as much water as there was original liquid. So now it's
>> 3/4 water
>>
>> More mixing. A quick shake of some sort of off-brand mystery spice
>> mix.
>>
>> And that was about it. When it came to the table, I didn't notice
>> the lumps, so maybe they were strained out.
>>
>> What was amazing was that the color and thickness were just perfect
>> for what you'd expect in a meat gravy, while flavor was almost
>> entirely absent. After watching the preparation, I had expected it
>> to taste burnt, ashy, floury...something. But it had almost no
>> flavor at all.
>>
>> All this was done, not in a "I don't know what I'm doing"
>> improvising mode, but with a very practiced hand, as though it had
>> been done this way many times. I'm sure it had. This explains a lot.
>>
>> Don't try this recipe at home, please.
>>
>> Donna

>"Darryl L. Pierce"
>
>When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the
>kitchen and keep her out. She's voiced her disapproval of using filter
>organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat real gravy (as opposed to
>jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the turkey
>roasts...

What filter organs are you talking about, the liver? The liver isn't used for
gravy or stock, unless you're an idiot. The neck, heart, and pupik are not
filter organs... in fact to me they are delicacies, so often I do not chop that
meat up to add back to the gravy, I eat all those luscious tidbits all myself
(cooks treat)... then I cheat by adding bits of the turkey meat to the gravy
while I'm carving... fools don't know any better. A turkey neck is practically
a meal by itself. There was a time one could buy turkey necks, for cheap... my
grandmother would carefully remove the neck skins intact and stuff them to make
sausage, the necks and stuffed neck skins would be roasted with veggies, an
especially tasty meal... a noiseless dinner... with everyone busy slurping neck
meat from all those itty-bitty bones and sipping Slivavitz there was no
talking... only other noises was ever so often my grandfather's boisterous
farts... and your wife thinks gizzards are disgusting.


---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =---
---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =---
Sheldon
````````````
"Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."

I'll never forget the pickles my dad's third wife made.
Recipe:
Wash cucumbers and put in Mason Jar till filled 3/4 full.
Place one sprig of dill and one peppercorn in jar.
Add any old vinegar to jar till filled to top.
Cover jar and store in basement till vinegar turns to gasoline.

I was sent home with two cases of pickles.
Two dozen lid sets later I had a nice collection of mason jars!

In article >,
"D.Currie" > wrote:
>Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?
>
>The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."
>
>It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just about
>the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the pan.
>The flour started browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with
>stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring continued
>until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.
[...]

Here's one for you:

I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He
had a skilletfull of cold chicken pieces, unadorned by crumbs,
flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan
was to get it all ready, then put it on the fire....

--
Mark Shaw contact info at homepage --> http://www.panix.com/~mshaw
================================================== ======================
"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who can
count in binary, and those who cannot." -unknown

In article >,
says...
> Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and
> juices from the roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a
> boil then plopped in a half cup or so of raw flour. A quick stir then
> poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.
>
Several years ago my mom and I accepted an invitation to Thanksgiving
dinner with friends.

My mom is a fabulous cook, and is famous for her turkey gravy, among
other things. We walked into the kitchen and saw two packets of
McCormick Gravy mix on the counter. I picked up one of them and held it
up to my mom and sort of chuckled. My mom, trying to be helpful,
volunteered to make the gravy at that point and the hostess, apparently
never having made gravy from scratch before, was attentively watching
every step. She was surprised that my mom didn't use the packets even
for seasoning, but instead took the drippings (minus most of the fat). At
dinner when the gravy was served, the hostess was astonished how
delicious it was and said "I'm sure glad I didn't pour those juices down
the drain like I was going to".

Yea, me too...

--
Donna
A pessimist believes all women are bad. An optimist hopes they are.

PENMART01 wrote:

>>When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the
>>kitchen and keep her out. She's voiced her disapproval of using filter
>>organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat real gravy (as opposed to
>>jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the turkey
>>roasts...
>
> What filter organs are you talking about, the liver? The liver isn't used
> for
> gravy or stock, unless you're an idiot.

The gizzard, ya geezer. I also include the heart and the neck when making
the gravy. But the point is that she's not at all interested in any organ
meat. I love a good steak and kidney pie, liver, etc. but she won't even
consider it. Too bad, her loss is my gain.

> The neck, heart, and pupik are
> not filter organs...

What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.

> in fact to me they are delicacies, so often I do not
> chop that meat up to add back to the gravy, I eat all those luscious
> tidbits all myself (cooks treat)... then I cheat by adding bits of the
> turkey meat to the gravy
> while I'm carving... fools don't know any better. A turkey neck is
> practically
> a meal by itself. There was a time one could buy turkey necks, for
> cheap... my grandmother would carefully remove the neck skins intact and
> stuff them to make sausage, the necks and stuffed neck skins would be
> roasted with veggies, an especially tasty meal... a noiseless dinner...
> with everyone busy slurping neck meat from all those itty-bitty bones and
> sipping Slivavitz there was no talking... only other noises was ever so
> often my grandfather's boisterous farts... and your wife thinks gizzards
> are disgusting.

She's already learned to deal with the occasional farting. Well, if you
consider only once every thirty minutes or so to be "occasional".

--
Darryl L. Pierce >
Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
"What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

In article t>,
says...
> In article >,
> says...
> > Saw something similar at Thanksgiving once. The "cook" took all the fat and
> > juices from the roasting pan, added some canned chicken stock, heated to a
> > boil then plopped in a half cup or so of raw flour. A quick stir then
> > poured through a strainer and, voila! Turkey, blech, gravy.
> >
> Several years ago my mom and I accepted an invitation to Thanksgiving
> dinner with friends.
>
> My mom is a fabulous cook, and is famous for her turkey gravy, among
> other things. We walked into the kitchen and saw two packets of
> McCormick Gravy mix on the counter. I picked up one of them and held it
> up to my mom and sort of chuckled. My mom, trying to be helpful,
> volunteered to make the gravy at that point and the hostess, apparently
> never having made gravy from scratch before, was attentively watching
> every step. She was surprised that my mom didn't use the packets even
> for seasoning, but instead took the drippings (minus most of the fat). At
> dinner when the gravy was served, the hostess was astonished how
> delicious it was and said "I'm sure glad I didn't pour those juices down
> the drain like I was going to".

But there it is. The host was willing to learn from that experience and
I'll bet to this day she makes the gravy from scratch. She probably even
learned a few other cooking tricks.

Daryl,

Pupick is Yiddish for belly button. I know which part of the 'innards' it
is but not sure that I can describe it without being crude!

It kind of looks like a filled in figure eight. Or maybe testes (the crude
part) that have solidified and have had the skin between them pressed closed
to make two separate sacks. Sorry but I don't know how else to describe it!

NancyJaye (blushing)



"Darryl L. Pierce" > wrote in message
s.com...
> PENMART01 wrote:
>
> >>When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the
> >>kitchen and keep her out. She's voiced her disapproval of using filter
> >>organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat real gravy (as opposed
to
> >>jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the
turkey
> >>roasts...
> >
> > What filter organs are you talking about, the liver? The liver isn't
used
> > for
> > gravy or stock, unless you're an idiot.
>
> The gizzard, ya geezer. I also include the heart and the neck when
making
> the gravy. But the point is that she's not at all interested in any organ
> meat. I love a good steak and kidney pie, liver, etc. but she won't even
> consider it. Too bad, her loss is my gain.
>
> > The neck, heart, and pupik are
> > not filter organs...
>
> What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.
>
> > in fact to me they are delicacies, so often I do not
> > chop that meat up to add back to the gravy, I eat all those luscious
> > tidbits all myself (cooks treat)... then I cheat by adding bits of the
> > turkey meat to the gravy
> > while I'm carving... fools don't know any better. A turkey neck is
> > practically
> > a meal by itself. There was a time one could buy turkey necks, for
> > cheap... my grandmother would carefully remove the neck skins intact and
> > stuff them to make sausage, the necks and stuffed neck skins would be
> > roasted with veggies, an especially tasty meal... a noiseless dinner...
> > with everyone busy slurping neck meat from all those itty-bitty bones
and
> > sipping Slivavitz there was no talking... only other noises was ever so
> > often my grandfather's boisterous farts... and your wife thinks gizzards
> > are disgusting.
>
> She's already learned to deal with the occasional farting. Well, if you
> consider only once every thirty minutes or so to be "occasional".
>
> --
> Darryl L. Pierce >
> Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
> "What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

> "Darryl L. Pierce"
>
>>PENMART01 wrote:
>>
>>>"Darryl L. Pierce" wrote:
>>>
>>>When I make gravy at Thanksgiving, I have to chase my wife out of the
>>>kitchen and keep her out. She's voiced her disapproval of using filter
>>>organs for foodstuff and the only way she'll eat real gravy (as opposed to
>>>jarred stuff) is if she doesn't see me cooking the organs while the turkey
>>>roasts...
>>
>> What filter organs are you talking about, the liver? The liver isn't used
>> for
>> gravy or stock, unless you're an idiot.
>
>The gizzard, ya geezer. I also include the heart and the neck when making
>the gravy. But the point is that she's not at all interested in any organ
>meat. I love a good steak and kidney pie, liver, etc. but she won't even
>consider it. Too bad, her loss is my gain.
>
>> The neck, heart, and pupik are
>> not filter organs...
>
>What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.

The pupik is the gizzard... which is a grinding organ, not a filter organ.

I'm sure your wife is a nice person but she seems kind of squeamish... I guess
no blow jobs for you unless it's you giving them.


---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =---
---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =---
Sheldon
````````````
"Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."

PENMART01 wrote:

>>> The neck, heart, and pupik are
>>> not filter organs...
>>
>>What's the pupik? The name doesn't ring a bell.
>
> The pupik is the gizzard... which is a grinding organ, not a filter organ.

I'm the one who called it a filter organ. She just doesn't like innards at
all, and it was my mistake to call the gizzard a filter organ. I've always
thought it was the equivalent of the liver in the bird and filtered the
blood.

> I'm sure your wife is a nice person but she seems kind of squeamish...

Not squeamish. She just prefers animal flesh to organ meat (jeez, I tried to
find a different way to write that sentence and just couldn't find a way
that wasn't going to get your excited <g>).

--
Darryl L. Pierce >
Visit the Infobahn Offramp - <http://mypage.org/mcpierce>
"What do you care what other people think, Mr. Feynman?"

Mark Shaw writes:

>"D.Currie" > wrote:
>>Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?
>>
>>The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."

[snip]
>Here's one for you:
>
>I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He
>had a skilletfull of cold chicken pieces, unadorned by crumbs,
>flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan
>was to get it all ready, then put it on the fire....

Heh. My favorite memory is of my two housemates, both of whom were OK cooks in
their own right (Jewish and soul food/NC country cooking).

Once a month or so they'd get have a "party night" which involved licit and
illicit mind-altering substances. Usually started out by getting a nice Jack
and Bud buzz on, having a little dance with Mary Jane, a little more booze,
maybe a line or two of Bolivian Marching Powder,. Caterpillar Special or
Mexican buttons. . . .depending what was in stock at the time.

The problem was they'd also start cooking. Something nibbly for the Mary Jane
munchies, something hearty to soak up the stupid juice, a salad to enhance the
"pretty colors" effect. Well, you get the picture.

One particular night one of the miscreants snagged some choice prime rib
steaks. Medium size, 15-18 oz.

So these two (hopped-up-on) goofballs preheat the oven to Chernobyl, slap the
steaks under the broiler, and start the broiler (or so they thought).

Actually genius #1 set the oven to "clean" and genius #2, for reasons known
only to himself, threw the oven locking handle.

I came home about an hour into the process and found two very stoned, very sad
individuals watching what used to be their steaks through the oven window.

Pretty funny, but I didn't have the heart to laugh.

Best,

Marc

"Mark Shaw" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> "D.Currie" > wrote:
> >Have you ever watched a self-professed not-good cook making something?
> >
> >The other day, I got to witness the making of "gravy."
> >
> >It started with an empty Teflon-coated frying pan, on high heat. Just
about
> >the time I was wondering about toxic fumes, she dumped flour into the
pan.
> >The flour started browning, but quickly progressed to burning, even with
> >stirring. It began to smell like burnt popcorn. This stirring continued
> >until the flour was a nice mix of very dark brown and black.
> [...]
>
> Here's one for you:
>
> I once came home to find my roommate making "fried chicken." He
> had a skilletfull of cold chicken pieces, unadorned by crumbs,
> flour or whatever, and was packing Crisco around them. His plan
> was to get it all ready, then put it on the fire....
>
> --
> Mark Shaw

I have a very dear friend who is completely lost in the kitchen. In fact,
her daughters once commented to me that they didn't know Pop Tarts could be
'cooked'. They had only had the cold variety.

Anyway, one time I was explaining to my blonde friend a recipe that involved
chicken. My instructions were to cook the chicken and then to cut up the
meat into bite size pieces for a soup. She asked, quite innocently, how did
I remove the bones from the bite sized pieces.

Her only cook book is 'Cooking in the Nude'. It has a lot of recipes for
Jell-O, etc. for obvious reasons.

j