'Why I should not be a cook'
By : Paul Panks )

My legacy of cooking boils down to three episodes
of cooking "shame":

1) Vinegar Brownies. On Mother's Day 1992, I decided to do
something really special for my mom, Judy. I wanted to bake
her a batch of brownies in the oven. The recipe called for
cooking oil, but for some reason I couldn't find cooking oil
in the pantry, so I substituted vinegar oil instead. The
brownies cooked (and looked) fine, but upon tasting
them they had a distinct vinegar flavor. My mom was
impressed, though she joked,"Vinegar brownies...that's
something you don't see every day!"

2) Deep Fried Root Beer. I have always loved Root Beer,
both as a drink and as a soda. I was bored one afternoon
and decided to substitute regular cooking oil for
Root Beer instead. But this didn't last very long...it
sizzled on the skillet so badly that I had to turn
the top stove off! That was my last foray into root beer
"cooking oil".

4) Chocolate Pancakes. I love chocolate, but have never
had the luxury of trying "chocolate syrup" on top of
pancakes. I decided to give it a go recently, cooking
three medium sized pancakes and then topping them off
with a 1.55 oz (43g) regular Hersey's Chocolate Bar
on top. This didn't work in the skillet, so I put
the whole thing in the microwave, with chocolate
bar on top, and microwaved the entire contents for
1 minutes, 35 seconds. But the chocolate only
half melted like I wanted it to, so I put it in for
another full minute. Strangely, after the full minute,
the chocolate bar more or less retained it's original
"block bar" shape, and so I used a spachula (sp?)
to smooth out the block bar shape into a normal, smooth
topping. The pancakes tasted "mostly okay."

Paul

Solutions to your problems :
1. Oil is a fat. Substitute a fat (butter, margerine, lard) for another
fat. Alternatively, in baked products, applesauce works ok as well.

2. Again, oil is a fat, and can stand considerably higher temps than
water-based products. Put the root beer in the batter or reduce it to
make a sauce. Deep fry in a fat. You would be boiling it in root-beer.
Do NOT try applesauce here.

3. Chop up the chocolate bar and add to the pancake batter. Top with
raspberry syrup.

You could learn. It just takes a bit of thought when substituting.

Dean G.

"Paul Panks" (a likely story) wrote:
> 1) Vinegar Brownies. On Mother's Day 1992, I decided to do
> something really special for my mom, Judy. I wanted to bake
> her a batch of brownies in the oven. The recipe called for
> cooking oil, but for some reason I couldn't find cooking oil
> in the pantry, so I substituted vinegar oil instead.

Nice trick. Did you make THAT yourself, too?


> The
> brownies cooked (and looked) fine,

Another nice trick.

Don't despair, you're not totally inept. Choosing to bake a batch of
brownies "in the oven" shows at least a little good judgement.


> 2) Deep Fried Root Beer. I have always loved Root Beer,
> both as a drink and as a soda.

ROTFLMAO!!!


> I was bored one afternoon

Like you're bored now?


> and decided to substitute regular cooking oil for
> Root Beer instead. But this didn't last very long...it
> sizzled on the skillet so badly that I had to turn
> the top stove off!

So let's make sure we're all on the same page: You love to drink root beer
but decided to substitute cooking oil for it. So you put the cooking oil in
the skillet... is this what you normally do with root beer?... and it
sizzled, so you turned it off? Is that NOT what oil is supposed to do? What
does root beer usually do under the same conditions?


> That was my last foray into root beer
> "cooking oil".

Well I hope to hell that it was, since you can't keep your troll straight!


> 4)

"1, 2, 4!"


> Chocolate Pancakes. I love chocolate, but have never
> had the luxury of trying "chocolate syrup" on top of
> pancakes. I decided to give it a go recently, cooking
> three medium sized pancakes and then topping them off
> with a 1.55 oz (43g) regular Hersey's Chocolate Bar
> on top. This didn't work in the skillet, so I put
> the whole thing in the microwave, with chocolate
> bar on top, and microwaved the entire contents for
> 1 minutes, 35 seconds. But the chocolate only
> half melted like I wanted it to, so I put it in for
> another full minute. Strangely, after the full minute,
> the chocolate bar more or less retained it's original
> "block bar" shape, and so I used a spachula (sp?)
> to smooth out the block bar shape into a normal, smooth
> topping. The pancakes tasted "mostly okay."

So what's wrong with that? Next time, put chocolate chips in the batter.
Yum!

Nice troll. Eat well.

<and die!>