Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Picnic of Doom 2
 

The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?

She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her duty
as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds to the
salad instead of cashews.

She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For visual
effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder bread on
the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this. She
then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut the
ends off.

We cut to commercial break and see the Food network Labor Day marathon
promotion which shows Sandra grabbing a bottle of booze. Hee! They got her
pegged but good!

Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes with
a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and begins
slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of them to
cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven forbid,
from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over the
place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it makes a
great sandwich meat.

She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
pull the flavors together.

For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm disappointed
she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a cake
canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip from
another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or it
will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to not
use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred (no
doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I have
a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with the
adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the Cool
Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see how
this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the cake,
which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake. Lovely.
Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us to
pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for telling
me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?

When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those bottles
to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries to
claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.

Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare, which
sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its glory,
at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table
and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously too
stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a poetry
book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of Liberace proportions from
gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
exits stage left with a wave.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Ubiquitous wrote:

> When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the
> screen that it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now
> holding a bottle of champagne and opens it with a whoot. Into a
> pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a little bit of shaken
> up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those bottles to make
> her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
> champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car.
> When she pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp.
> She quickly tries to claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing,
> but I'm not convinced.

Using crushed lemon drops to rim a champagne glass like salt on a
margarita glass may be the nastiest thing I have ever seen her do.

> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and
> Shakespeare, which sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back
> to reveal it in all its glory, at which point I am stunned. WTF?
> WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table and used a tapestry
> for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy apolstered
> recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was
> seriously too stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently
> ripped out pages from a poetry book as napkin decorations and hung
> a candelabra of Liberace proportions from gawd knows where. She
> then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and exits stage
> left with a wave.

She said she "found" the chandelier in the garage.
Doesn't everyone have a chandelier in the garage?

On Sat 03 Sep 2005 10:52:00p, Sandy wrote in rec.food.cooking:

> why do you watch her if she is that pretentious or 'gawd-awful'??
>

Why do you quote 140 lines when you contribute only 1? And people thought I
was bad!

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

Sandy wrote:

> why do you watch her if she is that pretentious or 'gawd-awful'??

If you have to ask, you don't get the joke.

--
Reg email: RegForte (at) (that free MS email service) (dot) com

why do you watch her if she is that pretentious or 'gawd-awful'??
"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
...
> The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those
> flowers
> she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that
> make
> her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
> dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed
> to
> make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to
> make it
> at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>
> She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
> suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her
> duty
> as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds
> to the
> salad instead of cashews.
>
> She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For
> visual
> effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder
> bread on
> the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this.
> She
> then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut
> the
> ends off.
>
> We cut to commercial break and see the Food network Labor Day marathon
> promotion which shows Sandra grabbing a bottle of booze. Hee! They got her
> pegged but good!
>
> Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
> wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without
> rolling
> off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going
> to
> make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes
> with
> a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and
> begins
> slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of
> them to
> cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven
> forbid,
> from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over
> the
> place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it
> makes a
> great sandwich meat.
>
> She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked
> chick
> in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese
> soup.
> She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into
> tiny
> tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed
> in to
> pull the flavors together.
>
> For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she
> called a
> "rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm
> disappointed
> she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a
> cake
> canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip
> from
> another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or
> it
> will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to
> not
> use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred
> (no
> doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I
> have
> a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with
> the
> adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the
> Cool
> Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see
> how
> this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the
> cake,
> which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake.
> Lovely.
> Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells
> us to
> pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for
> telling
> me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops
> the
> cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
> because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
> When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen
> that
> it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of
> champagne
> and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade
> and a
> little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those
> bottles
> to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
> champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
> pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries
> to
> claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.
>
> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
> which
> sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its
> glory,
> at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room
> table
> and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
> apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux
> metal
> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously
> too
> stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a
> poetry
> book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of Liberace proportions
> from
> gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
> exits stage left with a wave.
>
> --
> WARNING!!!
> Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
> standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
> assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
> "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
> where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
> Lee.
>

In article >,
wrote:
>Ubiquitous wrote:

>> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and
>> Shakespeare, which sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back
>> to reveal it in all its glory, at which point I am stunned. WTF?
>> WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table and used a tapestry
>> for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy apolstered
>> recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was
>> seriously too stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently
>> ripped out pages from a poetry book as napkin decorations and hung
>> a candelabra of Liberace proportions from gawd knows where. She
>> then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and exits stage
>> left with a wave.
>
>She said she "found" the chandelier in the garage.
>Doesn't everyone have a chandelier in the garage?

Oh yeah, I have five, ha ha ha.

I got a laugh out of those "bell-bottom" (?) sleeves! :D

Andy

On Sat, 03 Sep 2005 17:40:51 -0500, (Ubiquitous)
wrote:



>Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us to
>pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for telling
>me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
>cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
>because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
This is when I tuned in. What the hell was that thing she put the
cake on? It looked like some old rusted out foot stool she found in
her garage.

>Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare, which
>sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its glory,
>at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table
>and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
>apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously too
>stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a poetry
>book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of Liberace proportions from
>gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
>exits stage left with a wave.

I wish we could have seen her drag her dining room table and living
room chairs across the lawn. That would have been a show in itself.
All to surprise her husband? Hmmmm, how many men did you have over to
help move the furniture, Sandra? (I guess a couple of girlfriends
could have done it, too, but my guess is Sandra would employ men to do
that kind of job).

I just don't understand those outfits with the giant sleeves. Or why
she feels the need to cook in her "party clothes" at all. With all
the coming and going she does before and after commercials, a change
of clothes, before showing off the tablescape, would at least be a
more realistic aspect of the show.

pepsi

in article ,
Ubiquitous at wrote on 9/4/05 3:01 AM:

> In article >,
> wrote:
>> Ubiquitous wrote:
>
>>> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and
>>> Shakespeare, which sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back
>>> to reveal it in all its glory, at which point I am stunned. WTF?
>>> WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table and used a tapestry
>>> for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy apolstered
>>> recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>>> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was
>>> seriously too stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently
>>> ripped out pages from a poetry book as napkin decorations and hung
>>> a candelabra of Liberace proportions from gawd knows where. She
>>> then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and exits stage
>>> left with a wave.
>>
>> She said she "found" the chandelier in the garage.
>> Doesn't everyone have a chandelier in the garage?
>
> Oh yeah, I have five, ha ha ha.
>

I . . . actually have one.

--

You Can't Stop the Signal

in article , at
wrote on 9/4/05 6:01 AM:

> On Sat, 03 Sep 2005 17:40:51 -0500, (Ubiquitous)
> wrote:
>
>
>
>> Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us
>> to
>> pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for
>> telling
>> me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
>> cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
>> because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?
>>
> This is when I tuned in. What the hell was that thing she put the
> cake on? It looked like some old rusted out foot stool she found in
> her garage.

She kept the chandelier on it

>
>> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
>> which
>> sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its
>> glory,
>> at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room
>> table
>> and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
>> apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously
>> too
>> stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a
>> poetry
>> book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of Liberace proportions from
>> gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
>> exits stage left with a wave.
>
> I wish we could have seen her drag her dining room table and living
> room chairs across the lawn. That would have been a show in itself.
> All to surprise her husband? Hmmmm, how many men did you have over to
> help move the furniture, Sandra? (I guess a couple of girlfriends
> could have done it, too, but my guess is Sandra would employ men to do
> that kind of job).
>
> I just don't understand those outfits with the giant sleeves. Or why
> she feels the need to cook in her "party clothes" at all. With all
> the coming and going she does before and after commercials, a change
> of clothes, before showing off the tablescape, would at least be a
> more realistic aspect of the show.

Yes! It would be like THE LORETTA YOUNG show, where she does the half hour
in civvies, and at the end comes down the stairs in a fabulous ball gown!

IIRC, when they tried to syndicate reruns of the series, Ms Young sued to
stop it on the grounds that the now out of fashion gowns made her look
silly.

Sigh.

>
> pepsi

--

You Can't Stop the Signal

Bitch tore pages out of a book to make napkin decorations.

Sandra doesn't really get the concept of "picnic," does she? A big ol' gloppy
cake isn't picnic food. And generally one makes the greater part of the meal
ahead of time and totes it out to the picnic ground. And I agree with the
comment upthread that that was way too much food for a romantic picnic for two.
That was enough to feed a couple of families.

Bitch tore PAGES out of a book to make NAPKIN DECORATIONS!

That "picnicscape" with a heavy dining-room table, and the chairs, and the
freakin' chandelier hanging from a tree was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
But...

BITCH tore PAGES out of a BOOK to make _NAPKIN_DECORATIONS_!!!!!

In article >, wrote:
>
>The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
>she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
>her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
>dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
>make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
>at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>
>She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
>suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her
>duty as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds
>to the salad instead of cashews.
>
>She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For
>visual effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder
>bread on the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do
>this. She then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to
>not cut the ends off.
>
>We cut to commercial break and see the Food network Labor Day marathon
>promotion which shows Sandra grabbing a bottle of booze. Hee! They got her
>pegged but good!
>
>Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
>wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
>off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
>make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes
>with a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and
>begins slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT
>of them to cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or
>heaven forbid, from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces
>sliding all over the place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto,
>declaring it makes a great sandwich meat.
>
>She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
>in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
>She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
>tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
>pull the flavors together.
>
>For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
>"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm
>disappointed she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since
>she gouged a cake canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with
>some Cool Whip from another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not
>to overstir it or it will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason,
>she mentions to not use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up
>to being stirred (no doubt because it contains dairy product and might
>actually taste good). I have a feeling she learned this the hard way... She
>fills her cake trough with the adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top,
>then mixes the rest of the Cool Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade,
>and lemon jello. I don't see how this will work as a frosting, until she
>tells us to drizzle it over the cake, which she does, until all the frosting
>has been poured onto the cake. Lovely. Sandra then struggles to move the cake
>to a cake pedestal and then tells us to pull the spatula out of the back of
>the round cake. Thank goodness for telling me that! I'd have just left it
>there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the cake with the pilfered flowers,
>reminding us to remove them before serving because they're inedible -- does
>she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
>it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
>and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
>little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those
>bottles to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher
>with the champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car.
>When she pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly
>tries to claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.
>
>Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
>which sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all
>its glory, at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a
>dinning room table and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a
>pair of big fancy apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table,
>she used faux metal plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them".
>I was seriously too stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped
>out pages from a poetry book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of
>Liberace proportions from gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run
>off to 'freshen up" and exits stage left with a wave.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

"Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat 03 Sep 2005 10:52:00p, Sandy wrote in rec.food.cooking:
>
>> why do you watch her if she is that pretentious or 'gawd-awful'??
>>
>
> Why do you quote 140 lines when you contribute only 1? And people
> thought I
> was bad!

Yep..... I get told off too:))))

Shall we point out everyone else who does it? Could be fun:))

On Sun 04 Sep 2005 01:48:29p, Ophelia wrote in rec.food.cooking:

>
> "Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On Sat 03 Sep 2005 10:52:00p, Sandy wrote in rec.food.cooking:
>>
>>> why do you watch her if she is that pretentious or 'gawd-awful'??
>>>
>>
>> Why do you quote 140 lines when you contribute only 1? And people
>> thought I
>> was bad!
>
> Yep..... I get told off too:))))
>
> Shall we point out everyone else who does it? Could be fun:))

You're wicked! :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
____________________________________________

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four,
unless there are three other people.

"Ophelia" > wrote

> "Wayne Boatwright" > wrote

>> Why do you quote 140 lines when you contribute only 1? And people
>> thought I
>> was bad!
>
> Yep..... I get told off too:))))

I haven't seen anyone tell you or anyone else off.

> Shall we point out everyone else who does it? Could be fun:))

Go for it.

nancy

Did anyone notice the "painted on" eyebrows? Just above her "real"
eyebrows?? I couldn't stop staring at them. Very disconcerting. Very
distrubing. Still couldn't look away.

Lisa

In article >, wrote:
>
>The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
>she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
>her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
>dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
>make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
>at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>
>She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
>suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her
duty
>as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds to
the
>salad instead of cashews.
>
>She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For
visual
>effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder bread on
>the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this. She
>then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut the
>ends off.
>
>We cut to commercial break and see the Food network Labor Day marathon
>promotion which shows Sandra grabbing a bottle of booze. Hee! They got her
>pegged but good!
>
>Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
>wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
>off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
>make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes
with
>a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and begins
>slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of them
to
>cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven
forbid,
>from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over the
>place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it makes a
>great sandwich meat.
>
>She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
>in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
>She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
>tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
>pull the flavors together.
>
>For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
>"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm
disappointed
>she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a cake
>canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip from
>another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or it
>will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to not
>use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred (no
>doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I have
>a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with the
>adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the Cool
>Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see how
>this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the cake,
>which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake. Lovely.
>Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us to
>pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for telling
>me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
>cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
>because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
>it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
>and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
>little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those
bottles
>to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
>champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
>pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries to
>claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.
>
>Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
which
>sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its glory,
>at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room
table
>and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
>apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously too
>stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a poetry
>book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of Liberace proportions from
>gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
>exits stage left with a wave.

Girlfriend’s voice is sounding really raw. IIRC, she sounded bad last week as
well. I hope nothing is seriously wrong – I’m becoming addicted to
your particular brand of snark, I have to admit, I do start to feel bad for
show-biz types when they are performing while obviously sick, since “the show
must go on” and taping can’t be postponed. Makes me appreciate my stock of paid
sick days that I can take pretty much whenever I need to.

OK, on to the snark. Where was the 30% homemade? The basil leaves? The butter
lettuce? The lemon curd? Seems to me we got 100% storebought/packaged this
week. Sandy, mixing mayo and pesto does not count as homemade.

Oh, the icing on the lemon love cake was such a shame – real lemon juice and
confectioner’s sugar make such a nice glaze. Confectioner’s sugar, lemonaid
concentrate, and lemon gelatin? Someone please pass the insulin, I’m going into
sugar-shock.

I can understand a wine spritzer, but why would you add soda water to a
champagne drink, since champagne already has carbonation? (I know, I know, I
shouldn’t ask.)

I noticed SLoppy ate nothing and gave no foodgasms in this eppy. I wonder if
it’s because she’s sick or just sick of eating her own glop.

in article , aham pls
at wrote on 9/15/05 3:01 AM:

> I can understand a wine spritzer, but why would you add soda water to a
> champagne drink, since champagne already has carbonation? (I know, I know, I
> shouldn’t ask.)

She seems to always crap up the champagne. I guess if you buy the 99¢ kind
that comes in a 6-pack of Red Bull cans maybe you need to.


--

You Can't Stop the Signal

In article >, wrote:
>Ubiquitous at wrote on 9/4/05 3:01 AM:
>> In article >,
>> wrote:
>>> Ubiquitous wrote:

>>>> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and
>>>> Shakespeare, which sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back
>>>> to reveal it in all its glory, at which point I am stunned. WTF?
>>>> WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table and used a tapestry
>>>> for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy apolstered
>>>> recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>>>> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was
>>>> seriously too stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently
>>>> ripped out pages from a poetry book as napkin decorations and hung
>>>> a candelabra of Liberace proportions from gawd knows where. She
>>>> then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and exits stage
>>>> left with a wave.
>>>
>>> She said she "found" the chandelier in the garage.
>>> Doesn't everyone have a chandelier in the garage?
>>
>> Oh yeah, I have five, ha ha ha.
>>
>
>I . . . actually have one.

Well, you're more than halfway to making your own picnic-scape!

--
================================================== ====================
ISLAM: Winning the hearts and minds of the world, one bomb at a time.

In article >,
wrote:

>I just don't understand those outfits with the giant sleeves.

Oh, she wears those for special occassions, such as when she's frying
something.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

In article >, wrote:

>IIRC, when they tried to syndicate reruns of the series, Ms Young sued to
>stop it on the grounds that the now out of fashion gowns made her look
>silly.
>
>Sigh.

Alas, practically everything Ms Lee wears makes her look silly.


--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Most of the men I know watch SL for her boobs,I didn't think anyone
actually paid attention to what she did on the show.To paraphrase(?)
Noel Coward ,my opinion of her show is that its a display of the
uneatable by the unspeakable.If I wanted to watch a woman waving her
boobs over food I would prefer to watch Julia Childs.
I stand corrected,obviously people do pay detailed attention.I thought
her show was basically open can,place on platter,pretend you made it
from scratch,but then I am not really a fan of the show.I will watch it
from now on because it seems to be so hilarious.

in article , Ubiquitous at
wrote on 10/5/05 2:06 AM:

> In article >,
> wrote:
>
>> I just don't understand those outfits with the giant sleeves.
>
> Oh, she wears those for special occassions, such as when she's frying
> something.

She wears them to convince people how skilled she is as handling her
materials.

--

You Can't Stop the Signal

in article , terri at
wrote on 10/5/05 6:34 AM:

> Most of the men I know watch SL for her boobs,

You misunderstood -- we watch her because she IS a boob.

When it comes to breasts, I prefer quality to quantity.

I didn't think anyone
> actually paid attention to what she did on the show.To paraphrase(?)
> Noel Coward ,my opinion of her show is that its a display of the
> uneatable by the unspeakable.If I wanted to watch a woman waving her
> boobs over food I would prefer to watch Julia Childs.

And there goes the appetite!

> I stand corrected,obviously people do pay detailed attention.I thought
> her show was basically open can,place on platter,pretend you made it
> from scratch,but then I am not really a fan of the show.I will watch it
> from now on because it seems to be so hilarious.

Indeed, and with our friends commentary, it is that much more so.

Welcome to the clan!
>

--

You Can't Stop the Signal

In article <fQgTe.311764$x96.171438@attbi_s72>, wrote:

>Did anyone notice the "painted on" eyebrows? Just above her "real"
>eyebrows?? I couldn't stop staring at them. Very disconcerting. Very
>distrubing. Still couldn't look away.

I find her "racoon eyes" style eye makeup to be more distracting.
Where the hell did she get the idea that it looks good?

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

in article , Ubiquitous at
wrote on 10/5/05 1:27 PM:

> In article <fQgTe.311764$x96.171438@attbi_s72>, wrote:
>
>> Did anyone notice the "painted on" eyebrows? Just above her "real"
>> eyebrows?? I couldn't stop staring at them. Very disconcerting. Very
>> distrubing. Still couldn't look away.
>
> I find her "racoon eyes" style eye makeup to be more distracting.
> Where the hell did she get the idea that it looks good?

The same place she got the idea that what's she's making is 'food'

--

You Can't Stop the Signal

In article >, wrote:
>in article , Ubiquitous at
wrote on 10/5/05 1:27 PM:

>> I find her "racoon eyes" style eye makeup to be more distracting.
>> Where the hell did she get the idea that it looks good?
>
>The same place she got the idea that what's she's making is 'food'

It's a shame we can't pinpoint it and call a strike force in.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

Ubiquitous wrote:

> In article <fQgTe.311764$x96.171438@attbi_s72>,
> wrote:
>
>> Did anyone notice the "painted on" eyebrows? Just above her
>> "real" eyebrows?? I couldn't stop staring at them. Very
>> disconcerting. Very distrubing. Still couldn't look away.
>
> I find her "racoon eyes" style eye makeup to be more distracting.
> Where the hell did she get the idea that it looks good?


The woman is gorgeous. You folks are clearly insane.

Nick wrote:

> The woman is gorgeous. You folks are clearly insane.
>

I agree, she is gorgeous. She's also very bizarro. They arne't exclusive
to each other.
Goomba

Goomba38 wrote:

> Nick wrote:
>
>> The woman is gorgeous. You folks are clearly insane.
>>
>
> I agree, she is gorgeous. She's also very bizarro. They arne't
> exclusive to each other.


No argument there.

in article , Nick at
wrote on 10/5/05 4:31 PM:

> Ubiquitous wrote:
>
>> In article <fQgTe.311764$x96.171438@attbi_s72>,
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Did anyone notice the "painted on" eyebrows? Just above her
>>> "real" eyebrows?? I couldn't stop staring at them. Very
>>> disconcerting. Very distrubing. Still couldn't look away.
>>
>> I find her "racoon eyes" style eye makeup to be more distracting.
>> Where the hell did she get the idea that it looks good?
>
>
> The woman is gorgeous.

If you worked really hard you *might* get her up to 'plain'

--

You Can't Stop the Signal

ANIM8Rfsk wrote:

> in article , Nick at
> wrote on 10/5/05 4:31 PM:
>
>> Ubiquitous wrote:
>>
>>> In article <fQgTe.311764$x96.171438@attbi_s72>,
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Did anyone notice the "painted on" eyebrows? Just above her
>>>> "real" eyebrows?? I couldn't stop staring at them. Very
>>>> disconcerting. Very distrubing. Still couldn't look away.
>>>
>>> I find her "racoon eyes" style eye makeup to be more distracting.
>>> Where the hell did she get the idea that it looks good?
>>
>>
>> The woman is gorgeous.
>
> If you worked really hard you *might* get her up to 'plain'


You should fire your optometrist immediately.