Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).

I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
Ptooey!

Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.

The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
regarded as a fine cook ‹ this was an insult to her memory.

The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
than laid flat on the plates). Points were lost for mustard and mayo
in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
Excellence in Coffee.

St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.

I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets, no
condiments in little plastic tubes, and no plastic tublets of half and
half. Paper napkins are okay, but please use the china or crockery and
not paper and/styrofoam or plastic utensils. Ugh I get the shivers
thinking about it.

I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew ‹
their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
.. . .

Barb Schallerstein
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
[snipped here and there for brevity]
> I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
> food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
> except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
> may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
> disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
> the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
> Ptooey!
>
> Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
> they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
> harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
>
> I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
> the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
> help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew ‹
> their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
> . . .
>
> Barb Schallerstein


The lunch after FIL's funeral a month or so ago was wonderful. I'm
having trouble remembering the details, but I think it was ham steaks,
augratin potatoes, green beans, assorted jello salads, and assorted
homemade cakes and bars. I went for the plain yellow pound cake with no
icing. I could tell just by looking at it that it was perfect. Coffee,
sweet tea, and unsweet tea. I honestly don't remember if they used
Chinette (good paper plates) or the church stoneware, but they did use
real coffee mugs and largish plastic tumblers for the tea.

This was a large Methodist church in Alabama. I'm not sure what the
Methodists do up here, but you might wanna consider it. HTH ;-)

Best regards,
Bob

Have you by chance read "Being Dead is No Excuse"? It might give you
some ideas for your event...you can write things out clearly and even
give those left behind the recipes or just highlight the parts of the
book you like.

Yep, I agree funeral food just isn't what it used to be.

marcella

In article >,
Melba's Jammin' > wrote:

> Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
> but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
> did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
> in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
>
> I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
> food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
> except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
> may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
> disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
> the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
> Ptooey!
>
> Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
> they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
> harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
>
> The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
> cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
> anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
> butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
> cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
> regarded as a fine cook ‹ this was an insult to her memory.
>
> The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
> content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
> the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
> than laid flat on the plates). Points were lost for mustard and mayo
> in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
> Excellence in Coffee.
>
> St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
> and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.
>
> I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
> served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets, no
> condiments in little plastic tubes, and no plastic tublets of half and
> half. Paper napkins are okay, but please use the china or crockery and
> not paper and/styrofoam or plastic utensils. Ugh I get the shivers
> thinking about it.
>
> I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
> the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
> help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew ‹
> their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
> . . .
>
> Barb Schallerstein

> In article >,
> Melba's Jammin' > wrote:

>>I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
>>the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
>>help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew ‹
>>their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
>>. . .
>>
>>Barb Schallerstein

It's true! I remember when my zaydie died, my bubbie's house was full of
food brought by everyone we knew. Jews who are in mourning are not
supposed to have to cook for themselves (among other things).

--

saerah

"It's not a gimmick, it's an incentive."- asterbark, afca

aware of the manifold possibilities of the future

"I think there's a clause in the Shaman's and Jujumen's Local #57 Union
contract that they have to have reciprocity for each other's shop rules."
-König Prüß

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
> but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
> did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
> in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).

<snip>



>
> Barb Schallerstein
> --
> http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

One would think with all the "in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales
plans, sexual
harassment policies, and marketing surveys"

They could afford to have it catered.....

Maybe that's a new business idea.

You bury the dead
We feed the living.

Wake Catering Inc.

Dimitri

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
> but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
> did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
> in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
>
> I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
> food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
> except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
> may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
> disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
> the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
> Ptooey!
>
> Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
> they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
> harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
>
> The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
> cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
> anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
> butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
> cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
> regarded as a fine cook ‹ this was an insult to her memory.
>
> The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
> content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
> the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
> than laid flat on the plates). Points were lost for mustard and mayo
> in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
> Excellence in Coffee.
>
> St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
> and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.
>
> I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
> served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets,

Ok. Nooo sugaaarr paaaacckketttts.

> no condiments in little plastic tubes,

Nnnnoooo coooonnnndimmmmennnts in plaaaasssticccc tuuuuuubeees

> and no plastic tublets of half and
> half.

Hey. Slow down. I can only write so fast here...

Pastorio

> Paper napkins are okay, but please use the china or crockery and
> not paper and/styrofoam or plastic utensils. Ugh I get the shivers
> thinking about it.
>
> I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
> the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
> help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew ‹
> their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
> . . .
>
> Barb Schallerstein

In article >,
Marcella Peek > wrote:

> Have you by chance read "Being Dead is No Excuse"? It might give you
> some ideas for your event...you can write things out clearly and even
> give those left behind the recipes or just highlight the parts of the
> book you like.
>
> Yep, I agree funeral food just isn't what it used to be.
>
> marcella

You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to The
Home.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
sarah bennett > wrote:

> > In article >,
> > Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
>
> >>I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
> >>the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
> >>help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew Ð
> >>their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
> >>. . .
> >>
> >>Barb Schallerstein
>
> It's true! I remember when my zaydie died, my bubbie's house was full of
> food brought by everyone we knew. Jews who are in mourning are not
> supposed to have to cook for themselves (among other things).

There's that, sure, but I'm talking about the Funeral Lunch after the
service. I just told someone about when my sister, BIL, and their
youngest were killed in a plane crash 30-some years ago: Inie Shaver
called my brother's (where the family gathered after the funeral) and
said "You've probably got Jell-o and bars up the wazoo. I'm sending
Milt over with a half gallon of Jim Beam and a beef roast." And she
did. Not the same as the Funeral Lunch, though,
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
zxcvbob > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> [snipped here and there for brevity]
> > I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
> > food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
> > except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
> > may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
> > disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
> > the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
> > Ptooey!
> >
> > Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
> > they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
> > harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
> >
> > I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
> > the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
> > help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew Ð
> > their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
> > . . .
> >
> > Barb Schallerstein
>
>
> The lunch after FIL's funeral a month or so ago was wonderful.


I hate you. Braggart.

> I'm having trouble remembering the details, but I think it was ham
> steaks, augratin potatoes, green beans, assorted jello salads, and
> assorted homemade cakes and bars. I went for the plain yellow pound
> cake with no icing. I could tell just by looking at it that it was
> perfect. Coffee, sweet tea, and unsweet tea. I honestly don't
> remember if they used Chinette (good paper plates) or the church
> stoneware, but they did use real coffee mugs and largish plastic
> tumblers for the tea.
>

> This was a large Methodist church in Alabama. I'm not sure what the
> Methodists do up here, but you might wanna consider it. HTH ;-)
>
> Best regards,
> Bob

Well, I'm also thinking about the Orthodox church where i was married.
Last time we buried family from there the lunch spread was kolbasa,
holubky, kapusta -- Real Food. I wonder if they'd let me in; I haven't
darkened the doors much since I was married there.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
> I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to
> The
> Home.

*Shudder* not 'The Home'!!

I have made my David promise to top me rather than put me in a home

Melba's Jammin' > writes:

>Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
>a stand up comic.

I'm sorry but that's the funniest thing I've read on rfc in ages!
"Dead spread" is killing me.
My grandma's funeral had a really nice lunch afterwards, potluck but
with some fabulous dishes from the locals in the small town grandma used
to live in. When my mom died recently I thought something similar would
be great, but EVERYONE thought it was a terrible idea! My half-sister
brought cookies and that was it. Everyone was in such a hurry to get
the service over with and some close relatives didn't show up because
they "don't like funerals". Geez, you don't go to them to have fun,
people.
There was only 15 years difference between grandma's and mom's
funerals, but things really had changed in that time.

>help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew
>their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

This is just too funny! Explain to the rabbi why you want to
convert...

Stacia

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> Marcella Peek > wrote:
>
> > Have you by chance read "Being Dead is No Excuse"? It might give you
> > some ideas for your event...you can write things out clearly and even
> > give those left behind the recipes or just highlight the parts of the
> > book you like.
> >
> > Yep, I agree funeral food just isn't what it used to be.
> >
> > marcella
>
> You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
> I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to The
> Home.
> --
> http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

My dad has threatened to haunt us if we don't have a bash when he goes,
and it is to be done how he throw parties now, all out, no holds
barred, more expensive than a NYC wedding affair. Can't say I blame him
one bit, the supermarket deli "catered" dead spreads these days are a
shame.

Jessica

Melba's Jammin' wrote:

>
> Well, I'm also thinking about the Orthodox church where i was married.
> Last time we buried family from there the lunch spread was kolbasa,
> holubky, kapusta -- Real Food. I wonder if they'd let me in; I haven't
> darkened the doors much since I was married there.



Hmm.
My church does sliced ham, sliced cheese, smallish pre-buttered buns,
scalloped potatoes, coleslaw, and bars. Coffee and punch.
Real plates, cups and silverware ('cause they have an industrial
dishwasher thingie). Paper napkins.

"Dimitri" > wrote in message
...
>
snip>
> They could afford to have it catered.....
>
> Maybe that's a new business idea.
>
> You bury the dead
> We feed the living.
>
> Wake Catering Inc.
>
> Dimitri
>
Great Idea!!! I love the business name.
You'd have to do the research. The Catholics do it different than the
Lutherans, etc.-- you know, the Lake Woebegone thing. Or would you provide
a cross-cultural spread? However, Jell-O knows no barriers ;o}
J

In article >,
(Glitter Ninja) wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' > writes:
>
> >Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> >a stand up comic.
>
> I'm sorry but that's the funniest thing I've read on rfc in ages!
> "Dead spread" is killing me.

Heh. It's what the Lutheran Church Basement Ladies call the funeral
luncheon/reception.

> My grandma's funeral had a really nice lunch afterwards, potluck but
> with some fabulous dishes from the locals in the small town grandma used
> to live in. When my mom died recently I thought something similar would
> be great, but EVERYONE thought it was a terrible idea! My half-sister
> brought cookies and that was it.


Now, THAT'S a poor excuse for funeral hospitality.


> Everyone was in such a hurry to get
> the service over with and some close relatives didn't show up because
> they "don't like funerals". Geez, you don't go to them to have fun,
> people.

Oh, I do. Well, "fun" may be a stretch, but I hate to miss one where I
know there'll be lots of folks I haven't seen in a long time. The
parents of high school friends, neighbors who have moved on, family (my
family is quite large).

> >help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew
> >their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
>
> This is just too funny! Explain to the rabbi why you want to
> convert...
>
> Stacia

I'll look into the nearest Reformed congregation. . . .
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
"Bob (this one)" > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> > a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
> > but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
> > did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
> > in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
> >
> > I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
> > food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
> > except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
> > may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
> > disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
> > the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
> > Ptooey!
> >
> > Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
> > they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
> > harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
> >
> > The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
> > cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
> > anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
> > butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
> > cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
> > regarded as a fine cook Ð this was an insult to her memory.
> >
> > The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
> > content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
> > the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
> > than laid flat on the plates). Points were lost for mustard and mayo
> > in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
> > Excellence in Coffee.
> >
> > St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
> > and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.
> >
> > I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
> > served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets,
>
> Ok. Nooo sugaaarr paaaacckketttts.
>
> > no condiments in little plastic tubes,
>
> Nnnnoooo coooonnnndimmmmennnts in plaaaasssticccc tuuuuuubeees
>
> > and no plastic tublets of half and
> > half.
>
> Hey. Slow down. I can only write so fast here...
>
> Pastorio

Glad you're paying attention, because you're on the hook, Bucko. Your
name and phone number and email have been given to a couple relatives to
contact after they push my wheelie in front of the semi. "Whoops!
Auntie Barb slipped! Oh, darn. Call that guy whose name she gave us."
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
"Dimitri" > wrote:

> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
> ...
> > Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> > a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
> > but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
> > did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
> > in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
>
> <snip>
> >
> > Barb Schallerstein
> > --
> > http://www.jamlady.eboard.com
>
> One would think with all the "in an office writing briefs, proposals,
> sales plans, sexual harassment policies, and marketing surveys"

>
> They could afford to have it catered.....

THAT'S THE POINT, Dimitri!! THIS * IS * the catered spread. Pitiful
excuse for it, too. After having been privy to selecting my recently
departed sister's box, I'm leaving instructions for a corrugated
cardboard box and spend the coffin $$$$ on The Lunch.
>
> Maybe that's a new business idea.
>
> You bury the dead
> We feed the living.

LOL!!! You're giving me ideas. . . .


> Wake Catering Inc.

> Dimitri
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article . com>,
"Jessica V." > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > In article >,
> > Marcella Peek > wrote:
> >
> > > Have you by chance read "Being Dead is No Excuse"? It might give you
> > > some ideas for your event...you can write things out clearly and even
> > > give those left behind the recipes or just highlight the parts of the
> > > book you like.
> > >
> > > Yep, I agree funeral food just isn't what it used to be.
> > >
> > > marcella
> >
> > You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
> > I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to The
> > Home.
> > --
> > http://www.jamlady.eboard.com
>
> My dad has threatened to haunt us if we don't have a bash when he goes,
> and it is to be done how he throw parties now, all out, no holds
> barred, more expensive than a NYC wedding affair. Can't say I blame him
> one bit, the supermarket deli "catered" dead spreads these days are a
> shame.
>
> Jessica

Thank you!! A woman after my own heart!
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
"Ophelia" > wrote:

> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
> ...
> > You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
> > I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to
> > The
> > Home.
>
> *Shudder* not 'The Home'!!
>
> I have made my David promise to top me rather than put me in a home

Well, I made reference to it with my Girlchild a few years back and she
pooh-poohed the idea: "Oh, Mom! You're not going to The Home. I won't
let you." And I asked if that meant I could live with her. "Well,
we'll see when the time comes." She didn't skip a beat, either. Snot.
And I asked her once to tell me what of my "stuff" she wants when I
croak and she said, "Your china, the silver, your bracelet, your diamond
earrings, and the Christmas dishes," ‹‹‹ before I finished the question.
Left me kinda edgy -- 'pears she's been thinking about this. ;-)
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
Bookwyrm > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
> >
> > Well, I'm also thinking about the Orthodox church where i was married.
> > Last time we buried family from there the lunch spread was kolbasa,
> > holubky, kapusta -- Real Food. I wonder if they'd let me in; I haven't
> > darkened the doors much since I was married there.
>
>
>
> Hmm.
> My church does sliced ham, sliced cheese, smallish pre-buttered buns,
> scalloped potatoes, coleslaw, and bars. Coffee and punch.
> Real plates, cups and silverware ('cause they have an industrial
> dishwasher thingie). Paper napkins.

Hmmm. How's the housing in Golden Valley?
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

What you have to do is join a church that's predominately
African-American. Every single time I've gone to a funeral that's been
held at a black church, the food has been incredibly good.

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> "Bob (this one)" > wrote:
>
>
>>Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>>
>>>Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
>>>a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
>>>but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
>>>did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
>>>in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
>>>
>>>I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
>>>food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
>>>except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
>>>may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
>>>disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
>>>the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
>>>Ptooey!
>>>
>>>Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
>>>they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
>>>harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
>>>
>>>The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
>>>cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
>>>anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
>>>butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
>>>cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
>>>regarded as a fine cook Ð this was an insult to her memory.
>>>
>>>The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
>>>content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
>>>the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
>>>than laid flat on the plates). Points were lost for mustard and mayo
>>>in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
>>>Excellence in Coffee.
>>>
>>>St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
>>>and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.
>>>
>>>I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
>>>served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets,
>>
>>Ok. Nooo sugaaarr paaaacckketttts.
>>
>>
>>>no condiments in little plastic tubes,
>>
>>Nnnnoooo coooonnnndimmmmennnts in plaaaasssticccc tuuuuuubeees
>>
>> > and no plastic tublets of half and
>>
>>>half.
>>
>>Hey. Slow down. I can only write so fast here...
>>
>>Pastorio
>
> Glad you're paying attention, because you're on the hook, Bucko. Your
> name and phone number and email have been given to a couple relatives to
> contact after they push my wheelie in front of the semi. "Whoops!
> Auntie Barb slipped! Oh, darn. Call that guy whose name she gave us."

Right. And I'll show up with my dual-overhead cam, OnStar-equipped
walker with the flames painted on the side...

It'll be a spread. Shame you'll be missing it. Thought we'd deep-freeze
you and stand you up like an ice sculpture in the middle of the buffet
table. Jar of jelly in each outstretched hand. If it ain't memorable, it
ain't nothin'. Hunks of cheese underfoot carved to look like 5-inch
stilettos. Thong apron. Slinky oven mitts. You'll wow 'em.

No, seriously...

Pastorio

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> "Dimitri" > wrote:
>
>> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
>> ...
>> > Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
>> > a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
>> > but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
>> > did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
>> > in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
>>
>> <snip>
>> >
>> > Barb Schallerstein
>> > --
>> > http://www.jamlady.eboard.com
>>
>> One would think with all the "in an office writing briefs, proposals,
>> sales plans, sexual harassment policies, and marketing surveys"
>
>>
>> They could afford to have it catered.....
>
> THAT'S THE POINT, Dimitri!! THIS * IS * the catered spread. Pitiful
> excuse for it, too. After having been privy to selecting my recently
> departed sister's box, I'm leaving instructions for a corrugated
> cardboard box and spend the coffin $$$$ on The Lunch.
>>
>> Maybe that's a new business idea.
>>
>> You bury the dead
>> We feed the living.
>
> LOL!!! You're giving me ideas. . . .
>
>
>> Wake Catering Inc.
>
>> Dimitri


Like the man said "Holy Crap!" This must be one of my Duh.. days

I'll bet if you visit funeral homes and give them a commission you'll get a ton
of business.

Dimitri

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> "Dimitri" > wrote:


<snip>



>> Maybe that's a new business idea.
>>
>> You bury the dead
>> We feed the living.
>
> LOL!!! You're giving me ideas. . . .
>
>
>> Wake Catering Inc.
>
>> Dimitri

:-(

Bummer!

http://www.snuffins.com/funeral.html

I also thought of 6 up soda.

Dimitri

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...


> Barb Schallerstein

Here's a good place to start.

Well at sundown the day of atonement begins - You should reflect on all the bad
things you said about people....

LOL


http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday4.htm
Yom Kippur is probably the most important holiday of the Jewish year. Many Jews
who do not observe any other Jewish custom will refrain from work, fast and/or
attend synagogue services on this day. Yom Kippur occurs on the 10th day of
Tishri. The holiday is instituted at Leviticus 23:26 et seq.

The name "Yom Kippur" means "Day of Atonement," and that pretty much explains
what the holiday is. It is a day set aside to "afflict the soul," to atone for
the sins of the past year. In Days of Awe, I mentioned the "books" in which G-d
inscribes all of our names. On Yom Kippur, the judgment entered in these books
is sealed. This day is, essentially, your last appeal, your last chance to
change the judgment, to demonstrate your repentance and make amends.



Dimitri

In article >,
(Sharon Chilson) wrote:

> What you have to do is join a church that's predominately
> African-American. Every single time I've gone to a funeral that's been
> held at a black church, the food has been incredibly good.

Aha! Thanks, Sharon.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Ophelia wrote:
> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
> ...
>
>>You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
>>I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to
>>The
>>Home.
>
>
> *Shudder* not 'The Home'!!
>
> I have made my David promise to top me rather than put me in a home
>
>


My grandmother lived with my parents all their married life. She
suffered from galloping hypochondria the first 10 years of my life and
probably Alzheimer's the next 10 before her death. I wouldn't ask any
loved one of mine to put up with me under those circumstances.

When you no longer know your family and hardly know who you are
yourself, what's the charm in making life miserable for all those who
are still sane?

Put me in a home, come and visit occasionally, and try not to notice if
I'm gaga and drooling.

gloria p

(Melba's=A0Jammin') WROTE:
Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. =A0 (No,
I did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study except
to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This may be the
worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the disintegration
of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to the workforce has
degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh! Ptooey!
Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.
The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
regarded as a fine cook =8B this was an insult to her memory.
The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
than laid flat on the plates). =A0 Points were lost for mustard and mayo
in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
Excellence in Coffee.
St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.
I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets, no
condiments in little plastic tubes, and no plastic tublets of half and
half. Paper napkins are okay, but please use the china or crockery and
not paper and/styrofoam or plastic utensils. Ugh I get the shivers
thinking about it.
I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew =8B
their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
=A0.=A0. ------------------------------------------------------
RESPONSE: Restaurant where hubby works has a formal banquet room that
hold 150 people and a lot of funeral luncheons come their way.
The normal meal is baked chicken/roast beef, california blend, choice
potato or rice, garden salad, home style baked bread/butter, coffee.
They also cater to young children with choice of chicken nuggets or
coneys/fries. Can't recall dessert ever been served.
All these funeral luncheons the families knew the death of their loved
one was coming and can only recall once where the luncheon was held for
an unexpected death.

On Wed 12 Oct 2005 07:10:39p, Puester wrote in rec.food.cooking:

> Ophelia wrote:
>> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>
>>>You heard about it here first -- when I posted about it. :-0)
>>>I might make it required reading for my family when they move me to
>>>The
>>>Home.
>>
>>
>> *Shudder* not 'The Home'!!
>>
>> I have made my David promise to top me rather than put me in a home
>>
>>
>
>
> My grandmother lived with my parents all their married life. She
> suffered from galloping hypochondria the first 10 years of my life and
> probably Alzheimer's the next 10 before her death. I wouldn't ask any
> loved one of mine to put up with me under those circumstances.
>
> When you no longer know your family and hardly know who you are
> yourself, what's the charm in making life miserable for all those who
> are still sane?
>
> Put me in a home, come and visit occasionally, and try not to notice if
> I'm gaga and drooling.
>
> gloria p
>

Luckily, we won't see you drool on the newsgroup! :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
_____________________________

http://tinypic.com/eikz78.jpg

Meet Mr. Bailey

"Puester" > wrote in message
...
> Put me in a home, come and visit occasionally, and try not to notice if
> I'm gaga and drooling.
>
> gloria p
*
You've got a good attitude, Gloria.

Everyone in my family has worked in a nursing home at one time or another,
including my mother who is a nurse. She told us that if she ever gets to
that point, just find her a place with decent care and don't feel guilty
about it --but also keep her supplied with *good* chocolate.

Pablo
(Chocolate makes a hard life seem easier.)

Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
> a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
> but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
> did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
> in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).

I heard some strange things at funerals. The worst were at the funerals of
two of my uncles. One uncle's funeral service was done by Legion padre and
he may not have been totally sober. I think he meant to say "Bill was a
veteran", but what came out of his mouth was "Bill was a bed wetter". My
other uncle's funeral was in a Presbyterian church. His surname was Goldsen.
For some reason the minster started talking about how "we Scots" are a lot
like Jews, with references to penny pinching. My uncle was not Jewish. He
had Scottish roots. It was very bizarre and in extremely bad taste.

"Jessica V." > wrote in message >> --
>
> My dad has threatened to haunt us if we don't have a bash when he goes,
> and it is to be done how he throw parties now, all out, no holds
> barred, more expensive than a NYC wedding affair. Can't say I blame him
> one bit, the supermarket deli "catered" dead spreads these days are a
> shame.
>
> Jessica

I'm with your dad! I've made my kids promise to give me a "buffet funeral"
catered by the best outfit in town and with an open bar. I WILL be
remembered!

Felice

In article >,
"Dimitri" > wrote:
(snippage)
>
> http://www.snuffins.com/funeral.html
>
> I also thought of 6 up soda.
>
> Dimitri

Interesting spreads they offer. I think I want hotdishes, holubky and
pirohy, salads, and desserts (not just bars, please -- a couple good
gooey refrigerator thangs in 9x13" pans). Buy the bread. Forget the
French wicker baskets. Jeez. If family gathered when they heard I was
cold to start making the pirohy and holubky, they could have a good time
telling each other what a snot I am and get it out of their systems
before the funeral service. Many hands make light work. Pastorio can
be the MFIC.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> "Dimitri" > wrote:
> (snippage)
>
>>http://www.snuffins.com/funeral.html
>>
>>I also thought of 6 up soda.
>>
>>Dimitri
>
>
> Interesting spreads they offer. I think I want hotdishes, holubky and
> pirohy, salads, and desserts (not just bars, please -- a couple good
> gooey refrigerator thangs in 9x13" pans). Buy the bread. Forget the
> French wicker baskets. Jeez. If family gathered when they heard I was
> cold to start making the pirohy and holubky, they could have a good time
> telling each other what a snot I am and get it out of their systems
> before the funeral service. Many hands make light work. Pastorio can
> be the MFIC.

My husband knows that there better be one hell of a spread when I've
passed on. I'm much more concerned with not being pumped full of
preservatives, though. Open caskets are icky.

--

saerah

"It's not a gimmick, it's an incentive."- asterbark, afca

aware of the manifold possibilities of the future

"I think there's a clause in the Shaman's and Jujumen's Local #57 Union
contract that they have to have reciprocity for each other's shop rules."
-König Prüß

Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> I think I want hotdishes, holubky and
> pirohy, salads, and desserts (not just bars, please -- a couple good
> gooey refrigerator thangs in 9x13" pans). Buy the bread. Forget the
> French wicker baskets. Jeez. If family gathered when they heard I was
> cold to start making the pirohy and holubky, they could have a good time
> telling each other what a snot I am and get it out of their systems
> before the funeral service. Many hands make light work. Pastorio can
> be the MFIC.

And happy to do it...

Wait'll you see the open bar.

Oh, wait...

Pastorio

On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:42:58 -0500, Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> After having been privy to selecting my recently
>departed sister's box, I'm leaving instructions for a corrugated
>cardboard box and spend the coffin $$$$ on The Lunch.

No wake, just me and an oven.

In a weeks time, One hell of a party. Tell stories about me, eat drink
and be merry. I'll be in a better place.
And a man in a kilt, playing Amazing Grace on a bagpipe. After he has
been at the bar for an hour.
I will be watching.

Pan Ohco

In article >,
"Bob (this one)" > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
> > I think I want hotdishes, holubky and
> > pirohy, salads, and desserts (not just bars, please -- a couple good
> > gooey refrigerator thangs in 9x13" pans). Buy the bread. Forget the
> > French wicker baskets. Jeez. If family gathered when they heard I was
> > cold to start making the pirohy and holubky, they could have a good time
> > telling each other what a snot I am and get it out of their systems
> > before the funeral service. Many hands make light work. Pastorio can
> > be the MFIC.
>
> And happy to do it...
>
> Wait'll you see the open bar.
>
> Oh, wait...
>
> Pastorio

Oh, I'll be there, Bucko; don't you worry none 'bout that. I brought up
the topic of my funeral at last weekend's Church Women in Exile
Umpteenth Annual Fall Fishing Trip and Carole jumped the gun a bit --
she thought I was looking for them to eulogize me: "Ha, ha, you don't
want just anyone up there talking about you, Barb." Whaddaya suppose
she meant by that? She brought down the house with that one because
she's very quiet and usually quite circumspect. Pfftt!
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

In article >,
"Dimitri" > wrote:

> http://www.snuffins.com/funeral.html

Hey, this is from my town! The name always reminded me of a
cigar shop, though.

Regards,
Ranee

Remove do not & spam to e-mail me.

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/
http://talesfromthekitchen.blogspot.com/

projectile vomit chick wrote:
> On Wed, 12 Oct 2005 14:17:15 -0500, in rec.food.cooking, Melba's
> Jammin' > hit the crackpipe and
> declared:
>
>>Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
>>a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
>>but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
>>did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
>>in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).
>
>
> ***snip disgusting sniveling about not getting fed at a ****ing
> funeral, if you're so ****ing gluttonous that you can't drag your fat
> ****ing ass to pay respects to the deceased without looking around for
> the buffet, then go **** off.

well how the hell else do you get people to show up?

--

saerah

"It's not a gimmick, it's an incentive."- asterbark, afca

aware of the manifold possibilities of the future

"I think there's a clause in the Shaman's and Jujumen's Local #57 Union
contract that they have to have reciprocity for each other's shop rules."
-König Prüß

In article >,
projectile vomit chick > wrote:


> ****ing
> so ****ing
> ****ing ass
> **** off.


What's with all the ****ing at a funeral? That's how you *make* a new
person, not bury them.

And I thought this new newsreader had killfiles. I've already killfiled
you twice, how are you showing up again?