This ep begins in SLop's foyer pantry and is wearing an uncomplimentary thick
white turtleneck sweater whose sleeves reach the middle of her hands (I hate
that style!) and she's got her hair like Jonathan Antin got hold of it. I can
tell from the beginning that this one's going to be worth a laugh or two or
three when she says that slow cooking is her new hobby and says something about
hating how it takes so long to cook and that using crockpots save her time. Is
delivery service THAT slow in your neighborhood, Sandie? She rattles off the
menu, which is going to require four or five crockpots. Me, I use the crockpot
for one course of my meal, but maybe it's just me. Grabbing a jar of rice and a
jar of mushrooms, which she holds close to her bosom for some reason, she heads
to the kitchen as the opening credits begin.

Sandra walks into the kitchen and sets down the plastic containers of rice and
mushrooms and an unidentified third one which must just jumped into her arms
unannounced. She declares these to be the best and easiest slow cooker recipes
evah, then goes to "fridgerator" to take out a package of fresh mushrooms and
celery for the soup.

To the crockpot she empties four can of low sodium chicken stock she swiped
from Rachel ray and two cans of cream of mushroom soup with garlic to add
flavour and make the soup is creamy. As she stirs the soup, she tells us that
crockpots are great because you can dump whatever you have in your pantry into
them and make a great meal. She adds some "feen" herbs and carrots, then grabs
a couple stalks of dirty celery. She chops the dirty ribs and tops off, and
tosses them over the crockpot to the floor, then MVs stunt hands chop up the
celery. because she doesn't like to cry, she dumps a ziplock bag of frozen
chopped onion into the mix. Grabbing a Walmart rotisserie chicken, she
separates the meat from the bones by hand, telling us we can use a raw chicken
if we wish. After lidding the crockpot, she does a quick "Me washie handsies!".

She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of vegetable
stock from RR's pantry into another white crock pot, adding this will make a
great dinner. She then tells us we could make an entire dinner using crock pots
and it will only take ten minutes to prepare and be ready when you return. Are
you using magic crockpots or do you black out for several hours and awaken
just as they are finished? SLop adds a can of RR golden mushroom soup that does
not have garlic in it because she is going to add some minced garlic. I have no
idea why she did that, other than to preserve her precious 70/30 percent ratio.
She uses "a barrio rice", which I guess means Spanish rice. Hmm, looks like
Minute Rice ™ to me. She thickly slices some big-ass mushrooms because she
claims food shrinks "waaay down" in the crock pot. I don't believe her for a
second. She turns both crockpots on "high" so they take three hours instead of
eight and we exit to commercial.

When we return from commercial, SLop exclaims "We are going to slow cook the
fast way!" while fetching a ziplock bag of mushrooms and another bag of carrots
form the fridge. Using a big pair of tongs, she puts a tied-up pot roast into
the crock pot but it's too big. Due to the magic of the crock pot, when we cut
to another angle, the roast has shrunken down a bit. Wow, she wasn't kidding
about how food shrinks in crock pots! To this, she adds a can of RR beef stock,
and smears a can of cream of celery soup over the top of the roast. She then
dumps some new potatoes of carrots mushrooms on top of the roast, topping it
off with a packet of instant onion soup mix and some A-1 steak sauce. This is
odd, because one is sppsd to put the vegetables on the bottom, but she says
that everything will cook down into the roast and lids it.

Sandra stops to stir the risotto. Luckily, she doesn't stir it for two hours,
as per the Food Network instructions.

She begins to make the bread pudding by pulverizing instant brown sugar and
spice oatmeal ("a GREAT food resource!" in a blender and then mixing the rest
of the ingredients in a bowl. Why does she always measure things into measuring
cups over the bowl of food? That just bugs the hell out of me. Fulfilling her
duty as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some sliced
almonds, a RR can of apple pie filling, and the instant oatmeal dust,
accompanied by a post production "this give beautiful texture!" voiceover. She
tells us it has to set up in the fridge for an hour, swapping out a stunt bowl
in the process and dumping it into the crockpot, repeating that stupid warning
about putting cold things into a not-cold crockpot. Moron. She suddenly
remembers that she needs to add noodles to the soup and shuffles back to the
other side of the counter telling us to add two handfuls but adding three, then
she returns to stir the risotto again. "Do it every half hour!", she says.
Before we head out to commercial, she tells us she's going to make the sauce
for the pudding and a hottie sangria.

When we return from commercial, Sandra parrots her stupid "Slow cooking fast!"
phrase and has the ingredients for the cream soda sauce, including a glass jar
of powdered Parmesan cheese. Oh wait, that's for the rice. Phew! To a package
of Dream Whip, she adds a half teaspoon of cinnamon and half a teaspoon of rum
extract. She then adds a what appears to be a full cup of half a cup of cream
soda. She then tells us the bread pudding has been cooking for two hours (it
magical compresses time too?) and makes some dire warning about burning the
cake in the cooker for the standard three hours on "high". OK, so why not just
tell us to leave it in for two hours? She scoops it into a couple dishes and
ladles some of the sauce on top. She removes the pot roast from the crockpot
and, luckily, remembers to remove the string. She starts to cut it, telling us
the meat will literally fall apart (That's because it IS falling apart, you
moron. I get so ****ed off with people who incorrectly use "literally"), and
puts the now entirely-sliced roast onto a platter and tops it with the
vegetables from the bottom of the magic crockpot. She puts the stringy chicken
soup into bowls, adding that it's great cold too, and then adds a cup of the
sawdust Parmesan, measuring it into a measuring cup above the crock pot. She
puts some into a bowl and claims it looks authentic, except it looks like it
has all melted down into a porridge-like consistency. Before bopping out to
commercial, she tells us she's going to make a hottie sangria and a tablescape
in the kitchen! I guess she's too sloshed or lazy to make it to the dining room
this week. What's the POINT?

When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". She enters stage right with a bottle of
booze in hand and announces the "hottie sangria", which is made with a white
wine and a red wine. She adds a bottle of white AND red wine into a cooker,
then adds a generous cup of brandy. She adds simple syrup and a couple cinnamon
sticks, a sliced-up orange, and frozen cherries and frozen peaches. Sandra
pipes up with "This drink could actually act as a desert too!". Ugh, no. Sandra
chirps "Lookit at how beautiful this is" and gets a ladle. Big mugs you got
there. As she decants the so-called sangria into a pair of glass beer steins,
she warns us to use heat-proof glasses and invites us to see her buffet scape.

Taking a few steps towards what used to the fourth wall, she declares "Slow
cooking is smart!", which immediate makes me giggle because it reminds me of a
certain ep of Star Trek: Next Gen. Again, for some reason, she decorated the
table the kids are banished to on Thanksgiving, telling us she has to light up
the candles so she can see. her tablescape Huh? Oh, look! What a clever idea
Sandra came up with, putting the silverware in a bucket lined with a napkin!
Except not. She tells us to "Keep it simple, keep it smart, keep it with a slow
cooker", pimps her site, and exits stage left with her stupid double claw wave.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

Ubiquitous wrote:
> This ep begins in SLop's foyer pantry and is wearing an uncomplimentary thick
> white turtleneck sweater whose sleeves reach the middle of her hands (I hate
> that style!) and she's got her hair like Jonathan Antin got hold of it. I can
> tell from the beginning that this one's going to be worth a laugh or two or
> three when she says that slow cooking is her new hobby and says something about
> hating how it takes so long to cook and that using crockpots save her time. Is
> delivery service THAT slow in your neighborhood, Sandie? She rattles off the
> menu, which is going to require four or five crockpots. Me, I use the crockpot
> for one course of my meal, but maybe it's just me. Grabbing a jar of rice and a
> jar of mushrooms, which she holds close to her bosom for some reason, she heads
> to the kitchen as the opening credits begin.

I took one look at her hair in this ep and figured she'd been passed out
in the back yard.


> Sandra walks into the kitchen and sets down the plastic containers of rice and
> mushrooms and an unidentified third one which must just jumped into her arms
> unannounced. She declares these to be the best and easiest slow cooker recipes
> evah, then goes to "fridgerator" to take out a package of fresh mushrooms and
> celery for the soup.
>
> To the crockpot she empties four can of low sodium chicken stock she swiped
> from Rachel ray and two cans of cream of mushroom soup with garlic to add
> flavour and make the soup is creamy. As she stirs the soup, she tells us that
> crockpots are great because you can dump whatever you have in your pantry into
> them and make a great meal.

Or in her words, just dump and leave it. I still wonder if she really
knows what she said.


> She adds some "feen" herbs and carrots, then grabs
> a couple stalks of dirty celery. She chops the dirty ribs and tops off, and
> tosses them over the crockpot to the floor, then MVs stunt hands chop up the
> celery.

That was great. It was like the Seinfeld "man hands" episode.

Meanwhile, all of you who scuttled your slow cookers are kicking
yourselves now, I'll just bet!


> because she doesn't like to cry, she dumps a ziplock bag of frozen
> chopped onion into the mix.

Milli Vanilli doesn't like to cry either.


> Grabbing a Walmart rotisserie chicken, she
> separates the meat from the bones by hand, telling us we can use a raw chicken
> if we wish. After lidding the crockpot, she does a quick "Me washie handsies!".
>
> She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of vegetable
> stock from RR's pantry into another white crock pot, adding this will make a
> great dinner. She then tells us we could make an entire dinner using crock pots
> and it will only take ten minutes to prepare and be ready when you return. Are
> you using magic crockpots or do you black out for several hours and awaken
> just as they are finished? SLop adds a can of RR golden mushroom soup that does
> not have garlic in it because she is going to add some minced garlic.

Nu uh. She made a point of it: she *didn't* add "golden" mushroom soup
specifically because she was going to use the jarred minced garlic.


> I have no
> idea why she did that, other than to preserve her precious 70/30 percent ratio.
> She uses "a barrio rice"...

....in keeping with her ghetto cooking style...


> which I guess means Spanish rice. Hmm, looks like
> Minute Rice ™ to me. She thickly slices some big-ass mushrooms because she
> claims food shrinks "waaay down" in the crock pot. I don't believe her for a
> second. She turns both crockpots on "high" so they take three hours instead of
> eight and we exit to commercial.

And here is where I couldn't take it anymore. Knowing that I had
hundreds of better things to do, I chose to waive further SLop-based
hilarity for a gratifying morning of toilet scouring.

I'll catch up with Sandy again later this month. I'm sure she'll have
plenty more in store for me 'round Thanksgiving time.

I caught this ep yesterday...first of all, the whole concept was ridiculous.
A full "meal" (I'm always compelled to put Simple Sandy's definition of a
"meal" in quotations) made with, what, 5 slow cookers??

"Slow cooking fast!" Say what? Nothing she did was any faster than "slow
cooking normal speed."

"You need to remember to use lots of liquid!" No, you don't. You use less
liquid than conventional cooking, because the liquid doesn't boil away.

Yeah, we've all got five Crock-Pots hanging around our kitchens.

What was the deal with the plastic container she pulled out of the pantry,
claiming they were mushrooms? The mushrooms we saw in the dishes came out of
one of those cardboard basket thingies they come in at the store, and a ziplock
bag.

The advantage of using a slow-cooker, Sandra, is that you can fill it with real
food, go do something else for several hours, and come back to a completed
dish. Stirring the damn thing every 30 minutes kind of negates that, doesn't
it?I, too, have had really, really good risotto and I'm sure it was not cooked
in a Crock-Pot.

Hey, put flatware into a basket lined with a napkin! My God! How has no one
thought of this before! Alert the media! Except that people have been doing
that for buffets since buffets were invented.

The Magic Morphing Potroast is a riot.

What with all the cans of condensed soup used on this episode, I'm going have
to forgo salt for a week to get my sodium level down. Yowza.

Of all the crap she made, the one that disgusted me the most was the sangria.
My dad spent a year in Spain during college and he makes the most faaaabulous
sangria ever, with good red wine and cherry brandy and FRESH fruit, not frozen.
Plus, sangria? Is not HOT. Blech.

I'm still baffled by the use of instant oatmeal in the bread pudding. And
wouldn't it be more cost effective to keep, say, a regular carton of oats
around (you know, the stuff that comes in a cylindrical can) rather than using
packets of flavored instant oatmeal? Who are we kidding, Sandra doesn't think
in terms of "cost effective." Plus, quit with the damn almonds. We get it.
They're good for you. They have many uses. You are paid a lot of money to shill
them. Just stop it already.

(Ubiquitous) writes:

>She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of vegetable
>stock from RR's pantry into another white crock pot

The idea that anyone has more than maybe two crock pots in their home
is silly. Most people have one. I can't believe she didn't just admit
that she was making several dishes for show only, and that people will
usually just do one dish in the crock pot per meal.

>and smears a can of cream of celery soup over the top of the roast.

OK, that is truly disgusting.
I've done some good roasts in the crockpot, but only at low heat, and
usually with a zingy topping. The traditional carrots 'n' celery pot
roast is best in a cast iron pan in the oven.

>extract. She then adds a what appears to be a full cup of half a cup of cream
>soda.

I've noticed this on both Semi-Homemade and Rachel Ray. During
cooking, they say they are adding a half cup of something, but it looks
like a full cup. Is it so the camera picks up the ingredients better?
It makes me wonder if they're telling us something wrong.

>wine and a red wine. She adds a bottle of white AND red wine into a cooker,
>then adds a generous cup of brandy.

She heated all this up? Disgusting. Warm sangria must taste like
cough syrup.

Stacia

This ep begins in SLop's foyer pantry and is wearing an uncomplimentary thick
white turtleneck sweater whose sleeves reach the middle of her hands (I hate
that style!) and she's got her hair like Jonathan Antin got hold of it.

Wow, it's easy to see that if somebody doesn't dress in some particular
way, that surely that can't cook worth a damn.


I can
tell from the beginning that this one's going to be worth a laugh or two or
three when she says that slow cooking is her new hobby and says something about
hating how it takes so long to cook and that using crockpots save her time. Is
delivery service THAT slow in your neighborhood, Sandie? She rattles off the
menu, which is going to require four or five crockpots. Me, I use the crockpot
for one course of my meal, but maybe it's just me. Grabbing a jar of rice and a
jar of mushrooms, which she holds close to her bosom for some reason, she heads
to the kitchen as the opening credits begin.

Anybody with brains would immediately figure out that Sandra was protraying
what one cound do on several separate occasions. I can't believe that this poster
is so stupid. I'm sorry, there's a big difference between stupid and ignorant.

Sandra walks into the kitchen and sets down the plastic containers of rice and
mushrooms and an unidentified third one which must just jumped into her arms
unannounced. She declares these to be the best and easiest slow cooker recipes
evah, then goes to "fridgerator" to take out a package of fresh mushrooms and
celery for the soup.

To the crockpot she empties four can of low sodium chicken stock she swiped
from Rachel ray

What kind of shit statement is this? Do you believe that Rachel is the only person
in the world that knows about "low sodium chicken stock"?

and two cans of cream of mushroom soup with garlic to add
flavour and make the soup is creamy.

Basic culinary technique.

As she stirs the soup, she tells us that
crockpots are great because you can dump whatever you have in your pantry into
them and make a great meal. She adds some "feen" herbs and carrots, then grabs
a couple stalks of dirty celery. She chops the dirty ribs and tops off, and
tosses them over the crockpot to the floor, then MVs stunt hands chop up the
celery. because she doesn't like to cry, she dumps a ziplock bag of frozen
chopped onion into the mix. Grabbing a Walmart rotisserie chicken, she
separates the meat from the bones by hand, telling us we can use a raw chicken
if we wish. After lidding the crockpot, she does a quick "Me washie handsies!".

What the hell is your problem? Is this your life? You need some serious help.

She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of vegetable
stock from RR's

Another slam, like Rachel invented chicken/pork/beef stock. How stupid can
you get?

pantry into another white crock pot, adding this will make a
great dinner. She then tells us we could make an entire dinner using crock pots
and it will only take ten minutes to prepare and be ready when you return. Are
you using magic crockpots or do you black out for several hours and awaken
just as they are finished?

Super dumb F$%K. Crockpots are started in the morning before one goes to
work and eaten after one gets off of work in the evening. Obviously, you don't
know much about working for a living.

SLop adds a can of RR golden mushroom soup that does
not have garlic in it because she is going to add some minced garlic. I have no
idea why she did that, other than to preserve her precious 70/30 percent ratio.

Of course you don't, because you have no idea of how to cook. If you did have
a clue, you might have your own cooking show.

She uses "a barrio rice", which I guess means Spanish rice. Hmm, looks like
Minute Rice ™ to me. She thickly slices some big-ass mushrooms because she
claims food shrinks "waaay down" in the crock pot. I don't believe her for a
second.

Which gives yet another clue to the my statement that you probably don't know
you ass from a hole in the ground. If you had ever done any actual cooking you
would know better then to make such a statement.

She turns both crockpots on "high" so they take three hours instead of
eight and we exit to commercial.

When we return from commercial, SLop exclaims "We are going to slow cook the
fast way!" while fetching a ziplock bag of mushrooms and another bag of carrots
form the fridge. Using a big pair of tongs, she puts a tied-up pot roast into
the crock pot but it's too big. Due to the magic of the crock pot, when we cut
to another angle, the roast has shrunken down a bit. Wow, she wasn't kidding
about how food shrinks in crock pots! To this, she adds a can of RR beef stock,
and smears a can of cream of celery soup over the top of the roast. She then
dumps some new potatoes of carrots mushrooms on top of the roast, topping it
off with a packet of instant onion soup mix and some A-1 steak sauce. This is
odd, because one is sppsd to put the vegetables on the bottom, but she says
that everything will cook down into the roast and lids it.

You have surely exposed yourself for the uneducated asshole that you are.
Anyone that really cooks knows that if you pile the veggies up on the bottom
and then put the meat on top will render the veggies to mush. so much for
your opinion jerk.

Sandra stops to stir the risotto. Luckily, she doesn't stir it for two hours,
as per the Food Network instructions.

Anybody who has ever done risotto doesn't need instructions. Apparently
you think this is some kind of complicated issure. Maybe you even believe
that Sanda Lee cannot make decent rissoto.

She begins to make the bread pudding by pulverizing instant brown sugar and
spice oatmeal ("a GREAT food resource!" in a blender and then mixing the rest
of the ingredients in a bowl. Why does she always measure things into measuring
cups over the bowl of food? That just bugs the hell out of me. Fulfilling her
duty as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some sliced
almonds, a RR can of apple pie filling, and the instant oatmeal dust,
accompanied by a post production "this give beautiful texture!" voiceover. She
tells us it has to set up in the fridge for an hour, swapping out a stunt bowl
in the process and dumping it into the crockpot, repeating that stupid warning
about putting cold things into a not-cold crockpot. Moron. She suddenly
remembers that she needs to add noodles to the soup and shuffles back to the
other side of the counter telling us to add two handfuls but adding three, then
she returns to stir the risotto again. "Do it every half hour!", she says.
Before we head out to commercial, she tells us she's going to make the sauce
for the pudding and a hottie sangria.

When we return from commercial, Sandra parrots her stupid "Slow cooking fast!"
phrase and has the ingredients for the cream soda sauce, including a glass jar
of powdered Parmesan cheese. Oh wait, that's for the rice. Phew! To a package
of Dream Whip, she adds a half teaspoon of cinnamon and half a teaspoon of rum
extract. She then adds a what appears to be a full cup of half a cup of cream
soda. She then tells us the bread pudding has been cooking for two hours (it
magical compresses time too?) and makes some dire warning about burning the
cake in the cooker for the standard three hours on "high". OK, so why not just
tell us to leave it in for two hours? She scoops it into a couple dishes and
ladles some of the sauce on top. She removes the pot roast from the crockpot
and, luckily, remembers to remove the string. She starts to cut it, telling us
the meat will literally fall apart (That's because it IS falling apart, you
moron. I get so ****ed off with people who incorrectly use "literally"), and
puts the now entirely-sliced roast onto a platter and tops it with the
vegetables from the bottom of the magic crockpot. She puts the stringy chicken
soup into bowls, adding that it's great cold too, and then adds a cup of the
sawdust Parmesan, measuring it into a measuring cup above the crock pot. She
puts some into a bowl and claims it looks authentic, except it looks like it
has all melted down into a porridge-like consistency. Before bopping out to
commercial, she tells us she's going to make a hottie sangria and a tablescape
in the kitchen! I guess she's too sloshed or lazy to make it to the dining room
this week. What's the POINT?

When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". She enters stage right with a bottle of
booze in hand and announces the "hottie sangria", which is made with a white
wine and a red wine. She adds a bottle of white AND red wine into a cooker,
then adds a generous cup of brandy. She adds simple syrup and a couple cinnamon
sticks, a sliced-up orange, and frozen cherries and frozen peaches. Sandra
pipes up with "This drink could actually act as a desert too!". Ugh, no. Sandra
chirps "Lookit at how beautiful this is" and gets a ladle. Big mugs you got
there. As she decants the so-called sangria into a pair of glass beer steins,
she warns us to use heat-proof glasses and invites us to see her buffet scape.

Taking a few steps towards what used to the fourth wall, she declares "Slow
cooking is smart!", which immediate makes me giggle because it reminds me of a
certain ep of Star Trek: Next Gen. Again, for some reason, she decorated the
table the kids are banished to on Thanksgiving, telling us she has to light up
the candles so she can see. her tablescape Huh? Oh, look! What a clever idea
Sandra came up with, putting the silverware in a bucket lined with a napkin!
Except not. She tells us to "Keep it simple, keep it smart, keep it with a slow
cooker", pimps her site, and exits stage left with her stupid double claw wave.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

And what's this crap about the Cordon Bleu disavowing any knowledge of
Miss Lee? Where did she ever swear that she attended the Cordon Bleu?
Git a life asshole. Do you have nothing better to do then watch every
single episode of Sandra Lee and the post endless text about how bad she
performs. Geezus, did she kick you out of bed for poor performance? You
are a sick dude.



--
The Brick said that (Don't bother to agree with me, I have already changed my mind.)

----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==----
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"Brick" > wrote

> Another slam, like Rachel invented chicken/pork/beef stock. How stupid can
> you get?

You don't know why it's funny, that's why you think it's stupid.

He's talking about those cans with the weird fake labels, like they
couldn't line up a sponsor or something.

And if you don't think the reports on her show are funny, ignore them.

nancy

Brick wrote:

> This ep begins in SLop's foyer pantry and is wearing an
> uncomplimentary thick white turtleneck sweater whose sleeves reach
> the middle of her hands (I hate that style!) and she's got her hair
> like Jonathan Antin got hold of it.
>
> Wow, it's easy to see that if somebody doesn't dress in some
> particular way, that surely that can't cook worth a damn.


This is extremely difficult to follow, as you don't use any means to
distinguish your comments from quoted material.



Brian

--
If televison's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who
won't shut up.
-- Dorothy Gambrell (http://catandgirl.com)

I just don't get this show or why anyone would seriously make this crap.

Chicken soup--even when using the shortcuts (which I do) is the easiest thing.
Takes less than thirty minutes. Why the hell would anyone bother with a slow
cooker for this? Making homemade stock might be one possibility, but just
chicken soup?

Bread pudding is insanely easy to make. The regular way. And considering that a
traditional way to serve it is with a whiskey sauce (also easy to make), I'm
flummoxed as to why Ms Alkie opted for cream soda.

And pot roast. Good grief. Again, not rocket science. Why f*ck around like she
does? I brown the meat because of the deglazing thing which someone else
mentioned and if I use mushrooms they go in towards the end and I don't slice
them into little bits. Why would you use onion soup mix or steak sauce or cream
of whatever soup when oh, I dunno, you could buy a carton of beef broth and
some actual herbs.

I know the answer is because SLoP doesn't know what the hell she's doing, but
ye gods, woman. Get a clue.

In article >, wrote:
>
>This ep begins in SLop's foyer pantry and is wearing an uncomplimentary thick
>white turtleneck sweater whose sleeves reach the middle of her hands (I hate
>that style!) and she's got her hair like Jonathan Antin got hold of it. I can
>tell from the beginning that this one's going to be worth a laugh or two or
>three when she says that slow cooking is her new hobby and says something
about
>hating how it takes so long to cook and that using crockpots save her time. Is
>delivery service THAT slow in your neighborhood, Sandie? She rattles off the
>menu, which is going to require four or five crockpots. Me, I use the crockpot
>for one course of my meal, but maybe it's just me. Grabbing a jar of rice and
a
>jar of mushrooms, which she holds close to her bosom for some reason, she
heads
>to the kitchen as the opening credits begin.
>
>Sandra walks into the kitchen and sets down the plastic containers of rice and
>mushrooms and an unidentified third one which must just jumped into her arms
>unannounced. She declares these to be the best and easiest slow cooker recipes
>evah, then goes to "fridgerator" to take out a package of fresh mushrooms and
>celery for the soup.
>
>To the crockpot she empties four can of low sodium chicken stock she swiped
>from Rachel ray and two cans of cream of mushroom soup with garlic to add
>flavour and make the soup is creamy. As she stirs the soup, she tells us that
>crockpots are great because you can dump whatever you have in your pantry into
>them and make a great meal. She adds some "feen" herbs and carrots, then grabs
>a couple stalks of dirty celery. She chops the dirty ribs and tops off, and
>tosses them over the crockpot to the floor, then MVs stunt hands chop up the
>celery. because she doesn't like to cry, she dumps a ziplock bag of frozen
>chopped onion into the mix. Grabbing a Walmart rotisserie chicken, she
>separates the meat from the bones by hand, telling us we can use a raw chicken
>if we wish. After lidding the crockpot, she does a quick "Me washie
handsies!".
>
>She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of vegetable
>stock from RR's pantry into another white crock pot, adding this will make a
>great dinner. She then tells us we could make an entire dinner using crock
pots
>and it will only take ten minutes to prepare and be ready when you return. Are
>you using magic crockpots or do you black out for several hours and awaken
>just as they are finished? SLop adds a can of RR golden mushroom soup that
does
>not have garlic in it because she is going to add some minced garlic. I have
no
>idea why she did that, other than to preserve her precious 70/30 percent
ratio.
>She uses "a barrio rice", which I guess means Spanish rice. Hmm, looks like
>Minute Rice ™ to me. She thickly slices some big-ass mushrooms because she
>claims food shrinks "waaay down" in the crock pot. I don't believe her for a
>second. She turns both crockpots on "high" so they take three hours instead of
>eight and we exit to commercial.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop exclaims "We are going to slow cook the
>fast way!" while fetching a ziplock bag of mushrooms and another bag of
carrots
>form the fridge. Using a big pair of tongs, she puts a tied-up pot roast into
>the crock pot but it's too big. Due to the magic of the crock pot, when we cut
>to another angle, the roast has shrunken down a bit. Wow, she wasn't kidding
>about how food shrinks in crock pots! To this, she adds a can of RR beef
stock,
>and smears a can of cream of celery soup over the top of the roast. She then
>dumps some new potatoes of carrots mushrooms on top of the roast, topping it
>off with a packet of instant onion soup mix and some A-1 steak sauce. This is
>odd, because one is sppsd to put the vegetables on the bottom, but she says
>that everything will cook down into the roast and lids it.
>
>Sandra stops to stir the risotto. Luckily, she doesn't stir it for two hours,
>as per the Food Network instructions.
>
>She begins to make the bread pudding by pulverizing instant brown sugar and
>spice oatmeal ("a GREAT food resource!" in a blender and then mixing the rest
>of the ingredients in a bowl. Why does she always measure things into
measuring
>cups over the bowl of food? That just bugs the hell out of me. Fulfilling her
>duty as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some sliced
>almonds, a RR can of apple pie filling, and the instant oatmeal dust,
>accompanied by a post production "this give beautiful texture!" voiceover. She
>tells us it has to set up in the fridge for an hour, swapping out a stunt bowl
>in the process and dumping it into the crockpot, repeating that stupid warning
>about putting cold things into a not-cold crockpot. Moron. She suddenly
>remembers that she needs to add noodles to the soup and shuffles back to the
>other side of the counter telling us to add two handfuls but adding three,
then
>she returns to stir the risotto again. "Do it every half hour!", she says.
>Before we head out to commercial, she tells us she's going to make the sauce
>for the pudding and a hottie sangria.
>
>When we return from commercial, Sandra parrots her stupid "Slow cooking fast!"
>phrase and has the ingredients for the cream soda sauce, including a glass jar
>of powdered Parmesan cheese. Oh wait, that's for the rice. Phew! To a package
>of Dream Whip, she adds a half teaspoon of cinnamon and half a teaspoon of rum
>extract. She then adds a what appears to be a full cup of half a cup of cream
>soda. She then tells us the bread pudding has been cooking for two hours (it
>magical compresses time too?) and makes some dire warning about burning the
>cake in the cooker for the standard three hours on "high". OK, so why not just
>tell us to leave it in for two hours? She scoops it into a couple dishes and
>ladles some of the sauce on top. She removes the pot roast from the crockpot
>and, luckily, remembers to remove the string. She starts to cut it, telling us
>the meat will literally fall apart (That's because it IS falling apart, you
>moron. I get so ****ed off with people who incorrectly use "literally"), and
>puts the now entirely-sliced roast onto a platter and tops it with the
>vegetables from the bottom of the magic crockpot. She puts the stringy chicken
>soup into bowls, adding that it's great cold too, and then adds a cup of the
>sawdust Parmesan, measuring it into a measuring cup above the crock pot. She
>puts some into a bowl and claims it looks authentic, except it looks like it
>has all melted down into a porridge-like consistency. Before bopping out to
>commercial, she tells us she's going to make a hottie sangria and a tablescape
>in the kitchen! I guess she's too sloshed or lazy to make it to the dining
room
>this week. What's the POINT?
>
>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
>it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". She enters stage right with a bottle of
>booze in hand and announces the "hottie sangria", which is made with a white
>wine and a red wine. She adds a bottle of white AND red wine into a cooker,
>then adds a generous cup of brandy. She adds simple syrup and a couple
cinnamon
>sticks, a sliced-up orange, and frozen cherries and frozen peaches. Sandra
>pipes up with "This drink could actually act as a desert too!". Ugh, no.
Sandra
>chirps "Lookit at how beautiful this is" and gets a ladle. Big mugs you got
>there. As she decants the so-called sangria into a pair of glass beer steins,
>she warns us to use heat-proof glasses and invites us to see her buffet scape.
>
>Taking a few steps towards what used to the fourth wall, she declares "Slow
>cooking is smart!", which immediate makes me giggle because it reminds me of a
>certain ep of Star Trek: Next Gen. Again, for some reason, she decorated the
>table the kids are banished to on Thanksgiving, telling us she has to light up
>the candles so she can see. her tablescape Huh? Oh, look! What a clever idea
>Sandra came up with, putting the silverware in a bucket lined with a napkin!
>Except not. She tells us to "Keep it simple, keep it smart, keep it with a
slow
>cooker", pimps her site, and exits stage left with her stupid double claw
wave.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
>Lee.

In article >, wrote:
(Ubiquitous) writes:

>>She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of vegetable
>>stock from RR's pantry into another white crock pot

My risotto takes twenty minutes. Why should I cook it in a way that takes an
hour?

>>and smears a can of cream of celery soup over the top of the roast.
>
> OK, that is truly disgusting.
> I've done some good roasts in the crockpot, but only at low heat, and
>usually with a zingy topping. The traditional carrots 'n' celery pot
>roast is best in a cast iron pan in the oven.
>
>>extract. She then adds a what appears to be a full cup of half a cup of cream
>>soda.
>
> I've noticed this on both Semi-Homemade and Rachel Ray. During
>cooking, they say they are adding a half cup of something, but it looks
>like a full cup. Is it so the camera picks up the ingredients better?
>It makes me wonder if they're telling us something wrong.
>
>>wine and a red wine. She adds a bottle of white AND red wine into a cooker,
>>then adds a generous cup of brandy.
>
> She heated all this up? Disgusting. Warm sangria must taste like
>cough syrup.

I don't think that frozen fruit would have even thawed all the way in her
mulled wine (I refuse to call it sangria) recipe in only half an hour.

Why would anyone want to eat chicken soup COLD? That's what she said, you could
eat it cold.

Yeah,a lovely congealed mess, just what I want.

AÖ_µ¿½A wrote:

> I just don't get this show or why anyone would seriously make this crap.
>
> Chicken soup--even when using the shortcuts (which I do) is the easiest thing.
> Takes less than thirty minutes. Why the hell would anyone bother with a slow
> cooker for this? Making homemade stock might be one possibility, but just
> chicken soup?
>
> Bread pudding is insanely easy to make. The regular way. And considering that a
> traditional way to serve it is with a whiskey sauce (also easy to make), I'm
> flummoxed as to why Ms Alkie opted for cream soda.
>
> And pot roast. Good grief. Again, not rocket science. Why f*ck around like she
> does? I brown the meat because of the deglazing thing which someone else
> mentioned and if I use mushrooms they go in towards the end and I don't slice
> them into little bits. Why would you use onion soup mix or steak sauce orcream
> of whatever soup when oh, I dunno, you could buy a carton of beef broth and
> some actual herbs.
>
> I know the answer is because SLoP doesn't know what the hell she's doing,but
> ye gods, woman. Get a clue.


sounds like the same old commercial game. Consider 2 options:

A) Here's a simple old recipe that everyone's known forever. Its
nothing interesting, I have no particular skill, and you can find this
anywhere.

B) Heres a special recipe I made myself. Its supereasy, and its my own
special recipe cos Im so great. You can only find it here folks. I wont
mention the truth to you, but enough of you dont know to be convinced
by it.


Which, as a business, do you pick?
Where does end user efficiency come into this business choice?


NT

Cold chicken soup?

Eeeeeeewwww with the little beads of fat floating and stuff??

*shivers* that's nasty

--
Will~

"... so that's how liberty ends, in a round of applause."

Queen Amidala, The revenge of the Syth.


> wrote in message
...
> In article >, wrote:
> (Ubiquitous) writes:
>
> >>She begins working on the mushroom risotto by pouring four cans of
vegetable
> >>stock from RR's pantry into another white crock pot
>
> My risotto takes twenty minutes. Why should I cook it in a way that takes
an
> hour?
>
> >>and smears a can of cream of celery soup over the top of the roast.
> >
> > OK, that is truly disgusting.
> > I've done some good roasts in the crockpot, but only at low heat, and
> >usually with a zingy topping. The traditional carrots 'n' celery pot
> >roast is best in a cast iron pan in the oven.
> >
> >>extract. She then adds a what appears to be a full cup of half a cup of
cream
> >>soda.
> >
> > I've noticed this on both Semi-Homemade and Rachel Ray. During
> >cooking, they say they are adding a half cup of something, but it looks
> >like a full cup. Is it so the camera picks up the ingredients better?
> >It makes me wonder if they're telling us something wrong.
> >
> >>wine and a red wine. She adds a bottle of white AND red wine into a
cooker,
> >>then adds a generous cup of brandy.
> >
> > She heated all this up? Disgusting. Warm sangria must taste like
> >cough syrup.
>
> I don't think that frozen fruit would have even thawed all the way in her
> mulled wine (I refuse to call it sangria) recipe in only half an hour.
>
> Why would anyone want to eat chicken soup COLD? That's what she said, you
could
> eat it cold.
>
> Yeah,a lovely congealed mess, just what I want.
>
>