This ep opens with SLop and her fake niece, Miss Stephanie, sitting in what is
supposed to be their back yard playing with some white baby bunnies. MS is
clearly not happy to be there and is intently concentrating on those baby
rabbits trying to tune crazy Aunt Sandy out as she tells us what she's going to
make this time. Oh my, I sense a bunny theme here. Unfortunately, I lost track
of what all she was going to make after seeing the glamour shot of an
unfortunate pink roadkill rabbit cake with what appears to be two turds
sticking out of its head that she claims looks just like the ones from a
bakery. Not in a million years, Sandie. As usual, SLop is wearing a totally
inappropriate tight sweater, but now she's wearing matching tight pink slacks
as well.

SLop enters stage right and proclaims "Welcome to Bunny Land!". Oh gawd, please
don't be pregnant! She claims these are MS's favorite recipes, but I don't
believe it for a second. She announces she will begin with her bunny hotcakes
using pancake mix as she puts a jar and a box of pancake mix which is in a zip
lock bag onto the counter, followed by a sudden close up of the part of the
unbagged box which says "A good source of CALCIUM & IRON", as if to show us
that she is making something nutritious (ha!) and her voice over telling us
"this is just original, but you can use buttermilk", before jumping back to her
measuring out two cups of pancake mix. Alas, it appears SLop is suffering from
a case of "the shakes" today, as evidenced by how much pancake mix missed the
measuring cup and fell into her mixing bowl. To this she adds some apple juice,
along with a voice over telling us "this is GREAT favour!". She then ladles the
thoroughly mixed batter into a high-sided Teflon pan, but it appears she
neglected to turn on the stove because it just silently lays there. SLop then
announces she's going to make some "apple butter cream" and measures out some
apple butter, followed by a sudden voice over telling us "this is a GREAT
substitute instead of maple syrup!" (What the hell is she trying to tell us?)
and then dumping an entire container of whipped cream cheese into what appears
to be an empty mixing bowl. She stirs it together and then begins to work on
the coconut by putting some coconut into a Glad bag, adding two (and only two!)
drops of yellow food coloring, and then kneading it. Wouldn't it be easier to
use a large mixing bowl? SLop announces that the pancakes are ready to be
turned over and points out how they are bubbling, which immediately reminds me
of how Lisa Douglass on Green Acres used to make them. As she struggles to use
the metal spatula in the Teflon pan, I cannot help but wonder why she didn't
use something flatter or a griddle for those hotcakes in the first place.
Pointing to a nearby plate of pink and yellow blobs on the table, she announces
that she needs candy and marshmallows, then precedes to cut some mini
marshmallows in half for the tails before plopping the pancakes onto the
counter. Using a cookie cutter, she squeezes out a single rabbit from one
pancake, then a duck and an egg from another. One can't help but wonder why she
didn't use the cookie cutters as a mold for the pancake batter. She marks this
ep as suitable for any future "Cooking with your Kids" week Food Network does
in the future by declaring this would be a great project for a kid on his
birthday or after a sleep over. SLop grabs a knife from the drawer, slathers
the squishcakes with the apple butter mixture, then tops it with some undyed
coconut for bunny fur, totally obscuring its shape. SLop then places a mini
marshmallow half on one end for the tail and a tiny pink star candy on the
other end for an eye which kinda makes it look like it just got bonked on the
head. She sets the white blob onto a plate and then decorates the chick-shaped
squishcake with yellow coconut and tiny white star candies for its wing and a
tiny green star for the eye. SLop says that these will be great for MS but she
wants a "whoooole stack of them for myself!", producing a plate with a stack of
six normal pancakes and one formless yellow squishcake. Bitch. SLop slathers
the stack with much more than a "dollop" of the apple butter cream before we
fade out to a commercial break.

We return from commercial to SLop breathlessly telling us that her bunny pots
are THE perfect spring party favour and squeals about how she LOVVVVES them.
She cuts the cookies from a tube of sugar cookie dough, puts them onto a baking
sheet and then finishes adjusting the cookies with popcicle sticks that
mysteriously inserted themselves. Heh heh, it looks like they were shoved right
up their collective butts. For some mysterious reason, SLop then washes her
hands (no "Me washie handsies" this time) and grabs a pan of baked ones off the
counter and shows us how to ice them using ordinary powdered sugar. She dumps
about half a bag into a bowl to make the border because we want it thicker,
presumably to serves as an icing dike and then shows us a bowl containing a
full bag. She stirs in some water and tells us to "literally" put in one drop
of blue food coloring to get that spring blue that everyone loves. About two
stirs later the mixture is a robin's egg blue; I am so calling "stunt icing"
here! SLop then employs the ol' icing-in-a-plastic-bag trick to pipe the icing
onto the border of the cookie. Grabbing a pre-bordered cookie, SLop takes the
not-as-thick icing and repeats the glad-bag trick to apply it and then uses a
skewer to spread it evenly. She then takes the remaining blue icing to draw
some squiggles all over the feet and fur stripes on its back, then uses some
forceps to place a single chocolate sprinkle for whiskers, one of those candy
bead thingies down for the eye, then starts to dump a bunch of "sanding sugar"
over the whole thing. In yet another strange post-production edit, SLop
voice-overs that if the icing hardens up you can always give it a quick spritz
of water and that sugar will stick to it beautifully, accompanied by a shot of
MV dusting the cookie with sugar. In have no clue what she's trying to tell us,
as usual. We then jump to SLop eagerly telling us about the pot that is to be
used as a stand for the cookie. She uses floral foam and fills the rest of the
pot with plain coconut, sticks the bunny pop into the foam, and pops in a
couple of jelly beans for good measure. Just in case this isn't cute enough,
SLop then tells us she's going to use some cotton candy in a bag to make a
little sweet cottontail for the bunny. Wow, I wondered whatever became of the
rest of that bag she sued in the "Eye scream" ep. She breaks off a piece of the
blue confection and attaches it to the cookie with a little bit of icing and
tells us this must be the sweetest favour she EVAH made! Oh yeah, that is just
TCFC (Too Cute For Comfort), Sandie, really, it is. Before we bop out to
commercial, SLop tells us she's going to set the TCFC party favour on her
tablescape, accompanied by a glamour shot of the radioactive roadkill rabbit.
My gawd, if MV's looks this horrid I cannot begin to imagine how SLop's will
turn out.

We return from commercial to see SLop asking us if we've ever seen those cute
theme cakes at the bakery and then tells us we can make something just as cute.
I doubt it. She starts off with some melted chocolate chips and store bought
cookies. SLop begins working on the so-called Bunny cake by baking cake mix
adulterated with coconut water from a semi-blurred can into two buttered and
floured (what, no cake flour?) stainless steel mixing bowls. She then takes
some pre-baked cakes and evens up the top with a serrated knife, warning us to
watch our fingers. For the head, she slices the smaller cake into halves, then
quarters and for the body, she grabs a cake which has already been sliced in
half and put together and slices about a third off the one end. She then uses a
tub of strawberry icing to glue the larger halves (minus a third) together
before putting it onto a cake pedestal covered with wax paper, admonishing us
to center it so you can work on the little tail later. She next "glues" the
small cake quarter to the body and frosts the cake with a thick layer of the
remaining frosting. For ears, she slices off a third from opposite sides of a
gigantic chocolate chip cookie and then paints it with the melted chocolate. My
gawd, they look like turds! She then tells us not to worry if we make a mess
because she's going to cover everything up with coconut anyway. OK, now they
look like giant turds covered with tapeworms. After generously smothering the
cake with coconut, she stabs a paring knife into the head for the ears, as if
cookies need a starter hole. She sticks the turd ears into the cake. For the
face, she takes a gumdrop, turns it upside down and inserts two toothpicks into
the flat part. She takes three strands of Twizzlers ™ and trims them with some
kitchen shears, then sets them between the toothpicks, but then stops to make
teeth out of baby marshmallows impaled on one toothpick each and attached to
the gumdrop assembly. She then removes the Twizzlers strands and trims the
"teeth" toothpicks with her kitchen sheers before telling us to be sure no one
eats the Gumdrop Nosepiece of Doom ™ before taking all the toothpicks out
before someone chokes to death on the splinters of wood contained within. My
gawd, woman, this is like building a rocket! She replaces the Twizzlers ™ and
after much twisting around and convoluted arm twisting, sticks the nosepiece
into the face. She then separates the whiskers a bit; one up, one down, one in
the center. She uses chocolate chips for eyes and then uses what's left of the
melted chocolate to glue two little blue star candies to the chips. With a
proud glow, SLop proclaims that this is a cute little bunny, except it's not.
SLop then blurts out "Now let's talk about his bottom!". Let's not, please? She
threatens to use a wad of that cotton candy insulation, then opts for three
giant marshmallows with toothpicks. Declaring this to be a cute little bottom,
she carefully removes the wax paper so she has a clean pedestal, then dumps a
bunch of coconut and jellybeans onto the clean plate. Don't ask; I am EXHAUSTED
from trying to watch and describe how this monstrosity was constructed, OK?
Picking up the roadkill rabbit cake, she tells us we now have a beautiful
bunnycake that looks like it came from a bakery but you get to take all the
credit, then bursts into laughter as she staggers stage left. OK, she didn't
laugh. Luckily, we bop into a commercial break to allow me to regain my
composure before the reveal of her bunnyscape.

We return from commercial for SLop's "Cottontail tablescape" and, hey, wait a
minute, something is missing... Anyhow, SLop is seated at a table covered with
a big square of astroturf with various bunny salt and pepper shaking lurking
within, next to the roadkill rabbit cake and impaled bunny cookies. Also making
an appearance is a mangy one foot tall floral bunny she got from the craft
store. By its appearance I am guessing she was dumpster diving behind the store
when she found it. She shows us how she wrapped fake daffodils around rolled up
napkins for an impromptu napkin ring and stacked pastel colored plates and
bowls at each place setting. She then shows us how she made invitations out of
blank cards and scrapbooking materials and babbles something about making Miss
Stephanie write a little note to her Mom, Kimber and then pimps her free
recipes on the Food Network website before telling us to "keep it simple, keep
it breathtaking, keep it brilliant, and to always keep it semihomemade".

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.