There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"

So stated both my daughter-units on the trip home after their
first "Holiday Dancefest."

"He was taller than me," started Daughter-unit Beta. "It was...
Different. Different in a good way! Oh. I was the only one of my
friends to slow dance that first dance. Sister didn't even..."

"I did TOO!" erupted Daughter-unit Alpha. "John..." but she caught
herself as that name crested like a Tsunami. She knew it was too
late. I'd been alerted.

I quietly waited a full ten seconds for more information but
having caught herself, I asked, "John-who, hon?"

"No one!"

"You realize, of course, 'Zeez means wahr...'" I added quietly.
"I'll make sure your friends turn on you, your sister will be my
spy, your family will HUNT HIM DOWN!"

"You. Won't. Find. Out."

Brave words.

I hate dances nowadays.

The Ranger

On 2005-12-25, The Ranger > wrote:

> I hate dances nowadays.

hee hee....

God could not have devised a more perfect irony. Must be a
woman.

nb ...one daughter, two granddaughters....

Glad I have only sons, [none named John, by the way!]

"The Ranger" > wrote in message
...
> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"
>
> So stated both my daughter-units on the trip home after their
> first "Holiday Dancefest."
>
> "He was taller than me," started Daughter-unit Beta. "It was...
> Different. Different in a good way! Oh. I was the only one of my
> friends to slow dance that first dance. Sister didn't even..."
>
> "I did TOO!" erupted Daughter-unit Alpha. "John..." but she caught
> herself as that name crested like a Tsunami. She knew it was too
> late. I'd been alerted.
>
> I quietly waited a full ten seconds for more information but
> having caught herself, I asked, "John-who, hon?"
>
> "No one!"
>
> "You realize, of course, 'Zeez means wahr...'" I added quietly.
> "I'll make sure your friends turn on you, your sister will be my
> spy, your family will HUNT HIM DOWN!"
>
> "You. Won't. Find. Out."
>
> Brave words.
>
> I hate dances nowadays.

ROFL... boy do you have some interesting times ahead )))

O whose children (thank the Lord) are all married and setttled)
--
http://www.qpat.co.uk/

notbob wrote:
> On 2005-12-25, The Ranger > wrote:
>
>> I hate dances nowadays.
>
> hee hee....
>
> God could not have devised a more perfect irony. Must be a
> woman.
>
> nb ...one daughter, two granddaughters....

Reminds me of my brothers wedding. The mother of the bride asked if I would
dance with her son. I wouldn't have had a problem with it except I don't
know how to dance. Mom, who had had one too many glasses of wine, turned on
my father and declared "And that's YOUR fault! You never let her go to a
dance when she was in school and look! Now she's 35 and she still doesn't
know how to dance!" Uh oh.

The mother of the bride backed off, slowly... I was so embarrassed I just
about fell through the floor. Dads jaw dropped. Oh dear. Um... nice
wedding; nice reception, thanks for inviting me. Where's my car? I think I
have to leave now.

OB Food: the wild rice is cooked; the cornbread was baked yesterday. 1/2 c.
of wild rice goes into the cornbread dressing. The cornish hen will be in
the oven in a couple of hours. I'm steaming broccoli and brussels sprouts
and making hollandaise sauce. Dinner will be served around 5PM.

Jill

In article >,
The Ranger > wrote:

> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"

> "You. Won't. Find. Out."

> I hate dances nowadays.


How old are they?

Q: Why won't Baptists have sex standing up?

A: Because someone might think they were dancing!

--
Dan Abel

Petaluma, California, USA

"The Ranger" > wrote in message
...
> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"


From a friend who has daughters:

Ten simple rules for dating my daughter.
Rule #1:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,
because your sure not picking anything up.

Rule #2:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long
as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes
or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule #3:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue,
so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear
showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in
order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and
fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule #4:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes
to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule #5:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we
should talk about sports, politics, or other issues of the day. Please do
not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of
when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
word I need to hear from you on this is "early."

Rule #6:

I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule #7:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
for a movie you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup,
a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead
of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the
oil in my car?

Rule #8:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places
where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where
there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or
happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my
daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
are better.

Rule #9:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule #10:

Be afraid. Be very afraid, it takes very little for me to mistake the sound
of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near
Saigon. When those memories return, the voices in my head frequently tell me
to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as
you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain
sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have
brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there
is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
mine.

On Sun, 25 Dec 2005 08:05:44 -0800, The Ranger
> wrote:

>There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
>create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
>discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"

Daughters...how one is paid back for having been a teenage boy.

--
-denny-
"Do your thoughts call ahead or do they just arrive at your mouth unannounced?"

"It's come as you are, baby."

-over the hedge

LOLOL too good to chop))))

--
http://www.qpat.co.uk/



"Doug Kanter" > wrote in message
...
> "The Ranger" > wrote in message
> ...
>> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
>> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
>> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"
>
>
> From a friend who has daughters:
>
> Ten simple rules for dating my daughter.
> Rule #1:
>
> If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
> package, because your sure not picking anything up.
>
> Rule #2:
>
> You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
> long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
> your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
>
> Rule #3:
>
> I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
> wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
> their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
> your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
> minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to
> the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
> and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes
> do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my
> daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
> securely in place to your waist.
>
> Rule #4:
>
> I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing
> a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when
> it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
>
> Rule #5:
>
> It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
> other, we should talk about sports, politics, or other issues of the
> day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is
> an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
> house, and the only word I need to hear from you on this is "early."
>
> Rule #6:
>
> I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
> to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with
> my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl,
> you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with
> you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
>
> Rule #7:
>
> As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
> and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
> be on time for a movie you should not be dating. My daughter is
> putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting
> the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you
> do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
>
> Rule #8:
>
> The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
> Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
> stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
> eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
> dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
> temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
> tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
> and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong
> romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features
> chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are
> better.
>
> Rule #9:
>
> Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
> middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my
> daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I
> ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell
> me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a
> shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with
> me.
>
> Rule #10:
>
> Be afraid. Be very afraid, it takes very little for me to mistake the
> sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
> paddy near Saigon. When those memories return, the voices in my head
> frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
> daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit
> your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
> announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home
> safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you
> to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
>
>

Doug Kanter wrote:
> "The Ranger" > wrote in message
> ...
>> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
>> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
>> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"
>
>
> From a friend who has daughters:
>
> Ten simple rules for dating my daughter.
> Rule #1:
>
> If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
> package, because your sure not picking anything up.
>
LOL But someone at some point should tell your friend her daughter is
40-something and owns her own gun!

Jill

In article >,
The Ranger > wrote:

> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"

That's why our plan is to lock our kids up, one by one, the day they
turn 10.

Regards,
Ranee

Remove do not & spam to e-mail me.

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/
http://talesfromthekitchen.blogspot.com/

On Wed, 04 Jan 2006 10:04:39 -0800, Ranee Mueller
> connected the dots and wrote:

~In article >,
~ The Ranger > wrote:
~
~> There are very few phrases that cause spine-chilling vibrations or
~> create whole quarts of blood to curdle, but I think I've
~> discovered one... "Dad... Slow dancing is so much FUN!"
~
~ That's why our plan is to lock our kids up, one by one, the day
they
~turn 10.
~
~ Regards,
~ Ranee
Wait a minute! I thought you had all boys? He's talking about his
daughters.

;-)
maixne in ri

In article >,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> Wait a minute! I thought you had all boys? He's talking about his
> daughters.
>
> ;-)

We have three boys, one girl and a don't know yet. They're all
getting locked up, though. At least until they are 21.

Regards,
Ranee

Remove do not & spam to e-mail me.

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/
http://talesfromthekitchen.blogspot.com/