I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father is
dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently the
doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.

Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.

Jill

On Sun 08 Jan 2006 12:35:52p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it jmcquown?

> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and
> apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She
> said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that
> and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry
> for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>
> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>
> Jill

Jill, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Perhaps things will go better
for him than expected. You never know.

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
__________________________________________________ ________________
And if we enter a room full of manure, may we believe in the pony.

jmcquown wrote:
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>
> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>
> Jill
>
>

I'm sorry to hear that Jill.

Both my parents are relatively young (53 and 59) and every once in a while it
strikes me that they will one day age and I will lose them and I just don't
know how I'd deal with it.

Hope you are able to find some comfort.

--
..:Heather:.
www.velvet-c.com
Step off, beyotches, I'm the roflpimp!

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
. ..
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father
> is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently
> the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>

Hugs, Jill. I'm so sorry to hear that about your dad. I can't imagine how
that must feel, though I know that my parents are getting older too, and one
day I'll have to face this kind of thing.

Chris

In article >,
"jmcquown" > wrote:

> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>
> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>
> Jill
>
>

Jill.

I am so very sorry..... :-(

Why don't you treat yourself and eat out tonight, or order delivery?
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
. ..
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father
> is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently
> the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>
> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>
> Jill
>

Jill,

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. If there's anything I can do, even
just be an ear, let me know won't you?
I didn't see your post to Pandora, but I know one thing for certain and that
is you are no bitch. You've been very friendly and helpful to me throughout
the years, and I know that is who you truly are, despite how much you're
going through at this time.
Take care of you, and my prayers are with you and your family.

hugs,
kimberly

jmcquown wrote:
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.

Jill, after losing both my parents and my sister-best friend in the
nineties over just a three year period, I can certainly can offer a
shoulder, if not the best words of encouragement to you.

Picky

"jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
. ..
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father
> is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently
> the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.

I Am so sorry for you and your dear dad! I Have lost my father ten years
ago! But I accepted it! Because is the nature.
If I knew this I would never answer to your posts. But now I know you are
searching some people who understand you.
Reality is hard to understand. But it is better to know before than to know
after.
You are in time to tell your father many things: all the things that I
couldn' t tell to mine. You are lucky, and, first of all, in time!
I hope that my English language is more simple now, for you.

Don't worry ! I accept your apologize!
Thank you!
Pandora

>
> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.

Avoid the fried things. Are too exciting for the moment.
I would eat some boiled fish or nothing.

Cheers
Pandora
>
> Jill

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
. ..
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father
> is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently
> the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.

Aren't we all bitches, Jill? ;-)

My father died unexpectedly at 72 years young, and I am always envious of
people who are "lucky" enough to know that it is coming and have time to
have those conversations that I never was able to have, "lucky" enough to be
able to say goodbye.

Having said that, people who have been "lucky" as I describe above tell me
that I was lucky that he went quickly. I don't know. I really wish we
could have had one more conversation.

Elisa (gosh, I'm crying now, so sorry Jill)

"Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message
...
> On Sun 08 Jan 2006 12:35:52p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
> jmcquown?
>
>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>> and
>> apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She
>> said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that
>> and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm
>> sorry
>> for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>>
>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>
>> Jill
>
> Jill, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Perhaps things will go
> better
> for him than expected. You never know.

Oh Jill.. I am so sorry about your father. You are not a bitch, you are
uptight with life and the world.

much love and hugs

O xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
> :
>
>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
>> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with
>> that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it.
>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on
>> the ng.
>>
>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>
>> Jill
>
> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers tonight?
> If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>
> Michael

Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed mushrooms
on my burger?

My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some lumps in
his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist told him not to
worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I talked to mom this morning
and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly, "No, he's
not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP. Dad is
almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages in his femarol
arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard time
being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell Dad. And
she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in the room.

My offer to move down there to help out is still on the table. They've been
married 55 years and lord only knows what she'll do when he's gone.

Jill

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
. ..
> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father
> is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently
> the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad, Jill. My dad was diagnosed four years
ago with a type of cancer for which there is no cure. Based on what my
brothers and I were told about the disease (and what his doctor's prognosis
was, seeing as he was in an advanced stage of the cancer), we fully expected
the Christmas of '01 to be my dad's last. (As it turned out, it wasn't his
last, fortunately, but we live with the knowledge that he will die from this
disease one day.)

I'll keep your dad in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

Mary

Pandora wrote:
> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
> . ..
>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>> father is
>> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and
>> apparently the
>> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll
>> call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am
>> I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for
>> taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>
> I Am so sorry for you and your dear dad! I Have lost my father ten
> years ago! But I accepted it! Because is the nature.
> If I knew this I would never answer to your posts. But now I know you
> are searching some people who understand you.
> Reality is hard to understand. But it is better to know before than
> to know after.
> You are in time to tell your father many things: all the things that I
> couldn' t tell to mine. You are lucky, and, first of all, in time!

My father never said to me, "I love you" until I was 33 years old. He
stopped saying it in 2004 when left my job. I hope to hear it one more time
before he dies.

> I hope that my English language is more simple now, for you.
>
> Don't worry ! I accept your apologize!
> Thank you!
> Pandora
>
>>
>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>
> Avoid the fried things. Are too exciting for the moment.
> I would eat some boiled fish or nothing.
>
> Cheers
> Pandora
>>
I've never boiled fish, but we probably have different fish in Tennessee

Thank you, and I apologize again for being a bitch.
Jill

"jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>> :
>>
>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>>> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
>>> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with
>>> that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it.
>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on
>>> the ng.
>>>
>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>
>>> Jill
>>
>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers tonight?
>> If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>
>> Michael
>
> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
> mushrooms
> on my burger?
>
> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some lumps in
> his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist told him not to
> worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I talked to mom this
> morning
> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly, "No,
> he's
> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP. Dad is
> almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages in his
> femarol
> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard time
> being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell Dad. And
> she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in the room.

Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
Cheers
Pandora

"jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> Pandora wrote:
>> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>> . ..
>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>>> father is
>>> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and
>>> apparently the
>>> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll
>>> call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am
>>> I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for
>>> taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>>
>> I Am so sorry for you and your dear dad! I Have lost my father ten
>> years ago! But I accepted it! Because is the nature.
>> If I knew this I would never answer to your posts. But now I know you
>> are searching some people who understand you.
>> Reality is hard to understand. But it is better to know before than
>> to know after.
>> You are in time to tell your father many things: all the things that I
>> couldn' t tell to mine. You are lucky, and, first of all, in time!
>
> My father never said to me, "I love you" until I was 33 years old. He
> stopped saying it in 2004 when left my job. I hope to hear it one more
> time
> before he dies.
>
>> I hope that my English language is more simple now, for you.
>>
>> Don't worry ! I accept your apologize!
>> Thank you!
>> Pandora
>>
>>>
>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>
>> Avoid the fried things. Are too exciting for the moment.
>> I would eat some boiled fish or nothing.
>>
>> Cheers
>> Pandora
>>>
> I've never boiled fish, but we probably have different fish in Tennessee
>
>
> Thank you, and I apologize again for being a bitch.
> Jill


Try to eat something that you like and don't think to ugly things
Cheers
Pandora

One time on Usenet, "jmcquown" > said:

> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My father is
> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and apparently the
> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll call me
> later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm just a
> bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
> frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
>
> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.

Sorry to hear about your dad, Jill -- hope he's better than
expected... :-(


--
Jani in WA (S'mee)
~ mom, Trollop, novice cook ~

On Sun, 8 Jan 2006, jmcquown wrote:

> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
> > "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
> > :
> >
> >> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
> >> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
> >> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
> >> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with
> >> that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it.
> >> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on
> >> the ng.
> >>
> >> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
> >>
> >> Jill
> >
> > Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
> > was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers tonight?
> > If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
> >
> > Michael
>
> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed mushrooms
> on my burger?
>
> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some lumps in
> his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist told him not to
> worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I talked to mom this morning
> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly, "No, he's
> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP. Dad is
> almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages in his femarol
> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard time
> being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell Dad. And
> she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in the room.
>
> My offer to move down there to help out is still on the table. They've been
> married 55 years and lord only knows what she'll do when he's gone.
>
> Jill
>
>
>

Jill, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. He's having a rough time. I'm
hoping for you that whatever the doctor told your mom has a positive side,
too. Perhaps there are some meds that will allow your dad to be
comfortable and to be with you all for awhile to come.

Elaine, too

On Sun, 8 Jan 2006 13:35:52 -0600, "jmcquown" >
connected the dots and wrote:

~I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
father is
~dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and
apparently the
~doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll
call me
~later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am I. I'm
just a
~bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for taking out my
~frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
~
~Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
~
~Jill
~
Ouch. My heart goes out to you. And from past conversations here,
you're very close to him, Daddy's little girl.

My sister is caring for our Mom, who is back in the hospital again for
med adjustment. She's still clear-headed at 92, if a bit shy on what
happened yesterday. Sis snarls if I say the wrong thing (read: almost
anything) and mostly I just take a very deep breath and let it slide.
I don't know how she does it all, and works two jobs as well.

OB Dinner: Potluck with my women's group. I've got spinach and
chickpeas with Indian spices (cardamom, cinnamon, cumin and curry),
rumor has it there will be breads and fruits and pastry from other
members. I have to put on my shoes and wrap up the dish so I can walk
over there.

maxine in ri

jmcquown wrote:
>
> Pandora wrote:
> > "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
> > . ..
> >> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
> >> father is
> >> dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today and
> >> apparently the
> >> doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad. She said she'll
> >> call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with that and so am
> >> I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it. I'm sorry for
> >> taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else on the ng.
> >
> > I Am so sorry for you and your dear dad! I Have lost my father ten
> > years ago! But I accepted it! Because is the nature.
> > If I knew this I would never answer to your posts. But now I know you
> > are searching some people who understand you.
> > Reality is hard to understand. But it is better to know before than
> > to know after.
> > You are in time to tell your father many things: all the things that I
> > couldn' t tell to mine. You are lucky, and, first of all, in time!
>
> My father never said to me, "I love you" until I was 33 years old. He
> stopped saying it in 2004 when left my job. I hope to hear it one more time
> before he dies.

Jill take some advice from a stranger whose father died unexpectedly.
Don't hope for anything from your father. Take him as he is and love him
as he is. Otherwise his death will leave a more bitter memory than need
be.


<snip>

Pandora wrote:
> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
> ...
>> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>>> :
>>>
>>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>>>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>>>> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
>>>> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing
>>>> with that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to
>>>> spell it.
>>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else
>>>> on the ng.
>>>>
>>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>>
>>>> Jill
>>>
>>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers tonight?
>>> If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>>
>>> Michael
>>
>> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
>> mushrooms
>> on my burger?
>>
>> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some
>> lumps in his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist
>> told him not to worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I
>> talked to mom this morning
>> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly,
>> "No, he's
>> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP.
>> Dad is almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages
>> in his femarol
>> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard
>> time being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell
>> Dad. And she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in
>> the room.
>
> Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
> Cheers
> Pandora

He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via Atlanta
then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live. Why is
everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no reason to come
here "yet". (sigh)

Jill

On Sun 08 Jan 2006 07:39:57p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it jmcquown?

> Pandora wrote:
>> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>> ...
>>> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>>>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>>>> :
>>>>
>>>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>>>>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>>>>> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
>>>>> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing
>>>>> with that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to
>>>>> spell it.
>>>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else
>>>>> on the ng.
>>>>>
>>>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>>>
>>>>> Jill
>>>>
>>>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>>>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers tonight?
>>>> If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>>>
>>>> Michael
>>>
>>> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
>>> mushrooms on my burger?
>>>
>>> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some
>>> lumps in his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist
>>> told him not to worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I
>>> talked to mom this morning
>>> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly,
>>> "No, he's
>>> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP.
>>> Dad is almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages
>>> in his femarol
>>> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard
>>> time being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell
>>> Dad. And she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in the
>>> room.
>>
>> Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
>> Cheers
>> Pandora
>
> He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via Atlanta
> then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live. Why is
> everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no reason to come
> here "yet". (sigh)
>
> Jill

Jill, was your mother able to tell you more about your dad's illness?
Perhaps it's something you can research?

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
__________________________________________________ ________________
And if we enter a room full of manure, may we believe in the pony.

Wayne Boatwright wrote:
> On Sun 08 Jan 2006 07:39:57p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
> jmcquown?
>
>> Pandora wrote:
>>> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>>> ...
>>>> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>>>>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>>>>> :
>>>>>
>>>>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have.
>>>>>> My father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom
>>>>>> today and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't
>>>>>> tell my dad. She said she'll call me later to tell me. My
>>>>>> mother is dealing
>>>>>> with that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to
>>>>>> spell it.
>>>>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone
>>>>>> else on the ng.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Jill
>>>>>
>>>>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>>>>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers
>>>>> tonight? If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>>>>
>>>>> Michael
>>>>
>>>> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
>>>> mushrooms on my burger?
>>>>
>>>> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some
>>>> lumps in his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist
>>>> told him not to worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I
>>>> talked to mom this morning
>>>> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly,
>>>> "No, he's
>>>> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP.
>>>> Dad is almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages
>>>> in his femarol
>>>> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard
>>>> time being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell
>>>> Dad. And she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in
>>>> the room.
>>>
>>> Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
>>> Cheers
>>> Pandora
>>
>> He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via
>> Atlanta then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live.
>> Why is everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no
>> reason to come here "yet". (sigh)
>>
>> Jill
>
> Jill, was your mother able to tell you more about your dad's illness?
> Perhaps it's something you can research?

Mom said she'd call me tomorrow when dad is napping.

There's no real need to research lymphoma. It's cancer. This time it's
just further down south (and in an uncomfortable spot) than the one he was
treated for 3 years ago. Dad is 82 years old. His oncologist told him
everything was good, but apparently told my mom uh, no, it's not good. They
don't want to put him through more surgery and chemo.

For anyone dealing with chemo, though, try L-Glutamine powder mixed with
milk. Drink it down like a milk shake, every 4 hours. It helped him the
last time to not lose his hair and to not be throwing up.

I'm scared, but not nearly as scared as my mother must be. She's been
married to him for 55 years.

Jill

I TOTALLY understand why you would malign an entire nationality because
you're having some bad luck.

Makes perfect sense.

On Sun 08 Jan 2006 09:44:58p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it jmcquown?

> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>> On Sun 08 Jan 2006 07:39:57p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
>> jmcquown?
>>
>>> Pandora wrote:
>>>> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>>>> ...
>>>>> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>>>>>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>>>>>> :
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have.
>>>>>>> My father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom
>>>>>>> today and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't
>>>>>>> tell my dad. She said she'll call me later to tell me. My
>>>>>>> mother is dealing
>>>>>>> with that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to
>>>>>>> spell it.
>>>>>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone
>>>>>>> else on the ng.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Jill
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>>>>>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers
>>>>>> tonight? If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Michael
>>>>>
>>>>> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
>>>>> mushrooms on my burger?
>>>>>
>>>>> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some
>>>>> lumps in his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist
>>>>> told him not to worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I
>>>>> talked to mom this morning
>>>>> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly,
>>>>> "No, he's
>>>>> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP.
>>>>> Dad is almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages
>>>>> in his femarol
>>>>> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard
>>>>> time being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell
>>>>> Dad. And she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in
>>>>> the room.
>>>>
>>>> Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
>>>> Cheers
>>>> Pandora
>>>
>>> He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via
>>> Atlanta then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live.
>>> Why is everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no
>>> reason to come here "yet". (sigh)
>>>
>>> Jill
>>
>> Jill, was your mother able to tell you more about your dad's illness?
>> Perhaps it's something you can research?
>
> Mom said she'd call me tomorrow when dad is napping.
>
> There's no real need to research lymphoma. It's cancer. This time it's
> just further down south (and in an uncomfortable spot) than the one he
> was treated for 3 years ago. Dad is 82 years old. His oncologist told
> him everything was good, but apparently told my mom uh, no, it's not
> good. They don't want to put him through more surgery and chemo.

Oh, Jill, I'm so sorry to hear that. I thought you dad had a clean bill of
health after that first episode.

> For anyone dealing with chemo, though, try L-Glutamine powder mixed with
> milk. Drink it down like a milk shake, every 4 hours. It helped him
> the last time to not lose his hair and to not be throwing up.
>
> I'm scared, but not nearly as scared as my mother must be. She's been
> married to him for 55 years.

It's scary business. My parents were married 53 years when my dad died of
congestive heart failure. His health issues were known, but his death was
not anticipated that soon. It was really hard.

--
Wayne Boatwright *¿*
__________________________________________________ ________________
And if we enter a room full of manure, may we believe in the pony.

One time on Usenet, "jmcquown" > said:
> Pandora wrote:

<snip>

> > Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?

> He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via Atlanta
> then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live. Why is
> everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no reason to come
> here "yet". (sigh)

Jill, I'm sure your mom has her heart in the right place, but
don't wait too long. My father talked me into not flying from PA
to WA when my grandmother was dying, and I didn't get to say goodbye.
Conversely, Miguel (DH) got to be with his father when he passed
(heart failure). I envy that.

You've got my best wishes and big hugs, kiddo...


--
Jani in WA (S'mee)
~ mom, Trollop, novice cook ~

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
. ..
> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>> On Sun 08 Jan 2006 07:39:57p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
>> jmcquown?
>>
>>> Pandora wrote:
>>>> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>>>> ...
>>>>> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>>>>>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>>>>>> :
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have.
>>>>>>> My father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom
>>>>>>> today and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't
>>>>>>> tell my dad. She said she'll call me later to tell me. My
>>>>>>> mother is dealing
>>>>>>> with that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to
>>>>>>> spell it.
>>>>>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone
>>>>>>> else on the ng.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Jill
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>>>>>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers
>>>>>> tonight? If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Michael
>>>>>
>>>>> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
>>>>> mushrooms on my burger?
>>>>>
>>>>> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some
>>>>> lumps in his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist
>>>>> told him not to worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I
>>>>> talked to mom this morning
>>>>> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly,
>>>>> "No, he's
>>>>> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP.
>>>>> Dad is almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages
>>>>> in his femarol
>>>>> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard
>>>>> time being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell
>>>>> Dad. And she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in
>>>>> the room.
>>>>
>>>> Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
>>>> Cheers
>>>> Pandora
>>>
>>> He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via
>>> Atlanta then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live.
>>> Why is everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no
>>> reason to come here "yet". (sigh)
>>>
>>> Jill
>>
>> Jill, was your mother able to tell you more about your dad's illness?
>> Perhaps it's something you can research?
>
> Mom said she'd call me tomorrow when dad is napping.
>
> There's no real need to research lymphoma. It's cancer. This time it's
> just further down south (and in an uncomfortable spot) than the one he was
> treated for 3 years ago. Dad is 82 years old. His oncologist told him
> everything was good, but apparently told my mom uh, no, it's not good.
> They
> don't want to put him through more surgery and chemo.
>
> For anyone dealing with chemo, though, try L-Glutamine powder mixed with
> milk. Drink it down like a milk shake, every 4 hours. It helped him the
> last time to not lose his hair and to not be throwing up.
>
> I'm scared, but not nearly as scared as my mother must be. She's been
> married to him for 55 years.
>
> Jill
>
Jill, I'm embarrassed to say this again, as I've said it too often. But
f-i-l had lymphoma less than two years ago when it was first found. He had
all sorts of chemo and radiation and numerous other operations. He was
given a clean bill of health from lymphoma, then he got colon cancer. He is
cancer free again now. He is 80.

Another thing is that most of the time when we have been to doctors, there
will be DH, his father and lots of times, me, present. Numerous times,
we've interpreted findings the doctors have given, differently. Each of us
sometimes hear the same thing said three different ways. The few times that
DH has not been able to see the doctor when his father has an appointment,
DH asks the doctor to call and confirm what the doctor, himself, has said
to his father. His father may tell a different story because he has heard it
in a different light. And I always listen in.

If you get so worried, then to relieve your mind of the information, perhaps
you can put in a call to the doctor. We've found that they are always
willing to talk to us, even at length.

Dee Dee

Dee Randall wrote:

> Another thing is that most of the time when we have been to doctors, there
> will be DH, his father and lots of times, me, present. Numerous times,
> we've interpreted findings the doctors have given, differently. Each of us
> sometimes hear the same thing said three different ways. The few times that
> DH has not been able to see the doctor when his father has an appointment,
> DH asks the doctor to call and confirm what the doctor, himself, has said
> to his father. His father may tell a different story because he has heard it
> in a different light. And I always listen in.
>
> If you get so worried, then to relieve your mind of the information, perhaps
> you can put in a call to the doctor. We've found that they are always
> willing to talk to us, even at length.

What you say about "hearing things differently" is Soooooooooooooooo
true. I see that all the time. Add denial, anger and guilt (among other
emotions) to the baggage people have that often complicate their ability
to "hear" when something like this comes up.

As for calling the doctors directly, with the new HIPAA laws, we're very
limited in who we can talk to on the phone. Privacy laws abound, and in
some cases have run amuck, imo. The doctors need to be direct and
upfront with the patient and his next of kin about findings. Try to be
there and speak to them while with the patient, if at all possible.
Goomba

The Bubbo wrote:
> jmcquown wrote:
>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
>> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing with
>> that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to spell it.
>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else
>> on the ng.
>>
>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>
>> Jill
>>
>>
>
> I'm sorry to hear that Jill.
>
> Both my parents are relatively young (53 and 59) and every once in a
> while it strikes me that they will one day age and I will lose them
> and I just don't know how I'd deal with it.
>
> Hope you are able to find some comfort.

My father is almost 82. I was a late child Mom was 32 when I was born.
she's going to be 80 at the end of this month. I've been very worried about
their demise for the last couple of years. Now it appears Dad's is
imminent. We haven't always gotten along. In fact, we never really
started talking until I was in my 30's. He's always been this stern
military man. Now I'm going to lose him all too soon.

Jill

jmcquown wrote:
> >
> > Both my parents are relatively young (53 and 59) and every once in a
> > while it strikes me that they will one day age and I will lose them
> > and I just don't know how I'd deal with it.
> >
> > Hope you are able to find some comfort.
>
> My father is almost 82. I was a late child Mom was 32 when I was born.
> she's going to be 80 at the end of this month. I've been very worried about
> their demise for the last couple of years. Now it appears Dad's is
> imminent. We haven't always gotten along. In fact, we never really
> started talking until I was in my 30's. He's always been this stern
> military man. Now I'm going to lose him all too soon.
>
> Jill

It's never too late to tell him you love him and how much it meant to
be his daughter. Do it now - you won't regret it. I never got the
chance with either of my parents and I regret it still.

Hope you have the strength to hang in there for both your Mom and your
Dad. It's one of the hardest things you will ever go through, and it
will change you. You learn so much about love.

hugs,
-L.

"jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
.. .
> Pandora wrote:
>> "jmcquown" > ha scritto nel messaggio
>> ...
>>> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>>>> "jmcquown" > looking for trouble wrote in
>>>> :
>>>>
>>>>> I'm having a bad week. I picked on you and I should not have. My
>>>>> father is dying, although he says he's not. Talked to my mom today
>>>>> and apparently the doctor told her something he didn't tell my dad.
>>>>> She said she'll call me later to tell me. My mother is dealing
>>>>> with that and so am I. I'm just a bitch, any way you want to
>>>>> spell it.
>>>>> I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you and/or anyone else
>>>>> on the ng.
>>>>>
>>>>> Dinner tonight: I have no idea. Maybe I'll fry some fish.
>>>>>
>>>>> Jill
>>>>
>>>> Sorry about you father Jill. I knew he was ill but didn't know it
>>>> was this serious. Wanna come over for bleu cheese burgers tonight?
>>>> If you want fish I know I have tilapia in the freezer.
>>>>
>>>> Michael
>>>
>>> Thanks sweetie Could I just have some swiss and maybe sauteed
>>> mushrooms
>>> on my burger?
>>>
>>> My father is a 3 year lymphoma survivor and he went to have some
>>> lumps in his groin (ouch) checked out last Tuesday. The oncologist
>>> told him not to worry, no surgery or chemo required. But when I
>>> talked to mom this morning
>>> and said I was glad he's doing fine she said rather too brightly,
>>> "No, he's
>>> not!" Then she whispered, "I can't tell you right now." OH CRAP.
>>> Dad is almost 82. Last year he had bypasses to deal with blockages
>>> in his femarol
>>> arteries. He's having a hard time walking and even more of a hard
>>> time being cognizant. His doctor told Mom something he didn't tell
>>> Dad. And she's not able to say it on the phone to me with him in
>>> the room.
>>
>> Jill, why don't you go to your father? Is he far from you?
>> Cheers
>> Pandora
>
> He lives 13 hours away from me (by driving). I can fly there via Atlanta
> then to Savannah, then drive 100 miles to where they live. Why is
> everything so complicated? Of course Mom is saying no, no reason to come
> here "yet". (sigh)

Oh! They seams alot of hours if you think that Rome-New York are about 8
hours of fly
Cheers
Pandora
>
> Jill
>
>

Goomba38 wrote:
> Dee Randall wrote:
>
>> Another thing is that most of the time when we have been to doctors,
>> there will be DH, his father and lots of times, me, present.
>> Numerous times, we've interpreted findings the doctors have given,
>> differently. Each of us sometimes hear the same thing said three
>> different ways. The few times that DH has not been able to see the
>> doctor when his father has an appointment, DH asks the doctor to
>> call and confirm what the doctor, himself, has said to his father.
>> His father may tell a different story because he has heard it in a
>> different light. And I always listen in.
>>
>> If you get so worried, then to relieve your mind of the information,
>> perhaps you can put in a call to the doctor. We've found that they
>> are always willing to talk to us, even at length.
>
> What you say about "hearing things differently" is Soooooooooooooooo
> true. I see that all the time. Add denial, anger and guilt (among
> other emotions) to the baggage people have that often complicate
> their ability
> to "hear" when something like this comes up.
>
> As for calling the doctors directly, with the new HIPAA laws, we're
> very limited in who we can talk to on the phone. Privacy laws abound,
> and in
> some cases have run amuck, imo. The doctors need to be direct and
> upfront with the patient and his next of kin about findings. Try to be
> there and speak to them while with the patient, if at all possible.
> Goomba

Yeah, HIPPA, good or bad? I understand not telling employers about health
problems but family members? Everyone is entitled to their privacy but in
some cases I think it's warranted to tell next of kin, siblings, etc. what
is going on.

Jill

On Mon, 9 Jan 2006 12:32:57 -0600, "jmcquown" >
wrote:

>
>
>Yeah, HIPPA, good or bad? I understand not telling employers about health
>problems but family members? Everyone is entitled to their privacy but in
>some cases I think it's warranted to tell next of kin, siblings, etc. what
>is going on.
>
>Jill
>
It is easy to give permission to the MD's office to allow certain
family members to obtain information.

Boron

> > > "jmcquown" >

> >
> > My father never said to me, "I love you" until I was 33 years old. He
> > stopped saying it in 2004 when left my job. I hope to hear it one more time
> > before he dies.

I can relate to this. Many men of your dad's (and my dad's and my
grandfathers') generation(s) just didn't show emotion and didn't verbalize
it. It didn't mean it wasn't there, they were just too "trained" to allow
it to show. Many were actually embarrassed by statements or shows of
affection. It was strange and uncomfortable.

I didn't understand that until I was grown and had to start doing things
that I found strange and uncomfortable - like boldly extending my hand to
shake hands with a man in business settings or dining out alone or with
"dutch treat" companions and leaving a tip.

Most kids have to grow up before they can begin to build a relationship
with a dad from those generations. And the kids usually have to take the
first step.

My dad and I were like that. When I first started saying, "I love you", I
got a mumbled, garbled, embarrassed reply. I knew he was doing the best he
could. But it wasn't long before the words came out loud and clear and he
began saying them without me saying them first.

Since then we've had some wonderful, emotional conversations. I thanked
him for all the wonderful things he did for me when I was a kid - those
things like putting a roof over my head and keeping food on the table. As
adults, most of us see now that that wasn't always easy do to. My dad
worked two jobs and went to school part of the time when I was a kid
trying to better himself so he could take care of his family. A lot of men
didn't and still don't. He didn't drink up his paycheck or play the ponies
while leaving us to go hungry. Yes, he did what he was supposed to do and
what was expected in our society, but there was nobody to make him do it.
He accepted the responsibility and shouldered it like a decent man was
supposed to. I acknowledged that and thanked him for that. We all like
being acknowledged and validated even for the things we are suppose to do.

I didn't have lots of fancy stuff or lavish vacations or even Andy
Taylor/Opie moments to thank him for because that wasn't our life. We saw
a lot of hard times and had a lot of rough times, but he was always there,
clean and sober, giving 100% - even though he wasn't physically or
verbally emotional. We tend to focus on all the things we didn't get
(emotionally) from our dads based on some perfect world scenario because
the inner child is with us always. As adults we see the difficult,
imperfect world.

My dad always said things like, "my family knew that I loved them because
I went to work every day". From his generation (and those close to his),
that was the "show of love". He could have gone fishing or to the race
track or whatever instead.

Jill, I hope you will make the first move, if you have to, to hear "I love
you" again before your dad passes away. I hope that you two get to speak
from your hearts all the love that is between you. It sounds like he
really wants to be able to share this with you, but he just doesn't know
how. Open the door for him and give him a little push. You'll both be
grateful that you did.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.

Elaine, too

jmcquown wrote:

> Yeah, HIPPA, good or bad? I understand not telling employers about health
> problems but family members? Everyone is entitled to their privacy but in
> some cases I think it's warranted to tell next of kin, siblings, etc. what
> is going on.
>
LOL, you can't imagine the drama some families have going on. So in some
cases not all family members are entitled to individualized
explanations. That is what the next of kin can handle, perhaps others as
the patient desires. Some people have wives, girlfriends, "fiancees"
(all at the same time!) not to mention children and relatives alll
claiming to be closest to the patient yet they've not seen each other in
years. It gets complicated at times. When the patient is comatose and
can't talk for himself and tell us his wishes or who to give his
information to, we have to punt sometimes.

jmcquown wrote:

> Goomba38 wrote:
>
>>Dee Randall wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Another thing is that most of the time when we have been to doctors,
>>>there will be DH, his father and lots of times, me, present.
>>>Numerous times, we've interpreted findings the doctors have given,
>>>differently. Each of us sometimes hear the same thing said three
>>>different ways. The few times that DH has not been able to see the
>>>doctor when his father has an appointment, DH asks the doctor to
>>>call and confirm what the doctor, himself, has said to his father.
>>>His father may tell a different story because he has heard it in a
>>>different light. And I always listen in.
>>>
>>>If you get so worried, then to relieve your mind of the information,
>>>perhaps you can put in a call to the doctor. We've found that they
>>>are always willing to talk to us, even at length.
>>
>>What you say about "hearing things differently" is Soooooooooooooooo
>>true. I see that all the time. Add denial, anger and guilt (among
>>other emotions) to the baggage people have that often complicate
>>their ability
>>to "hear" when something like this comes up.
>>
>>As for calling the doctors directly, with the new HIPAA laws, we're
>>very limited in who we can talk to on the phone. Privacy laws abound,
>>and in
>>some cases have run amuck, imo. The doctors need to be direct and
>>upfront with the patient and his next of kin about findings. Try to be
>>there and speak to them while with the patient, if at all possible.
>>Goomba
>
>
> Yeah, HIPPA, good or bad? I understand not telling employers about health
> problems but family members? Everyone is entitled to their privacy but in
> some cases I think it's warranted to tell next of kin, siblings, etc. what
> is going on.
>
> Jill
>
>

Admittedly, I think sometimes HIPAA goes way overboard. Having said
that, and agreeing completely with Goomba's post, it's nice to have a
backup when a well meaning relative or friend calls asking for a
patient's condition, when it may or may not be any of their business,
and being able to said "due to new regulations, we're not able to give
out any more information". It keeps health care workers from getting in
the middle of really sticky situations. I really like the idea of not
being able to mention much at all about how a person is doing without
their permission.
Perhaps you can ask your dad to put you on a list of folks that the
doctor etc., is/are allowed to discuss his condition with?

patrice

On Mon, 09 Jan 2006 22:40:34 GMT, patrice >
wrote:

>Perhaps you can ask your dad to put you on a list of folks that the
>doctor etc., is/are allowed to discuss his condition with?

Yes, that is a good idea, and will allow Jill to have information. I
can see the merits of Hipaa..and the bad side too..but as long as he
gives permission for her to get information, she should be okay.

Christine

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
. ..
> Goomba38 wrote:
>> Dee Randall wrote:
>>
>>> Another thing is that most of the time when we have been to doctors,
>>> there will be DH, his father and lots of times, me, present.
>>> Numerous times, we've interpreted findings the doctors have given,
>>> differently. Each of us sometimes hear the same thing said three
>>> different ways. The few times that DH has not been able to see the
>>> doctor when his father has an appointment, DH asks the doctor to
>>> call and confirm what the doctor, himself, has said to his father.
>>> His father may tell a different story because he has heard it in a
>>> different light. And I always listen in.
>>>
>>> If you get so worried, then to relieve your mind of the information,
>>> perhaps you can put in a call to the doctor. We've found that they
>>> are always willing to talk to us, even at length.
>>
>> What you say about "hearing things differently" is Soooooooooooooooo
>> true. I see that all the time. Add denial, anger and guilt (among
>> other emotions) to the baggage people have that often complicate
>> their ability
>> to "hear" when something like this comes up.
>>
>> As for calling the doctors directly, with the new HIPAA laws, we're
>> very limited in who we can talk to on the phone. Privacy laws abound,
>> and in
>> some cases have run amuck, imo. The doctors need to be direct and
>> upfront with the patient and his next of kin about findings. Try to be
>> there and speak to them while with the patient, if at all possible.
>> Goomba
>
> Yeah, HIPPA, good or bad? I understand not telling employers about health
> problems but family members? Everyone is entitled to their privacy but in
> some cases I think it's warranted to tell next of kin, siblings, etc. what
> is going on.
>
> Jill

It was warranted in my f-i-l's case. He was incapable of making any kind of
decisions on his own; he is not mentally incapacitated, but the situation
was overwhelming to him and he would've given up if it weren't for us. I
guess we could have gone to court to get a guardianship in order to help him
thru the ordeal, but there was not one doctor that didn't welcome us on each
and every visit, operation, chemo, you name it. They were only too happy to
speak with us and gave us most cudos. Even without prompting them, they
would call us 90% of the time rather than f-i-l regarding treatment,
appointments, discuss on the telephone 20 minutes at a time the various
options. Extraordinary. Yale doctors working at VA in New Haven; I can't
say enough good about them.
Dee Dee

patrice wrote:
>
>
> Admittedly, I think sometimes HIPAA goes way overboard. Having said
> that, and agreeing completely with Goomba's post, it's nice to have a
> backup when a well meaning relative or friend calls asking for a
> patient's condition, when it may or may not be any of their business,
> and being able to said "due to new regulations, we're not able to give
> out any more information". It keeps health care workers from getting in
> the middle of really sticky situations. I really like the idea of not
> being able to mention much at all about how a person is doing without
> their permission.
> Perhaps you can ask your dad to put you on a list of folks that the
> doctor etc., is/are allowed to discuss his condition with?
>


Providing Dad actually wants her to know. He may be one of those
private old guys who wants to fade away without a lot of emotion.

In the long run it won't make a difference who knows about his
condition but if he has a desire for privacy, it's worth helping
him to protect his dignity.

I agree that if I were in Jill's position, I would want to visit as
often as possible this year., but I recommend that to anyone with aging
parents.

I lost both parents when I was 28 and I still miss them terribly. They
would have been wonderful grandparents for my kids.

gloria p

On Tue, 10 Jan 2006 02:27:25 GMT, Puester >
wrote:

>patrice wrote:
>>
>>
>> Admittedly, I think sometimes HIPAA goes way overboard. Having said
>> that, and agreeing completely with Goomba's post, it's nice to have a
>> backup when a well meaning relative or friend calls asking for a
>> patient's condition, when it may or may not be any of their business,
>> and being able to said "due to new regulations, we're not able to give
>> out any more information". It keeps health care workers from getting in
>> the middle of really sticky situations. I really like the idea of not
>> being able to mention much at all about how a person is doing without
>> their permission.
>> Perhaps you can ask your dad to put you on a list of folks that the
>> doctor etc., is/are allowed to discuss his condition with?
>>
>
>
>Providing Dad actually wants her to know. He may be one of those
>private old guys who wants to fade away without a lot of emotion.
>
>In the long run it won't make a difference who knows about his
>condition but if he has a desire for privacy, it's worth helping
>him to protect his dignity.
>
>I agree that if I were in Jill's position, I would want to visit as
>often as possible this year., but I recommend that to anyone with aging
>parents.
>
>I lost both parents when I was 28 and I still miss them terribly. They
>would have been wonderful grandparents for my kids.
>
>gloria p
I was very close to my dad, who died at age of 62.
After seeing him through a number of major surgeries... each one going
to be the one that fixes him up.. but never does... Watching him in
pain.... sometimes passing on is not the thing to dread... years of
suffering is... BOTH is hard on the ones left behind.
Chuck (in SC)

Puester wrote:

> patrice wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> Admittedly, I think sometimes HIPAA goes way overboard. Having said
>> that, and agreeing completely with Goomba's post, it's nice to have a
>> backup when a well meaning relative or friend calls asking for a
>> patient's condition, when it may or may not be any of their business,
>> and being able to said "due to new regulations, we're not able to give
>> out any more information". It keeps health care workers from getting
>> in the middle of really sticky situations. I really like the idea of
>> not being able to mention much at all about how a person is doing
>> without their permission.
>> Perhaps you can ask your dad to put you on a list of folks that the
>> doctor etc., is/are allowed to discuss his condition with?
>>
>
>
> Providing Dad actually wants her to know. He may be one of those
> private old guys who wants to fade away without a lot of emotion.
Agreed.
>
> In the long run it won't make a difference who knows about his
> condition but if he has a desire for privacy, it's worth helping
> him to protect his dignity.
I completely agree with you.
>
> I agree that if I were in Jill's position, I would want to visit as
> often as possible this year., but I recommend that to anyone with aging
> parents.
>
> I lost both parents when I was 28 and I still miss them terribly. They
> would have been wonderful grandparents for my kids.
>
> gloria p
>
Gloria -

Guess what I should've just come out and said was - that, IMHO, the
ultimate decision of whether or not to share health information should
be left up to the patient.
It's up to her dad - or any individual coherent enough to make decisions
regarding their own health care - whether or not they want family
members to know exactly what's going on with their condition.

patrice