The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?

She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her duty
as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds to the
salad instead of cashews.

She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For visual
effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder bread on
the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this. She
then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut the
ends off.

Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes with
a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and begins
slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of them to
cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven forbid,
from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over the
place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it makes a
great sandwich meat.

She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
pull the flavors together.

For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm disappointed
she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a cake
canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip from
another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or it
will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to not
use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred (no
doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I have
a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with the
adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the Cool
Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see how
this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the cake,
which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake. Lovely.
Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us to
pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for telling
me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?

When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those bottles
to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries to
claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.

Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare, which
sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its glory,
at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table
and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously too
stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a poetry
book as napkin decorations and hung a chandelier of Liberace proportions from
gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
exits stage left with a wave.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Gawd, her voice cracking and squeeking really gets on my nerves!
I noticed that in lieu of a lemon one can use the juice from a jar.
I also noticed she tried to cover her goof while trying to pour the bleu cheese
into the measuring cup (instead of, you know, using the cup to scoop out of the
cheese container) and overpouring it by saying "Or more. I lovvve bleu
cheese!".
OMG! I never noticed that cake pedastool looked rusted before now. For that
matter, has she forgotten her "tip" and putting the cake on pieces of wax paper
and then removing the paper strips after the cake is frosted?
Yum! A garnish made with candy that she found in her car!
When she says she used some books from her library (quit giggling!) to raise
the height of her table, did she mean she put them underneath to boost it or
was she referring to adding topological diversity to her tabletop?

In article >,
wrote:
>
>The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
>she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
>her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
>dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
>make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
>at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>
>She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
>suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her
duty
>as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds to
the
>salad instead of cashews.
>
>She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For
visual
>effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder bread on
>the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this. She
>then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut the
>ends off.
>
>Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
>wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
>off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
>make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes
with
>a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and begins
>slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of them
to
>cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven
forbid,
>from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over the
>place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it makes a
>great sandwich meat.
>
>She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
>in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
>She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
>tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
>pull the flavors together.
>
>For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
>"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm
disappointed
>she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a cake
>canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip from
>another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or it
>will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to not
>use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred (no
>doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I have
>a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with the
>adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the Cool
>Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see how
>this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the cake,
>which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake. Lovely.
>Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us to
>pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for telling
>me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
>cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
>because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
>it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
>and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
>little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those
bottles
>to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
>champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
>pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries to
>claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.
>
>Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
which
>sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its glory,
>at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room
table
>and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
>apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
>plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously too
>stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a poetry
>book as napkin decorations and hung a chandelier of Liberace proportions from
>gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
>exits stage left with a wave.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Ubiquitous wrote:

> The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
> she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
> her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
> dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
> make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
> at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?

Maybe I should do a cooking show.

It would start off around noon with me sticking my head in the freezer to see what
sort of meat there is to take out and thaw. Then it would shift to about an hour
before dinner .... cocktail time,... when I stick my head in the fridge to see what
sort of veggies there are that would be good to go with it. At that point I can
make an informed decision about what I am going to make. And then I know whether it
is something that I should get started on so that I can sit down and have a drink,
or if I should sit down and have a drink before coming back to throw something
together.

Ubiquitous wrote:
>
> I swear her crew shakes up those bottles
> to make her look stupid, which she does.
> She tops of the pitcher with the
> champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops
> she found in her car.

Why haven't you vandalized her Wikipedia entry yet?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandra_Lee_%28author%29

Dave Smith wrote:

>Ubiquitous wrote:
>
>
>
>>The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
>>she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
>>her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
>>dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
>>make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
>>at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>>
>>
>
>Maybe I should do a cooking show.
>
>It would start off around noon with me sticking my head in the freezer to see what
>sort of meat there is to take out and thaw. Then it would shift to about an hour
>before dinner .... cocktail time,... when I stick my head in the fridge to see what
>sort of veggies there are that would be good to go with it. At that point I can
>make an informed decision about what I am going to make. And then I know whether it
>is something that I should get started on so that I can sit down and have a drink,
>or if I should sit down and have a drink before coming back to throw something
>together.
>
>
>
>
>
Sounds a bit like Nigella, but she gets away with it because of her
looks! Are you darkly handsome and willing to stare in a sultry fashion
at the viewers?

Christine
No prizes for guessing the only TV cooking show hubby watches of his own
volition!

In article >,
wrote:
>
>Dave Smith wrote:
>
>>Ubiquitous wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>>The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
>>>she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that
make
>>>her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
>>>dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
>>>make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make
it
>>>at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>>>
>>>
>>
>>Maybe I should do a cooking show.
>>
>>It would start off around noon with me sticking my head in the freezer to see
what
>>sort of meat there is to take out and thaw. Then it would shift to about an
hour
>>before dinner .... cocktail time,... when I stick my head in the fridge to
see what
>>sort of veggies there are that would be good to go with it. At that point I
can
>>make an informed decision about what I am going to make. And then I know
whether it
>>is something that I should get started on so that I can sit down and have a
drink,
>>or if I should sit down and have a drink before coming back to throw
something
>>together.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>Sounds a bit like Nigella, but she gets away with it because of her
>looks! Are you darkly handsome and willing to stare in a sultry fashion
>at the viewers?

I saw this for the first time this evening. What a riot! Whatever cold medicine
they had her on at least slowed her down a little, so she wasn't as annoyingly
spastic as usual. The dress was awful -- loved the way they had to keep cutting
to a different camera angle because the screen was filled with sleeve and you
couldn't see the food. That tablescape was a riot. Yeah, I'm sure you thought
of Shakespeare as a theme for your picnic and that caused you to drag heavy
library-style furniture into a park and then set a poetry book on fire. And
isn't it illegal to cut flowers in a park? Not to mention unsanitary if you
use them as a garnish.

That trench-cake was absolutely hilarious. Of all the times that it would have
made sense to put the filling INto a plastic bag to pipe it INto the cake. But,
no, there's SL, smearing it in with two serving spoons. What an idiot.

wrote:

>I saw this for the first time this evening. What a riot! Whatever cold medicine
>they had her on at least slowed her down a little, so she wasn't as annoyingly
>spastic as usual. The dress was awful -- loved the way they had to keep cutting
>to a different camera angle because the screen was filled with sleeve and you
>couldn't see the food. That tablescape was a riot. Yeah, I'm sure you thought
>of Shakespeare as a theme for your picnic and that caused you to drag heavy
>library-style furniture into a park and then set a poetry book on fire. And
>isn't it illegal to cut flowers in a park? Not to mention unsanitary if you
>use them as a garnish.

I still can't get over her burning poetry books to make napkin holders and
not only hanging on a tree, but putting lit candles in that chandelier.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

On Wed 22 Mar 2006 06:40:17p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
Ubiquitous?

> wrote:
>
>>I saw this for the first time this evening. What a riot! Whatever cold
>>medicine they had her on at least slowed her down a little, so she
>>wasn't as annoyingly spastic as usual. The dress was awful -- loved the
>>way they had to keep cutting to a different camera angle because the
>>screen was filled with sleeve and you couldn't see the food. That
>>tablescape was a riot. Yeah, I'm sure you thought of Shakespeare as a
>>theme for your picnic and that caused you to drag heavy library-style
>>furniture into a park and then set a poetry book on fire. And isn't it
>>illegal to cut flowers in a park? Not to mention unsanitary if you use
>>them as a garnish.
>
> I still can't get over her burning poetry books to make napkin holders
> and not only hanging on a tree, but putting lit candles in that
> chandelier.
>

I didn't see the show, and I can't argue about her burning poetry books,
but we did have a crystal chandelier for many years in which we always
burned candles, along with matching wall sconces and candleticks. The
totally candlelit dining room was lovely, and it was always safe.

--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote

> On Wed 22 Mar 2006 06:40:17p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
> Ubiquitous?
>
>> wrote:
>>
>>>I saw this for the first time this evening. What a riot! Whatever cold
>>>medicine they had her on at least slowed her down a little, so she
>>>wasn't as annoyingly spastic as usual. The dress was awful -- loved the
>>>way they had to keep cutting to a different camera angle because the
>>>screen was filled with sleeve and you couldn't see the food. That
>>>tablescape was a riot. Yeah, I'm sure you thought of Shakespeare as a
>>>theme for your picnic and that caused you to drag heavy library-style
>>>furniture into a park and then set a poetry book on fire. And isn't it
>>>illegal to cut flowers in a park? Not to mention unsanitary if you use
>>>them as a garnish.
>>
>> I still can't get over her burning poetry books to make napkin holders
>> and not only hanging on a tree, but putting lit candles in that
>> chandelier.
>>
>
> I didn't see the show, and I can't argue about her burning poetry books,
> but we did have a crystal chandelier for many years in which we always
> burned candles, along with matching wall sconces and candleticks. The
> totally candlelit dining room was lovely, and it was always safe.

In a park? (smile)

nancy

On Wed 22 Mar 2006 07:04:38p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Nancy
Young?

>
> "Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote
>
>> On Wed 22 Mar 2006 06:40:17p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it
>> Ubiquitous?
>>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>>I saw this for the first time this evening. What a riot! Whatever cold
>>>>medicine they had her on at least slowed her down a little, so she
>>>>wasn't as annoyingly spastic as usual. The dress was awful -- loved the
>>>>way they had to keep cutting to a different camera angle because the
>>>>screen was filled with sleeve and you couldn't see the food. That
>>>>tablescape was a riot. Yeah, I'm sure you thought of Shakespeare as a
>>>>theme for your picnic and that caused you to drag heavy library-style
>>>>furniture into a park and then set a poetry book on fire. And isn't it
>>>>illegal to cut flowers in a park? Not to mention unsanitary if you use
>>>>them as a garnish.
>>>
>>> I still can't get over her burning poetry books to make napkin holders
>>> and not only hanging on a tree, but putting lit candles in that
>>> chandelier.
>>>
>>
>> I didn't see the show, and I can't argue about her burning poetry books,
>> but we did have a crystal chandelier for many years in which we always
>> burned candles, along with matching wall sconces and candleticks. The
>> totally candlelit dining room was lovely, and it was always safe.
>
> In a park? (smile)

LOL! Does jungle wallpaper count?


--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA