Redneck Math Challenge


I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?

(A) '65 Ford Fairlane

(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat

(C) '80 Ford pickup.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property
for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't cha?
It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a
hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in
this life. As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE",
here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a
piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest
pizza shop and place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it,
catch a ride home with them.

-- Y'all have a nice day now, y'hear?!

-anon-
---



Sheldon

Sheldon wrote:
> Redneck Math Challenge
>
>
> I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
> and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
>


If you're moving, and the neighbors see you, and think you're going to
the dump.....
You might be a redaneck.

;-)

-Rusty

Yeah, they are many redneck in the South but i think Knoxville, TN is a
good place to stay. ^_^


Ling

Sheldon wrote:
> Redneck Math Challenge
>
>
> I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
> and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
>
>
> 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
> support a 10-pound possum.

Is that just a single opposum, or a mama with young'uns?



> 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
> in your front yard?
>
> (A) '65 Ford Fairlane
>
> (B) '86 Dodge Diplomat
>
> (C) '80 Ford pickup.

Everybody knows it's the Dodge. The 86 Diplomat came off the line
already rusted out. We bought the one in our yard straight from the factory.



> 3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
> gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
> to condense the product?

My auntie built our'n, so I wouldn't know.



> 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
> of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
> is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
> Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

All of 'em.



> 5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
> field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
> feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
> collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

Three. The rest is already dead.



> 6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
> slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
> place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property
> for their electric appliances to sit out front?

Not a double wide.



> 7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
> slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
> traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
> will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

The ATV's got a muffler. That count?



> 8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
> take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
> country-western singer?

Village of the Damned. Well lemmesee... no Interstate... no one'll
notice anyhow... Better question is how long will it take to stop!

On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
wrote:

>You might be a redaneck.

Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.

Ward Abbott wrote:
> On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
> wrote:
>
> >You might be a redaneck.
>
> Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
> private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.

Yes, it's amazing the stuff they can fit into trailers these days.

-Rusty

In article >,
Ward Abbott > wrote:

> On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
> wrote:
>
> >You might be a redaneck.
>
> Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
> private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.

Just keep working at it. You too might be able to have public schools.

--
Dan Abel

Petaluma, California, USA

Rusty wrote:
> Sheldon wrote:
>> Redneck Math Challenge
>>
>>
>> I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
>> and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
>>
>
> If you're moving, and the neighbors see you, and think you're going to
> the dump.....
> You might be a redneck.
>
> ;-)

What if it's the other way around?

Ward Abbott wrote:
> "Rusty" wrote:
>
> >You might be a redaneck.
>
> Even southern born and bred people know how to spell.

red-a-neck... guinea-bonics.

In article .com>,
"Rusty" > wrote:

> Ward Abbott wrote:

> > Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
> > private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.
>
> Yes, it's amazing the stuff they can fit into trailers these days.


Single-wide or double-wide?

--
Dan Abel

Petaluma, California, USA

Ward Abbott wrote:
> On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
> wrote:
>
>> You might be a redaneck.
>
> Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
> private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.

I'll never forget when I went to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin in
Pennsylvania back around 1980. They lived in a tiny place called Mt.
Jackson a number of miles away from Pittsburgh. Up twisty, tiny two-lane
mountain roads. There was nothing there but a beauty shop and a small gas
station and some houses. My cousin asked me if we have paved roads in
Memphis. "Uh, yeah. We drove down a divided 6-lane Interstate highway to
get to the airport. You need to stop watching re-runs of the Beverly
Hillbillies."

This is the same cousin whose friends took the 'Reunite on Ice?' commercials
seriously and served me a tumbler of Reunite "wine" on the rocks at a party
(and I use the term "party" loosely). Gathered in someones basement to
watch a Dirty Harry movie with Reunite on the rocks.

Jill <---singing "take me hoooome, country roads..."

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
>
> I'll never forget when I went to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin in
> Pennsylvania back around 1980. They lived in a tiny place called Mt.
> Jackson a number of miles away from Pittsburgh. Up twisty, tiny two-lane
> mountain roads. There was nothing there but a beauty shop and a small gas
> station and some houses. My cousin asked me if we have paved roads in
> Memphis. "Uh, yeah. We drove down a divided 6-lane Interstate highway to
> get to the airport. You need to stop watching re-runs of the Beverly
> Hillbillies."
>
> This is the same cousin whose friends took the 'Reunite on Ice?'
> commercials
> seriously and served me a tumbler of Reunite "wine" on the rocks at a
> party
> (and I use the term "party" loosely). Gathered in someones basement to
> watch a Dirty Harry movie with Reunite on the rocks.

LOL. Lots of rednecks in small towns in EVERY state. My old hometown in PA
is chock full of 'em. Every time I go home to visit, all I see is white
trash everywhere.

Mary

Jill,
Having moved from the 'Piedmont Sandhills of North Carolina to Pennsylvania,
I think I have seen my share of rednecks, no counts and inbreds. The
difference between the northern ones and the southern ones is hospitality.
To quote Designing Women, one said 'down south, we don't hide our crazy
(inbred) people, we sit them on the porch and let them wave at traffic'.
Even those who have a few Uncle Daddy's in the closet down south will ask
you up on the porch for a glass of sweet tea. Up here in PA, they are so
clannish (hey, my relatives are Scots, so I know clans) that you don't even
look at their double wides from the interstate without one of them taking
pot shot at you. And heaven forbid you ask them to leave the Poconos. I
work/live near Allentown, and if interacting with people from the Poconos
all I hear is people from the Poconos don't drive off the mountain (we're
not talking major grade mountains here). A friend once cracked on a fellow
employee who lived in Poconos.....that's cause we flatlanders don't date
our sheep!!!'
-Ginny

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
> Ward Abbott wrote:
> > On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
> > wrote:
> >
> >> You might be a redaneck.
> >
> > Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
> > private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.
>
> I'll never forget when I went to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin in
> Pennsylvania back around 1980. They lived in a tiny place called Mt.
> Jackson a number of miles away from Pittsburgh. Up twisty, tiny two-lane
> mountain roads. There was nothing there but a beauty shop and a small gas
> station and some houses. My cousin asked me if we have paved roads in
> Memphis. "Uh, yeah. We drove down a divided 6-lane Interstate highway to
> get to the airport. You need to stop watching re-runs of the Beverly
> Hillbillies."
>
> This is the same cousin whose friends took the 'Reunite on Ice?'
commercials
> seriously and served me a tumbler of Reunite "wine" on the rocks at a
party
> (and I use the term "party" loosely). Gathered in someones basement to
> watch a Dirty Harry movie with Reunite on the rocks.
>
> Jill <---singing "take me hoooome, country roads..."
>
>

In defense of all my Southern relatives, I have to answer this:

"Sheldon" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> Redneck Math Challenge
>
> 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
> support a 10-pound possum.

It is not for us to calculate, as apparently the possum can't and falls from
the tree into a the path of an oncoming pick-up. Who, if he is smart, has a
shovel in the back, and has just successfully caught dinner.
>
> 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
> in your front yard?
>
> (A) '65 Ford Fairlane
>
> (B) '86 Dodge Diplomat
>
> (C) '80 Ford pickup.

The dodge by deduction. The Ford is racing up and down the lanes by either
a testosterone laden Earnhardt wannabe or his daddy hauling a shine
delivery. The pick up, with it's gun rack and hefty bag doors is being used
to go hunting in.


> 3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
> gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
> to condense the product?

As many as you got, as the more coils it goes through the sweeter (better)
the product. Don't ask how I know this.
>
> 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
> of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
> is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
> Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

As many as you can get your buddies to haul into the woods to help.
>
> 5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
> field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
> feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
> collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

All but three, those are on the bed ....hence a three dog night.

> 6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
> slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
> place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property
> for their electric appliances to sit out front?

There is ALWAYS room for one more appliance in the yard. If you leave the
doors off, the chickens can lay in them.

> 7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
> slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
> traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
> will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

There is a grave doubt he will see another vee-hick-le before he hits a
tree.
>
> 8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
> take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
> country-western singer?

Randy Travis comes from Marshville, NC. Home of the Cudahy (former Holly
Farms) Poultry plant, an elementary school and a grave yard. US 74 runs
down the middle of it.
>
> I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't cha?
> It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a
> hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in
> this life. As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE",
> here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a
> piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest
> pizza shop and place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it,
> catch a ride home with them.


Nah, if you are from a small town, you CALL in the order, and have cousin
bubba, the delivery boy, pick you up on the way to your house with the
pizza. Hell, have him bring another pack of Buds as well.
-Ginny

>
> -- Y'all have a nice day now, y'hear?!
>
> -anon-
> ---
>
>
>
> Sheldon
>

Virginia Tadrzynski wrote:
> Jill,
> Having moved from the 'Piedmont Sandhills of North Carolina to
> Pennsylvania, I think I have seen my share of rednecks, no counts and
> inbreds. The difference between the northern ones and the southern
> ones is hospitality. To quote Designing Women, one said 'down south,
> we don't hide our crazy (inbred) people, we sit them on the porch and
> let them wave at traffic'. Even those who have a few Uncle Daddy's in
> the closet down south will ask you up on the porch for a glass of
> sweet tea.

(laughing) Yeah, I used to drive past this older fellow on my way to work
who would stand on the corner and wave at all the cars passing by each
morning. When he died, the local newscatsters even reported on his passing.
He was a local legend. Then there was the guy at the mall I worked in when
I was 18; he'd go around giving out candy. He was just a harmless old guy,
not a pervert. Sweet old gent but he liked pretty girls! (some things never
change, eh?)

Up here in PA, they are so clannish (hey, my relatives
> are Scots, so I know clans) that you don't even look at their double
> wides from the interstate without one of them taking pot shot at you.
> And heaven forbid you ask them to leave the Poconos. I work/live
> near Allentown

Thanks for giving me a Billy Joel earworm - "Living here in Allentown"

> not talking major grade mountains here). A friend once cracked on a
> fellow employee who lived in Poconos.....that's cause we flatlanders
> don't date our sheep!!!' -Ginny
>
Well, you know what the Scots say about dating sheep, right? Herd one up to
a cliff and she'll back right into you! LOL

Jill McQuown <--said with a heavy Scottish brogue

> "jmcquown" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Ward Abbott wrote:
>>> On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> You might be a redaneck.
>>>
>>> Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we
>>> have private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.
>>
>> I'll never forget when I went to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin in
>> Pennsylvania back around 1980. They lived in a tiny place called Mt.
>> Jackson a number of miles away from Pittsburgh. Up twisty, tiny
>> two-lane mountain roads. There was nothing there but a beauty shop
>> and a small gas station and some houses. My cousin asked me if we
>> have paved roads in Memphis. "Uh, yeah. We drove down a divided
>> 6-lane Interstate highway to get to the airport. You need to stop
>> watching re-runs of the Beverly Hillbillies."
>>
>> This is the same cousin whose friends took the 'Reunite on Ice?'
>> commercials seriously and served me a tumbler of Reunite "wine" on
>> the rocks at a party (and I use the term "party" loosely). Gathered
>> in someones basement to watch a Dirty Harry movie with Reunite on
>> the rocks.
>>
>> Jill <---singing "take me hoooome, country roads..."

jmcquown wrote:
> Ward Abbott wrote:
> > On 19 Apr 2006 17:00:40 -0700, "Rusty" >
> > wrote:
> >
> >> You might be a redaneck.
> >
> > Even southern born and bred people know how to spell. Yes, we have
> > private schools, indoor plumbing AND satellite television.
>
> I'll never forget when I went to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin in
> Pennsylvania back around 1980. They lived in a tiny place called Mt.
> Jackson a number of miles away from Pittsburgh. Up twisty, tiny two-lane
> mountain roads. There was nothing there but a beauty shop and a small gas
> station and some houses. My cousin asked me if we have paved roads in
> Memphis. "Uh, yeah. We drove down a divided 6-lane Interstate highway to
> get to the airport. You need to stop watching re-runs of the Beverly
> Hillbillies."
>
> This is the same cousin whose friends took the 'Reunite on Ice?' commercials
> seriously and served me a tumbler of Reunite "wine" on the rocks at a party
> (and I use the term "party" loosely). Gathered in someones basement to
> watch a Dirty Harry movie with Reunite on the rocks.


Redneck truly is a mindset/lifestyle and not a description of
geographical origin. We had tons of them in WA state: sawdust brained,
splinter pickin', chainsaw driving, flannel shirted "rednecks." This
term was most often used to describe several of the county
commissioners.

SD

SD

Virginia Tadrzynski wrote:
>> > 6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
> > slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
> > place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property
> > for their electric appliances to sit out front?
>
> There is ALWAYS room for one more appliance in the yard. If you leave the
> doors off, the chickens can lay in them.
>

We lived on a rural lane in WA state. The property on the opposite side
of the road from us extended from the county road to a point just
opposite our driveway. In that quater of a mile stretch we counted 37
automobiles and a boat in a tree plus three washers.There wre
inummerable rusted out bicycles and wagons. Gawd only knows what was
obscurred by the out of control blackberry brambles!

SD