Today's color: lavender.
Setting: The Walmart vineyard
Theme: Cheese.

HUH?

Apparently she has imaginary alcoholic relatives now. Wow, outdoor
lighting does NOT look good on her.

Nice editing out of "Cheeze Whiz" ("Cheese. In a jar!") and then a quick
explanation of why she loves it. Whatever. How many cheeses were in that
six-cheese sauce, anyway? I'd love to see SLop make her own tortellini.

I loved how SLop brought that cheeze sauce to a full boil. I am positive
it's burnt on the bottom by the little black bits perculating up.

Again with the inept "Cheese. In a jar!" post-production editing. Oh, one
is sppsd to put the sauce ONTO the pasta, not dump it in with the sauce.

I have never heard someone make so many scarping and screeching noises as
he (or she) cooked in my life.

Loved how her bad case of the "drunken shakes" resulted in varying sized
and unevenly-folded calzones. I'm sure the guests just LOVED that ("Do I
take a small overcooked one or suffer through a large undercooked one?".
And she baked them in a toaster oven? At 20 minutes a batch? Just. damn.
Using the fork on the edges may be professional, but it only serves to
emphasise your uneven edges. Lookit SLop's reaction to the hot calzone
she just stuffed into her mouth! Ha-HA! (a la Nelson)

It takes her "hours" to make poached pears so she uses canned and then
she tells us to save the "juice" from the can. It's called "syrup", you
big dummy! So she strains them, then puts them back into the can!

Round petit fours, cut from frozen cheese-cake so it doesn't stick to the
mini-cookie cutters. Wouldn't dipping them in warm water do the same?
Look, they're still sticking. Some tip! That cheesecake looks like it was
mauled. How is one sppsd to eat those "petit fours" with all that glop
oozing down the sides and stacked up with that sauce and starwberries and
mint.

After she added that glop of canned raspberry to that port sauce, it
looked like something clotted menses. Yuck.

Oh yeah, what a great tip for a impromptu bar; Two wine barrels and a
hunk of plywood... Oh yeah, I have those in my garage. Oh yum, wine from
a box and grape juice. Served at a vineyard.

Oh yeah, the tablescape featured bonsai christmas trees. Yeah, like I
want to have to lean around the centerpiece to talk to whomever is on the
far side of the table.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Someone who would serve her relatives ravioli covered in cheese-whiz and white
zinfindel mixed with grape juice in a martini glass has no reasoning skills.
For someone who is so obsessed with the high cost of spices, hence the
seasoning packets, she sure doesn't give a damn about the high cost and
wastefulness of using so many plastic bags.

In article >, wrote:
>
>
>Today's color: lavender.
>Setting: The Walmart vineyard
>Theme: Cheese.
>
>HUH?
>
>Apparently she has imaginary alcoholic relatives now. Wow, outdoor
>lighting does NOT look good on her.
>
>Nice editing out of "Cheeze Whiz" ("Cheese. In a jar!") and then a quick
>explanation of why she loves it. Whatever. How many cheeses were in that
>six-cheese sauce, anyway? I'd love to see SLop make her own tortellini.
>
>I loved how SLop brought that cheeze sauce to a full boil. I am positive
>it's burnt on the bottom by the little black bits perculating up.
>
>Again with the inept "Cheese. In a jar!" post-production editing. Oh, one
>is sppsd to put the sauce ONTO the pasta, not dump it in with the sauce.
>
>I have never heard someone make so many scarping and screeching noises as
>he (or she) cooked in my life.
>
>Loved how her bad case of the "drunken shakes" resulted in varying sized
>and unevenly-folded calzones. I'm sure the guests just LOVED that ("Do I
>take a small overcooked one or suffer through a large undercooked one?".
>And she baked them in a toaster oven? At 20 minutes a batch? Just. damn.
>Using the fork on the edges may be professional, but it only serves to
>emphasise your uneven edges. Lookit SLop's reaction to the hot calzone
>she just stuffed into her mouth! Ha-HA! (a la Nelson)
>
>It takes her "hours" to make poached pears so she uses canned and then
>she tells us to save the "juice" from the can. It's called "syrup", you
>big dummy! So she strains them, then puts them back into the can!
>
>Round petit fours, cut from frozen cheese-cake so it doesn't stick to the
>mini-cookie cutters. Wouldn't dipping them in warm water do the same?
>Look, they're still sticking. Some tip! That cheesecake looks like it was
>mauled. How is one sppsd to eat those "petit fours" with all that glop
>oozing down the sides and stacked up with that sauce and starwberries and
>mint.
>
>After she added that glop of canned raspberry to that port sauce, it
>looked like something clotted menses. Yuck.
>
>Oh yeah, what a great tip for a impromptu bar; Two wine barrels and a
>hunk of plywood... Oh yeah, I have those in my garage. Oh yum, wine from
>a box and grape juice. Served at a vineyard.
>
>Oh yeah, the tablescape featured bonsai christmas trees. Yeah, like I
>want to have to lean around the centerpiece to talk to whomever is on the
>far side of the table.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

My first question: where are we mere mortals supposed to plug in our toaster
ovens? Those of us having our wine and cheese parties at the local vineyard
generally don't bring camera crews with generators.

Isn't it really 6-cheese-and-cheese-food tortellini? The fondue looked soooo
watery and bilge-like. At least it appeared she was serving vegetables to dip
in it, what a shocker, although I noticed she herself tasted it with bread.

The shaky hands shot was scary and pathetic. She must have gotten into the wine
barrels pre-show. Like, the night before.

Why does she put the mutilated cheesecake on a stand and THEN put the whole
thing into the freezer? Idiot.

Why put cream cheese in the strawburry topping for the petit fours? Redundant.
Of course, they didn't need cloying topping at all, it's cheesecake. But this
is SLop, "cloying" is her middle name.

The Grapetinis made no sense, name-wise. What's martini-ish about wine and
juice? Dry, they are not. Poor Aunt Peggy and Uncle Bill. They are probably
quite elderly and this whole experience must have been quite a strain.

SLop makes a cheap-ass momento for her "aunt" and "uncle". As if a night in the
bathroom spewing forth from both ends wasn't more than enough.

Speaking of which, if one has a party at a vinyard, don't they provide the food
and not allow you cook on the premises?

aaaaaaaaa

wrote:

>Someone who would serve her relatives ravioli covered in cheese-whiz and white
>zinfindel mixed with grape juice in a martini glass has no reasoning skills.
>For someone who is so obsessed with the high cost of spices, hence the
>seasoning packets, she sure doesn't give a damn about the high cost and
>wastefulness of using so many plastic bags.

Word.

How the hell does one operate a toaster oven and a hot plate at a vineyard,
and for that matter, why would you imbibe crapped up cheap wine there?

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

I'd say something here, but I long ago gave up on watching that show.

You all need to move a smidge closer to the remote.

--Blair

"Blair P. Houghton" > wrote in message
ups.com...
> I'd say something here, but I long ago gave up on watching that show.
>
> You all need to move a smidge closer to the remote.

I agree. I'd puke if I tried to cook in that pink kitchen.

;o) Rich

In article >,
says...
>
>
>
>"Blair P. Houghton" > wrote in message
oups.com...
>> I'd say something here, but I long ago gave up on watching that show.
>>
>> You all need to move a smidge closer to the remote.
>
>I agree. I'd puke if I tried to cook in that pink kitchen.

About which episode are you speaking?
She redoes her kitchen in a different color every time.