(apologies to those who find that term offensive)

We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
bunch of people from out of town.

My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO. No matter how
I worded it, NO. Okay, I don't want to offend, still I feel funny eating
the
free food.

One woman was working behind the buffet, I said, I wanted to say how
very much we appreciate this fabulous spread of food, blah blah. She
answered me with impeccable southern manners (well, she did, I know it's
Las Vegas!) and said, we were Happy to do it, the choir considers Lyn
family etc etc.

Well, there you have it. Then, they insisted we take the food home. There
is only one home and no room there for the food, so it all went back to my
other SIL's suite. WOW, what a place they had. Just gorgeous, even to a
large private patio in front of a meandering (manmade) stream. It was
really
something. A Marriott Resort & Spa.

Anyway, the whole thing, from the funeral to the food, it was all so well
done.
Heh, in the funeral, you know where they pick out hymns? One of the 'hymns'
was that 60s song about the GTO? So funny. Obviously my BIL was very
into cars and racing.

nancy

Nancy Young wrote:
> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>
> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
> bunch of people from out of town.
>

So was this the first funeral you've ever attended? If so, you've
certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they do.

When my uncle died 2 years ago I insisted on having the "funeral party"
at my house afterwards...he was an s.o.b. and none of us liked him
anyway, but I adore my aunt, so I was happy to help her out. My sister
and brothers helprd me make a kick-ass buffet that raised the bar for
funerals in my family. I guess it helped that we were happy the old
fart was gone, and had no hesitation to raise the glasses of champagne
in <sniff-sniff> tribute to him.

I do love the New Orleans style of the jazz funeral though....when the
saints come marching in.....

Sandy

Nancy Young wrote:
> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>
> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
> bunch of people from out of town.
>
> My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
> So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
> they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
> were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
> and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
> a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
>

Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
Las Vegas.

My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
during a time of grief, but that's what they do.

-Rusty

> wrote

> Nancy Young wrote:
>> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)

> So was this the first funeral you've ever attended?

No, the food at the church afterwards. I've never seen that done
before, though it seems it's common elsewhere.

> If so, you've
> certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
> church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they do.

It was fine, I think they did a nice thing for my sil. Really helped
us, too, what with people flying in and out from all over the country
for the service.

> When my uncle died 2 years ago I insisted on having the "funeral party"
> at my house afterwards...he was an s.o.b. and none of us liked him
> anyway, but I adore my aunt, so I was happy to help her out. My sister
> and brothers helprd me make a kick-ass buffet that raised the bar for
> funerals in my family.

We would have done something like that, except that our hotel rooms
aren't suited for cooking.

nancy

Nancy Young wrote:
> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>
> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
> bunch of people from out of town.
>
> My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
> So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
> they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
> were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
> and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
> a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
>
> Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
> that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO. No matter how
> I worded it, NO. Okay, I don't want to offend, still I feel funny eating
> the
> free food.
>
> One woman was working behind the buffet, I said, I wanted to say how
> very much we appreciate this fabulous spread of food, blah blah. She
> answered me with impeccable southern manners (well, she did, I know it's
> Las Vegas!) and said, we were Happy to do it, the choir considers Lyn
> family etc etc.
>
> Well, there you have it. Then, they insisted we take the food home. There
> is only one home and no room there for the food, so it all went back to my
> other SIL's suite. WOW, what a place they had. Just gorgeous, even to a
> large private patio in front of a meandering (manmade) stream. It was
> really
> something. A Marriott Resort & Spa.
>
> Anyway, the whole thing, from the funeral to the food, it was all so well
> done.
> Heh, in the funeral, you know where they pick out hymns? One of the 'hymns'
> was that 60s song about the GTO? So funny. Obviously my BIL was very
> into cars and racing.
>
> nancy

Nancy, I think you broke a cardinal rule... what you do in Vegas stays
in Vegas. LOL

Well, hey... it's Vegas, I'm suprised there was no Elvis impersonator!
<G>

Sheldon Newton

Rusty wrote:
>
> My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
> Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
> funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
> spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
> cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
> people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
> during a time of grief, but that's what they do.
>
> -Rusty

I don't think that's unusual, or "old country" at all. I've been to
lots of funerals, for family, friends, co-workers, of all races,
religions and social standings (I live on the East Coast of the US).
They typically have a meal, repast, or some sort of formal refreshment
following the service. Some are elaborate, and some are humble,
according to what they can afford. I think that families
understand/accept that social norm and plan for it when making funeral
arrangements.

Sandy

Rusty wrote:
> Nancy Young wrote:
> > (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
> >
> > We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
> > funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
> > going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
> > is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
> > bunch of people from out of town.
> >
> > My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
> > So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
> > they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
> > were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
> > and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
> > a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
> >
>
> Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
> Las Vegas.
>
> My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
> Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
> funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
> spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
> cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
> people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
> during a time of grief, but that's what they do.

Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
Slivavitz.

"Nancy Young" > wrote in message
...
>
> > wrote
>
> > Nancy Young wrote:
> >> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>
> > So was this the first funeral you've ever attended?
>
> No, the food at the church afterwards. I've never seen that done
> before, though it seems it's common elsewhere.
>
> > If so, you've
> > certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
> > church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they do.
>
> It was fine, I think they did a nice thing for my sil. Really helped
> us, too, what with people flying in and out from all over the country
> for the service.
>
> > When my uncle died 2 years ago I insisted on having the "funeral party"
> > at my house afterwards...he was an s.o.b. and none of us liked him
> > anyway, but I adore my aunt, so I was happy to help her out. My sister
> > and brothers helprd me make a kick-ass buffet that raised the bar for
> > funerals in my family.
>
> We would have done something like that, except that our hotel rooms
> aren't suited for cooking.
>
> nancy
>
>

Here's a book on the subject... available at Amazon for $12.97

Being Dead is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the
Perfect Funeral (Hardcover)

Chris in Pearland, TX

In article >,
"Nancy Young" > wrote:

> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>
> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
> bunch of people from out of town.
>
> My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
> So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
> they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
> were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
> and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
> a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
>
> Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
> that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.

<rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
'em has a project going that they need money for.


> No matter how I worded it, NO. Okay, I don't want to offend, still I
> feel funny eating the free food.

>
> One woman was working behind the buffet, I said, I wanted to say how
> very much we appreciate this fabulous spread of food, blah blah. She
> answered me with impeccable southern manners (well, she did, I know it's
> Las Vegas!) and said, we were Happy to do it, the choir considers Lyn
> family etc etc.

See? Those Church Ladies are lovely women, eh?

> Anyway, the whole thing, from the funeral to the food, it was all so well
> done.

> nancy

Good report. I attended a memorial service on Saturday. I haven't
written about the Dead Spread yet -- but it had Hotdish!! Yeay! I told
my friend I'd give it high marks. "-)

I'm sorry for your loss, Nancy. God rest his soul.
--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 4-20-2006 with our visit
to Kramarczuk's.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

Sheldon wrote:

> Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
> but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
> Slivavitz.

What, no real food? Really? I've been to all sorts of religious
funerals before, but I guess never Jewish. It's all about the food (OK
and the booze, too).

Sandy

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote

> "Nancy Young" > wrote:

>> Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
>> that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.
>
> <rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
> REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
> donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
> 'em has a project going that they need money for.

(laugh!) I tried that route, they wouldn't even take a donation!

But I understand what you're saying. I was tactful, as much as I
could be ... gave it up.

nancy

"Rusty" > wrote in message
ups.com...
>
> Nancy Young wrote:
>> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>>
>> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
>> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
>> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
>> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
>> bunch of people from out of town.
>>
>> My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
>> So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
>> they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
>> were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
>> and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
>> a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
>>
>
> Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
> Las Vegas.
>
> My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
> Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
> funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
> spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
> cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
> people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
> during a time of grief, but that's what they do.
>
> -Rusty
>

Our family tradition was to take people to a restaurant for lunch afterward.
When my mother died, it was the end of October, and every restaurant I
looked into that had a private room, also had ghosts and witches and
skeletons and whatnot as Halloween decorations. If you knew my mother, you
would understand that it was eerily appropriate.

As far as cost, I don't know how folks with large families finance the
lunches. When I was a kid, I can remember the lunches being as big as some
weddings I'd been to. By the time my mom died, most of her generation was
either dead or incapacitated enough not to attend. The younger folks just
came to the wake and not the funeral, so the lunch wasn't nearly the expense
it could have been.

Donna

"projectile vomit chick" > wrote in message
>
> *slaps forehead*
>
> How tacky.

Yeah, what were those good hearted people thinking? Before you attend a
funeral, do you get a menu for the traditional meal afterwards first to see
if you want to attend?

"Sheldon" > wrote

> Nancy, I think you broke a cardinal rule... what you do in Vegas stays
> in Vegas. LOL

Heh, you're right, bad nancy, bad!
>
> Well, hey... it's Vegas, I'm suprised there was no Elvis impersonator!

I only saw a couple, believe it? No, not at the funeral.

nancy

Nancy Young wrote:

> Heh, in the funeral, you know where they pick out hymns? One of the 'hymns'
> was that 60s song about the GTO?

At my funeral they'd probably play a song about the WTO.
>
> nancy

The UN means almost nothing. The WTO is sovereign over all its member
states.

--Bryan

wrote:
> Nancy Young wrote:
>> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>>
>> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
>> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
>> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
>> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
>> bunch of people from out of town.
>>
>
> So was this the first funeral you've ever attended? If so, you've
> certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
> church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they
> do.

I've only been to one funeral in my life and I didn't go with the family and
other friends afterwards so I don't know if they served a "dead spread" or
not. The deceased was a friend from high school who had only graduated the
month before. I've never been to another funeral since. Not everyone goes
to funerals. I won't again unless it's immediate family.

Jill

Sheldon wrote:

>Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
>but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
>Slivavitz.
>
>
>
I think you'd need to get plastered. I've only ever been to one Jewish
funeral, and I didn't go to anything afterwards (actually it was all
terribly complicated, the deceased was *** and his parents wouldn't
acknowledge his partner), but the funeral was just the bleakest I've
ever been to, cold and comfortless both physically and ceremonially.

By way of cheerng us up I am reminded of an allegedly Jewish joke that
actually has universal application.

The rabbi is on holiday and his locum has to do a funeral for a chap
he's never met. Before the ceremony he approaches members of the
congregation for information about the deceased so that he can run up a
eulogy. Every comment is negative. Time's getting on so he has to
proceed. Comes the appropriate moment and he asks the mourners "Does
nobody have anything positive to say about this man?" After a minute an
old guy in the back row raises his hand and says "His brother was worse!"

Christine

wrote:
> Sheldon wrote:
>
>
>>Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
>>but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
>>Slivavitz.
>
>
> What, no real food? Really? I've been to all sorts of religious
> funerals before, but I guess never Jewish. It's all about the food (OK
> and the booze, too).
>
> Sandy
>

The Jewish Funeral meal is not served at the synagogue, since most
services are held at a funeral home and there are no provisions made
for meals there. If it is held at the synagogue, the sponge cake and
booze and perhaps some herring and challah, too are quickly served and
eaten, so that the funeral itself can take place. I have never
attended services with such a meal.

However, shortly before the end of the services, the rabbi announces
that the mourners will be expected at the home of one of the relatives
or friends of the deceased, after the interment at the cemetery,
usually two or three hours hence.

In the past, that meal was prepared by friends of the family of the
dead person while the burial took place. Now, the family orders the
food or has it at home and all that has to be done is to arrange it on
a table, either by hired help or a friend or two. It consists of
"dairy dishes", dairy meaning that no meat is on the table, even
though fish is prominently displayed, smoked salmon, white fish,
several kinds of herring, as well as salads and cheeses, bagels,
rolls, breads and lots of desserts. There will be coffee and tea and
wine as well as hard liquor. There is usually so much food, the
sweets and drinks take up a separate table. Visitors come and go, so
that the apartment or house does not get too full of guests and it is
not unusual, that more than a hundred come to be with the bereaved.
The rabbi may come at sundown and conduct services at that home.

Many Jews observe a one week period of mourning, during which
condolence visits are made and during which food is always present.

In article >,
"Nancy Young" > wrote:

> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote
>
> > "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
> >> Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
> >> that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.
> >
> > <rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
> > REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
> > donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
> > 'em has a project going that they need money for.
>
> (laugh!) I tried that route, they wouldn't even take a donation!
>
> But I understand what you're saying. I was tactful, as much as I
> could be ... gave it up.
>
> nancy

Like I said, if you REALLY want to . . .
Mail a check to the church and indicate for the Church Ladies
Organization (find out what theirs is called - the Lutherans I'm
familiar with are Lutheran Church Women). Fi'ty cents says the church
will cash the check.

{ Exported from MasterCook Mac }

Chewy Chocolate Macaroons

Recipe By: posted to rec.food.cooking by Barb Schaller 4-26-2006
Serving Size: 1
Preparation Time: 0:00
Categories: Cookies

Amount Measure Ingredient Preparation Method
5 1/3 cups flaked coconut (2 7-oz. bags)
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 oz.)
2 tsp. vanilla
About 24 candied cherries red, green, or some
of each, halved (optional)


Preheat oven to 350. Very generously grease 2 cookie sheets.

In a large bowl stir together the coconut and cocoa powder, coating all
the coconut. Stir in the condensed milk and vanilla, mixing very
thoroughly.

Drop by heaping teaspoonfuls onto prepared cookie sheets. You should be
able to get 24 on a sheet - they spread only minimally. If you like,
press a candied cherry half onto each cookie.

Bake 8-10 minutes, or until almost set. Immediately remove cookies from
cookie sheet to wire rack to cool. They¹ll be a little soft, but no
harm done if they deform a bit. Store loosely covered. Makes about 4
dozen.

‹‹‹‹‹
Notes: Source: Taste, 12/2/92.

--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 4-20-2006 with our visit
to Kramarczuk's.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

Nancy Young wrote:

> No, the food at the church afterwards. I've never seen that done
> before, though it seems it's common elsewhere.
>
This is very common around here - not everyone's home is appropriate
for a large gathering which will be eating. There aren't any
criticisms that I know of, for doing the "funeral spread" either way.
It's just a matter of choice and convenience and part of what the
church ladies do.

N.

Nancy2 wrote:

> This is very common around here - not everyone's home is appropriate
> for a large gathering which will be eating. There aren't any
> criticisms that I know of, for doing the "funeral spread" either way.
> It's just a matter of choice and convenience and part of what the
> church ladies do.

I always wonder who you are expected to plan for something like that. We
were surprised at how many people came to my father's memorial service
and back to the house later on. We were even more surprised at the
number of people who showed up for the interment service in Denmark. We
thought that it would just be the minister, someone from the war graves
commission and the 5 of us. Then there was my wife's best friend, who
dropped dead at the age of 52. Their house was jam packed with friends
and relatives.

Our neighbour was a little miffed at the funeral director who handled her
son's funeral. He had made the arrangements for the food and they ran
out quickly. How was he to know that it would be an overflow crowd? I
didn't want to go to the church as early as my wife who was in the choir.
I planned to arrive about 10 minutes before the service and ended up
standing on the steps outside, not even close enough to see and hear
through the open doors.

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
.. .
> wrote:
>> Nancy Young wrote:
>>> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>>>
>>> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
>>> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
>>> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
>>> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
>>> bunch of people from out of town.
>>>
>>
>> So was this the first funeral you've ever attended? If so, you've
>> certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
>> church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they
>> do.
>
> I've only been to one funeral in my life and I didn't go with the family
> and
> other friends afterwards so I don't know if they served a "dead spread" or
> not. The deceased was a friend from high school who had only graduated
> the
> month before. I've never been to another funeral since. Not everyone
> goes
> to funerals. I won't again unless it's immediate family.

I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is still
living.

We attended a "dead spread" luncheon at the home of the 46-year-old friend's
widow after the funeral. All of the close friends and family were asked to
bring a dish to pass. I brought King Ranch Chicken and peach cobbler. Lots
and lots of people attended, so there was *tons* of all sorts of food and
copious amounts of alcohol.

Mary

Sheldon wrote:
> Rusty wrote:
> > Nancy Young wrote:
> > > (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
> > >
> > > We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
> > > funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
> > > going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
> > > is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
> > > bunch of people from out of town.
> > >
> > > My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
> > > So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
> > > they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
> > > were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
> > > and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
> > > a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
> > >
> >
> > Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like some good people there in
> > Las Vegas.
> >
> > My wife's aunt passed away in 1990. She and here husband were of
> > Armenian descent. An "old country" tradition is a meal after the
> > funeral. Her uncle was a well to do business man and laid out a catered
> > spread at the orthodox Armenian church reception hall that must have
> > cost thousands of dollars. There must have been at least a hundred
> > people there. Seems to me like an undue burden to place on a family
> > during a time of grief, but that's what they do.
>
> Jewish funerals are the best... no food except maybe plain sponge cake,
> but everyone gets plastered to the gills on Fleishman's rye whiskey and
> Slivavitz.

Waddaya mean, no food? A couple of the family's not-so closely related
friends usually coordinate either a buffet or setting out the
casseroles and such that are sent over by the closer friends. The
daughter and daughter-in-law of one of my dad's best friends did the
honors while we were at the cemetary. We didn't do an open bar, but
other relatives have.

maxine in ri

Nancy Young wrote:
> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote
>
> > "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
> >> Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
> >> that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.
> >
> > <rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
> > REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
> > donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
> > 'em has a project going that they need money for.
>
> (laugh!) I tried that route, they wouldn't even take a donation!
>
> But I understand what you're saying. I was tactful, as much as I
> could be ... gave it up.
>
> nancy

Barb was not clear. Send the CLO a check once you get/got home. When
you're grieving, they're not gonna take your money.

maxine in ri

"MareCat" > wrote in message
...
> "jmcquown" > wrote in message
> .. .
>> wrote:
>>> Nancy Young wrote:
>>>> (apologies to those who find that term offensive)
>>>>
>>>> We went to Las Vegas for my BIL's funeral and there it was ...
>>>> funeral food. I'd asked, what happens after the funeral? Are we
>>>> going out or something? Understand, the only person who lives there
>>>> is my SIL and she didn't have the room or the energy to host a whole
>>>> bunch of people from out of town.
>>>>
>>>
>>> So was this the first funeral you've ever attended? If so, you've
>>> certainly lived a sheltered life! If you leave the whole thing to the
>>> church people you get cafeteria food. But I guess that's what they
>>> do.
>>
>> I've only been to one funeral in my life and I didn't go with the family
>> and
>> other friends afterwards so I don't know if they served a "dead spread"
>> or
>> not. The deceased was a friend from high school who had only graduated
>> the
>> month before. I've never been to another funeral since. Not everyone
>> goes
>> to funerals. I won't again unless it's immediate family.
>
> I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
> heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
> cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is
> still living.

That's amazing. My parents brought me to wakes and funerals when I was a
little kid. Partly because they couldn't afford a sitter, partly because it
wasn't all that unusual in our family for kids to attend, and I suppose it
also was their attempt to explain death. But I went to a whole lot of wakes
and funerals for aunts, uncles, friends of my parents, cousins. One
grandparent (the only one still alive while I was) and I drove 900 miles for
that one.

Recently, we haven't attended many. For one thing we've moved across the
county, so no one expects us to fly in at a moment's notice for funerals
that we normally would attend if we were nearby.

>
> We attended a "dead spread" luncheon at the home of the 46-year-old
> friend's widow after the funeral. All of the close friends and family were
> asked to bring a dish to pass. I brought King Ranch Chicken and peach
> cobbler. Lots and lots of people attended, so there was *tons* of all
> sorts of food and copious amounts of alcohol.
>
> Mary
>

Dave Smith wrote:
> Nancy2 wrote:
>
> > This is very common around here - not everyone's home is appropriate
> > for a large gathering which will be eating. There aren't any
> > criticisms that I know of, for doing the "funeral spread" either way.
> > It's just a matter of choice and convenience and part of what the
> > church ladies do.
>
> I always wonder who you are expected to plan for something like that. We
> were surprised at how many people came to my father's memorial service
> and back to the house later on. We were even more surprised at the

Here, invitations ("Thank you for coming; we're having a small
gathering at the house when we leave here, please join us") are given
verbally person-to-person at the end of the church service or graveside
service, whatever. Those invited are usually close friends and family;
others, if not invited, generally don't show up. It hasn't ever been
awkward at any funeral I've attended.

N.

"maxine in ri" > wrote

> Nancy Young wrote:

>> But I understand what you're saying. I was tactful, as much as I
>> could be ... gave it up.

> Barb was not clear. Send the CLO a check once you get/got home. When
> you're grieving, they're not gonna take your money.

I took a bulletin home with me with the church's name on it
with that in mind, I'm ahead of youns (smile). Did it make it
home? Not so's I've found yet, but I can find the name easily
enough. I did particularly want the money to go to the people
who provided the food and did the work, so I'll mark it for
the choir. Who knows. Thanks.

nancy

One time on Usenet, "Nancy Young" > said:

> My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
> So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
> they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
> were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
> and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
> a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.

<snip>

Sorry for your loss, Nancy, but it sounds like you were dealing with
some very kind folks...

--
jj - rfc (Jani) in WA
~ mom, Trollop, novice cook ~

"jj - rfc" > wrote

> One time on Usenet, "Nancy Young" > said:
>
>> My other SIL asked the reverend, he said, oh, we can do food.
>> So, for free, absolutely free (of course I thought of Dave Smith's wife)
>> they put out a bunch of food. I didn't take a very close look, but there
>> were sandwiches from somewhere, a big platter of them, plenty of fruit
>> and vegetable/dip platters. Kentucky Fried Chicken. A sheet cake and
>> a homemade cheescake type thing, that was so very good. Soda/coffee.
>
> <snip>
>
> Sorry for your loss, Nancy, but it sounds like you were dealing with
> some very kind folks...

Thank you, Jani, indeed they were. I was impressed with the church
for many reasons, seeing as I am not one for church at all, that is saying
something.

nancy

"D.Currie" > wrote in message
...
>
> "MareCat" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
>> heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
>> cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is
>> still living.
>
> That's amazing. My parents brought me to wakes and funerals when I was a
> little kid. Partly because they couldn't afford a sitter, partly because
> it wasn't all that unusual in our family for kids to attend, and I suppose
> it also was their attempt to explain death. But I went to a whole lot of
> wakes and funerals for aunts, uncles, friends of my parents, cousins. One
> grandparent (the only one still alive while I was) and I drove 900 miles
> for that one.

My extended family all lived far away from us while I was growing up, so
either just my mom or my dad attended the funerals of my grandparents. I've
lost one aunt and one uncle in recent years, but I wasn't close to either of
them, and so didn't make the trips across country to attend those funerals.
And as amazing as it sounds, I don't remember my parents losing any of their
friends while I was growing up.

Mary

MareCat wrote:

>
> I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
> heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
> cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is still
> living.

Consider yourself lucky. My parents used to take us to family funerals (great
aunts and great uncles) from the time I was very young. I was a pall bearer at
the funeral of my best friend who was killed in a motorcycle accident when I was
14, and again 4 months later for another friend who was killed in a car
accident. I hate funerals, but attendance is, IMO, a matter of doing the right
thing, whether you like funerals or not. Aside from being flooded with old and
sad memories at funerals, the services themselves just **** me right off.
Ministers always use the services as an opportunity to push their mythology and
try to explain the their god has a reason for the person's death.

> We attended a "dead spread" luncheon at the home of the 46-year-old friend's
> widow after the funeral. All of the close friends and family were asked to
> bring a dish to pass. I brought King Ranch Chicken and peach cobbler. Lots
> and lots of people attended, so there was *tons* of all sorts of food and
> copious amounts of alcohol.

A few people in my wife's family have done memorial cocktail parties instead of
funerals or wakes.

In article .com>,
"maxine in ri" > wrote:

> Nancy Young wrote:
> > "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote
> >
> > > "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> >
> > >> Anyway, I asked around, discreetly, who can I pay (okay, I didn't put it
> > >> that way, I was more polite), the answer was a firm NO.
> > >
> > > <rolls eyes> Jesus, Mary, and Joseph -- it's not a restaurant!! If you
> > > REALLY want to demonstrate some thanks for their hospitality, make a
> > > donation to the Church Ladies' Organization -- seems like every one of
> > > 'em has a project going that they need money for.
> >
> > (laugh!) I tried that route, they wouldn't even take a donation!
> >
> > But I understand what you're saying. I was tactful, as much as I
> > could be ... gave it up.
> >
> > nancy
>
> Barb was not clear. Send the CLO a check once you get/got home. When
> you're grieving, they're not gonna take your money.
>
> maxine in ri

Whaddaya mean I wasn't clear? Her post was written in the past tense,
my response was in the present tense. (Or does the if-then concept make
it future?) *-)
--
-Barb
<http://jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 4-20-2006 with our visit
to Kramarczuk's.
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."

Nancy2 wrote:

> > I always wonder who you are expected to plan for something like that. We
> > were surprised at how many people came to my father's memorial service
> > and back to the house later on. We were even more surprised at the
>
> Here, invitations ("Thank you for coming; we're having a small
> gathering at the house when we leave here, please join us") are given
> verbally person-to-person at the end of the church service or graveside
> service, whatever. Those invited are usually close friends and family;
> others, if not invited, generally don't show up. It hasn't ever been
> awkward at any funeral I've attended.

At any funeral I have been to, an announcement was made by the person
officiating at the service, minister, priest or rabbi. I helped a friend
organize a memorial service for her late husband, an old friend of mine. They
had been living out of the country and brought his ashes here. Family members
had been contacted and she knew how many to expect. At most of the funerals at
my wife's church, someone contacts the women's group and suggests a number to
prepare for.

D.Currie wrote:
> >
> > I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
> > heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
> > cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is
> > still living.
>
> That's amazing. My parents brought me to wakes and funerals when I was a
> little kid. Partly because they couldn't afford a sitter, partly because it
> wasn't all that unusual in our family for kids to attend, and I suppose it
> also was their attempt to explain death. But I went to a whole lot of wakes
> and funerals for aunts, uncles, friends of my parents, cousins. One
> grandparent (the only one still alive while I was) and I drove 900 miles for
> that one.
>

Since I was a small child and my brothers, too, we always went to
funerals with our parents. My parents wouldn't have known what a
sitter was so we always went where they went. I think it was a way of
explaining life and death and your loved ones will always not be with
you.

If the services were held out in the country at a church, food was
always at the deceased loved ones home. Here, all the funeral homes
have 'dining rooms' where friends can bring dishes for the bereaved to
consume. But I've never seen liquor offered nor consumed at these
services. And I have seen a bucket or two of KFC sitting on a table
until the er, ah, um, 'real food' arrived. No shame in that, someone
was thoughtful enough to provide something to nibble on.

D.Currie wrote:
> >
> > I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
> > heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
> > cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is
> > still living.
>
> That's amazing. My parents brought me to wakes and funerals when I was a
> little kid. Partly because they couldn't afford a sitter, partly because it
> wasn't all that unusual in our family for kids to attend, and I suppose it
> also was their attempt to explain death. But I went to a whole lot of wakes
> and funerals for aunts, uncles, friends of my parents, cousins. One
> grandparent (the only one still alive while I was) and I drove 900 miles for
> that one.
>

Since I was a small child and my brothers, too, we always went to
funerals with our parents. My parents wouldn't have known what a
sitter was so we always went where they went. I think it was a way of
explaining life and death and your loved ones will always not be with
you.

If the services were held out in the country at a church, food was
always at the deceased loved ones home. Here, all the funeral homes
have 'dining rooms' where friends can bring dishes for the bereaved to
consume. But I've never seen liquor offered nor consumed at these
services. And I have seen a bucket or two of KFC sitting on a table
until the er, ah, um, 'real food' arrived. No shame in that, someone
was thoughtful enough to provide something to nibble on.

"itsjoannotjoann" > wrote

> services. And I have seen a bucket or two of KFC sitting on a table
> until the er, ah, um, 'real food' arrived. No shame in that, someone
> was thoughtful enough to provide something to nibble on.

No complaints here. Very generous that people put out their
money and, especially, time.

nancy

jmcquown wrote:
I've never been to another funeral since. Not everyone goes
> to funerals. I won't again unless it's immediate family.
>
> Jill

Well, of course that is your right, but if you were thinking of
comforting others, over your own comfort, you might attend?
I have been comforted in my mourning just because of the presence of
folks who didn't *have to* come, but DID. Their presence reminded me of
the respect and admiration my loved ones garnered and left me with nice
memories. Coworkers, fellow volunteers, choir members.. I didn't know
them, but their presence reminded me of how special the deceased was.
Just thinking of it now makes me tear up. How would you feel if no one
bothered to recognize your loved one, and no one cared enough to attend?

<snip>

>
> Consider yourself lucky. My parents used to take us to family funerals
(great
> aunts and great uncles) from the time I was very young. I was a pall
bearer at
> the funeral of my best friend who was killed in a motorcycle accident when
I was
> 14, and again 4 months later for another friend who was killed in a car
> accident. I hate funerals, but attendance is, IMO, a matter of doing the
right
> thing, whether you like funerals or not. Aside from being flooded with
old and
> sad memories at funerals, the services themselves just **** me right off.
> Ministers always use the services as an opportunity to push their
mythology and
> try to explain the their god has a reason for the person's death.

AMEN BRUDDAH!!!!!!!

>
> > We attended a "dead spread" luncheon at the home of the 46-year-old
friend's
> > widow after the funeral. All of the close friends and family were asked
to
> > bring a dish to pass. I brought King Ranch Chicken and peach cobbler.
Lots
> > and lots of people attended, so there was *tons* of all sorts of food
and
> > copious amounts of alcohol.
>
> A few people in my wife's family have done memorial cocktail parties
instead of
> funerals or wakes.
>
>

OOOOOoooooooooooooohhhhhhhh! A memorial cocktail party! I'm going to have
to drill that into people's heads. That and donate all that's left of me;
where I'm going I won't need it!

It's perfect!

helen

Goomba38 wrote:
> jmcquown wrote:
> I've never been to another funeral since. Not everyone goes
>> to funerals. I won't again unless it's immediate family.
>>
>> Jill
>
> Well, of course that is your right, but if you were thinking of
> comforting others, over your own comfort, you might attend?
> I have been comforted in my mourning just because of the presence of
> folks who didn't *have to* come, but DID.

Considering no one close to me has died since 1977 (the aforementioned
school-mate) I haven't needed comforting. Guess I'm lucky that way.

Their presence reminded me
> of the respect and admiration my loved ones garnered and left me with
> nice memories. Coworkers, fellow volunteers, choir members.. I didn't
> know them, but their presence reminded me of how special the deceased
> was. Just thinking of it now makes me tear up. How would you feel if
> no one bothered to recognize your loved one, and no one cared enough
> to attend?

My parents will have an attendance, I'm sure, unless their friends die
before they do. I'm pretty sure no one *will* bother to attend my funeral
except immediate family, whoever is left. I don't want a memorial service
or a church thing. I don't go to church; my parents never took us to
church. If someone wants to throw a party to celebrate the fact that I'm
gone, that's fine with me. But I don't expect my family to feed a bunch of
people. It's simply not what we grew up with.

Jill

"MareCat" > wrote in message
...
> "D.Currie" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "MareCat" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> I've only ever been to two funerals -- one for a coworker who died of a
>>> heart attack at the age of 35, and one for a friend who died of stomach
>>> cancer at the age of 46. Everyone else who's ever been close to me is
>>> still living.
>>
>> That's amazing. My parents brought me to wakes and funerals when I was a
>> little kid. Partly because they couldn't afford a sitter, partly because
>> it wasn't all that unusual in our family for kids to attend, and I
>> suppose it also was their attempt to explain death. But I went to a whole
>> lot of wakes and funerals for aunts, uncles, friends of my parents,
>> cousins. One grandparent (the only one still alive while I was) and I
>> drove 900 miles for that one.
>
> My extended family all lived far away from us while I was growing up, so
> either just my mom or my dad attended the funerals of my grandparents.
> I've lost one aunt and one uncle in recent years, but I wasn't close to
> either of them, and so didn't make the trips across country to attend
> those funerals. And as amazing as it sounds, I don't remember my parents
> losing any of their friends while I was growing up.
>
> Mary

Distance plays a part, for sure. Traveling across the country isn't very
practical on short notice. Could be, too, that your parents didn't say much
to you about people dying, where mine would bring me with.

Donna