DRAFT 10/05/02 (revised 04/18/05)

There is a little nOObiness in each of us. But it is only life-threatening in
a few. How to avoid succumbing to nOObyism? Read some FAQ's, particularly the
Newcomer Tips. http://www.nyx.net/~dgreenw/newcomertips.html

nOObies:

o post comments/me-too's/wisecracks over/under full requote

o nitpick

o can't wait to take a thread off-topic

o post to anything off topic

o don't use, and can't seem to follow, links

o avoid FAQ's and archives

o start as advice-givers as soon as they find the newsgroup

o become professional after reading a book, or a chapter, or taking a course.

o figure on starting out with the Poilane or SF loaf, authentic pumpernickel,
etc.

o are frequently expert in culinary semantics, esp. french bakerspeak

o frequently are fishing for a reply which they know is the correct one

o have a bunch of real tangy starters in their fridge

o are fugitives from chat rooms

o by these activities, draw other nOObies to the NG, like flies

o should not read my posts

o (In Outlook Express: Message; Block Sender; Click!. Do it now!)

Whew, that should narrow it down! (Most nOObies have Outlook Express.)


Misc. occasional nOObie characteristics (may be of use in rating equivocal
cases):

o grow own starters

o highest sourdough expectation is pancakes

o fracture quoted lines and links (real messy margins)

o use bakers' yeast to make what they think is sourdough

o put/advise putting dairy products in sourdough cultures

o attempt/advise making sourdough bread in bread machines

o sometimes post rants about nOObie persecution

o humidify their ovens with ice cubes

o bake after a total rise time of less than 2 hours

o are unaware of the relationship between time and temperature for breadmaking
purposes

o enjoy punching their dough, sometimes as many as three "punchdowns"

o know exactly what is meant by "proof", "proofing", etc.

o love to inspire long queues of advice givers by posting incredibly stOOpid
questions

o ignore replies, keep posting new incredibly stOOpid questions

o want to sourdough everything -- challah, chocolate cake, cherry cobbler, etc.

o believe that the more stuff you put in dough, the better bread you will get.

o can maintain exact temperatures with a light bulb in a styrofoam box

o say their wife and kids can't get enough of their bread, which is wonderful

o complain about the FAQs -- e.g., "(they) are not up to date/full of
mistakes/etc."

o recommend bread-machine pre-mixed products for making sourdough

o repost FAQs (and all kinds of documents which could be located with links)

o reply to spammers, develop threads on spam posts

o know a lot more about Internet etiquette than I do

o cannot find their caps key


Find latest draft at http://www.prettycolors.com/bread_culture/noobiness.txt