"Sir Frederick" > wrote in message
...
Why did the chicken cross the Road?
Posted March, 2003


George W. Bush
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
with us or it is against Us. There is no middle ground here.


Al Gore
I invented the Chicken. I invented the Road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of
government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the
American people.

Colin Powell
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.

Hanz Blix
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed access to the other side of the road.

Mohammed Aldouri (Irag ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. this is a complete fabrication. We
don't even have a chicken.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ralph Nader
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted.

Barbara Walters
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing
the road.

John Lennon
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road

Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability

Voltaire
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
it's right to do it.

Captain Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more Chickens have
to cross before you believe it?

Sigmund Freud
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken

Albert Einstein
did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

Bill Clinton
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken, please?

Colonel Sanders
I missed one?

War Hawk
Kill the ****er quick n nastily

Carnivor
Kill n' eat!

Vegan
^#%&^!@#$^%$> --


> Best,
> Frederick Martin McNeill
> Poway, California, United States of America
>
> http://www.fuzzysys.com
> http://members.cox.net/fmmcneill/
> *************************
> Phrase of the week :
> "And new Philosophy calls all in doubt,
> The Element of fire is quite put out;
> The Sun is lost, and th'earth, and no man's wit
> Can well direct him where to look for it.
> And freely men confess that this world's spent,
> When in the Planets, and the Firmament
> They seek so many new; they see that this
> Is crumbl'd out again to his Atomies.
> 'Tis all in pieces, all coherence gone . . . . "
> -- John Donne, The First Anniversary 1611
> OMEN, n. A sign that something will happen if nothing
> happens. -- Ambrose Bierce
> :-))))Snort!)
> *************************

Tiger Woods: The chicken crossed the road which put him
in a difficult lie, 200 yards from the green. It was almost dark,
there was 200 foot tall tree between the chicken and the green,
and the wind was blowing at 45 mph. The chicke hit the ball
two feet from the pin, qualifying as the 12th best shot by the
chicke that month.

John Kerry: Yes the chicken crossed the road. I voted that
the chicken crossed the road before I voted that the chicken
did not cross the road. In any case I was not a chicken, as
was George Bush in wartime. I think that the book and the
resulting made for tv mini-series "Roots" expressed it best
when term "Chicken George" was introduced.

Randy Johnson: It was not a chicken and it was not a road.
It was a pigeon and it flew across a baseball diamond. Yes
the pitch that I threw killed the pigeon but it was not intentional.

Chris Rock: Yes the chicken crossed the road. He was afraid
of OJ Sympson. OJ gets a mean look in his eye when he's
hungary. And the chicken was on the golf course where OJ
was looking for Nicole's killer. Now the chicken didn't know
it was OJ. He just saw a 6'3" black man with a knife who
was doing the 100 yd dash in 9 seconds.

Key Ley: "Mr Ley had nothing to do with the chicken fraud.
We will have no other comment for several months until the
time when this all blows over. At that time we will be having a
yard sale with the 100 billion eggs that Mr. Ley found in his
backyard."

Darwin's Answer:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Darwin's other Answer:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way
that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Moses's Answer:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt
cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

David Hume's Answer:
Out of custom and habit.

Rush Limbaugh's Answer:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already
forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you
believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing
the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking
about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens
to cross.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black
man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

B.F. Skinner's Answer:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had
caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even
while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?

"metaphor police" > wrote in message
news:Uuwrc.4514$bF3.3008@fed1read01...
>
> Tiger Woods: The chicken crossed the road which put him
> in a difficult lie, 200 yards from the green. It was almost dark,
> there was 200 foot tall tree between the chicken and the green,
> and the wind was blowing at 45 mph. The chicke hit the ball
> two feet from the pin, qualifying as the 12th best shot by the
> chicke that month.
>
> John Kerry: Yes the chicken crossed the road. I voted that
> the chicken crossed the road before I voted that the chicken
> did not cross the road. In any case I was not a chicken, as
> was George Bush in wartime. I think that the book and the
> resulting made for tv mini-series "Roots" expressed it best
> when term "Chicken George" was introduced.
>
> Randy Johnson: It was not a chicken and it was not a road.
> It was a pigeon and it flew across a baseball diamond. Yes
> the pitch that I threw killed the pigeon but it was not intentional.
>
> Chris Rock: Yes the chicken crossed the road. He was afraid
> of OJ Sympson. OJ gets a mean look in his eye when he's
> hungary. And the chicken was on the golf course where OJ
> was looking for Nicole's killer. Now the chicken didn't know
> it was OJ. He just saw a 6'3" black man with a knife who
> was doing the 100 yd dash in 9 seconds.
>
> Key Ley: "Mr Ley had nothing to do with the chicken fraud.
> We will have no other comment for several months until the
> time when this all blows over. At that time we will be having a
> yard sale with the 100 billion eggs that Mr. Ley found in his
> backyard."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Immortalist: Here are 3 articles about why chickens cross roads,
the evidence linking the evolution of chickens to the evolution of
wart hogs, and an article on the music most heard at chicnen crossings.

JJ: The set of chickens is not named. Chickens do not tell time but do
have at least two clocks. Chickens were first seen in Whales.

Dixit: Chickens have always existed. There is no evidence that there
ever was an original chicken and there should be no special pleading
that there must be a cause for everything but the orignial chicken, or
egg, depending.

Scott Miller: I agree with the proposition that a chicken did cross the
road. If the chicken could get rid of its ego then the crossing would
be much more effective.

Mark Ernest: The chicken is a creature of God. It is difficult to believe
that chickens do not have souls although I have not asked God myself.
Be kind to yourself whether a chicken has crossed the road or not.
And be grateful for chickens and all of God's wonder.

"metaphor police" > wrote in message
news:gzyrc.4939$bF3.4608@fed1read01...
>
> Immortalist: Here are 3 articles about why chickens cross roads,
> the evidence linking the evolution of chickens to the evolution of
> wart hogs, and an article on the music most heard at chicnen crossings.
>
> JJ: The set of chickens is not named. Chickens do not tell time but do
> have at least two clocks. Chickens were first seen in Whales.
>
> Dixit: Chickens have always existed. There is no evidence that there
> ever was an original chicken and there should be no special pleading
> that there must be a cause for everything but the orignial chicken, or
> egg, depending.
>
> Scott Miller: I agree with the proposition that a chicken did cross the
> road. If the chicken could get rid of its ego then the crossing would
> be much more effective.
>
> Mark Ernest: The chicken is a creature of God. It is difficult to believe
> that chickens do not have souls although I have not asked God myself.
> Be kind to yourself whether a chicken has crossed the road or not.
> And be grateful for chickens and all of God's wonder.
>

Pretty good; now

metaphor police:

>
>
>

"Immortalist" > wrote in message
...
>
> "metaphor police" > wrote in message
> news:gzyrc.4939$bF3.4608@fed1read01...
> >
> > Immortalist: Here are 3 articles about why chickens cross roads,
> > the evidence linking the evolution of chickens to the evolution
of
> > wart hogs, and an article on the music most heard at chicnen crossings.
> >
> > JJ: The set of chickens is not named. Chickens do not tell time but do
> > have at least two clocks. Chickens were first seen in Whales.
> >
> > Dixit: Chickens have always existed. There is no evidence that there
> > ever was an original chicken and there should be no special pleading
> > that there must be a cause for everything but the orignial chicken,
or
> > egg, depending.
> >
> > Scott Miller: I agree with the proposition that a chicken did cross the
> > road. If the chicken could get rid of its ego then the crossing
would
> > be much more effective.
> >
> > Mark Ernest: The chicken is a creature of God. It is difficult to
believe
> > that chickens do not have souls although I have not asked God myself.
> > Be kind to yourself whether a chicken has crossed the road or not.
> > And be grateful for chickens and all of God's wonder.
> >
>
> Pretty good; now
>
> metaphor police:

He who casts the first stone shouldn't live
in a glass house. Someone might see him
throw the stone. Hopefully he doesn't throw
eggs. And if his eggo allows him to, he might
be able to cross the road without getting any
half-baked ideas or as Shakespeare's omlet
might have said, "Don't eggsagerate".Things
can be tough or maybe just not overly easy.

"aka 717" > wrote in message news:UyVrc.7560$Sx2.1441@okepread01...
>

> >
> metaphor police: He who casts the first stone shouldn't
> live in a glass house. Someone might see him
> throw the stone. Hopefully he doesn't throw
> eggs. And if his eggo allows him to, he might
> be able to cross the road without getting any
> half-baked ideas or as Shakespeare's omlet
> might have said, "Don't eggsagerate".Things
> can be tough or maybe just not overly easy.
>

sounds like
http://images.google.com/images?q=etiquette

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another man
riding on a camel. As the rider approaches, the crawling man whispers through his
parched lips, "Water ... please ... can you give ... water ..."

"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water with me. But
I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."

"Necktie?" whispers the man. "I need water!"

"They're only four dollars apiece."

"I need water."

"Okay, okay, two for seven dollars."

"Please! I need water!" the man exclaims.

"I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman, as he heads
off into the distance.

By now the man has lost all track of time, crawling through the desert seemingly
for days. Finally, nearly dead, with clothes tattered and skin peeling under the
relentless sun, he comes upon a restaurant. Summoning his last bit of strength,
he staggers to the door and confronts the head waiter.

"Water ... can I get ... water," the dying man pleads.

"I'm sorry, sir. Neckties required," replies the waiter.


>
>
>
>
>
>

The chicken
The chicken who lived in my backyard had
several, well 3 sisters. Actually, I don't know if
if they were sisters. They came to us from a
dysfunctional farm where a rooster had torn
their tailfeathers from their, well tails. We had to
to give them away because a neighbor called the
cops to complain. They didn't crow and no one
complained about the 14 cats. I miss 'em. They
would eat out of my hands, jump up on our laps
to eat and jump off the ground to grab food out
of my hand. They got along very well with the
cats and would sometimes touch beak to cat
nose.