Reuters
1 April 2006

J. Murray Fefferman, worlds oldest winesalesman, has been captured and is
believed to be under armed guard at a hunting estate owned by friends of the
Vice President.

Mr. Fefferman escaped from a assisted living facility 4 months ago, before
capture he was indicted for dry humping a 77 year old female, escape from
custody, and intellectual theft and fraud(borrowing from Mel Brook's 1000
year old man.)

Mr. Fefferman tried to get a senior discount at Billy Bob Klemp's House of
Sudz in a small hamlet, Helm, near Baton Rouge, when asked for some ID, he
bolted our the door. Since a person of Judaic roots had never been in Helm,
the bartender Tiny Abercombie suspected something was amiss since he did not
see any horns protruding from Fefferman's forehead and called the State
Police. Using a trained ferret, the State Police following the trail of
discarded Metamucil tablets until they caught up with Fefferman. He was
stripped searched and asked for any ID and was told he had none, when asked
he told police he was born 187 BC in what is now Minsk. Overwhelmed the
State Police called in Homeland Security. In accordance with new procedures
within 24 hours Michael Chertoff had pictures of Fefferman which he compared
to an artist's sketch of Abdul Moishe Rachmunis, a suspected terrorist, who
uses his pant's zipper as a weapon. Chertoff was quoted "Close enough for
government work" and arranged preliminary interrogation at the hunting
lodge. Fefferman is slated for incarceration in Guantanimo and an expedited
trial. Ramsey Clark has asked William Kunstler to represent Fefferman but
the Justice Department obtained an injunction against any communication from
Kunstler to Fefferman. When asked about the injunction an anonymous Justice
Department said "Jingling Jesus, we don't even know if the guy's a citizen".
Jerry Falwell has arranged for one of his classes to determine what other
laws the alleged salesman has broken. A Presidential Aide said "The old
coot is just the tip of the iceberg. We need to find out how he entered the
US. The Geneva convention doesn't apply. We are feeding him a diet of
fiber, to make him talk."

Pat Robertson has not recanted a remark he made when he thought the
microphones were off "That Jewboy is gonna fry real good, we never should
have let the first Heeb get off the boat. I always knew the first settlers
were soft on the Christ Killers."

The ADA, ACLU, and Scout Troop 654 tried to organize a protest, but so far
have not been able to interest anyone except their families.

More later.

"Joe "Beppe"Rosenberg", illegally quoting Reuters, wrote...
>
> J. Murray Fefferman, worlds oldest winesalesman,
> has been captured????

NEWSFLASH - Dateline 06/1/4 Nagorno-Karabakh

Read on a T-shirt worn by Chairman of the Liberal Party of Azerbaijan, Lala
Shovkat Haciyeva -

JMF IS INNOCENT!


Hold J. Murray -

Help is on the way !

--

st.h

>Reuters
>1 April 2006

>Mr. Fefferman escaped from a assisted living facility 4 months ago, before
>capture he was indicted for dry humping a 77 year old female, escape from
>custody, and intellectual theft and fraud(borrowing from Mel Brook's 1000
>year old man.)

[SNIP]

>Jerry Falwell has arranged for one of his classes to determine what other
>laws the alleged salesman has broken.

Well, Mr. Fefferman must have forgotten one of the prime tenants of wine-
salesmanship - TERRITORY! If the alleged "dry humping" took place in a motel,
either in, or near Baton Rouge, well we all know that that is Rev. Flawell's
TERRITORY! If nothing else, a letter of reprimand should be placed in Mr
Fefferman's folder by HR.

Oy, all this and I haven't gotten my wine from him for Passover!

Thanks for the laugh and remember the cry, "Free Murray!"

Hunt

P.S. I'm glad to see that the law enforcement officers have moved up to
trained ferrets. They used to rely on the indigenous ‘possums, but they can
hardly be counted on, when the going gets rough. Just when they were closing
in on some escaping miscreant, the hapless animals would fling themselves
beneath the wheels of a passing semi, and we all know how useless a "sail-
possum" is in tracking an escaping miscreant.

--
NewsGuy.Com 30Gb $9.95 Carry Forward and On Demand Bandwidth

st.helier wrote:
> "Joe "Beppe"Rosenberg", illegally quoting Reuters, wrote...
>
>>J. Murray Fefferman, worlds oldest winesalesman,
>>has been captured????
>
>
> NEWSFLASH - Dateline 06/1/4 Nagorno-Karabakh
>
> Read on a T-shirt worn by Chairman of the Liberal Party of Azerbaijan, Lala
> Shovkat Haciyeva -
>
> JMF IS INNOCENT!
>
>
> Hold J. Murray -
>
> Help is on the way !

Indeed, it is high time -- nay, it is *past* time -- to take some
forceful action in support of the legendary JMF. Might I propose that
we hold the First Annual "Free Murray" charity wine tasting and auction.
I pledge to donate my entire suppply of '29 Yquem in support of this
noble cause.

Mark Lipton
Always willing to come to the aid of my fellow cork dorks

denks, I found a machine here in da terlet, vere dey gots me....dey think,
i'm some kind Ahrab, dey got me so with da tranqs dey can't see mine
pee-pee--anyway i like da tasting ting---are ya taking 1929 or 1829---if dey
ever get me out dere's a few 1829 in a wine locker i have in
geneva......................I vonder why dey got a pictures of Myer Lanski &
Eva Peron here in da john? I vonder if Choitoff is bugin dis 'puter?
"Mark Lipton" > wrote in message
news:2FTXf.663036$084.165036@attbi_s22...
> st.helier wrote:
> > "Joe "Beppe"Rosenberg", illegally quoting Reuters, wrote...
> >
> >>J. Murray Fefferman, worlds oldest winesalesman,
> >>has been captured????
> >
> >
> > NEWSFLASH - Dateline 06/1/4 Nagorno-Karabakh
> >
> > Read on a T-shirt worn by Chairman of the Liberal Party of Azerbaijan,
Lala
> > Shovkat Haciyeva -
> >
> > JMF IS INNOCENT!
> >
> >
> > Hold J. Murray -
> >
> > Help is on the way !
>
> Indeed, it is high time -- nay, it is *past* time -- to take some
> forceful action in support of the legendary JMF. Might I propose that
> we hold the First Annual "Free Murray" charity wine tasting and auction.
> I pledge to donate my entire suppply of '29 Yquem in support of this
> noble cause.
>
> Mark Lipton
> Always willing to come to the aid of my fellow cork dorks